Laying Low In Hollywood

by Stanberry, Jean

  When I arrived at the restaurant, Greg was already there, waiting for me. He was seated in a booth in the back corner, it was where we always sat. Everyone knew us there, we had lunch there at least twice a week in the summer time, though I hadn’t been there in months, I’d been so busy.

  Greg eyed me warily as I approached the table. He was sitting in the corner, with his back to the wall. Of course, I would sit in my usual spot across the table from him. I could already feel my resolve weakening. Greg exuded a presence, a confidence I guess, people rarely argued with him. His manner left no room for argument.

  I gave him a slight smile, as I slid into the seat across from him. Even at forty five years old, Greg was very attractive. He was wearing a dark wool suit and a bold patterned yellow tie. His short, dark, hair was peppered with silver and it gave him the look of an aging movie star. His steel blue eyes appraised me cooly as I situated myself in our booth. I looked him over, silently wondering why he seemed so distant.

  “Am I late?” I teased, flashing him a sly smile. Greg was always early, and he hated it when others were late, but I knew, I was right on time.

  “You look good Lane,” he said, not really answering my question. His voice was coarse with emotion.

  “Ummm, thanks,” I said, a little thrown off by the unexpected compliment. His eyes seemed to be assessing me carefully, I was surprised by his scrutiny, though I hadn’t seen him in almost two weeks.

  “That dress is nice, you should always wear dresses, you’ve definitely got the legs for it,” he told me, then his eyes darted nervously back to the menu again.

  I was wearing a gray sweater dress, and I had spent a great deal of time putting on my makeup and straightening my unruly blonde hair. My daughter Baylee had urged me to start straightening my naturally wavy hair. She told me it would make me look younger. I had been pleased with the results, I really did look younger. Today, my hair was straight and silky and parted to one side. I could almost hide behind it, if I let it fall into my face, which I was thinking would be a good thing, if there was a confrontation coming.

  I had just picked up the menu, when our waitress Donna, who I have known for years, approached us to take our drink order.

  “Well hey there Lane, I’m kind of surprised to see you here,” she cried, flashing me an excited smile.

  “Um, I’ve been out of town a lot, with my skaters,” I told her distractedly. I looked up to see that Greg was giving her a bug eyed look and suddenly, I was acutely uncomfortable. Everything was wrong, why was she so surprised to see me, and why was Greg being so rude?

  “Iced tea,” snapped Greg, narrowing his eyes at her.

  “Uhh, white wine,” I mumbled, surprised that he was treating Donna so poorly.

  Donna didn’t seem to even notice that Greg was glaring at her, she was still staring at me as if I were an alien. It was completely unnerving me.

  “I’ll be right back with your drinks, you look gorgeous Lane, have you lost weight?” asked Donna, smiling at me.

  “I don’t think so,” I told her with a shrug. People rarely saw me dressed up, so I guessed it was the dress. I had picked it on purpose, it was very flattering. It hugged all my curves and I felt very sexy in it. Greg had worked late last night, but I was hoping after seeing me today, he’d be home early tonight.

  Greg gave Donna a stern look, she flashed him a fake smile and trotted away to get our drinks. I was glancing distractedly at the menu. I was nervous, I wanted to know what was up, but secretly, I was certain I didn’t want to know. I wasn’t sure what I would say to Greg, if he asked me to give up my career.

  It was what I loved to do, I had traveled extensively before Greg and I were married. I had spent more than three years skating with the European Theater Company’s ice show, then when injuries prevented me from continuing in my own professional career, I had worked as their choreographer for another two years.

  I had given all that up for nearly twenty years to raise our children. Now I was back on the circuit and I was ecstatic, this was what I had always wanted to do.

  I peeked over the top of my menu at Greg. He seemed nervous. That was not like him at all. Greg was always calm, cool and collected, and he always expected everyone to do exactly what he said.

  I was anxious, unfortunately, I never fared well in confrontations, especially with Greg. I usually did whatever it was, he asked to me to do. I was pretty much a pushover. I closed my eyes and took a slow deep breath in an attempt to slow the furious beating of my heart. This time, his intimidation techniques, were not going to work on me.

