Seaborn

by Lena North

  “We could go swimming now,” she said.

  He exhaled slowly and turned to look at her. She had tears in her eyes, but a smile on her lips and he nodded. Then he slid into the water and stretched his arms up toward her, not trusting his voice and afraid he’d start crying too.

  Her smile widened and then she moved.

  ***

  Charlie

  I heard his steps behind me, but I couldn’t turn. What if I moved and woke up to find it was all a dream? That’s how it felt, since Papi walked out from the kitchen, put a hand on my shoulder and told me he’d just gotten off the phone with Roark. He’d given me the news in a few short sentences and steadied me when I stumbled.

  “Go sit on the dock for a while,” he murmured.

  The few customers in the bar tried unsuccessfully to pretend they weren’t looking at us. Ban and Lippy were hard faced and angry, but my father’s eyes were soft and full of compassion. I couldn’t get a word out and walked away without looking at anyone and kept walking until I’d reached the end of the dock. Would he come? My phone was inside, and what if he called me? He’d want to stay with his family tonight, I decided, forcing myself to calm down and push back a glimmer of hope. This would be a shock to him. He’d need time.

  Then I heard his steps and exhaled.

  When he asked me in that broken voice if I wanted to go swimming, I started crying. Didn’t he know I’d have waited forever for him? I knew how to wait for good things to happen. I’d done it most of my life and had been prepared to do it again.

  And there he was, pleading with me to go swimming with him. Stretching his strong arms up toward me, looking like I’d given him the world.

  The water was cold as we swam slowly toward the open sea.

  “Okay if I shift?” he asked quietly.

  I nodded, so he wrapped his shorts around his wrist and then I moved closer, needing to feel him with me. His arms circled me slowly, and I put my head on his shoulder. Then I slid my hands down to his hips until I felt the top of his tail.

  “Can I touch you?”

  “Yeah,” he rasped out and sucked in air when I moved my hands along the sides of him.

  “Joao?” I asked when I’d put my arms around his neck again. “Will we find our way back?”

  “To us?” he asked quietly, and I nodded against his cheek. “Do you want to?” he asked, and I felt his arms tighten around me.

  “Yes,” I said.

  “Then we’ll find the way,” he said, and it sounded like a promise.

  We stayed in the water until the sun had disappeared, floating silently in its golden path until the surface was dark and the wind turned a little cold. Then he brought us back to the dock behind the bar, we climbed up and sat in silence again.

  “How do you feel?” I asked.

  When he didn’t answer I turned to tell him we didn’t have to talk about it, but he took hold of my hand, so I kept watching while he stared down at the dark water.

  “It’s gonna sound weird, Charlie.”

  “Okay.”

  “I was going to cut off my hair, and when I made my last swim, it hit me. I would be a father. I’d just accepted it when the dolphins…” He paused, and I held on to his hand, bracing for what he’d say next. “I don’t feel anything for her. No hate or anger. It’s just… Nothing. But that child? I thought it was real.”

  I leaned into him and put my head on his shoulder.

  “It’s like you lost it.”

  “Yeah. Strange but –”

  “No,” I interrupted him. “Not strange. You’ll be a fantastic father, Joao. It’s not strange that you’ll feel the loss of a child that didn’t exist because it existed to you.”

  “Oh, Charlie,” he said. “I talked to a lawyer.”

  “What?”

  No. I hadn’t wanted him to –

  “I gave in too easily, baby. She made her demands, and I did the wrong thing. I didn’t think. Someone smacked some sense into me, though, and I talked to a lawyer. We were planning to get proof of paternity and arrange for joint custody even before the child was born. I didn’t stop to think so I didn’t know it could be done.” He turned to me and whispered, “I’m so sorry, Charlie.”

  “For what?”

  His hand came up to cup my jaw, and his thumb slid over my mouth.

  “I didn’t fight for you. Didn’t fight for us. I should have, and I’m sorry.”

  Oh, God. You could do a paternity test even before a child was born? I hadn’t known either.

