The Day He Came Back

by Ward, Penelope

  While Marni went to get her daughter, I helped Jenny carry some red Solo cups and other items outside. They’d set up a bunch of outdoor lanterns and white Christmas lights, which would surely look stunning once darkness fell.

  Gavin stood talking to one of Marni’s neighbors. He had a beer in one hand and a small plate with a rolled-up napkin in the other.

  When he spotted me, his mouth curved into a smile. It reminded me of the way his face always used to light up when he saw me. He excused himself and walked over to me.

  “Can I make you a drink?” he asked.

  I held my hand out. “No. I’m good for now.”

  He leaned in and spoke directly into my ear. “Are you really okay with me being here?”

  Desire washed over me. “I really am, yes.”

  “Okay. Just checking.”

  I ended up letting him grab me a glass of that spiked punch after all, to take the edge off.

  Gavin and I made small talk for the next several minutes. He told me more about how he came to start his company. That somehow led into a conversation about investments. He gave me sound advice about my retirement fund. I also mentioned that I wanted to sell Mom’s house and move into a condo. My only hesitation was the sentimental aspect of letting go. He suggested I rent it out and try to make a profit, which was definitely something to consider.

  Then our attention turned to Marni as she entered the yard holding a groggy-eyed baby Julia, who was sucking on her fist.

  “Look who woke up,” I cooed.

  Marni brought her daughter right over to us. “Gavin, this is my baby girl, Julia.”

  He handed me his beer and took Julia in his arms. Watching him hold her was equally as beautiful as it was painful. I would say my ovaries exploded, but it was more like they shriveled up and died. Gavin would be a wonderful dad someday.

  When he leaned in and kissed Julia’s forehead, there was the explosion.

  “You’re so good with her, Gav,” Marni said. “She normally cries when a stranger holds her.”

  As if on cue, Julia started to cry.

  “Well, I guess my time is up,” Gavin joked as he handed her back.

  Marni took the baby around to greet the other guests, once again leaving me alone with Gavin.

  “Do you feel ready to head back to London?” I asked.

  He shrugged. “Yes and no. I definitely feel like I’m leaving a part of myself here. I don’t like the idea of being so far from my father. My brother’s a mess, too. I feel like I need two of me—one to run my company and another to be here for my family.”

  “I get it. A part of you must be eager to get back to your routine, though?”

  “Work is so busy. I hardly have a chance to breathe. In that sense, this has been a nice break.”

  “I know you always loved London. It was no surprise to hear you’d settled there.”

  “I live in a warehouse flat right on the Thames. It’s beautiful. You’d love it.”

  That burned a little. “I bet I would.” I took a breath. “Does Paige live with you?”

  “She hasn’t officially moved in, but she stays there most nights. I work long days, but try to at least take Sundays off. There’s never a lack of things to do where we live—things to see, museums…beautiful architecture.”

  “You used to say you loved how opposite it was from Palm Beach.”

  “Yeah. That’s still true. But you know, now that I’ve been away from Florida for so long, I do miss it here. I appreciate the beauty more now.” He took a sip of his beer. “Do you see yourself staying here forever? I mean, aside from your job with Dad?”

  “I think even without the job situation, I’d probably still be here. I feel closest to my mother here. And then there’s Marni. She’s family, you know?”

  “Oh, I do. I’m glad you guys have stayed close friends. It’s important to have someone who has your back no matter what. She’s always been that person for you.”

  “Yeah. I agree.” I looked over at her and smiled. “I hope your brother and you can repair your relationship. He’s not all bad. He just needs help.”

  “He needs to want to help himself, too.”

  “I know.”

  “I wish he hadn’t opted to move so far away, although it was partly intentional.”

  “California seems to suit his lifestyle.”

  “Yeah. It’s conducive to being a beach bum.” He rolled his eyes and grinned. “He speaks very highly of you, by the way. You made quite the impression on him during your date.”

  “It wasn’t a date.”

  “I know. I’m kidding. After all, it would be a little much to have my father and brother in love with you.” He winked.

  Feeling my cheeks heat, I looked down at my phone. “Do you need to get back?”

  “No. Not unless you want to go home.”

  Marni came up behind us and said, “You’d better not be leaving. We’re just about to light a fire. “Can you help me, Gavin?”

  “Of course.”

  He helped Marni carry wood over to a fire pit.

  Once it was ready, everyone gathered around the small, controlled blaze.

  Gavin sat across from me. From time to time, I’d catch him looking at me through the flames.

  That lit a fire inside of me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  * * *

  GAVIN

  I looked up at the night sky, though I knew she’d caught me staring at her. It had been an emotionally draining day. Sneaking glances at her through the fire was all I really wanted to do now. Raven was as easy on the eyes as they came. It was everything else that was a struggle: reading her, figuring out what she was really thinking.

  Something was missing—and not just related to what happened with us. I got the sense there was something else about her life she’d neglected to tell me. I’d had that inkling since our dinner on my first night here. She seemed more guarded and carried herself differently. I’d been trying to figure it out to no avail.

