The Loves of Ruby Dee

by Curtiss Ann Matlock

  Why? Was it one more effort to push Will from Ruby Dee? Did the old man think that in getting rid of the ranch, he would get rid of Will? Or was it simply to show that he could do it, that he remained in power? Or was he trying to punish Will because he’d dared to seek something of his own...and Ruby Dee, too?

  How could the man who had stepped in front of a wild woman with a loaded shotgun in order to protect his sons do this to them?

  If Will had known how to cry, he might have. After a minute, he walked outside and drove away.

  * * * *

  Still in her clothes, Ruby Dee lay on her side, propped up on several pillows, with a light cotton blanket thrown over her legs. Through the open window came the faint sound of an engine, then of tires crunching on gravel. The sound roused her, and she sat up, wondering if she’d been dreaming. She heard the squeak of the truck door opening, the clunk of it closing.

  Throwing aside the blanket, she went to the window. Will’s pickup was parked near the horse barn. Straining to see in the dimness, she caught sight of a shadowy figure walking into the wide entry of the barn in the first light of morning. The light of her digital clock glowed red. He was nearly an hour earlier than usual.

  Picking up her boots, she padded quietly down the stairs in sock feet, with Sally following. The stairs creaked softly, and Sally’s nails clicked on the floor, but Hardy snored on.

  On the back step, Ruby Dee tugged on her boots and then half-ran up the slope to the barn. The gravel crunching beneath her steps sounded loud in the silence. The sweet, early morning air caressed her face and chilled her arms. Already it grew lighter, and she felt the sense of urgency, of time running out.

  She peered down the long barn aisle. There came the scents of damp earth and animals. Two lights were on at the far end. Will was there—the light shown on his pale hat and denim-clad shoulders. Several horses snorted anxiously as he poured grain into their feeders.

  Suddenly Ruby Dee felt shy, fearful. He hadn’t waited to speak to her last night, and this morning he’d come so quietly, almost like a thief not wanting to be caught.

  As if he sensed her presence, he looked up and saw her.

  “Will?” Hesitantly, she stepped forward. He tossed aside his bucket and came striding forcefully toward her.

  There was something about him...an intensity. She saw the shadow of a beard on his face and dark circles beneath his eyes. Her heart fluttered as he gazed down at her.

  She asked, “Where did you go last night? What’s wrong?”

  But then he cupped her face and kissed her, stopping her questions and taking away her breath. Oh, my goodness...oh! He kissed her again and yet again. Her head spun. He did want her!

  Then he looked into her eyes and said, “I love you, Ruby Dee. I want to marry you.”

  “Oh, Will,” was all she could say and that only a whisper. She went against his chest, buried herself there, feeling his strong arms close around her, hearing the rapid thudding of his heart and inhaling the male scent of him. She held onto him while he rubbed his hands up and down her back and his cheek against her hair.

  “I’m forty-two, Ruby Dee, and I don’t know if I can give you children, but I’ll try, and I can give you a good house, and you can keep nursing, or whatever you want to do.”

  “Oh, Will.”

  The next instant he pulled away, and she wanted to protest, but then he had her by the hand and was leading her to the far end of the barn. She knew then that he was going to make love to her. And that she wanted him to beyond all reason.

  He brought a canvas duster from inside the tack room, spread it on the soft mounds of hay strewn about and turned out the lights. The early morning brought a soft, ethereal glow to the corner of the barn.

  Ruby Dee tossed her dress aside, and when he raised himself up from removing his boots, she was standing there before him in only her bra and panties. His eyes fastened on her, and she shivered. With his gaze hot upon her, he jerked off his shirt and spread it with the duster, then drew her down with him. The canvas duster crackled and the hay whispered as they lay upon it. The hay was so fragrant...so soft! And Will was so hard, all over.

  For a moment, Will stopped to gaze at her, to run his hand slowly over her breasts and down her belly. His eyes darkened and caressed her, just as his touch did. Slowly, oh, so slowly his head came down, and he traced a line across the tops of her breasts with his lips. And then he was touching her all over. Touching her with his strong, calloused hands, bringing desire trembling and pounding through her.

