The Go-Between

by Andrea Ring

  I sigh. “I wasn’t here. You were in danger and I wasn’t here.”

  “That’s not your fault,” she says.

  “It doesn’t matter!” I yell. “I should be taking care of you! Not the other way around.”

  “I know what it feels like when someone you care about is in danger and you’re powerless to help them,” she says, taking my hand in hers. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

  Gods, why does she have to be so understanding all the time? Sometimes I just want to yell. I want to pick a fight. I don’t know if that’s even possible with Nili.

  The last of my adrenaline high wears off and I sag in place. “I’m sorry I yelled,” I say. “When I saw those bodies, and we heard Saphala scream…I lost my mind, Nili.”

  “You did?” she says, a smile in her voice.

  “Yes. And I’m angry. Maja said he’d be looking out for you. Where the hell is he?”

  “He sent Shiva,” she says, and I raise an eyebrow. “Shiva appeared in our hiding place and alerted us to the men. He’s the reason we weren’t harmed.”

  “He’s not supposed to alert you to danger so you can throw yourself headlong into a knife!” I say. “He’s supposed to protect you!”

  “You know Shiva does things his own way,” she says. “Let’s just be grateful. Everyone’s okay. It doesn’t matter how or why.”

  Like hell it doesn’t, but that’s a conversation I need to have with Maja himself.

  “Are you okay?” I ask her. “That had to be frightening.”

  “I’m fine now,” she says. “It doesn’t seem real.”

  “I noticed you were limping.”

  She nods. “My body did what it needed to do in the moment, but I’m paying the price. I just need a bit of rest.”

  I sheath my sword and pick Nili up in my arms. “May I carry you, my lady?”

  She giggles. “If you promise not to drop me.”

  “Never.”

  XLV. NILARUNA

  We reach the stream and decide to camp for the night. Saphala has alternately been weepy and catatonic, and has slowed our progress considerably.

  Manoj is the only one without blood on him. He sets about going through our provisions, finding clean clothes for each us, and then starting a fire and preparing our meal.

  Faaris makes Saphala a pallet next to the fire and wraps her in blankets. Then he, Kai, and I wade into the stream.

  When the frigid water hits my hip, I actually cry out at the pain.

  “What is it?” Kai asks, swimming over to me.

  “Just my leg,” I say through gritted teeth. “Can you turn your backs?”

  They both comply, and I hunker down in the water and strip off my pants. They stick to the skin of my hip, and the area burns and throbs. I finally peel them off, throw them to the shore, and look at my left hip.

  The scar tissue has split open, a gash about six inches long, extending from my hip bone and backwards down my buttocks. It’s as if someone took a strip of cloth and tore it clean in half, except instead of cloth, it’s my skin.

  “Manoj,” I say, waving to get his attention. I squat low so he can’t see me, and he comes to the edge of the water. “Do you have a needle and thread with you?”

  “Yes. Are you hurt?”

  I nod. “It’s not too bad, but I need stitches.”

  “Those men cut you?”

  “No.”

  “Show me.” I turn to Kai, who’s now upon me, inches from my nakedness. “Show me the wound, Nili.”

  I shake my head. “It’s on my hip, Kai. I can’t show you. No.”

  “I’ve stitched plenty of wounds. There’s no need to be embarrassed. If you need stitches, we’re not waiting until we return to the palace for you to get them.”

  “I can do it myself,” I say. “My father’s a healer, remember?”

  “Unacceptable,” he says. “It’s going to hurt. Let me do it.”

  “I’m used to pain,” I say. “And if anyone were going to do it, it should be Manoj. It’s improper for you to see that part of me.”

  He grits his teeth. “It’s even more improper for another to man to see it. I will not argue with you. I’m doing it. End of discussion. Now clean your hair and veil and get out of the water, Nili. Now.”

  Whoa. The look in Kai’s eye…it’s like he’s possessed. I know when to end an argument.

  I rinse out my hair and scrub my face. Thank goodness for my veil — I was saved from a direct hit from the blood splatter. I work my toes over the bed of the stream and find a rock. I bring it up and use it to scrub the blood from my veil and shirt.