  She’d asked me tonight if I was ready to go back to London. While a part of me wanted to escape back to my life as usual, that feeling of urgency, of unfinished business, remained.

  It was getting late, and the weather had cooled significantly. I walked out to my rental car and grabbed a hoodie from the trunk.

  When I returned, I handed it to her. “Here. You look cold.”

  “Thanks,” she said as she put it on and zipped it up.

  Soon after that, Marni’s guests started to leave.

  “We should probably get going, too,” Raven said after a bit. “We’re the last ones here.”

  I didn’t want to go. Well, I didn’t want to leave her. I knew tonight was likely it. And I still didn’t have the closure I needed.

  Despite my reluctance, I stood up. “Sure. Yeah. We should go.”

  As we readied to leave, Marni came over and gave me a big hug. “Rich Boy, it was so good to see you. I’m glad you decided to come.”

  “I’ll be sure to invite myself over again the next time I’m in town.”

  “You’re always welcome here. Always.”

  “That means the world to me. And so did getting to meet Julia.”

  Raven hugged Marni before we walked together out to my car.

  The short ride down the road to Raven’s house was quiet, but the intensity that had lingered with us all day remained.

  When I pulled up to her house, I got out to walk her to the door.

  “Your house looks the same,” I said.

  “Yeah. I haven’t really done anything to it.”

  I looked around a bit more. “Being here makes it feel like yesterday.”

  More specifically, it reminded me of the night she broke up with me, when I felt like my world was over.

  Raven was silent, just staring at me, though her eyes told me she wanted to say something.

  I spoke first. “Despite anything that happened between us, I’ve only ever wanted the best for you. I hope you fin
d your happiness.” I stalled for a long time before finally pushing myself to go. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the house.”

  Just as I turned to walk back toward my car, she called after me.

  “Wait.”

  My heart sped up, thinking she might say something compelling. Instead, she unzipped my hoodie, took it off, and held it out to me. When I took it, our hands touched. She still looked so…sad.

  On impulse, I wrapped the hoodie back around her shoulders before using the sleeves to pull her into an embrace. I just felt like she needed it. Or maybe it was me who needed it.

  “Keep the hoodie.”

  She buried her head in my chest. She was so much shorter than me that her head naturally landed right over my heart. I knew she could feel how fast it was beating.

  Then she started to sob.

  What the fuck is happening?

  I moved to see her face. “Look at me. Look into my eyes.” When she finally did, I said, “I don’t care how much time has passed. I don’t care what’s happened in our lives… I’m still me. It’s me, Raven. You can tell me anything. Tell me why you’re crying. Tell me why you’re sad. Please.”

  I wrapped my hands around her face and wiped her tears with my thumbs. She wouldn’t stop. I leaned my forehead to hers and listened to the sound of her shaky breaths.

  I knew this was completely inappropriate. But my emotions were controlling me right now; my need to comfort her trumped all else.

  Each time she exhaled, I inhaled, tasting her breath. It was all I’d allow myself, and yet it was everything.

  When I closed my eyes for a moment, I felt her lips on mine. Shocked at the contact, I pulled back.

  Raven looked like she’d just broken out of a trance. “Oh my God. I…I don’t know what came over me. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay.”

  It wasn’t that I didn’t want to kiss her—I wanted that more than anything. But I knew it was wrong.

  She rushed to the door. “No! No, it’s not. I kissed you. It’s not okay. So not okay. I…I have to go.”

  “Raven, don’t leave.”

  She was freaking out. “I have to go,” she repeated before fumbling with her key and entering the house. She slammed the door behind her.

  Even though I hadn’t initiated the kiss, guilt consumed me. I’d wanted it. I’d wanted to taste Raven’s lips so damn badly all night. Isn’t wanting to cheat almost as bad as cheating itself? Paige deserved better than a man who was still hung up on someone else.

  Fuck. That was the honest truth, as much as I tried to deny it.

  I needed to get over this. Needed to get over her. I could never trust someone who’d ditched me so easily, I reminded myself. She would do it again, and I wouldn’t survive it a second time. I cared for her—always would—but she was dangerous. I had to walk away.

  Raven was like a drug. I was fine until I let myself have a little taste of her again. And now I could feel myself spiraling. The only way to truly rid myself of her was to go cold turkey, cut emotional ties and let her go.

  Let. Her. Go.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  * * *

  RAVEN

  I sat huddled on my bed as the evening rain pummeled my window.

  What was I thinking?

  I kissed him.

  Shutting my eyes tighter, I cringed.

  How had I lost control? It seemed to just happen. When he’d placed his face so close to mine, the need for one last taste of him became unbearable. Breathing him in had transported me to another time, another world—one where there were no consequences.

  Stupid.

  Stupid.

  Stupid.

  He’d ripped himself away from me before anything could really happen.

  My Gavin pushed me away.

  If that didn’t show what was inside his heart, I didn’t know what would.

  I’m so ashamed.

  I couldn’t face him tomorrow. I would call in sick for the remainder of his stay. When he left, I’d return to my position. I hated to do that to Mr. M, but I needed to stay away for my own sanity. I’d never called in sick—just like my mother taught me. Surely I’d earned this.