  “I didn’t fight either,” I said because I hadn’t. Then I moved my fingertips over his bruised cheek. “Who did this? Roark?”

  I’d heard they were arguing and had handed shots to a bruised and frustrated Roark more than once.

  “He didn’t tell you?”

  “Roark?”

  “Dupree.”

  I blinked and stared at him.

  “Papi hit you?”

  “Yeah.” His face softened, and he smiled gently. “I’m glad you had him to lean on through this whole mess.”

  “Papi hit you?” I asked again, not sure I’d heard what I’d heard.

  “Yeah,” he snorted.

  “Why the hell did you let him do that?” I asked.

  “Well,” he started. “I wasn’t going to –”

  Someone cleared their throat behind us, and I turned to find my father standing there with a plate and a beer. He was watching Joao with an expression which could only be described as smug.

  “Yeah, yeah,” Joao muttered. “I didn’t let him do anything. I had no chance.”

  I looked at Dupree, and then at Joao. And then at Dupree again. My tall but lean and wiry father had taken huge and brawny Joao down in a way that gave him the kind of bruises he still had on his face. When I turned to look at Joao, he had an amazingly sheepish look on his face.

  “Sustenance,” Dupree said, handed me the plate and Joao the beer. “Your brother says they’ve cleaned out the garbage, so you’re okay to go home.”

  “Don’t think I can go back there,” Joao muttered, drank some beer and handed me the cup.

  “There’s always your parent’s house.”

  “Huh,” Joao said and looked to the side.

  I followed his gaze, but since it was getting dark, all I could see was the outline of the hill. Croxier town center was down by the harbor, and to one side, smaller houses lined the beach. On the hills behind the center and to the other side, there were bigger homes. Nicholas and Pauline lived there, and so did a lot of the families.

  “You have a house up there?” I asked curiously.

  “Bottom of the hill, right on the bluff outside town,” he said. “We grew up there, but when our parents passed, Roark and I closed it up. We already used the duplex, and neither of us felt like moving.”

  I knew his parents had died in a car crash when he was twenty-three, but he hadn’t told me about their house.

  “Okay,” I said.

  He was still watching the hill thoughtfully when he murmured, “It’ll need some work. Haven’t been inside in years. The garden must look like shit too.”

  “We’ll help if you want to move up there,” Dupree said calmly.

  They looked at each other for a few seconds, and something I didn’t understand passed between them.

  “Yeah. I do, and I’d appreciate the help,” Joao said finally, nodding slowly. “I’ll take a look at it tomorrow. Tonight, I’ll find a hammock somewhere.”

  Dupree’s brows went up, but then his face seemed to soften, and he nodded too.

  “Guess I aimed well,” he said cryptically, and added, “Eat up and come inside. Roark is here, and by now the rest of them probably are too.”

  “What did he mean?” I asked and shoved a piece of pie in my mouth.

  “Smug bastard,” Joao muttered, and my brows went up, so he clarified, “I’ll hear about how he slapped some sense into me until the
end of my days.”

  “You’re the protector of the Islands. Papi is one of your underlings. Why didn’t you just order him to stop?”

  “Forgot,” he muttered.

  The look on his face was one of utter dismay, and I couldn’t help myself.

  I started laughing.

  I thought he’d laugh with me, so I wasn’t prepared for the sudden pain in his eyes, and then he looked away. My laughter faded when he closed his eyes and swallowed.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked quietly.

  “I thought I’d never have that again,” he said hoarsely.

  “What?”

  He turned back toward me, and I stopped breathing.

  “Sunshine,” he whispered.

  Then he leaned forward and kissed me softly.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Pussy

  Charlie

  It was weird. Joao and I had somehow warped back in time to a place where we just started dating, at the same time as we had a history.

  I had folded the man’s underwear, albeit only once, and he’d laughed for thirty minutes when he opened his drawer and saw them, so it wasn’t likely to happen again. He’d bought me tampons, although only because he took the grocery list I’d prepared, and went shopping when I stepped out on their back deck to ask Roark if he wanted to join us for dinner. I’d thought I’d die from embarrassment, but he’d just tossed me a box when he got back, and said, “No clue what to get, hope these will do.” We’d also slept together. Everyone seemed to have heard about the wall next to the door in the duplex, so it was a well-known and cheekily commented on fact that we’d had relations, but it hadn’t been only that. We’d slept curled together in a way that had made me feel like he really cared. I’d felt safe.