  “So, how was China?” he asked, nonchalantly, as he glanced over the menu. I frowned, he was trying to avoid making eye contact with me. I almost rolled my eyes, he didn’t need to look at the menu, he always ordered the same thing.

  “I wouldn’t want to live there, it was much too crowded for me, but I enjoyed it. I love traveling, you know, seeing places I’ve never seen before and being immersed in another culture temporarily,” I told him with a smile.

  “Uh, yeah,” said Greg, distractedly. I narrowed my eyes at him, he would just grunt, if that were an acceptable response to me, but he knew better.

  “And your skaters, how did they do?” he asked, not even looking up from his menu.

  “They took the silver, but it was so close, they missed the gold by just a few points. I was so proud of Kyle and Lucie, they did so well. I know they are going to take the gold medal at Worlds this year. They just keep getting better and better together,” I told him, swallowing nervously.

  I snuck a look at Greg, his jaw was clenched and he appeared to be far away in thought. I was almost trembling in anticipation, this was small talk, Greg was nervous, he was biding his time, whatever it was he wanted to say, was going to upset me. He was waiting for the proper moment. I was nervously waiting for the bomb to be dropped.

  Donna returned to the table and set our drinks in front of us. Greg made a big deal of rooting through the sugars and sweeteners in the basket, looking for the raw sugar in a brown packet. Donna rolled her eyes miserably, she was eyeing me warily as she took our orders, which I found to be very odd.

  “I’ll have the salmon salad, Donna, and can I have the house dressing on the side?” I asked. I was so nervous, I didn’t want anything too heavy.

  “Certainly Mrs. ummm...Ms. Jensen,” said Donna, stumbling over her words, she seemed incredibly nervous as she scratched my order on her pad. She seemed poised for flight and she never even made eye contact with Greg as she waited for him to order. I gave her a curious look, she was acting rather odd. Greg and I had been coming to this restaurant for years now, yet she was treating me as if I were a stranger. I was a bit shaken by it.

  Greg ordered a reuben sandwich and fries, pretty much the same thing he always ordered. Donna nodded and gave us a fake smile, then she turned abruptly and headed for the kitchen. I frowned, something was definitely wrong. Donna was acting almost as strangely as Greg was.

  I leaned back in my seat and took a sip of my wine, I wouldn’t normally have wine with lunch, but my gut was telling me an alcoholic drink was in order. Greg took off his reading glasses and gave me his most serious look, his eyes looked empty and unfriendly. I could feel every fiber in my body constrict with fear.

  “I guess you’re wondering what is up,” he said, staring at me seriously. I was chewing on my lower lip nervously, my heart was suddenly pounding in fear. I hated confrontations, and I knew without a doubt now, that a confrontation was definitely coming.

  “Yes,” I said. I was numb, my voice seemed to have no emotion in it.

  Greg gave me a troubled look. His grayish blue eyes seemed steely and cold, I almost shivered, as they raked over me. Finally, he sighed deeply. “I guess the best thing to do is just spit it out.”

  I gave him a helpless shrug, for some reason I couldn’t speak at all. I had no idea what news I was facing, though whatever it was, I could tell that Greg didn’t want to tell me. Whatever the ne
ws was, it was going to make me very unhappy! I was suddenly fighting the urge to just chug my glass of wine and order another. Like I said before, I didn’t deal well with confrontations!

  “I wanted to be delicate about this, so I had to see you in person. I thought it might be a bit harsh to tell you over the phone, but the truth is, I’m moving out Lane.” his voice was so distant and matter of fact, it didn’t seem like it was coming out of the mouth of someone I had known and loved almost half of my life.

  “What?” I mouthed, the shock was rushing over me like a surging tide. That hadn’t been what I’d been expecting at all, and my head was suddenly spinning, unable to comprehend the meaning of his words. In the moments it took for my frenzied brain to absorb his words, my lower lip had started trembling and my heart suddenly felt like a rock. I could only hope that I had misunderstood him. I was staring at him blankly, unable to say another word.