  “Turn around,” I say. “I’m getting out. Manoj, turn around.”

  The men turn away from me, and I climb out of the stream. As I make my way over the rocky shore, my hip screams and gives out on me. I fall to my knees, scraping off the top layer of skin.

  “Don’t look!” I scream. “I’m fine. Nobody look!”

  Damn the gods. I’m sure all three of them looked when I fell, and Faaris and Kai both would have gotten a stellar view of my behind.

  I sigh. Then I crawl my way up to the clothing Manoj has set out for me.

  “Where are my pants, Manoj?” I say.

  “I traded them for the blanket,” he says, “since you have to get stitched up. Just put on the dry tunic and wrap the blanket around you.”

  I don’t like it, but fine.

  “You can look now,” I call.

  Faaris and Kai stomp out of the water, unabashed in their nudity. I quickly avert my eyes.

  “Nili?” Manoj says. “I’ve got your bed made up. Why don’t you lie down so we can take care of you?”

  I do. Manoj brings me a tin cup of tea.

  “I don’t have any analgesic,” he says. “An analgesic—”

  “I know what an analgesic is,” I say, the pain wearing down my patience. “I don’t need any. I can handle it.”

  “I’ve sterilized the needle in the fire,” Manoj says to Kai. “Bandages are here, thread here. I’ve boiled some water, and there’s extra cloth if it bleeds excessively.”

  “Thank you. Take Faaris and go over there. Don’t peek. Nili needs privacy.”

  I hear Manoj walk away.

  Kai squats down in front of me. “You ready for this?”

  “It’s bleeding again,” I say. “Make it quick. It doesn’t have to look pretty. I’m already scarred.”

  Kai nods and grabs a square of cloth. “I’m going to open the blanket now.”

  I nod, close my eyes, and lay my head down.

  He slowly peels the blanket open, exposing my hip and buttock. He sucks in a loud breath. “Holy heavens, Nili.”

  “Don’t comment. Just do it.”

  He threads the needle and knots the thread. “Brace yourself.”

  What Kai doesn’t realize is that the needle doesn’t hurt. I don’t feel it at all, because my scars have no feeling.

  The pain comes from the exposed muscle and other bits beneath my skin. Every time the thread pulls across it, it burns. Even the air breathing across it hurts. But like I said, I’m used to it.

  He finishes relatively quickly, then mops up the blood. “Um,” he says.

  I finally lift my head. “What?”

  “I can’t wrap a bandage around the wound. I mean, you’d have to get up, and I would see…”

  Kai’s hands are shaking. His face is pale. It cost him something to cause me pain.

  I stand, turn my back to him, and let the blanket fall to the pallet.

  Kai gets to his feet. He gently places the bandage over the wound. “Hold it in place,” he says in a gruff voice.

  I grip the edge of the bandage in my scarred hand and hold it tight. He winds the bandage around me, pressing his front into my back every time the bandage goes around my stomach.

  He ties it off in a flat knot and again presses himself against me. For no medical reason.

  He wraps his arms around me and squeezes. I lean back in
to him.

  “Thank the gods you’re safe,” he says.

  “Thank you for stitching me up,” I say. “Kai?”

  “Yes.”

  “I really need to give my leg a rest.”

  “Oh.” He turns me in his arms and helps me to lie down. Then he stretches out beside me, pulling two blankets atop us.

  “May I hold you?” he asks.

  “Only because it’s cold,” I say. “I’m still feeling a little shocky. A healer would definitely recommend body heat to help warm me.”

  He smiles, pulling my back against his front.

  I fit perfectly.

  And it makes me think of Maja.

  Why didn’t he come today? He said he would be looking out for me. He should have come himself. Did I mean so little to him?

  Tears burn my eyes, and I blink hard to hold them back.

  Only when I hear Kai’s breathing even out and his soft snores tickle my hair do I let the tears fall.

  ***

  It’s still dark when I wake. As I stir, Kai’s arms tighten around me.