  Then Mimi happened, and now we were… dating. He picked me up at Dupree’s house or at the bar, and dropped me off in either place, kissing me gently.

  What was even weirder was the way he behaved. He’d treated me as precious china before, but it had been nothing compared to how he was. I got whatever I asked for. He never argued with anything I said. If I snapped at him, he smiled.

  He’d been to his parents’ house with Roark, and they’d agreed Joao would get the house on the bluff and Roark would take the duplex by the beach. I wanted to see the house, but it looked like crap apparently, which for some reason meant I would have to wait.

  I understood our month apart would make things awkward, I really did, but he’d promised me we’d find our way back to us and we didn’t. It was like he wasn’t Joao anymore, and it was driving me out of my mind in a way that made me glare at him as he sat down in front of me at the bar.

  “Hey, honey,” he murmured. “Can you get Ban to make me a pizza?”

  He didn’t lean over the bar to get a kiss.

  I turned, stuck my head into the kitchen and looked at Bananas.

  “I heard,” he muttered.

  I turned back and said calmly, “I hate her.”

  “I know,” Joao said placatingly.

  “Now more than ever.”

  “What did she do?”

  Anger flashed in his eyes, but I was angrier and leaned forward.

  “She took you away, and I want you back.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know what happened to you but if I so much as burp, you’re ready to run to the pharmacy for emergency supplies.” I’d surprised him with that comment, but he didn’t respond, so I went on, “Let’s have spinach and tofu for dinner tomorrow.”

  “Okay,” he agreed.

  “See!” I snapped and pointed at him. “You hate spinach, and don’t get me started on your sentiments on tofu.”

  “But you like it,” he countered.

  “So?”

  I was about to go off on a massive rant when I saw his gaze slide toward the kitchen. I turned around and saw Bananas happily decorating a bunch of pizzas with bananas he’d cut in half. Lengthwise. When he picked up a fistful of plum tomatoes which he’d also halved lengthwise and placed two strategically on each pie, I sighed, knowing a group of tourists would choke on their beer in a few minutes.

  “Why did you look like that at –” I stopped and narrowed my eyes when understanding hit me. “What did they do?”

  “Nothing.”

  I recognized that tone, so I leaned forward again.

  “What. Did. They. Do?”

  “They love you.”

  “I love them too. What did they do?”

  “Told me I’d better give you whatever you want,” he said. “Which I was gonna do anyway,” he added hastily, probably because he saw the look on my face.

  I stared at him. Then I turned to glare at Ban, who froze and looked at me with his brows raised. I turned back to Joao.

  “I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean for you to act like a goddamned…” I pulled in air and hissed out, “pussy.”

  Unfortunately, my hiss wasn’t as much a hiss as it was a shout, and at the same time, there was a brief pause between songs. All conversation in the bar stopped immediately, and I closed my eyes. Someone cleared his throat, so I opened my eyes again to find Nicky and Snow suddenly standing next to Joao, and my startled gaze met my cousin’s. He raised a brow.

  “Would you believe me if I said we were talking about getting a kitten?” I asked weakly.

  He shook his head slowly.

  “Okay,” I said.

  “Sunshine, can I have a word with you outside?” Joao asked.

  “Um,” I mumbled.

  “Now,” he clarified and moved around the bar toward the kitchen door.

  “I think I’d better…” I said to Nicky, waved my hand in the general direction of where Joao had disappeared, looked at Snow and added, “It was nice, uh, meeting you.”

  Then I turned and walked through a kitchen where Ban was laughing so hard he forgot what he was doing and simply tossed the tomatoes randomly all over the pizzas. At least I’d saved a group of middle-aged visitors from his infamous phallus-pies.