  Then nothing was slow or gentle, because the passion, so long lying just beneath the surface, so long held there and denied, flashed over them like fire across the prairie. Urgently they sought each other with their lips and their hands, their arms and their legs. Nothing at all leisurely, only greedily, all hot and fiery and crazy wild. Ruby Dee, aching and throbbing, pleaded with him with her hands. She couldn’t stop herself. She wanted him, had to have him.

  Will slipped between her legs and pressed himself against her. There he paused for an agonizing instant, brought his lips to hers and kissed her deeply, as he thrust inside her. The pain surprised Ruby Dee, but then she was rising, higher and higher, like a kite caught in the hot summer wind.

  * * * *

  Will had not meant for it to happen, at least not then. He hadn’t meant even to see her this morning, because he needed to think things through. But when he’d seen her, there had been no way he could stop himself.

  He had known Ruby Dee would be hot. He had suspected, from what she’d said, that she would be nearly virginal. She had been both of these things, and so much more. He was struck with a sense of amazement at what had happened with her, and with himself. The force of his emotions startled him.

  Ruby Dee shivered, and Will tightened his arm around her as he brought the edge of the duster up around her hips, which nestled against him. Her tears wet his shoulder and trailed down his neck. He kissed her silky hair and inhaled its sweet scent. She was softer all over than he had imagined. Her shoulder glowed in the morning light falling through the barn door. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered, and she stirred against him, burying her face deeper into his neck. The delicious sense of arousal stirred again in his groin.

  Lifting up on her elbow, she kissed his shoulder and moved downward to his breast. She raised her face and looked at him, her eyes all full of heat, her hair falling all around her pale cheeks. “Will... well, my goodness.”

  “Yeah,” he said and kissed her, long and lingering.

  But the sense of time growing short crept back over him. He rolled her to her back and looked into her face. He picked hay from her hair, caressed her cheek.

  “I take it you are gonna marry me,” he said, with a crooked grin, though inside he quivered with uncertainty.

  “I want to,” she said, her eyes warm upon him.

  That she didn’t say yes bothered him.

  Hardly speaking, they got dressed, and then Ruby Dee sat on a bale of hay with Will’s denim jacket around her shoulders, while he stood three feet away, smoking a cigarette at the edge of the door. The sun, not yet up, was turning the eastern sky golden, but the sky to the west was dark with clouds.

  Ruby Dee was the first to say it. “What about Hardy?”

  Will blew out a stream of smoke. “We’ll get someone else to stay with him. You’ll be able to come as much as you want. It won’t be like you’re leavin’ him.”

  She stared at the pattern the morning glow had begun to make on the barn floor. Will heard again his father’s plea: don’t take her, just because you can. He thought he understood, now that he had made love to her. This was something Will could give Ruby Dee that the old man never could.

  “You tried other people before me.”

  “We found you. We’ll find someone else.”

  Her dark eyes rose to look into his. “He won’t take anyone else. Look how he’s changed since I came. He’s a man again.”

  He tossed his
cigarette outside in the dirt and pressed his boot on it. Then he came and crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his.

  “Ruby Dee, I don’t want to hurt him. I see how he’s changed, and I know why he’s changed. I know it’s you that’s brought him back to life. But I don’t want to let go of what we could have...I can’t let him take this away from us. We have a right to our own life.”

  “I know,” she said, simply...but as if it made no difference. Her brown eyes searched his. “I love you, Will.” Her lips trembled, while his heart thudded, waiting for what would come next. “I want... we may have already made a baby,” and she gave a trembling smile, then it faded, and her eyes filled with pain. “But I love Hardy, too. Can you understand?” Her eyes begged him to.

  And he did, in a way. “I know. It’s okay.”

  “Oh, Will, I’m so caught. And I can’t stand knowin’ that I’ve come between you and your daddy.” The words came out so painfully, and then she was sobbing.

  Will straightened, bringing her up with him. He lifted her face to look into it. “Honey, it isn’t you. It’s between me and Dad. And there’s nothin’ you or anybody can do to change it.”

