Vampire Deception- Thieves & Liars

by Eli Grant

  “How’s it coming?” I hissed when I couldn’t stand it any longer.

  “This shit takes time!” Mariposa said defensively. “I’m not just cutting a wire here!”

  I waited another few seconds, glancing back at Trip in the doorway. I made a wordless expression of exasperated impatience and he shrugged at me helplessly. Lady Xia was extolling the virtues of inter-community cooperation at length. I heard a quiet curse over the radio.

  “Having a little trouble remembering my lines,” Mari said, voice thick with embarrassment. “Anybody have the script on hand?”

  Trip mimed dying slowly and I tried not to let my sigh be too audible.

  “I didn’t have time to practice this, remember?” Mariposa added. “I told you we needed more prep time! If I’d been able to drill this for a week like I wanted to—”

  “Chef, take a smoke break,” Domino said. “I’ve got a copy of the script you can run down to Mari.”

  “There’s no time,” I reminded them. “When the speech ends there will be people all over this place. Can’t you just yank all the wires out?”

  “If I wanted to set off every alarm in the building, sure.” Mari’s voice was heavy with scorn “What do you think I’m doing, hotwiring a Honda?”

  “Obviously not,” Trip whispered. “I’ve seen you jack a civic in under a minute.”

  “Well this ain’t a civic! This shit isn’t even BMW!”

  “Which I’ve seen you jack in under three.”

  “If you think it’s so easy, Trip, how about you come down here and do it yourself?”

  “Can you handle this or not?” Domino interrupted impatiently. “If we need to back out, you need to tell me now.”

  “I’ve got this, I’ve got it! I just need to—”

  The lights overhead flickered and my heart jumped into my throat.

  “Mari?” I whispered into the radio. “Mariposa?”

  “Backstage,” Domino said sharply. “Status.”

  No one answered.

  “The sensors on the case are down,” I said, glancing at the treaty and noticing the lights inside it had not come back on after the flicker.

  “Cameras are down too,” Domino reported. “But that’s going to have caught someone’s attention. We need to move. Go ahead with Act II, leading lady. Chef, get down there and check on our stagehands.”

  “Finally,” I muttered. I was worried for Mariposa, but all of us were screwed if we didn’t get this done, and fast. I slid to my knees in front of the treaty’s case and opened the black clutch Dante had provided. In addition to carrying the treaty out, it had also snuck my tools in. I pulled out a pair of gloves and a small set of tools about the size of my phone. Time to get to work.

  I ran my fingers over the case, feeling for the magical security measures and examining the mundane ones at the same time. The proximity and heat sensors and the silent alarm were all disabled as far as I could tell. I could pick the physical lock easily. The magical security was more difficult, but I’d made my name with Diego’s crew because I knew how to deal with that. I was better than any non-witch I knew at recognizing security spells. For any other kind of spell I could maybe tell you what it was in a general sense, like a beauty spell, but I had no idea what it was supposed to do specifically. But if it was one of the spells they regularly slapped on to safes and vaults and locks? I could tell you what the caster had for breakfast. The case had a magical silent alarm and a couple of aggressive deterrent spells that would have had about the same effect on the person who set them off as sticking a fork in an electrical socket. I almost missed a final spell, a little surveillance charm that would record the magical signature of whoever tripped it and send it back to the caster. We couldn’t have that.

  “Tonight,” Grandfather spoke for the first time in the other room. “We gather to remember the signing of the treaty, and to declare our intentions to honor it for another thirty years. As on the night the first tournament was announced, the chosen candidates for champion will present themselves, along with the prize their race intends to wager. For the next three days, any member of their race who wishes to challenge them for their position as champion may do so. If they withstand these challenges, they will join us here again at midnight on the third day, and declare themselves as champions for their kind. So let’s get on with it already. I’m not getting any younger!”

  I heard laughter follow and forced myself to take a deep breath. I really didn’t need Grandpa rushing things out there. But the champions and their sponsors would have speeches as well, and the witches at least would drag things out forever like they always did.

  “First, our own vampire champion. For the fourth tournament running, Lady Renee Montefiore!”

  Applause, applause. Probably the loudest we’d hear that evening, since most of the guests were vampires.

  “Thank you, all,” said a clear, feminine voice that I had to assume belonged to Renee. “I am honored to once again represent my kind here in an event that has meant so much for the peace and prosperity of our kind—”

  “Incoming,” Trip whispered across the radio, a second before I heard laughter, loud and uncomfortably close.

  I ducked to hide behind a large display of the remains of the last wild caught unicorn, still on my knees. A pair of drunk witches were making a beeline for the chapel, laughing together and spilling their champagne. How anyone manages to get drunk on champagne beats me. Frankly I think a lot of that kind of drunk is fake, or at least psychosomatic. Like, oh I’m a little tipsy, that means I get to act like an idiot and take no responsibility for my actions!

  Trip stepped out to meet them and I turned back to focusing on the case. Trip could handle it, but I needed to hurry.

  “Sorry ladies,” Trip said, holding out a hand to stop them both. “The chapel is off limits right now. Someone threw up in there.”

