“That’s the Evans women I know and love. A jury-rigged splint will never do!”
Ryan was lying in bed, watching her lover brush her teeth. Jamie was clearly thinking about something that was troubling her, and Ryan was struggling not to giggle. The more Jamie concentrated, the younger she looked, and Ryan got great pleasure from watching her partner regress in age as she thought. She knew Jamie would feel a little self-conscious if she told her, and she didn’t want to ruin her own pleasure, so she kept it to herself and hoped that Jamie never caught her grinning at her.
The electric toothbrush had cycled through its timer three times, and Ryan was about to remind Jamie that the enamel on her teeth wasn’t very thick when slightly slitted green eyes shifted and settled on her.
“My mother basically lied to me today.”
That brought Ryan up short. “Basically?”
“Yeah.” Jamie went into the bath and finished up, then came out and sat on the edge of the bed. “She tried to make me think she was in town this weekend, just doing a gallery stroll and having dinner with friends. But I got on the Internet and saw that the big spring art show was in New York this past weekend. So, she told me the truth … she did look at art … but she didn’t go on a gallery stroll and she was with Giacomo. I just know it.”
Ryan scooted over so she could scratch Jamie’s back. “Maybe she’s just … uhm … working things out. Give her some time, babe.”
Jamie shot an annoyed look over her shoulder. “Working what out?”
“How she feels.” Ryan tossed her leg over Jamie and settled against her back. Jamie let out a sigh and leaned against her. “She’s probably not sure how she wants things to go. Maybe she’s unsure if she wants to keep seeing him.”
“She was sure before,” Jamie said acidly. “She made a big deal about how she deserved better.” She turned and looked at Ryan. “What happened? Why doesn’t she deserve better now?”
“I don’t know, honey.” Ryan hugged her, holding on and resting her head on Jamie’s shoulder. “But you’re gonna have to be patient with her. You can’t make her talk about it before she’s ready.”
“But she’s lying to me.”
Jamie sounded like a wounded child, and Ryan hugged her again, hoping to take away some of the pain. “I’m sure she didn’t feel good about doing that. Why don’t you give her a little space? Don’t ask her specific questions about what she’s doing and who she’s seeing for a while.”
“Great,” Jamie grumbled. “All of the progress we’ve made … phfft!”
“That’s not true. It’s just not. She’s working something out, baby. She’s lying because she’s uncomfortable. When she’s ready, she’ll talk to you about it.”
“She’s making changes, Ryan, and she doesn’t want me to be part of them. She doesn’t even want me to know about them!”
“What else?”
Jamie turned again and regarded her lover with a stern look. “She’s changing her name.”
“Huh? To what?”
“Back to her maiden name … kinda.”
“Kinda? How do you kinda change your name?”
“She’s changing it to Smith, but not for her father’s family. Her great-grandmother was a Smith, and that’s who she’d like to … I don’t know … imitate, or model her life after, or something.”
“Weird. Do you know this woman?”
“No. I don’t think she knew her!”
“What’s up with that? What was special about her?”
“I don’t know a lot about her, but she was a doctor. She was in one of the first graduating classes at Stanford.”
“Wow, that must have been a tough path. It must have been hard to be a woman in college back then, much less medical school.” Ryan looked thoughtful and said, “I think you told me about her a while ago. Maybe when we rode our bikes around Stanford that time.”
Jamie smiled brightly. “I might have. I remember giving you the grand tour.”
“I kinda had the impression you knew a lot about your mom’s family.”
Shaking her head, Jamie said, “No, not a lot. I mean, this woman was my great-great-grandmother. Like I said, I don’t think my mother ever met her. I just know a few things about her.”
“Well, she must have been cool for your mom to want to take her name.”
Jamie tilted her head and spent a moment chewing on her lip. “It doesn’t feel like she’s honoring her; it feels like she’s trying to erase my father from her life. It feels really sucky to have her change her name. It’s … distancing.”
