A Naked Singularity: A Novel

by Sergio De La Pava

Be realistic, please, everything I just told you.

  So what’s my 180.80 date then?

  Well you were arrested yesterday, Wednesday, so next Tuesday.

  She needs to come to court that day or else they’ll release me right?

  Pretty much true. They need an indictment that day or else they have to release you, yeah. There’s one exception but—

  Let them know I’m going in the grand jury too.

  Look my feeling is it would not be a great idea for you to testify in the grand jury.

  Why do you say that? I’m innocent.

  Well foremost the grand jurors are going to hear about your record in a way your trial jury never would and for that reason alone there’s no way they’ll dismiss the case. As a result the only thing you’re going to accomplish is to give the DA an early version of your story.

  I don’t care what version they get because it’s the truth. So there.

  Maybe so but that’ll be small consolation when you get indicted.

  Unbelievable.

  Listen we don’t have to decide anything right now. I’ll serve cross and we’ll discuss it next court date when we have more time and when I’ll know more about the case. Deal?

  Okay but I’m testifying.

  All right. I’ll talk to the DA before your next court date to see what they’re offering.

  I’m not taking anything!

  Well then just to satisfy my curiosity okay? Any other questions before we go in front of the judge.

  Just that I’m innocent.

  Okay.

  I know you seen my record and I have committed felonies. The robbery was a way to get money and I know it was stupid. The manslaughter? Fine, that was a fight and I cut him. All that was before I found the Lord by the way. Before. But this? This would be like pure evil to have done something like this to someone like that and I’m not evil. I am not a person who traffics in evil, dig? So you have to believe I’m innocent.

  Okay.

  I mean it. You have to!

  I believe you.

  No for real don’t just say it. You have to believe I’m innocent.

  See you in front of the judge.

  Wait a minute. I mean it man! I need a lawyer who believes in my innocence. You have to believe that to do this case.

  You’re wrong I don’t, I just don’t. It’s not going to make me work harder on your case like in some stupid movie and it’s certainly not going to make it more likely that you walk. In fact, if you really are innocent then it’s probably going to hurt you and your case more than anything because, for one thing, I would probably be so distracted by the novelty of the situation I’d be rendered ineffective and, for another, your innocence might mean your devilish theory is true in which case we’d really be screwed because from where I’m sitting the devil appears be pretty effective, certainly more so than the average DA. So stop, I beg.

  I want another lawyer.

  One’s enough and if you mean a different one then that request is denied as well so just chill as much as possible for someone facing the rest of their life in jail and let me handle it. I know what I’m doing, although admittedly only in this severely limited area. Agreed?

  All right.

  Anything else?

  No.

  Good Darril, now kindly step out so I can interview the next.

  Ah Chut. AH CHUT!

  Bless you motherfucker! Ha ha!

  Mr. Chut?

  Yeh.

  Is that you? Are you Ah Chut?

  Yeh.

  Here’s my card I’m going to be your attorney. Do you speak English?

  Nuh.

  Cantonese? Mandarin?

  Cantonese yeh Cantonese!

  Well . . . okay . . . were you selling batteries on the subway?

  Yeh. Wuh?

  You sell battery subway?

  Cantonese.

  No, I know but there’s no interpreter and I want to get you out of jail.

  Yuh.

  You sell battery on subway yes?

  Yih.

  And you don’t have a license right?

  Cantonese.

  No license right?

  No license no.

  Okay you go home soon okay?

  Home?

  Yeah you go home. Okay?

  Yah. Cantonese?

  No. You’re going to have to go home in English because there’s no interpreter and it would take hours to get one.

  Yeh.

  Okay step out.

  Out? pointing.

  Yes.

  Glenn. BEN GLENN!

  That’s me,

  You don’t have to say it three.

  How you doing Mr. Glenn? Here’s my card. My name’s Casi and I’ll be your attorney. You’ve been charged with Criminal Mischief in the Fourth Degree, that’s a class A misdemeanor. This guy Hal Posano is saying you stood in the entrance to his pizzeria and wouldn’t move. He’s saying that when he and his workers tried to get you to move you kicked the door and shattered the glass. Is all that true?

  The truth lies somewhere in between

  I wanted some pizza but didn’t have any green

  Is that what led to the argument? You couldn’t pay for some pizza you had eaten? What happened? How do you end up kicking this guy’s door in?

  Frankly, I refuse to divulge any further the nature of my defense.

  To trust a stranger like you simply makes little sense.

  I can’t help but notice, Mr. Glenn, that you are speaking entirely in a kind of rudimentary spoken verse, is there a reason for that?

  What you’ve just said is fully true.

  I speak solely in rhyme how about you?

  I tend not to. I also see, looking down now, that your last case was dismissed after a 730 examination. What that means is that a psychiatrist examined you and determined that you were too sick to face a criminal case and the case was dismissed. Right? Remember that? So I think what I may do is have a psychiatrist examine you again to see how you’re doing, okay? The problem is that because of your record and because of the judge we’re going to be in front of, it’s unlikely you will be offered something that’s going to get you out and if there’s no disposition this judge is going to set bail so—

  The judge can set all the bail he wants and I won’t complain

  When Batman wasn’t fighting crime his name was Bruce Wayne.

