by Kait Rose
Hopeless Romantic
By:Kait Rose
Prologue
“Please wake up! Please God!” I knew my prayers would go unanswered because I was too late. His lips were already blue while his body was starting to get cold to the touch. Next to him laid the empty pill bottle and a letter with my name on it.
“I’m so sorry.” I was barely able to get the words out of my mouth. I reached for the phone and dialed the police. I took the letter he left with my name on it and shoved it under my waistband while I held his hand waiting for them to arrive. His pain was finally over while mine was just beginning.
That’s the thing about suicide it helps the person who is committing it escape their pain, but when it comes to their loves one the pain is inescapable. We can’t stop but ask ourselves, Did I not see the signs? If I did this would he have changed his mind? Did he feel unloved? Could I have shown I loved him more?
The questions are endless and so is the pain.
Chapter One
Stella
“Ezra! I swear on all things holy, you better put my suitcase down.” Why was it so hard for him to understand that I could carry my own bags in? After a few no thanks, he should have gotten the hint, but he still wouldn’t let go of my bags while I tried to rip them out of his hands.
“Do you guys see this? She’s crazy!” Ezra shouted to Madison and Jude. If he wants to see crazy, I’ll give him crazy. Since he was over a foot taller than me, I got up on top of his truck’s hood to try to grab my bag out of his hands.
“Stella, that is a 1975 Chevy Truck! Get off right now before you dent it!” Ezra shouted. His playful banter was long gone and now replaced with complete seriousness. He wasn’t the only one pissed off.
“Are you calling me fat!” As soon as the words left my mouth, I felt the metal underneath me buckle. Ezra dropped my bags and scooped me off the hood. I can tell in his eyes he was furious, but trying his best not to yell anymore at me. I should have just apologized and grabbed my bags, but my mouth had a brain of its’ own.
“Well at least it’s an old truck. Honestly you should just junk the piece of shit and get something that is at least younger than you.” His truck was always breaking down or something needing to be replaced. It’s not like Ezra didn’t come from money either which is why I didn’t understand why he wouldn’t have a nicer car.
“Junk it? Just because it isn’t shiny new doesn’t mean it’s a piece of shit.” He wasn’t shouting, but by the tone of his voice I rather him be shouting at me.
“Why are you having such a fit? It’s not like you don’t have money. Honestly, you must have pissed off your parents if that’s what they got you for a car.” We have been fighting off and on now for a while, but this time it felt like I went too far.
“You know what fuck this. I’ll stay out of your way, you stay out of mine.” With that being said, Ezra stormed into the house while shoulder checking Knox on the way.
“What did you say?” My brother said exasperated.
“It’s his fault. I told him I didn’t need him taking my luggage which he ignored. He held my bags up out of my reach so I stood on the hood and accidentally dented it. I think calling it a piece of shit was a little too far, but...” Knox held his hand up to stop my rambling.
“Fucking shit I knew this was coming.” Knox said looking exhausted while he stared up at the sky.
“Knew what?”
“You two like each other.” Before I would think he would be screaming if he even thought for a second that me and Ezra liked each other, but instead he sounded defeated.
“How did you get that from me insulting his truck and him storming off?” I said in disbelief that this conversation is even happening.
“Listen as you’re big brother I’m going to warn you, Ezra has never done the girlfriend thing and I don’t want you getting your hopes up.”
“Maybe I’m different.” I have read so many books where the main character has never been in love until he meets that one special girl.
“There is that hopeless romantic side of you coming out. Not every story is like the books you read where they all have a happy ending. I know you are going to do what you want, but at least take what I said in consideration.” Knox said gloomily. With that being said, he walked off leaving me with a million questions on why Ezra never had a girlfriend. My head was overwhelmed though with worrying about Knox, apologizing to Ezra, and making sure Madison is doing alright to even focus on the possibility of me and Ezra dating.
Back in September was the first time I laid my eyes on Ezra Banks since high school. I felt the goosebumps on my skin while the butterflies in my stomach were flying around rampant. No one knows, not even Madison, but I had a crush on Ezra since we were in high school. Before my brother took him under his wing and he gained muscles and was one of the popular guys, I fell for the geeky scrawny boy who had a love of books and a smile that made my heart race.
September…
“Are you sure you don’t want to go back to your brother's place? I’m pretty sure Madison is on her way there with Jude.” Ezra asked while driving me back to my house. I wasn’t drunk in the least and the little buzz I did have was gone the second I got this close alone with Ezra.
“No offense but I’m twenty and my brother doesn’t need to babysit me because he’s afraid of me being alone.” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. I knew Knox came from a good place, but most times he was just overbearing with the big brother protection.
“I get it, I’ll take you to your place.” He smiled at me and opened his door for me. When we got inside, we talked about our summer and what we were looking forward to. Before I knew it we were already on my street.
When we pulled up to my house I wasn’t ready to say goodbye yet. “Want to come in?” I asked.
“I don’t know... Knox will know I’m here and I don’t think he will be happy about that.”