Ryan started to rub Jamie’s back, keeping her touch light and gentle. “Makes you feel …?”
“We’re not in the same family any more. She’s a Smith and I’m an Evans.”
“Ooo … does that feel really bad?”
Jamie looked at her again and Ryan recognized the look as one that meant “You’d better not only agree with me, you’d better know why I’m upset.” “I understand,” Ryan said, even though she didn’t see why this was so upsetting. “Does it make you feel like she’s giving up on your family?”
“Yes! Haven’t you been listening?”
“Yes, of course I have.” Since her verbal support wasn’t going over very well, Ryan chose physical support, hugging her tight and rocking her a bit. “I’m really sorry this is hard for you, babe. Really sorry.”
“I’ll get over it. I know I’m being a baby about the whole thing, it’s just that she sprang this on me when I was still steamed over her lying to me. It was too much.”
“It would have been for me too,” Ryan said, seeing how the incidents could build on one another. “But it’s kinda cool that she wants to make a new start. That must mean she’s feeling less down.”
Jamie gazed at her for a moment, then smiled briefly. “Yeah, I think she is. Probably because of Giacomo,” she added, making the name sound like a curse.
“Well, whatever it is, I know you want her to feel better. If this is a step in that direction, I know you’ll support her.”
“Of course I will.” Jamie stood up and stretched. “That’s not in question.” She got into bed and pushed against Ryan to get her to move to her rightful space. “But I don’t have to like it.”
Part Five
It took her a day to decide, but once Mia had made up her mind, she told Jordan. Even though it was just 5:30 in the morning and Jordan was barely awake, she scooted over to her, closing the gap that had grown between them during the night. Jordan’s hair was loose and it lay haphazardly across her pillow. Mia swept a handful of it from Jordan’s shoulder and pressed her lips to her lover’s ear, kissing it tenderly.
“I’m not going to Russia,” she said. Her hand was resting on Jordan’s waist, and she felt the quick intake of breath as her lover woke up and made sense of what she was saying.
Turning and swiping at the hair tickling her eyes, Jordan tried to see Mia’s face, but she was facing the wall and didn’t have enough room to turn over. Blindly, she reached out and patted Mia’s hip, their signal for more space. Mia moved just enough for Jordan to be able to roll over and face her. “Are you sure?” Jordan asked. Her expression gave nothing away. They could have been talking about what to have for breakfast.
“Yeah, I am.”
Jordan was searching Mia’s face—her cool, blue eyes darting from her eyes to her lips. “Wanna tell me why?”
“Sure.” Mia put her hand on the small of her lover’s back and pulled her closer. “Jamie helped me think it through. Even though she might not know it.” One blonde eyebrow lifted. “I talked to her on Sunday when you were working out. I told her that I didn’t really want to be alone when you were playing, and I didn’t have the money to go on a good tour.”
“We have enough—”
“Shh,” Mia said, gently pressing her finger to Jordan’s lips. “I know you would have paid for me to go anywhere I wanted to go, honey, but I felt guilty about using our money for myself.” Jordan started to speak a
gain, but Mia stroked her cheek and said, “Let me finish, babe.”
“Do I ever get to talk?”
“Yes.” Mia smiled at her. “You can say anything you want.”
“Uhm … I wanna know how Jamie helped you.”
Kissing her quickly, Mia said, “That’s what I was getting to. I know what’s on that little mind.” She tapped Jordan’s forehead, then kissed it. “Jamie arranged for me to use the tour guide she and her family used when they went to Russia when she was in high school. She was going to pay for anything I wanted to do and even tip the woman.”
“Damn!” Jordan blinked, then her smile faltered. “You were gonna let her pay for you?”
“Yeah. I was. I know that’s not my usual reaction, but if I thought you needed me to go, I was going to let her pay for me to really experience Russia. She made me see that it’s a huge waste to go on a trip like that and not get something out of it.”
Jordan’s forehead was wrinkled in confusion. “But … that made you decide not to go.”