  “Good morning,” he whispers. “Why are you up so early?”

  “My hip,” I say. “I have to walk it out. If I don’t, it’ll stiffen up on me.”

  I sit up and Kai looks up at me. “Can I join you for a walk?”

  “If you don’t mind losing sleep,” I say.

  He grins and gets to his feet. “Watch this.” He points to the dying embers of our campfire, and they flare to life.

  “When did you learn to do that?” I ask him.

  “Last night. I practiced for a couple of hours. I couldn’t sleep.”

  Kai hands me a cloak and sets a couple of logs on the fire to keep it going. Then we head down to the stream, following along the banks so we don’t lose our way in the dark.

  My leg aches. I can barely walk.

  “Here, lean on me,” Kai says. He slips an arm around my waist. “Any new thoughts after a good night’s rest?” he asks.

  “I do have some concerns,” I say, “but I’m hesitant to speak of them.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “I might be wrong. I don’t want to taint your opinion of anyone if I’m wrong.”

  He stops walking. “Not about Manoj?”

  “Manoj?” I say, surprised. “No, of course not. Manoj is completely loyal to you. You are lucky to have such a friend.”

  “Then who?”

  I start walking again. Er, limping. “It’s Saphala. I can’t put my finger on it, but she’s changed.”

  “Of course she’s changed,” Kai says. “Look at what she’s been through.”

  “We don’t know what she’s been through,” I say, “because she won’t speak of it. She told me her father insisted she go away…what does that even mean? That he sold her? Because if he did sell her, why not just say that?”

  “I think you’re overanalyzing it,” he says. “Loyalty to our parents and our elders is engrained in our culture. Maybe she was trying to be polite while getting her point across.”

  “But Saphala’s never been like that,” I say. “She was always mouthing off to her father. She hated that he was a fisherman. She couldn’t wait for a chance to leave Dabani, but we both knew that chance would never come.”

  “And yet it did,” Kai says.

  “It did,” I say. “You should have seen her father when he asked me for help. He was frantic. He wasn’t lying. I’m sure of it.”

  “Have you caught Saphala in a lie?”

  “No,” I say. “But she hasn’t really told me anything. And there was a moment, when she met you…do you remember it?”

  Kai wrinkles his nose. “Remember what?”

  “She smiled at you. She was supposed to be bowing properly, and instead she raised her head and smiled at you.”

  “So you suspect your friend is up to something because she smiled at me?”

  “Yes! I mean, no, that’s not…the point is, she was just rescued, and she meets you, and she’s supposed to be traumatized and troubled and all that, and she takes the opportunity to flirt with you.”

  “I’m the prince,” he says with a grin. “Women can’t help themselves.”

  I slap his arm, and he chuckles.

  “So you thought she was flirting,” he says. “Is that why you were flirting with Manoj? To get back at me?”

  “Manoj?” I shriek. “I’ve never flirted with Manoj! I was just being nice to him.”

  “He winked at you.”

  “Then that would be Manoj being nice to me,” I say. “I can’t believe you. I would never flirt with another man.”

  “But you’d flirt with me?” he says.

  “You’re my betrothed,” I say. “Flirting would be perfectly acceptable. If I weren’t in love with someone else.”

  Kai doesn’t respond to that.

  “Let’s head back,” he says, turning us around.

  I want to say something to him. I want to reassure him, but of what? My feelings?

  I have no idea what I’m feeling.

  XLVI. SAPHALA

  I have to snap out of this, but I can’t make myself. Yesterday was the most terrifying experience of my life. I thought I was going to die.

  My body shudders with the memory of the blade at my throat, the ice-cold blade…

  “I’ve brought you some water,” Faaris says, holding the cup to my lips. “Try to drink a bit.”

  He tilts the cup and I let the water fall into my mouth. It tastes sour and stale.

  “Talking about it might help,” he says. “It gives you power over the memories.”

  “It just…it reminded me, you know?” I stammer. “Of so many times…being helpless. Of having no control…oh, gods!”