  “Psh, I don’t care,” one of the ladies said a scoff. “I wanna ride the unicorn.”

  “While that sounds like a terrific idea,” Trip replied. “I would really advise against it. The guy who threw up was a vampire. Half-digested blood everywhere. You do not want to get that on your shoes, trust me.”

  One girl made a face and a whiny sound, pouting and stomping like a petulant child. The other just lunged for it. Trip caught her only for her friend to try and dart around the other side of him, giggling. He grabbed her too, managing to get an arm around both of them.

  “Stop fucking around, Trip,” I said, just loud enough for him to hear me. He sighed.

  “Fine,” he said, taking off his shades. “Ladies, if you could just look here for a moment? Over here, hun, that’s it.”

  I saw his powers take hold as soon as they met his eye, both of them going still and a little dazed.

  “Now, if it’s unicorns you’re after, you can do better than some old bones in a museum. I hear they have a couple of the miniature ones across the street in the park. For the performances later on, you know? I could get you in to see them if you want.”

  The girls were immediately all gushing excitement, never thinking to doubt him thanks to his influence over them. He led them towards the nearby exit, turning back to wink at me as he went. I rolled my eyes, focusing on the case.

  “I’m down a lookout,” I reported. “Trip’s distracting some drunks.”

  “Keep going, double time,” Domino ordered. “Chef, there’s security heading your way. You need to head for the exit, pronto.”

  “Moving as fast as I can,” Anton puffed, strained, like he was carrying something heavy. My worry over what had happened to Mariposa and Whisper doubled.

  I struggled to block out the sound of Renee’s speech in one ear and Domino giving Anton instructions to avoid security in the other. I couldn’t afford to be freaking out right now. I needed to be completely focused to remove the security magic on the case without setting it off.

  The way I nullified magic was something I’d never
really been able to explain to anyone else. I just kind of did it by instinct. I could even do it by accident sometimes. I’d touch something without thinking and the spell would just fizzle out. It was harder when I was trying to do it on purpose. The way I visualized it was like finding a loose thread on a piece of fabric and pulling, slowly unraveling the whole thing. It was a better metaphor than it was an actual description of what I was doing. I’d tried to teach Judith how to do it once and she’d never been able to wrap her head around it. To keep using the kind of inaccurate metaphor, she couldn’t feel the fabric, much less find the loose thread. According to her the way I was doing it didn’t make sense. Spells weren’t like sweaters, they were like a complicated electrical circuit, where if you disconnected something the electricity didn’t stop flowing. It just found a new path, resulting in a spell that did something completely different, or looped back on itself and overloaded, like the previous witch champion and her enchanted armor. She theorized that maybe what I was imagining as ‘unraveling’ was actually me instinctively balancing and rebalancing the spell to keep it stable while I removed parts of it. But she also said that would involve a level of mental calculus that seemed frankly unlikely, so who knows. It’s magic, it just works.

  I was already busily unraveling the silent alarm spell, my fingers working at nothing in the air as I visualized pulling the thread. I could dimly hear Renee finishing up her speech, but it was hard to focus on anything else when I was doing this. That was part of why I needed a look out. Hopefully Trip would be able to shake those girls and get back here soon.

  “Finally, I’m pleased to announce the vampire’s wager for this tournament,” Renee said. “Traditionally, we’ve offered the winner’s weight in gold, but this year I’ve decided to do something a bit different.”

  There was a strange pause, and something inaudible, like she was facing away from the mike. I wasn’t paying much attention, but the moment of tension was enough to make me pause, curious.

  “This year, in addition to the traditional wager, I will also offer to the winner my private library.”

  There was an instant response from the crowd, a fluster of excited and concerned voices.

  “Forgive a lady for not disclosing her precise age,” Renee said with faux modesty, speaking over the noise of the crowd. “But suffice it to say that my collection predates the Library of Alexandria. I have been maintaining it and adding to it for two thousand years. It is no overstatement to say that it is quite literally priceless. And very dear to me. And I offer it freely to the one who can defeat me this year.”

  She said nothing else, and I had a feeling she’d been hurried off the stage. There was no way the Triumvirate had approved that. The Ancients, and vampires in general, were crazy about information control. Why wouldn’t they be? Living forever meant they could make sure the history books were written just the way they wanted, and in the end be the only ones who remembered how things had really happened. A private library that old was bound to be packed with books they’d banned, information they’d scrubbed from the record, history they’d arranged to have altered or forgotten.

  Not that it mattered. The vampires would win like they always did. Renee was basically just taking the opportunity to brag. But she probably hadn’t won any brownie points with the Triumvirate there.

  I finished unraveling the alarm spell and started on the deterrents as they introduced the Fae champion, who was going by the name “Yves.” Not their real name obviously. Fae guarded their true names jealously. Apparently, knowing even part of their real name would give you control over them. At least I could count on a long speech. Summer Court Fae loved long, flowery declarations.

  “I’m honored to be competing in this tournament,” said a flat, strangely accented voice. “I’ve trained very hard. We will be making the traditional wager. A boon from her majesty the Summer Queen.”