“Yeah. Once I didn’t have the excuse of not having the money to see stuff, I had to look at what made the most sense. And I decided that we’d both be better off if I didn’t go this time.”
“Okay.” Jordan still looked puzzled, but she was nodding thoughtfully.
“I spent some time actually talking to our roommates on Saturday,” Mia said. “Don’t look so shocked!”
“I am! Have you ever talked to any of ’em when I’m not around?”
“No, but that’s partly because they’re not here if you’re not here. Anyway, I talked to Jill and Toni about what it’s like to play in a tournament like that. Toni said that her husband went to a few international tournaments with her when she was on her first team, but he stopped pretty quickly.”
“How come?”
“Too much pressure. Toni said that she was so focused that she completely ignored him and his feelings were hurt the whole time they were traveling. They convinced me that you’d be a nervous wreck playing in your first big tournament and that being around the other players would be better for you than hanging out with me.”
Scowling, Jordan said, “I’d always rather be with you.”
“I know, honey, but I think they have a good point. You can bond with your teammates better if you’re not rushing to get back to me. And I can go to Berkeley for a week and see my parents and check on my classes and hang with J & R. We can each fill ourselves up with the things that mean a lot to us.”
Jordan wasn’t smiling, but her face was relaxed and she looked untroubled. “That sounds good. Not what I really want, but I think you’re right.”
Mia reached up and slid her thumb across Jordan’s forehead. “If you need me to go with you, I will. You don’t have to ask twice.”
“No, no, I think Jill and Toni know what they’re talking about. I’m glad you asked ’em. I should have thought of that.”
Squeezing Jordan’s bicep, Mia said, “You’re the brawn. I’m the brains in this operation.”
Jordan wrapped Mia in a bear hug and rolled onto her back. Nose to nose, she said, “We’re in big, big trouble!”
Tuesday morning, Ryan nodded at Ellen when she opened the door. Just as Ellen started to give her a questioning look, the outside door opened and Barb rushed in, breathing heavily. “Slow bus,” she said.
“You’re right on time,” Ellen said. They went in and got settled, then Ellen said, “Since Barb has to catch her breath, why don’t you start, Ryan? Anything to report?”
“Yeah.” Ryan fidgeted a little. “This is gonna sound strange, but I had a good weekend, partially because my lover broke her arm.” She glanced quickly at Barb and Ellen, but neither reacted very strongly.
“Go on,” Ellen said. “I’m sure there’s more.”
Ryan laughed. “Yeah, there’s more. I hated to see her get hurt, of course. She’s never had a major injury before and it’s really hard for her. I think she’s having a hard time realizing her body’s not as impervious as she thought it was.”
Ellen nodded, looking interested but saying nothing.
“But even though I’m upset for her, I’m not upset about her.” She looked at both women. “Know what I mean?”
“I think I do, but tell us how that’s different for you,” Ellen said.
“I’m not … worried or anxious about her. I was afraid that I’d be freaked out if she broke a nail, but this shows it’s not that way at all.” She was smiling brightly, her energy level so high that she was practically hovering above the sofa. “I’m not worried about everything, just the thought of someone hurting her.”
“That must feel really good,” Barb said. “But I bet you can’t tell her,” she added, chuckling.
She laughed, looking more relaxed than she ever had in the room. “No, I don’t have the guts to tell her that I’m happy I’m not more upset about her breaking her elbow. I’ve learned something in the past year.”
“I’m happy for you, Ryan,” Ellen said. “And I can see why it’s a relief to feel that your anxiety is more limited than you’d thought.”
“Yeah, yeah. I feel like it’s not such a big battle now, like there’s a chance I can get over this if it’s limited to worrying about violence.”
“I’m sure you can get over it,” Barb said. “You don’t seem like the type who gives up easily.”
“Not so far,” Ryan said smiling.
After Jamie enjoyed her morning rituals, she went into the house and called her father’s office. It took a few minutes, but his secretary got him on the phone. “Hi, cupcake,” he said, sounding a little breathless.
