by London Casey
Her hands finally released their hold on the sheets and set aim for my body. She scratched at my chest and then grabbed my arms, holding tight. She pulled herself up, looking at me with a look of desperation.
“Noah… I’m…”
I hurried forward to hold her. One hand to the back of her neck, the other down to her lower back. I let my body rest tight against hers and I kept fucking her, bringing her to the edge of climax and beyond. As she started to come, her body quivered with delight. She let out a gasping whimper, her lips touching my ear. I felt the breathing match with the way her sex pulsed against my cock. I didn’t have much time myself either, which was fine. I had been waiting for this moment for a year. A long goddamn year.
So I bucked my hips forward one last time and let go. Deep inside her body, releasing over and over, just like I’d done before. The difference this time? I wasn’t creating a life… I was creating love…
23.
(Ashlynn)
Noah told me everything. About the van, the attack, and that the gun he had used to shoot that asshole at the restaurant was the gun he took from the guy that attacked him. Everything about him was fast, wild, and sexy. He held my naked body as though I was something precious and fragile. I never felt that way in my entire life.
There was so much to talk about between us, but then Noah said he had to go. I wanted to argue him leaving, beg him to stay, do anything to keep him preoccupied.
But the look in his eyes made me understand that there would never be a normal family life for us. That was, if Noah and I actually had something real. If he was going to really be a father to Jude. Showing up and holding Jude for ten minutes wasn’t being a father. It was special, but nothing more than that. Touching my breasts and rubbing lotion on them was a kind gesture, but that ended with him inside me, fucking me.
He dressed and left.
When the door to the apartment shut, I started to cry. My eyes filled with tears, I rolled to my side, and I clutched a pillow tight. I ended up with a king sized bed that had no use until today. Yeah, it was sex. Yeah, it was Noah fucking me. I got all that, but it felt like more.
I didn’t want Noah to go get hurt.
The reason why he ended up in my apartment had nothing to do with finding me because of me or because of Jude. It was because my father owed his boss money. That was going to be a big problem, for everyone.
When my tears ran dry, I just laid there. I should have called and checked on my mother. I didn’t. I knew how that story was going to end. I should have gotten dressed and finished the rest of my day. I didn’t. I had no urge to do any of that. My body tingled because of Noah. I longed for him. I felt him everywhere, on me and inside me.
Somewhere lost in thought I fell asleep.
I woke to the sound of Jude screaming.
I launched myself from the bed, stumbling into the wall. I looked down and realized I was still naked. It took my mind a few seconds to remember why I was naked.
I grabbed a robe from the back of the closet door and rushed to my baby.
Jude was on his back, his face red as he cried. The second I touched him I knew something was wrong. He was on fire. He was sick.
I turned and looked across the hall.
What was the fucking point of that? My mother’s sick. And even if she wasn’t, would she really be here? Would she give a damn?
I had been lucky so far with Jude. He had been healthy.
This was the first time something was wrong.
I took Jude out to the living room and stopped when I saw a cell phone on the coffee table. It was some cheap flip phone looking thing. Something that resembled the first cell phone I ever had. I didn’t know people still used them.
I saw something sticking out of it.
It was a piece of paper.
A note from Noah.
Call if you need anything. There’s only one number programmed in it.
I looked at Jude. His eyes were puffy, watery. There was pain in his eyes. He then grabbed his right ear and twisted it. When he did, he screamed.
“Oh, baby,” I whispered.
I opened the flip phone.
Let’s see if Noah really wants to be a father… or just a guy who fucks me.
24.
(Noah)
“I don’t do complicated.”
I stood at the bar, declining another beer. It wasn’t my nature to turn down a drink, and it surprised Benito as much as it did me. Maybe somewhere hidden in me I knew I wanted to be able to ride over to Ashlynn’s apartment. To check on her and Jude.
To spend the night?
“You hear me?” Benito growled.
“Yeah. Sorry.”
“Tell me why it’s complicated,” he said.
“Look. I went to the apartment and there’s no Craig there. Okay? He has a fake address or something, I don’t know. I went back again to verify. When I left, I got attacked.”
“Shit,” Benito said. “Those guys were from a crew up north. Nothing but a little territory issue. Sorry you got tangled up in that.”
“I’m not worried about it,” I said. “I need something else about this Craig guy, Benito. This apartment is a dead end.”
Do I sound desperate? Do I sound like I’m hiding a woman and a baby… my baby?
Benito threw back another shot and nodded. “That fucker is smart. He dumps his debts off on people. He floats. Then he shows up with some cash and makes promises. He’s the addicted kind of gambler. A junkie.”
“Drugs?”
“No, just money. But money can be worse than drugs, Noah. You know that.”
I laughed. I knew it. I saw the look in the eyes of the guys that came to the fights and bet on me. It was nothing but a greedy lust in their eyes. They wanted that money so bad.
“You have to have something else for me,” I said. “Or just get me back in the circle. Let me earn.”
“You broke?” Benito asked.
“I don’t do charity,” I said. “I earn.”