  True, I guess. If the judge sets bail, however, and you’re homeless like you told CJA, then you’re going to be in jail while the case is going on. So I think the best way to proceed from your standpoint is to have a psychiatric evaluation done. This way if you’re too sick to know what’s going on, the case will be dismissed and you’ll be civilly committed to psychiatric care. On the other hand if you’re fine, then we can try to get a plea that will get you out. Okay? Mr. Glenn?

  Do your best but remember you are only epidermally-covered bone

  And perhaps the disease in me is one you too own.

  Okay. Well it’s not a very serious case so we’ll see what I can do.

  Listen Casi sorry to interrupt, a court officer stuck just his head in then kept it perfectly trained on me as if Glenn were a mere product of my imagination, but do you have Glenda Deeble, Robert Coomer, and Terrens Lake?

  Yeah, what about them?

  They’re all specials so they’re on the bench and we need to get them done before we can bring more bodies out.

  All right, Glenn had vanished while I spoke. The bench referred to here was not the judge’s bench but rather the two L-positioned pews to the far left of it where all defendants were placed immediately prior to having their case called. Some, like the following, went directly there for various reasons rather than stopping in the holding cell and were interviewed in a wooden kiosk-like structure located nearby. I went there.

  Oh Casi I’m so sorry, Linda with hand on cheek cavity caused by open mouth, you took everything. Want to give me some of those?

  It’s all right I just have the
se three on the bench then another blue and I’m done.

  Probably shouldn’t do anymore anyway with tomorrow my last day.

  What?

  Yeah you didn’t know?

  No, didn’t even know you were leaving.

  Really? Yeah, tomorrow’s my last day.

  Wow, where you going?

  I’m going to be a real estate agent.

  Real estate? Get out, let me do these then tell me all about it.

  Glenda Deeble?

  Yes.

  In there Glenda . . . here’s my card I’m going to represent you.

  How do you say that name?

  Casi kind of like Lassie but not really, who’s Ray Doherty?

  That’s my husband.

  Cops are saying you helped him sell methadone to a person who turned out to be an undercover police officer. That true?

  No it’s not. He might have sold but I had nothing to do with it.

  So what happened?

  Okay, we had just come out of the methadone clinic which is like a block from where we was arrested. The clinic was going to be closed the next day so after we drank one inside they gave us each an extra one to take home and drink the next day, I guess today. Anyways as soon as we walk out this guy comes up and starts begging Ray for his methadone. He was like really insisting, offering to pay for it, and he looked like he was in really bad shape. I kind of walked away at this point because I been busted once before for selling my methadone and besides I couldn’t sell mines anyway because, as you can see, I’m five months pregnant and if I go through any kind of withdrawal it could hurt the baby. So I think Ray might have sold to him but I’m not sure.

  Where did you get arrested?

  He talked to the guy then we tried to get to the train on Hudson but we were arrested right there, near the entrance. Something like five cops jump out of a van and throw us against a gate. They took my bottle of methadone, the one I need for today. Can I get that back?

  No they’re saying it’s evidence. But you can get methadone inside if you’re held in.

  Wait, I’m going to jail?

  I don’t know yet.

  I don’t understand why I was even arrested. I didn’t sell anything.

  They’re saying your husband did the actual selling but that you helped him by looking back and forth, in other words being a lookout. They’re charging you with acting in concert.

  Is that a felony?

  Yeah a C felony, same as if you actually made the exchange.

  So some cop was nearby and saw this happen, nodding yes.

  No, the guy your husband sold to was an undercover pretending to be a drug addict.

  Oh Christ, she looked up. Can they do that? Can they? I mean this guy was practically begging Ray to sell to him. I know for a fact he never intended to sell his stuff but the guy just kept asking him and finally I guess he convinced him to do it. Isn’t that like trapment or something? She tilted her head and raised both eyebrows, can they do that to us?

  Well the problem is you have a prior conviction for the same thing, selling methadone, and unfortunately that kind of effectively negates the defense of entrapment. It also means you’re a predicate felon which means you’re facing a minimum of three to six in this case.

  Can’t they bring it down?

  They can, and I’ll talk to the DA and try to get you a misdemeanor but for now the only thing we’re really concerned with is your bail status.

  I don’t have any money for bail, I’m on SSI.

  Yeah I’m going to try to get the judge to release you with a court date to return.

  On my own R“n”R?

  Right.

  You think he’ll do it?

  I don’t know, maybe, we’ll find out shortly. Where do you live?

  We live in one of those hotels. I have full-blown AIDS so DAS pays for it and they give me my medication.

  I see. And how’s your health now because you look kind of yellow.

  That’s because I have Hepatitis. I just got out of St. Claire’s after a transfusion about a week ago.

  Oh. Well the last thing we have to discuss is the grand jury. If I can’t convince the DA to give you a misdemeanor then that means she’s going to go into the grand jury and try to indict you on a felony drug sale. You have the right to testify in the grand jury and tell your side of the story in the hopes that they will dismiss or at least reduce the charges.