“Ok I’ll guess I’ll just have to eat the triple layer chocolate cake all by myself.” I went to shut his truck door behind me, but he stopped the door from closing.
“Whipped or buttercream icing?” Ezra asked.
“Chocolate buttercream icing with sprinkles of course.” With that being said he jumped right out of the truck.
“It would be irresponsible of me if I let you eat a whole cake alone.”
“Uh huh.” I said with a smirk. My mom always told me food was a way to a man’s heart.
We got inside and headed straight to the kitchen. I pulled the cake out of my secret hiding spot in the cupboard because I knew if Knox saw it, he would eat it all and not even save me a crumb. Ezra poured two glasses of milk and we went to the dining room to sit at the table.
The conversation was quiet as Ezra dug in. As soon as I took a bite of the most moist chocolate cake I ever had, I couldn’t stop the moan that came out. When I opened my eyes, Ezra dropped his fork and was just staring at me with his mouth dropped open. I licked the chocolate off my finger and told him, “That is the most moist cake I ever had.”
As soon as the words left my mouth, Ezra ended up choking on his milk. I wasn’t the most experienced when it came to men, but being able to get a reaction out of him felt good. “Are you ok?” I asked innocently.
He cleared his throat and said, “Wrong pipe.” His eyes went from me to back to his plate. I could tell he was embarrassed, so I decided to steer the conversation to something we both had in common.
“What’s your favorite book?” I always wondered about him because he always had a new book every week when we were young.
“Harry Po
tter and the Sorcerer’s Stone.” It was one of my favorites also. Before I submerged myself in romance novels, I would read every Harry Potter, Goosebumps, and A Series of Unfortunate Events books.
“Why that one?” I knew it was a favorite series among many, but I was curious to hear his reason.
“The fact that this boy had this terrible home life but then finds out he is a wizard and a strong one at that just connected with me. Now let me ask you a question.”
“Ok shoot.”
“Why ask me about my favorite book? Most girls ask how much I’m lifting or my favorite sport.” He said amused.
If I were to be honest, the real reason I asked him was when he transferred to my high school, he was always at the library reading. I would sit at the other end of the table and read too, but I don’t think he ever noticed me. I felt he may think I’m weird if I brought that up, so I went with my other reason.“I think the books someone reads can tell a lot about them.”
“Interesting, I like that.” He went back to eating his cake while we fell into silence.
“Bet I could do a handstand longer than you.” This is why Stella you should have dated and not have been this awkward virgin who challenges the hot guy to a handstand competition, I mentally scolded myself while trying my best not to slap my forehead.
“You’re on.” Ezra started to laugh and I was surprised things were this much fun with him instead of him looking at me like I was an awkward freak.
We both headed towards the middle of the living room and took off our shoes. I forgot I was in a dress, so I told him,”I need to change quick, I’ll be right back.”
Ezra nodded his head and gave me a small smile saying, “Alright, I’ll be here.”
I turned and went into my room to find a cute casual outfit. I picked out one of my cutest sports bra and a pair of high waisted leggings. I was more on the small side at five foot, but luckily I had boobs so I didn’t look like a kid. Satisfied with my outfit, I headed back into the living room.
“You...wow.” Ezra was in position and ready to go, but when he looked up at me, he just froze and swallowed deeply.
“I hope that wow is the wow you look good and not the wow what are you wearing type of wow.” I gave him a small smile so he knew I was busting him.
He smiled at me and said, “You’re something special, don’t ever change.”
I was feeling the butterflies resurface so I steered our conversation back to the ridiculous handstand competition. “Ok on the count of three we go. 1..2..3” We both went down and stood straight up with our feet pointing to the ceiling. We were in the middle of the room where there was no wall to support us. I noticed he was starting to get wobbly and before I knew it he fell over, knocking me down with him.
“I win.” I gave him my victory smile and looked over to him while we laid next to each other on the floor.
He started to laugh and said, “You’re cute when you win.”
We laid there for the rest of the night talking about anything and everything until we fell asleep. It felt so easy talking to Ezra. I felt like I could be myself without having to hide away parts of me to try to impress him.
Chapter Two
Stella
I knew I needed to find Ezra to apologize, but I needed to talk to Madison first. “Madison, can we talk?” I knocked on her door which was locked. I could hear her sshing Jude and him groaning.
“Just a minute!” I first heard them scrummaging around and then an almost naked Jude came out while carrying his clothes.
“Cockblocker.” I heard him mumble under his breath and I couldn’t help the little laugh that slipped out of my mouth.
“Stop being a baby! It was round two anyways.” I shook my head at them both and walked into her room. When I blew out a breath, Madison immediately asked, “Ezra?”
I nodded my head yes and went to sit in the chair to avoid her bed. She gave a small laugh knowing damn well I was uncomfortable being in here after them screwing, but the need to talk to Madison about Ezra was more important.
“What is going on with you two? It seems like you two were close at first, but now most times you look like you're ready to kill him.” Madison asked.