  Joao waited right outside the kitchen, and I couldn’t interpret the look on his face.

  “That was fun,” he said.

  He wasn’t laughing so I assumed he was sarcastic.

  “Not really,” I said. “It was pretty accurate, though,” I added when he just watched me in silence.

  “How the hell do you expect me to act?” he said and used a hand to move his dreads away from his face.

  “I don’t know,” I said. “Not like I’m a friggin’ porcelain doll.”

  “You want me to be unpleasant?” he growled.

  “Don’t be such a moron,” I hissed. “I just want you to act like you.”

  “Well I can’t,” he roared, stretched his arms out in a frustrated gesture, and ground out something that sounded like the f-bomb.

  I got in his face and snapped, “Why the hell not?”

  “Because I lost you once and I thought I’d fucking die, Charlie. Won’t survive it again, so I’m not doing shit that risks taking us there.”

  Oh, God.

  “Joao…”

  “It gutted me, Sunshine.”

  “Baby…”

  “So yeah. Ban told me to give you whatever you asked for, or he’d rip my heart out, but it isn’t about that. It’s because I walked away from the shit Mimi pulled and all I could think about was getting to you. Promised myself that if you gave us another chance, I’d never, not ever give you any reason to give up on me again.”

  I stepped in closer to him, put my arms around his waist and rested my cheek on his chest.

  “Forty-three,” I whispered.

  “What?”

  “I calculated it. I’d be forty-three when the child turned eighteen, and I thought that maybe she’d let me… maybe I could have you back then.”

  “Sunshine –”

  “I never gave up on you. Not for a second. I only wanted you back, Joao. Not the ridiculous spin
ach-eating man who pecks my mouth like he’s a hundred years old and smiles when I’m being a little bit of a jerk.” His arms came around me, so I tilted my head back to look at him. “I just wanted you.”

  He held me close, and I waited for him to say something. Then his chest was moving, and I tried to step back. He tightened his hold on me.

  “Are you laughing?” I mumbled into his tee.

  “Yeah,” he said. “Sorry.”

  He didn’t sound sorry. He sounded happy.

  “Okay.” I relaxed into him and added, “Are we having spinach for dinner tomorrow?”

  “Hell, no,” he said immediately.

  “Good.”

  Then he kissed me, and if it hadn’t been such a head-spinning kiss, I would have started bawling. It was hard and hot and having his tongue in my mouth felt like coming home.

  “Charlie!” my father shouted from the door, which incidentally was less than five feet away, so I jolted out of Joao’s arms. “We could use some help at the bar,” he said, barked out a short laugh and added, “Bring the pussy inside, his pizza’s ready.”

  Then he disappeared, and I stared up at Joao.

  “I’ll talk to him.”

  “That’d be good,” he muttered, took hold of my hand and pulled me inside.

  He got a pizza with a cat face made up of pineapple triangles, pieces of banana, and as an added touch, breadsticks were pushed into the creation as whiskers. I thought Nicky and Snow would never stop laughing, and when Roark joined them, it started up again. Tina walked in, stopped by their table and marched straight up to me, yanked me forward over the bar and planted a kiss on each of my cheeks.

  “I know I said you should grab his crotch, but this is so much better,” she informed me.

  “I might grab him later,” I said with a wink.

  “Pretty sure he’s not gonna say no to that,” she laughed out.

  “Tina,” Lippy barked out.

  “What, Papi?” she asked innocently. “I thought men liked that sort of thing?”

  “We do,” Dupree said calmly. “What we don’t like is hearing our daughters talking about it.”

  Happiness suddenly washed over me. I had Joao back and family all around me. We hadn’t heard anything from Sebastian, so he might have given up, finally. Mimi hadn’t been shunned, but plenty of people had shared with her what they thought about her behavior. When even her friends let her know they were seriously unhappy with what she’d done, she moved back to Prosper and was well on her way to becoming a memory. And I had a father who chastised me for talking about genitals with a friend. Nothing could have stopped the laughter bursting straight from my heart. Then I handed out drinks and chatted with our customers in a way that had become familiar and soothing.