Benito reached into his pocket and put money on the bar. “Here. It’s a few grand. Don’t blow it on whiskey and pussy, okay?”
“Benito…”
“Hey.” He looked at me with drunk eyes. “You spent a year inside, son. You don’t know how much I owe you.”
I put my hand on the cash and then took it. My first thought wasn’t whiskey and pussy. It was Jude. The damn kid. I wanted to get him some tough looking PJ’s. Some cool shoes. Jeans. Christ, the kid needed jeans. Then I could ask Ashlynn what else he needed. What kind of food he needed, if any. Or better yet, what I could get her. If she needed clothes. If she needed anything for herself. She deserved it. She deserved more than just a few thousand dollars. She deserved time. Time I couldn’t give her though. I couldn’t make up for the past. I couldn’t promise the future either.
“You look troubled, Noah,” Benito said.
“No,” I said. “Just getting used to it all. I still think about that night, Benito. The fight. How everything had been so good. So perfect. A few drinks. A woman. Taking the fight by storm and winning. Then it all came down.”
“I still don’t get why you broke protocol,” he said.
“Just caught up in the moment. Adrenaline.”
“Yeah. Right. Adrenaline.” Benito grabbed my shoulder. “You’re free now, Noah. Remember that. Back to square one. You’re my favorite, you know why?”
“Why?”
“You have no baggage. And you get it. You never had a past. You never had a problem. You took care of yourself and nothing else. That’s the kind of guy I like.”
I couldn’t even look at Benito.
I had baggage now. I had a past now. I had a problem now.
“What about this Craig guy?” I asked.
“I’ve got information, don’t worry. I know where he’s having a drink right now. Then he’s going to play a little cards.”
“Yeah?”
Benito grinned. He reached into the breast pocket of hi
s jacket. He put a piece of paper on the bar. “Go get him, Noah.”
“Right now?”
“Let’s wrap this one up.” Benito stood and pushed from the bar. “Oh, by the way, I’m working on your return. You can’t imagine the money coming in on this. You’re like a phoenix, Noah. Rising from the dead.”
“No, Benito. I was never dead. I never will die.”
Benito laughed. “We all die, Noah. We all fucking die.”
Benito winked and walked away.
I looked at the piece of paper and realized my evening had taken a turn.
Sorry, sweetheart.
I met Dante at the door and we went outside.
“Are you ready?” he asked.
“I’m always ready. Just make sure I get my fight soon. This sneaking around shit is wearing on me already. I’m not a hit man. I’m not a blood member, right?”
“Blame your Irish mother,” Dante said with a grin.
“I always do.”
I opened my mouth to give my perspective on the night when I felt my phone vibrate. Nobody had the number to the phone except three people. Benito, Dante, and Ashlynn.
I checked the screen and it was just a number.
It was Ashlynn.
“Hey,” I said, taking the call.
“Jude is sick. He’s crying. He’s burning up. He keeps pulling at his ear. His pediatrician isn’t open right now. He’s never been sick. I don’t know… I mean… the hospital… I guess…”
“I’ll be right there,” I said.
I ended the call and looked at Dante.
“Something wrong?” he asked.
“I need your car. Right now.”
“Why?”
“Give me the fucking keys, man. Don’t be a dick.”
“Excuse me?”
I pulled out my gun and pointed it at Dante. “Give me the keys, Dante.”
“Tell me what it is.” He pushed my hand away. “Don’t let the suit fool you. What’s going on?”
“Shit,” I said. “The complicated situation? I have a kid. Okay? A baby. I got a girl pregnant the night I got busted up at that fight. She carried my baby while I was in jail. Her old man is the guy you and Benito are after. She called to tell me the baby is sick. She’s freaking out and I need to get the kid to the hospital. Got it?”
Dante slowly lifted his hand from his pocket, keys dangling. His eyes were wide with shock.
I grabbed the keys and ran to his fast and fancy car. I started it and looked at Dante. His face was serious.
I knew right then by telling him about Ashlynn and Jude that I had just fucked myself.
~
I held the baby tight to my chest and burst through the hospital doors. Ashlynn ran behind me, calling my name.
“Hey,” I said to a pretty young girl behind the desk. “My kid is sick. Bad.”
“Sir, you’ll need to fill…”
“No, I won’t. I’m going back there. Page a doctor, I don’t give a shit.”
I started to move and she stood up. “Excuse me… I need the ins…”
“Come on,” I yelled to Ashlynn.
Jude was in my arms, half asleep. His right hand was stuck to his right ear. He didn’t look good at all. Not like the baby I had met earlier that day.
I kicked through a set of doors, voices all around me yelling to stop. I wasn’t in the business of waiting. I imagined every person sitting in the waiting room had the same feeling.
A nurse walked by, a cup of coffee in her hand.
“Excuse me,” I said. “I need a doctor.”
“Uh… are you processed…”
I took the blanket off Jude and showed her. “Look at my son. Please. He’s been tearing at his ear for hours. He keeps screaming.”
“Sounds like an ear infection,” the nurse said.
“Then help him.”