  I put my face in my hands.

  Faaris rubs his hand comfortingly down my back.

  “Never again, Saphala,” he whispers. “I promise you, you will never again be at someone else’s mercy. I will make sure of it.”

  I drop my hands and peek up at him. “You will?”

  “I will.”

  I lean closer to him. “Do you swear it?”

  “I swear it.”

  I close the distance between us and place my lips on his. Faaris startles and leans back.

  “My lady, I was not suggesting such liberties,” he says. “I require no payment for my oath.”

  Damn it, I’ve miscalculated. I thought Faaris would be receptive, but he’s more conventional than I surmised.

  “I’m sorry, my lord,” I say, dropping my eyes. “All the men I’ve known…nothing is given freely. I did not mean to impugn your honor. I do not know any better.”

  “It’s alright,” he says, climbing to his feet. “But I meant what I said. Your health, your honor, and even your body…all are safe with me.”

  “Is it because of my caste?” I ask. “You deserve better than an untouchable.”

  “Don’t do that,” he scolds me. “I’m giving you my respect as the lady you are. If you wish for me to treat you as a whore, I can do that, too.”

  “Faaris,” I say, “it was only a kiss.”

  “A kiss to tempt me like no other,” he says. “Don’t do it again, because I won’t be able to resist, and then I’ll hate myself. I don’t wish to associate with people who make me feel like an ass.”

  I nod.

  Faaris gives me a bow and walks away.

  I allow myself to smile. He wants me, but he’s trying to do the honorable thing.

  I do so love a challenge.

  XLVII. PRINCE KAI

  When we’re five leagues from Indrapur, I send Manoj ahead to alert our servants and to send a litter. I do not want to ride into the city proper with Nili and Saphala clinging to our backs. Too much opportunity for gossip and misinformation.

  We make camp in a copse of trees, and the first thing I want to do is get a look at Nili’s stitches.

  “It can wait, Kai,” she says. “We’re almost home.”

  “Humor me,” I say. “Y
ou don’t have to get undressed. Just pull your trousers down a bit and let me see.”

  We wander off to a private place, and Nili pulls her tunic up and her trousers down half her rear.

  I gasp silently. The bandage is soaked in fresh blood, and blood stains her clothes as well.

  “It’s bleeding again,” I say. “Here. Help me unwind it.”

  Underneath, a couple of the stitches have torn through her skin, and the wound is hot and inflamed.

  “It’s infected,” I say. “We can’t wait for the litter. I need to get you to a healer.”

  Nili bites her lip. “You’re sure it’s infected?”

  I put the back of my hand to her forehead, and it feels as though she’s on fire. “You have a fever,” I say.

  “I don’t feel hot,” she says. “If anything, I’m chilled.”

  “That’s how fevers work,” I say. “You should know that.”

  Nili puts her hands on her cheeks. “I do know that. What’s wrong with me?”

  “You’re sick.” I rewind a fresh bandage around her, and pull her clothing into place. Then I pick her up.

  “You don’t have to carry me,” she says. “I’m not helpless.”

  “Faaris!” I yell, and he comes running. “Nili has a fever and the wound is infected. I’m going to get her to the palace as soon as possible.”

  “Shall we follow?” he asks.

  “Might as well. Have Saphala wear a veil. I want to keep them both anonymous for now.”

  “You go,” Faaris says. “I’ll pack up and catch up with you. Go.”

  I settle Nili on the horse and climb up behind her. “Hang on,” I tell her.

  And I spur the horse into a run.

  ***

  Less than a league outside the city, we run into Manoj and the litter. I slow my horse and wave him over to meet us.

  “What’s going on?” he asks.

  “She’s got a fever. The wound is inflamed. I couldn’t wait.”

  My horse is lathered and blown, but we don’t have much farther to go.

  “Let me take her,” Manoj says. “My horse is fresh.”

  “Like hell,” I say. “Trade with me.”

  We trade horses. Nili is awake but fading fast.

  “Hold on, my sweet,” I tell her. “Hold on.”