  “I’m sorry Lane, I’m moving out...I want a divorce,” said Greg, his voice was flat and emotionless. I was shaking my head slowly, as if my denial could make his statement go away. I was suddenly struggling to breathe, my mind still couldn’t seem to comprehend this. I had been expecting a fight, accusations, tears, but this...this was so final.

  “But why?” I managed to breathe, my mind was suddenly going in a million directions. I could feel my chest constricting painfully, his face was completely serious, but I felt like dissolving into maniacal laughter. He was moving out...because I traveled too much?

  I struggled to breathe and think, what had happened? Greg and I had been relatively happy, we rarely argued, except recently, about my frequent travel. We’d always had a loving and mature relationship. How could he suddenly want a divorce?

  “Why are you doing this? Do you want me to stop traveling? Is that what this is about?” I asked, I couldn’t come up with another reason for his unhappiness. My mind was racing, we were happy...I was sure we were happy. We never fought, the sex was great, what was happening?

  “I’m sorry Lane, I’m just not happy anymore,” said Greg, shrugging nonchalantly.

  “Not happy?” the words seemed to stick in my throat. I thought about all the happy times we had together, our wedding, the birth of our children, all our family vacations. How could he possibly be unhappy? Sure our marriage had it’s ups and downs, what marriage didn’t? Granted, this winter I had been busy, and I had been away a lot, but in May, when all the competitions were over, the kids would come home from college and we would plan a cruise vacation, or a silly road trip of some sort and we would all have a fabulous time. It seemed completely inconceivable to me that he was unhappy.

  “Where will you go?” I asked, but suddenly the lightbulb in my head lit up. I was so stupid, I had ignored all the signs, and they had all been right there in front of me! Greg wasn’t asking to leave, he was already gone!

  I shook my head numbly, I suddenly felt like a complete idiot. It was why the house had been relatively unchanged when I arrived home from China, he hadn’t been there to mess it up. This was all planned, he was already living with another woman. I shuddered uncontrollably as it all became perfectly clear to me. I was biting on my lower lip, trying to suppress the tears that were rushing to my eyes.

  My frazzled brain was working to process it all. I could see Donna staring at me, as she stood near the window where the food was passed from the kitchen. I shook my head slowly as I suddenly realized, Donna had been surprised to see me here with Greg, because he had been frequenting our favorite restaurant with another woman!

  My chest was tight and I was struggling to take in a deep breath. My acute distress was slowly changing to anger, I couldn’t believe it. Greg was leaving me because he was having an affair!

  “It’s kind of complicated Lane,” said Greg, rolling his eyes miserably.

  “It’s not complicated at all! You are having an affair! Who is she Greg, do I know her?” I snapped, I was suddenly certain, he was leaving me for another woman.

  Greg looked away, as if it was too painful to tell me. Then he turned to me and looked me in the eye confidently.

  “It’s Jill,” said Greg, he was suddenly glancing at me warily, as if he expected me to jump up from the table and attack him.

  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to. I totally wanted to slap the shit out of him. I just had a lot more class than that. My mind was reeling carelessly as it all sank in, it seemed too horrifying to be true. My husband of more than twenty years was having an affair with his secretary!

  My heart sank painfully and I was completely bewildered. Jill was maybe twenty five years old, and completely gorgeous. She was dark skinned and exotic looking. She always wore clothes that drew attention to her recently augmented breasts. Of course, he was having an affair with someone I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell against!

  “Jill!” I seethed. “You’re kidding me, she’s a child, she’s like twenty five years old!”

  “She’s twenty seven, and I love her,” cried Greg.

  “Greg you are forty five years old! You are old enough to be her father! I can’t believe you’re going to abandon me after more than twenty years of marriage for that little slut!” I cried, I was already in serious danger of hyperventilating.

  “She’s not a slut, I love her. It was you who abandoned me!” snapped Greg.

  “Oh, so being home alone gave you a little too much time on your hands, you couldn’t help yourself, you had to have a little fling with your secretary!” I snapped.

  “It wasn’t a fling, I told you, I love her. We’re going to get married,” exclaimed Greg. I was rolling my eyes miserably and shaking my head in disgust. I was glad that the restaurant wasn’t busy yet, because I was in grave danger of going off the deep end.