  “Maybe you could talk to him. Maybe you could tell him you would come back to live here, with him.” She regarded him hopefully. “You could still keep the other place for your own cattle.”

  Will shook his head. “No. Dad’s closin’ the Starr. There won’t be a job here for me anymore.” There wouldn’t be a reason for him to be there at all, he thought.

  She looked shocked, disbelieving. Then she squeezed her eyes closed and dropped her forehead against his chest. He held her, and he knew he wasn’t going to let her go, no matter the price he had to pay.

  She raised her head. “Hardy may close the ranch, but he will still be here, alone.”

  They looked at each other her for a long moment. Will breathed deeply. “I’ll wait, give him time, for awhile.” And then he kissed her. A kiss to make her remember.

  When she left him, he thought how crazy it was that her love for the old man was exactly what he himself loved about her so much.

  * * * *

  Hardy knew, of course. He knew it the minute he looked at her, when she came into the kitchen. He was just entering the room, as if he had been listening for her footsteps.

  Ruby Dee met his gaze, felt her face burn and throbbing start low in her belly, as what she and Will had shared filled her mind. She saw Hardy’s anger, and then his hurt. She didn’t know what to say to him, so she turned away to begin breakfast.

  Will came in and ate breakfast with them. The meal was silent.

  Chapter 28

  There was so much to be done for the party. Phone calls to be made and answered, cleaning and polishing, the grass to be trimmed, presents and flowers and extra food to be bought.

  For the better part of two days, Will and Wildcat worked to ready his house for the newlyweds, where they would stay, using his second bedroom, until they could find a place of their own. Ruby Dee thought it was sad that Lonnie wouldn’t be living at the ranch, but she supposed it was for the best. Crystal seemed quite frightened of Hardy, who didn’t care to have anyone new around him.

  Hardy withdrew to his shop, where he spent long hours. After lunch on Tuesday, Ruby Dee plunked the telephone and the guest list in front of him on the table. “I can’t call everyone, Hardy.”

  He grunted, but after a minute, he picked up the receiver and began to dial. Ruby Dee brought him a cup of coffee, with a bit of sugar. As soon as Hardy had finished his calls, he got up and went out the back door, without a word to Ruby Dee, leaving his coffee untouched.

  In the afternoon she brought him peanut butter crackers and tomato juice. “With you spendin’ so much time out here, you’re probably hungry,” she said, squeezing past Hardy to set the plate and glass on the workbench.

  Hardy didn’t take his gaze off the leather he carved. He didn’t even speak to her.

  “That’s a new saddle, isn’t it?”

  “Yep,” he said, after a minute. He continued to work, making a diamond pattern.

  “It’s really beautiful.”

  Nothing, not even a grunt.

  “I think we’ve called everyone about the party. I only asked sixty, because I figure we might get some people just droppin’ by or comin’ along with others. I know you don’t want any more than about seventy people.”

  He didn’t say a word.

  “Hardy, are you gonna talk to me?” She waited, staring at him. She would stand there and stare at him all afternoon, if he wanted it that way, she thought.

  He raised his eyes at last. “Just what is it you want me to say?” His voice was hard.

  “Not a thing, Hardy Starr, not one blessed thing.” She stalked out of the shop, only to turn around and come back and ask if it would be okay to lend Lonnie and Crystal bed sheets and blankets. She thought she certainly had better ask, or Hardy might suggest they were stealing from him.

  “Aw’ight,” was all Hardy said.

  Ruby Dee had the feeling she could have put her hand out and touched the glass wall Hardy had put around himself. She didn’t know how she could have expected anything else; Hardy was hurt, and Hardy hurt could be vicious.

  Again and again she questioned herself about why she felt what she did for him. She had come here to take care of him, and he had become her charge. She never took that lightly. Now on top of that she had come to truly care for him, to love him in a way she couldn’t explain. She was like that, and Will understood it. He didn’t press her, and as guilty as she felt about hurting Hardy, she felt the same way for putting Will off.