Ashlynn stood next to me. She was as terrified as me.
“I have insurance,” she said. “I can fill anything out…”
“Look,” I said to the nurse. “I don’t want to make anything difficult for anyone.”
I saw someone come out from a triage room. It was a doctor.
The nurse lost all appeal.
“Hey! Doc!” I yelled.
“Jesus, Noah,” Ashlynn said.
I was back on the move.
The doctor walked to a computer and started to type. I whistled and he looked over his glasses.
“Can I help you?”
“My kid is sick. I need help.”
“Are you in a room?”
“I’m standing in front of you, doc,” I said. “Nurse said it’s an ear infection. Please, do something.”
“I understand your frustration…”
I moved toward the doctor. “Listen to me carefully, doc. The family that runs this hospital is my employer. Let’s get that straight. I’m here and my baby needs medical attention. I feel bad for everyone in this hospital, but right now, this is my world and my world is all that matters. Do I need to keep talking?”
The doctor opened his mouth, probably to say something really stupid.
So I saved his ass by saying, “The Corlandio Family.”
He blinked fast. “Okay then.”
He looked around and backed up, grabbing a computer chair. He sat down. “Prop the little one up.”
“His name is Jude,” I said. “He’s my son.”
“When was the last time he ate?”
I looked at Ashlynn.
“Uh, early afternoon,” she said. “He took a nap and woke up screaming. I felt him and he was burning up. Then he started tugging at his right ear.”
“Okay,” the doctor said.
He started to touch Jude and I wanted to punch the guy. Ashlynn touched my shoulder, squeezing, maybe her way of reminding me that I had just demanded medical attention when it wasn’t deserved.
“He’s definitely not feeling good,” the doctor said. “Follow me real quick.”
We walked to an empty triage room as nurses were setting up.
“We’re not ready,” one said.
“Get the fuck out,” the doctor ordered.
They scattered.
I held Jude as the doctor poked and probed at him. His fever was over one hundred degrees. He had a right ear infection. His left ear was messy but not infected.
“He’s going to be fine,” the doctor said. “I’ll write a script and the nurses…”
“No,” I said. “You get the medicine right now. Hand it to us.”
“Please,” Ashlynn said. “I swear I have insurance and money for all of this.”
The doctor stormed out of the triage room.
I held Jude tight and shut my eyes. I bounced him, wishing I could take his pain.
“Noah…”
“No,” I said. “You don’t get it.”
I opened my eyes and Ashlynn was right there, on her toes, facing me. A tear fell from her left eye.
“I get it,” she whispered. “You feel it too. That instant love.”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
“I fell in love with him the second I met him too,” she said.
“Maybe not just him either,” I blurted out like a fool.
We inched closer, our sick baby between us. Our lips touched for a split second when the doctor interrupted us.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “The medicine is being prepared. You’ll have it in just a few minutes. If Mom could come with me, I can hurry and get all the paperwork processed. Then we can get you out of here and get the little guy a good night’s rest.”
“Go,” I said to Ashlynn.
She walked to the doctor. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” the doctor said. “I would do the same thing for my kids. He’s a good father.”
They left the room and I sat down on the bed. Jude’s eyes were slightly open. I stared down at him, not sure what I was really feeling.
“I’ll never let anything hurt you,” I whispered.
; I was talking way beyond an ear infection. Whatever the hell happened now with Dante and Benito… finding this Craig guy…
The curtain opened and a nurse let out a gasp.
Next to her was an elderly woman with an oxygen tank. Her face was a jaundice color. A man stood beside her, as old as her, holding her hand.
“I’m leaving,” I said. “Sorry.”
I paused and the old man nodded to me. “Take good care of that one.”
“You do the same,” I said.
Life had always been a struggle for me, understanding what the hell it all meant. Now the stakes were even higher because I actually had something to lose.
~
Bo,
Freedom is coming strange for me, man. You’ll never guess what happened while I was on the inside. I had a kid. Well, I guess I didn’t have a kid, but a woman… well, you get the picture.
It was a one night thing for us, but now we have something to share forever. Not the way I ever intended to start a family though. I guess that’s how life does its thing. You can never really get a good grip on it before it starts shaking.
The baby is amazing. His name is Jude. He looks like me. I’ve only met him twice but he’s gotten to me. I remember all the stories you’d tell me about your two boys. I never got it though, man. Until now. Even that boy that isn’t yours by blood. I hope you know the gift you’re giving him there, Bo. The love of a parent. What a goddamn feeling.
I need to know what you’re doing on the inside now. What’s happening. Where you’re at. I’m trying to pull for you out here. If my mother wasn’t goddamn Irish I wouldn’t have a problem. I’m sure you know how that goes. Paying for the sins of the past.
I miss you, man. I think about you. I never got to say goodbye and thank you for all the protection you offered on the inside. You’re a strong and good man.
Noah
I put the pen down and folded up the paper. I’d do anything I could to make sure Bo read those words.
I turned my head and saw Ashlynn standing just outside the hallway.
She was beautiful. I stood up and walked to her. My hands were magnets to her body.