“Bad time, Dad?”
“No, not at all. I was in the hallway talking to one of my esteemed colleagues.” He chuckled softly. “But since we were talking about golf, I think it can wait. How are you?”
“Pretty good. But I had an accident on Friday night and broke my elbow.”
“You what?”
His voice was so loud, Jamie was sure his secretary had heard him.
“Were you driving?”
“No. I wasn’t in a car. I fell … off a sidewalk.”
There was a pause and he started to laugh, obviously trying not to. “How much had you had to drink?”
“I wasn’t drinking,” she said, starting to laugh as well. “That’s what makes it worse. Falling off a sidewalk is bad enough, but to do it when you’re stone cold sober just makes you sound like a klutz.”
“I’m sorry for laughing, honey; the image just struck me. But there’s nothing funny about your being in pain. How exactly did it happen?”
“We were at a tournament in Arizona and I was outside with one of my teammates. She was sitting on a bench and when she got up, we kinda collided. She started to fall and I tried to stop her, but she pulled me over with her. I landed on top of her with my arm hurting like heck.”
“Ow! That sounds awful! Was she hurt?”
Not as badly as I wish she’d been. “Not really. Bruised her tailbone a little, but she can play.”
He made a whistling sound, then said, “Your season …”
“Over,” she confirmed. “The break isn’t bad. I chipped off the end of the bone that sticks out when you flex your arm. Luckily it didn’t affect the joint or anything. But it’s in a splint and will be for at least six weeks.”
“Have you seen a good specialist? I can help—”
“Mom already called in her chits,” she said, laughing softly. “I saw the best orthopedist in the city yesterday. I’m gonna go later today to get a nifty splint that Mom insisted they custom make for me.”
“It sounds like she’s taking good care of you,” he said, sounding a little wistful.
“She and Ryan both. The doctor said I could wear the splint they made for me in Arizona, but Mom didn’t think it fit well enough, and she didn’t like his suggestion to wrap it up tighter.” She chuckled. “You know she won’t take no for an answer when she has her mind made up.”
&
nbsp; “I … didn’t really know that about her until this last year.”
Jamie blinked, stunned that her father had revealed something so intimate … so embarrassing for a man who’d been married for over twenty years to admit. “Maybe she wasn’t always so forthright, but she is now,” she said, feeling a wellspring of pride in her mother’s growth over the past year.
“I screwed up my marriage by not knowing your mother as well as I should have,” Jim said. “I don’t want to make that mistake with you. Why don’t I come home this weekend and spend a little time with you?”
“Ooo … this isn’t the best weekend, Dad. We have a three-day tournament at Stanford, and even though I’m not gonna play, I told my coach I’d ride around in the cart and help him keep track of things. How about … the week after that? Ryan’s in a softball tournament at Stanford and we’ll be staying with Mom.”
“I … could … sure,” he said, his indecision momentary. “I’ll stay at my apartment in the city, get a little work done at my local office.”
“Great. Just don’t make plans for Saturday. I’d like you to go to the game with me.”
“I’d like that too.”
“Oh … uhm … Mom usually goes. Will that make you uncomfortable?”
“No, honey.” His voice sounded so sad that Jamie’s heart clenched in sympathy. “Your mother doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all. But you’d better ask her the same thing. If she doesn’t want me there, I’ll just see you another time.”
“Okay, Dad,” she said. “I’ll mention it to her, but I’m sure she won’t mind. She didn’t mind your bringing Kayla to my birthday party, so why would she mind now?”
“I won’t bring Kayla this time,” he said. “I want to spend time with you.”
“Oh … okay. That’ll be nice. Would you like to me come get you at the airport? Oh, wait, I can’t drive my car.”
“Don’t even think of it, Jamie. It’s nice of you to offer, but I can take a limo or have someone from my office come get me. It’s a nice way to have a meeting while stuck in traffic.”
Osmosis Page 14