  A hundred times she thought to tell Will about his daddy and Jooney, and how Cora Jean had said that Ruby Dee looked like Jooney, enough to be her twin. She wanted to explain that and so many other things, so he would understand what she meant to his daddy. But somehow she couldn’t do it. Somehow, even though she and Hardy had never spoken of it, it was their private secret. Surely Jooney was Hardy’s secret, kept safe within him all these years. Ruby Dee did not want to violate it...and maybe, too, she wanted to hold onto that tie with Hardy.

  Only once did she almost tell Will about Hardy’s offer of a third of the ranch if she stayed with him. But she decided she would never tell anyone about it. She would not add to the hurt Hardy was already inflicting by dissolving the Starr Ranch, instead of giving it to his flesh and blood, his sons.

  If ever she came close to hating Hardy, it was over this. Her anger about it was so intense that one day she blurted out, “How can you offer to will me, a stranger, one-third of the ranch and then go and shut it down and take away your sons’ heritage?”

  Hardy looked at her. “My daddy didn’t give me this ranch. I bought it from him. It’s mine, and I can do with it as I see fit.”

  “Did it ever occur to you, Hardy Starr, that your daddy was wrong? You’re hurtin’ Will terrible by this, Hardy. If you doubt that, you’re not at all the man I thought you were.”

  He said nothing. Hardy never had been one to explain himself.

  At least now Ruby Dee understood where Hardy got his hardness. She explained it to Will, late Wednesday afternoon, while they were loading linens and other household items into his pickup.

  “Hardy had to buy this ranch from his daddy. Did you know that?”

  “No. No, I didn’t know.” He was obviously surprised. “I always knew Dad had to work hard for everything he ever had, but I never knew my grandfather, except by rumor. Most said Dad was like Grandpa, just like they always said I was like Hardy. I’ve spent a good deal of time tryin’ not to be,” he added, and there was sadness in his voice.

  “Will, you are like Hardy,” Ruby Dee said, and he frowned at her. “You’re all the good parts, the strong and honorable parts. The part that lives as you wish and makes no apology to anyone, and doesn’t place blame, either. It’s why I love you.” Her voice grew faint. Quite suddenly she trembled, had the urge to run and hide.


  Then Will kissed her, and the fearful urge vanished. She touched his cheek.

  He said, “We could get married tomorrow.”

  She didn’t answer, but what she thought was: who would be with Hardy?

  After a long minute, Will said, “I’m not stayin’ for supper. I promised to help Ambrose Bell finish haulin’ his hay in from the field.”

  He was stiff and cold. She’d hurt him.

  She had a sense of being pressed on both sides, as if she were trapped in an envelope.

  Feeling depressed, Ruby Dee took a long hot bath, in bath oil, and did the entire work up: skin, hair, nails, hands and feet. She was combing out her wet hair when the telephone on her dresser rang.

  “Lonnie?” She was glad to hear his voice! Suddenly, as odd as it seemed, she felt she could tell Lonnie her feelings. Of all people, Lonnie would understand, and she almost blurted it out, but then his voice sounded so happy, that she just couldn’t burden him.

  Holding her robe around her, she sat on the bed to listen as he described how much Crystal liked the State Fair and how she was scared to death on the ferris wheel but kept wanting to ride on it again and again. He sounded like Crystal’s hero. He seemed truly happy.

  Ruby Dee told him about the party on Saturday. Will had told him about it, but with none of the details. “Your daddy has hired a caterer to put on a big spread,” Ruby Dee said, “and there’ll be music, too.”

  “Dad’s springin’ for all this?”

  “Yes, Lonnie. He’s even bought new clothes for the party.”

  Lonnie reported that Frank and Georgia were flying down to Cozumel for a week’s vacation, so they wouldn’t be coming. Ruby Dee had been wondering whether to invite them. She told him Will had invited Crystal’s mother, and Lonnie gave her a few more names of people to contact. Crystal wanted her cousin up in Daihart, Texas, to come, and it took her a few minutes to find the telephone number for Ruby Dee.

  Just before they hung up, Ruby Dee said, “Do you want to speak to your daddy? I’ll take him the cordless phone.”