  I lifted a photo of Mom from my bedside table. It had been taken around the time she was diagnosed. We really were doppelgangers with our dark hair, fair skin, and light eyes. So many times I’d wished I could ask her advice, but never as much as tonight. I wanted her to tell me what to do, how to make this pain go away, how to forget Gavin. I supposed wherever she was, she now knew the sacrifice I’d made for her. I hoped she understood that if I could go back, I’d still do it all over again.

  A loud bang on the door shook me.

  Someone was here.

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  My pulse raced at the prospect it was Gavin. How quickly hope filled my traitorous heart again. Had he come back for me?

  Bang. Bang. Bang.

  I ran to the front door and stopped a few feet away. “Who is it?”

  “It’s Marni! Let me in.”

  Disappointed, I opened the door. “What the hell?”

  “Took you long enough.” She barged past me, looking like a drowned rat.

  “It’s one in the morning! Are you out of your mind?”

  “Yes. Yes, I am. And I’m gonna tell you why.” She was out of breath. “I had to run over here. I was tossing and turning in bed tonight, and I couldn’t stand it anymore. At first, I couldn’t figure out why. And then it hit me. I said to myself…‘Marni, you need to do something. You can’t just sit back and let your best friend make the biggest mistake of her life. She’s scared. And you need to knock some fucking sense into her. Because she’s about to let the love of her life fly back to England and marry someone else.’ Over my goddamn dead body!”

  “I kissed him, Marni.”

  Her eyes went wide. “You did?”

  “I did. And you know what happened?”

  “What?”

  “He pulled back so fast, it made my head spin. He doesn’t love me anymore. He loves her. That proved it.”

  Marni crossed her arms. “I don’t believe that. He pulled back because he doesn’t want to fall for you again only to get hurt even worse. And he was probably scared the kiss would lead to something more. He’s a good guy. He doesn’t want to cheat on Paige. He doesn’t want to give in to his feelings for you if it means betraying someone else. But he loves you. I spent the entire bonfire watching that man look at you. He’s so in love with you, Raven, and he fucking hates himself for it. Because he doesn’t think he should love you. He doesn’t know the truth. He thinks he’s in love with someone who threw him away. You have to tell him.”

  My soul screamed for me to take her advice. But fear was a bitch—a bigger bitch than my vulnerable soul could ever be.

  “What if I tell him and lose him anyway?”

  “Don’t you get it? Either way you lose him, babe. If he chooses her, you lose him. If you don’t tell him, you lose him. The only way to have a chance at being with him is to tell him.” Still catching her breath, she clutched her chest. “When does he leave?”

  “The day after tomorrow.”

  “Tell you what. Take a day. Take tomorrow. Really look inside your heart and ask whether you can live with yourself if you let him walk away. I know I couldn’t live with myself if I hadn’t come over here in the middle of the night in this rainstorm to beg you not to make this mistake. But ultimately, it’s your decision.”

  I took a deep breath. “Okay. I promise to take tomorrow and think about it.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  * * *

  GAVIN

  You did the right thing. That’s what I kept telling myself.

  So why did I feel so fucking wrong for hurting Raven by backing away? The whole thing was my fault. I was the one who’d gotten so close to her. Then I flipped the fuck out.

  Paige.

  What have I done?

  My mind went in circles.

  You
didn’t do anything.

  You stopped it.

  Everything’s fine.

  Then it would switch to: How could you?

  On my way back to the house, I stopped at a liquor store. All we had at home was wine, and I needed something a fuck of a lot stronger than that. I picked out a bottle of the best vodka and drove straight home.

  I needed to drown my sorrows, get so fucked up that none of it mattered. Otherwise, I’d be up all night analyzing, when the reality was this: it was a mistake.

  I’d gotten caught up in old feelings.

  Nothing happened.

  Nothing happened.

  But I wanted her. That was undeniable. Wasn’t that just as bad?

  Tomorrow I would see things clearly, return to my senses. But tonight, I needed a little help.

  I chose the pool area for my pity party of one. It was dark, except for the lights illuminating the water. The windy night air rustled the palm trees around me.

  When I looked down at my phone, I realized I’d missed a text from Paige earlier this evening.

  Paige: Just heading to bed now. Wanted to let you know I’m thinking of you. I love you and can’t wait for you to come home. Counting the hours now!

  Taking a long sip straight out of the bottle, I looked up at the night sky. The vodka burned as it made its way down my throat.

  A little while later, Weldon appeared in the shadows, coming from the pool house. Now I knew why I couldn’t find him half the time. He’d been hiding out in there.

  “Well, well, well...hoarding the good stuff, brother? And here I was thinking you had your shit together.”

  I closed the bottle. “Lay off. Unlike you, this is not a daily occurrence.”

  He slapped me on the shoulder. “What the fuck’s gotten into you tonight?”

  The smell of alcohol laced his breath.

  Apparently, we’re drunk and drunker.

  Weldon had actually given me the impression he was off the sauce as of late. I hadn’t seen him this drunk since he’d arrived. I’d thought he was making a concerted effort to do better. Guess I was wrong.