  Doesn’t it get worser for you if you do that?

  It could, every case is different though. Here, I think—

  I don’t want to testify in no grand jury Casi.

  Well you don’t have to decide—

  No way.

  Why not? Listen if what you told me is true then—

  It is true, it is, but I’m not stupid. Look at me. Things aren’t exactly going good for me here. I know that if I go in there I’ll just end up making things worse because that’s what I do.

  Let’s just—

  Because that’s the way things happen in my life since I was maybe six.

  No not maybe, I was exactly six, that birthday forward.

  I understand and that may be so but my experience is—

  Things probably go well for you, I can tell just by looking at you, but for me if my luck wasn’t bad I wouldn’t be lucky at all. Everything I touch turns to shit. I know this.

  I don’t accept that.

  You’re right not everything, not these five months. I been good since I found out I was with child. You don’t know how many times these months I says to myself, like, what could they say if I did everything right from here on out? For real, if I did everything right up to and beyond that day would I really be that different than those moms in their soccer vans? I’d be like them and my baby, at least, would have to look at me the right way, he wouldn’t know. To him I’m just mom. He doesn’t know. The things I’ve done. I seen that look. I want to be at the end of that look. And if I am and I return it the right way then that’s something isn’t it? That’s one thing I would’ve done good and no one could say different right?

  I don’t—

  Right?

  Definitely. But look, about the grand jury.

  So I don’t want to try anything tricky because, like I said, I know I’ll just mess it all up when I’m this close to doing it right for once. I mean the only reason I was even there was to make sure I don’t have any withdrawal that could hurt the baby. I’m close, I’m close. If you could just get me a misdemeanor and city time I would be really grateful and definitely take it, as long as I’m out in time you know? And I wouldn’t be one of these people who complains about their lawyer neither. I would know it was a good deal and I would take it, even though I had nothing to do with this particular sale and even though I think it’s wrong what that cop did, with the entrapping.

  Okay.

  Turns to shit.

  I understand. And believe me, I’m not normally a big fan of putting people in the grand jury either but your instincts about a possible defense were generally right so I feel that perhaps maybe possibly you might if—

  I don’t want to, please.

  Then you won’t. That’s all. You certainly don’t have to. It’s your decision to make. Do you have any questions before we go in front of the judge?

  You think I’ll get out?

  Maybe.

  If I have the baby inside, they take it.

  I know. Anything else?

  No, just thank you.

  Okay, you can step out.

  Robert Coomer?

  Yes!

  Close the door behind you Robert.

  You have before you a completely innocent man and my question to you sir, if I may call you that, is this: what . . . am . . . I . . . charged . . . with?

  Robbery.

  I’m innocent.

  David Sanders is saying you pulled a knife on him about two months ago and forced him to give you two hundred dollars.

  An outlandish accusation.

  Who
is he?

  Who is you?

  My name is Casi, here’s my card, I’ve been assigned your case. Now who’s David Sanders?

  It’s a long story young man so what I’ll do is give you the condensated version.

  You’re charged with Robbery in the First Degree, a B violent felony with a minimum jail sentence of five years in prison, so I think you should tell me at least the medium-length version.

  As you like it young man. Now I met Mr. Sanders, a.k.a. The Colonel, about eight months ago at the park.

  What park?

  Morningside Park. Now at this park many of us congregate to play chess. Everyone knows that any day of the week you can find Robert Delano Coomer there playing chess.

  Who’s that?

  That’s me.

  Oh. Sorry, go ahead.

  I mean geez.

  All right continue, where did you live at this time?

  I lived in the park that’s why I was always playing chess there. Anyway I noticed that this man, Mr. David Sanders, would come and observe on quite a few occasions and so we got to conversating.

  You became friends.

  Now don’t go jumping the gun that’s the problem with you youngsters nowadays. We didn’t become friends at all in fact we were in constant disputation.

  About what?

  Well the fact is I done come up with a new chess opening. And the truth is that this chess opening has confounded the grandmasters and dumbfounded the neophytes.

  Great, so where’s the problem?

  Well the further fact is we had irreconcilable philosophical differences respecting just how good my opening was.

  What’s the opening?

  You really want to know?

  Sure.

  And you won’t tell anyone?

  No.

  You sure?

  Yes. Even if I wanted to, the attorney-client privilege would prevent me. I would lose my license to thrill.

  It’s a queen’s rook pawn opening.

  Certainly unique but it seems like you would have a big problem with development.

  You see that’s exactly what he said! Whose side are you on anyway?

  I’m on yours don’t worry. I’m sure it’s a good opening I just can’t visualize it, keep going.

  Damn straight it was a good opening, the best! Sixteen hundred years they been playing this game and it took a homeless brother in the park to come up with the perfect opening. Well I become very protective of my creation and whatnot and that done led to some argumentation between us. Anyway, after awhiles we reconciled our differences behind us, and he started letting me stay with him once in a while. Then I moved into his place for good.