  I paused, waiting for more, and received silence. That was it? What the hell, Yves? I bent over the case, unraveling faster. These fuckers were really going to make me rush, huh? Meanwhile, my radio had gone ominously silent. Had Anton made it out?

  I missed most of witch champion Magus Rothbart’s speech, but it was nice and long at least. You can always count on academics to take any opportunity to lecture and run with it.

  He made the witch’s wager, which was some kind of precious and powerful enchanted object, and was followed by the wolf champion. I was kind of surprised that guy could speak at all, but he actually sounded reasonably intelligent. Huh. Guess that’s what I got for making assumptions.

  The wolves wagered a chunk of their ancestral territory which didn’t yet belong to the vampires. From what I understood, they always wagered that, or rather the vampires made them wager that. It was a convenient way to take control of the land without the hassle of having to pay for it or the paperwork and bad press of just seizing it.

  Flint and Dee were up next, giving their speech at the same time, ostensibly because trolls and goblins were classically considered the same race. When the treaty had been written, goblins had been considered just a smaller kind of troll. They were a secretive people who didn’t have a lot of contact with anyone but trolls, so there were a lot of misconceptions, like thinking they were juvenile trolls, or some kind of sub species. They’d eventually been acknowledged as a separate people and, since when the treaty was written the term troll had included them, it was decided they had the right to sponsor a champion in the tournament. Like the werewolves and the vampires, the goblin champion traditionally allied with the troll champion. I imagine they would have to fight each other if they made it to the end with no one else left, but as far as I knew that had never happened. I didn’t figure Dee was the type to give a very long speech, but the announcer screwed up her titles during the introduction so it was at least bound to be entertaining.

  “I’m almost finished,” I said into my radio as the last of the security spells dissolved under my fingers. “I just need to pick the lock and we can get out of here.”

  “We’re so honored to be here,” Flint said in the other room, his voice soft and sincere and too close to the mike “It’s been so long since the trolls have had an opportunity to compete and—”

  “Okay, first of all,” Dee cut in, loud and annoyed. “You got my name wrong. It’s Delight of Diamond’s Dazzle, daughter of Most Infinite Luster and Shine as Uncountable as the Stars, son of Dark Sky Full of Diamonds of the line of Gemsdeep—”

  I smiled as I slid my lock pick into the case while Dee rattled off at least three more generations of her family and six more titles than she’d given me. I really did like that goblin. With luck I’d be done in time to catch the end of her speech on my way out of here. But I paused, realizing no one had acknowledged my message.

  “Guys?” I whispered. “Domino? Trip?”

  There was no answer.

  My throat suddenly dry, I worked faster. It was too late to bail. I needed to get this done and get out, fast. Once the speeches were done there’d be fireworks and entertainment in the courtyard, but people would be wandering around again and my chances of getting out of here unnoticed would get a lot slimmer. And if security had caught Domino and the others... I felt sick to my stomach thinking about it.

  The lock clicked open and I felt a rush of relief. Hard part done. Nothing left to do but get the hell out of Dodge.

  “Act II complete,” I whispered as I carefully lifted the lid of the display case, hoping the crew was listening. “Exit stage left. Whatever you’re doing, drop it and let’s get the fuck out.”

  Then I heard footsteps on the tile, heading my way. The click of expensive shoes, two sets. Not Trip. I had maybe fifteen seconds until they passed the corner and saw me.

  I sucked in a deep breath immediately and closed my eyes, spreading myself out as I had on the walk home the other night. I felt the edges of myself grow fuzzy and diffuse. I worried for a moment that it would clash with the enchantment on t
he dress, but I melted away, dress and all, just as two vampires wandered into the chapel.

  “Honestly, who allowed those creatures to attend?” one of the men said to the other. “Let alone stand in front of the Triumvirate? I could smell the sewer stink from halfway across the cathedral.”

  “Well, they couldn’t exactly refuse them,” said the other. “Terms of the treaty and all. As long as the subhumanoids have a champion to sponsor, we can’t just tell them no. You can hardly blame them for showing up. Stupid as they are, they can’t be expected to notice they’re being laughed at. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at whoever failed to convince them to withdraw before the ceremony. It’s the first time they’ve screwed that up in, what, a hundred and twenty years?”

  My lungs were burning. I needed to breathe, but I knew if I did I’d be visible again. I could sneak breaths when it was dark enough or if I was partially obscured, but these racist assholes were pottering around the exhibit sipping plasma-spiked champagne a few foot away from me. If I flickered into sight for even a second they would notice. The treaty’s case was at the opposite end of the room from the door. The unicorn display filled the center of the room. The two vampires were over on the left side of the room near the chunk of Harald the Blue. I edged away from the case as silently as I could, until I could get the unicorn in-between me and them. In its limited shelter I released my held breath and sucked in a new one as quickly as I could.

  The second man stiffened immediately, head turning in my direction. My heart jumped into my throat. Fucking vampires and their crazy ass hearing. But his eyes passed over me without seeing anything.

  “That’d be the witches,” said the other man, distracting his companion again. “Trolls have that pesky resistance to magic, you recall. But this year the witches were more occupied attempting to sabotage the wolf champion.”