“Remember that day you texted him to come take care of me when I was sick?” It was a few months ago and while I was laying on the couch looking like death, Madison thought it was a good idea to surprise me by inviting Ezra to take care of me.
“Yeah I came back to you two passed out on the couch together. What happened?” She dropped the shirt she was folding and looked at me with a look that said she would kill him if she needed too.
“Oh by the way thanks for that. You could have warned me so I could have showered and cleaned the snot off my face.” I gave her a pointed look, but she shrugged and motioned for me to continue. “Well he was honestly sweet. He made me soup and watched one of my favorite movies, Cry Baby, you know the one with Johnny Depp?”
“Yes Stella I would know since I had to watch it a hundred times with you. Now get to the point.”
“Ok well he was laughing about how corny it was and it got us in a heated debate of me saying it was a classic and him thinking it was one of the worst of Johnny’s films. Then all of sudden he kisses me.”
“Ok...was he a terrible kisser or something?” Madison asked confused.
“It was my first kiss.” I said in a rush with my arm over my eyes. I was embarrassed that at twenty years old I was never kissed before. It was bad enough being a virgin, but adding to the fact I was never kissed before was just pathetic in my eyes.
Madison just stood there with her mouth open, so I said, “Yeah Madison I’m not just lying here while dying of embarrassment. You can say something now.”
She snapped out of it and came to sit next to me. “Ok... so he kissed you and then what happened because when I came back you two were fast asleep on the couch?”
“Well you kind of walked in mid way, so we pretended to sleep.” We didn’t want anyone to know and that was the first thing we could think of so we didn’t need to explain why we were both out of breath and sweaty.
“Ok wow, but I understand. What happened when I left?”
“We went right back at it and the next thing I know we are ripping each other’s clothes off and he is rolling on a condom...”
“Shut up! You’re not a virgin anymore!” Madison interrupted me and was loud enough for everyone to hear.
“God Madison, sometimes you can be so crass!”
“Sorry mom. Now continue.” Madison rolled her eyes at me.
“He got the condom on and right before he was about to go all in, I told him I was a virgin. He completely froze up and said he needed to be somewhere.”
“What an asshole! No wonder why you’ve been bitchy towards him lately.” Madison said pissed off.
“You know I read of first kisses so many times in my books and when I imagined mine it did not end like that. It’s so hard to be mad at him because I fell for him and it’s like a constant pull and push for us.”
“I knew it! I knew you two liked each other.”
“Calm yourself sweets. I like him, but I think he is just attracted to me. He made it very clear to me afterwards that we could never be a thing.” I said exhausted. It was the first time I fell this hard and the feelings weren’t returned. I even tried moving on to someone like Brad, but my heart always came back to Ezra.
“Because of Knox?” Madison asked.
“I think that is part of the reason for Ezra, but Knox already told me he knows we like each other. He then said not to get my hopes up because Ezra doesn’t do the girlfriend thing. I have a feeling though there is more to it.”
“Huh.” She paused to think and said, “Maybe something happened in his past, but sometimes people change their minds when they meet their person. Don’t worry, me and Jude have a bet that in a month or less he will be all over you.”
I chucked a pillow at her and said, “Just realize I have been friend
zoned. Well now I’m probably demoted since I dented his truck’s hood and insulted it.”
“You didn’t!” Madison caught the pillow and looked at me in disbelief.
“No, I’m lying.” I rolled my eyes and she chucked the pillow back at my head.
“Everyone knows that’s his baby, you better have one damn good apology.”
“Uggh!” I moaned into the pillow. It hasn't even been a day and I already pissed off one roommate.
I don’t know why, but I was nervous to go talk to Ezra. We have had our spit and spats, but we never got into an argument where he left that angry. I looked down the hall towards his room. Originally Madison and I were going to share the attic room upstairs, but it made no sense since we all knew she would be in Jude’s room. The loving sister I am gave Knox the attic instead because well Jude and Madison aren’t the quietest. As much as Knox may deserve to suffer for his part a few weeks ago, I think that might just put him over the edge.
I took a deep breath, rehearsing what I wanted to say. Part of me wanted to tell him it could have been all avoided if he just listened to me the first time. Maybe I will apologize for denting his truck and then let him know that. By the time I arrived at his door, I knew somehow I was going to mess this up, but here goes nothing.
Chapter Three
Ezra
Stella Ryan is going to be the death of me. I stormed off into my room angry at the fact I couldn’t stop fucking up in front of her. Ever since I froze up and left when she told me she was a virgin, everything has been hot and cold between us ever since. I’ve been trying to be a good friend, but it was proving to be a challenge when all I wanted was to go back to that night. I wanted every piece of Stella, but I knew I wasn’t the right guy for her.
I ripped my shirt off and threw myself on top of my bed while staring at my night stand. Pill bottles filled the inside with all the medicine I refused to take. Taking a pill that controlled how I was feeling or making me feel like a zombie wasn’t something I needed in my life. I rather hide my episodes than take medicine. Being bi-polar was definitely a bitch.