  “You’re pathetic Greg!” I snapped.

  “It’s your fault Lane, you never have time for me anymore, you’re always running off somewhere with your skaters. I need someone who wants to be there for me,” cried Greg.

  “Greg, that’s my job now, remember? I used to make TV commercials. Now I’m a choreographer, travel is part of my job, you were the one who encouraged me to do it in the first place! Remember how lonely I was after leaving all my friends and family behind? Go to the ice arena and get back into skating, that’s what you told me Greg!”

  “Well now I’m the one who’s lonely,” he seethed.

  “Get a grip Greg, I’ve been taking care of you for more than twenty years, for the past several years I have finally been doing something for me, something I enjoy. I love skating, I’ve always loved skating and I pretty much gave it all up for the past nineteen years while our kids were home.”

  “I have taken care of our family and I’ve done every crazy thing you asked me to do. I left my job in Chicago, moved here, said goodbye to all my family and friends, all for you...and then you tell me you want a divorce,” I cried, I was shaking my head miserably, I just couldn’t believe it!

  “I didn’t do this on purpose, I was just lonely. I didn’t plan it, it just happened,”

  “Is she pregnant?” I asked, almost sure that she was.

  “No, but she does want to start a family, so I guess sometime soon...after our divorce is final,”

  I cringed, the words hit me like a knife through my chest. He was going to start a new family with a younger woman. I choked back a sob and put my face in my hands, this was worse than anything I could ever have imagined.

  “I’m sorry Lane, Jill loves me, she wants to take care of me, start a family with me,” he said.

  I was staring at him in shock, that was it! I had always teased him about being a bit of a mama’s boy. He still was, only he had switched mamas. He needed someone to take care of him constantly, since I had began traveling extensively, he had found someone else to take care of him. I sighed miserably.

  “You’re right Greg, we should get divorced. I can’t live the rest of my life being your mama. Let Jill do it. Where do I need to sign?” I snapped. I knew I might as w
ell go along with this as gracefully as possible. It was perfectly obvious, Greg had already made up his mind, the decision was already made. He had left no room for working things out with his wife of more than twenty years. What he needed was a caretaker, not a wife. Our kids were grown, I was done with being a caretaker. It was time for me to live my life.

  “Lane please, I haven’t even talked to a lawyer yet. I wanted to talk to you first. I don’t want this to be painful, I didn’t want to hurt you. I don’t even want anything, you can have the house, the furniture, whatever you want,” said Greg.

  “You don’t want this to be painful?” I mouthed, unable to believe he had even said that. Maybe it wasn’t going to be painful for him, he was in love. I was an empty nester, all of a sudden, alone in my nest. I had been completely blindsided, I still couldn’t even come up with a single emotion for what I was feeling right now. Maybe homicidal, I wasn’t quite sure.

  “I just want out, it’s over for me. Don’t worry Lane, you’re beautiful and smart, you’ll find someone else,” he said, speaking to me like I was a teenager who was breaking up with her high school crush. Did he not realize how ridiculous this was? I was forty two years old! I didn’t want to date! How could I ever find someone to grow old with? I was too old to start over again!

  “Don’t you realize, I don’t care about any of that,” I snapped. “I loved you, I thought you loved me. I thought we were going to grow old together, I’ve spent half my life raising our kids, taking care of you, now you’re throwing it all away!”

  Greg was just staring at me numbly as I ranted, I could feel the distance. I could see it in his eyes, now that he had someone else, he had turned off his feelings for me...he was right, it was over.

  “I’m sorry Lane. Hey, maybe you and Justin could...”

  “Greg!” I cried. I was staring at him in shock. He totally didn’t get it! He thought I was afraid to be alone, that was the furthest thing from my mind right now. I was worried about our family, I had spent the last twenty years of my life nurturing our kids to ensure that they would be well adjusted adults. Granted the kids were grown now, but I still worried what they would think, their dad dumping their mom and moving in with a twenty seven year old. The very idea was preposterous! I rolled my eyes miserably.