by Tshombe
“What do you mean? I don’t understand.”
Claudia smiled at the young, innocent life before her. Reminded that she once saw the world the same way.
“Let us sit, young Shannon.”
The two women sad down in the cozy living room of the small two-bedroom home. The cushions of the sofa embraced them as they settled in. A small tea pot sat on the coffee table with two tea cups on either side as if it was known that this moment awaited them. Claudia poured the steaming water into the cups, dropping tea bags in each.
“Do you want a little honey in your tea?”
“Yes please,” Shannon replied, taking off her shoes, wrapping a warm blanket around her feet as she snuggled deeper into the couch.
Claudia stirred honey into the tea and then handed the warm cup to Shannon.
“It’s a mixture of herbs from the garden; it tastes like fruit.”
Shannon took small sips and said, “Yeah, it’s like a mix of strawberries and cherries, in warm water and honey.”
They both laughed, enjoying the moment, not missing their pasts.
Claudia, still holding her smile, moved hair from in front of Shannon’s eyes, stroking it back into place atop her head.
“When I was young I got involved with some people who were absolutely no good. They preyed on others whenever they had the chance. It had nothing to do with money, they wanted to make people pay for the way they felt.”
Claudia’s eyes glazed over, as her memory took her deep into her story.
“One day, walking downtown among the tall buildings and people I despise, I looked for someone to feel my pain. I spotted the perfect individual. A guy in a suit who looked like he could use some easy company, but what I had for him would be far from easy. After a few moments of sweet talking I had him all set to go to a hotel room when this lady bumped into us, dropping a bag of groceries. I looked at her with pure irritation, ready to pounce as she picked up her stuff which was everywhere. She didn’t even say ‘excuse me’. The guy in the suit began helping her pick up her things. The lady looked up at me and smiled; it was a smile which lives with me to this day. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. Still looking at me a she said, ‘A beauty like yours can only come from good things. Can you please help me?’
“I began to help her gather her things. Picking up the last items, she touched my hand and asked me to walk with her to the bus stop, stressing it would only take a minute. The guy in the suit agreed to wait while the lady and I walk to the bus stop. We moved in silence and when we got there the lady thanked me. I tell her it’s no problem and turn to walk back towards the man in the suit. As I do so she said, ‘I meant that about your beauty. You should treasure yourself and guard that treasure at all costs.’
“I continued to walk away from her. I didn’t turn around for fear of the tears that would fall if I did. I had to complete my objective and go with the man in the suit.”
A tear rolled down Claudia’s cheek. Shannon sat her tea down and wrapped her arms around Claudia, consoling her as she continued.
“When the man and I reached the motel all I could hear was the woman’s words echoing in my mind. At that moment, it hit me; if I go in the room with him, I will not be treasuring myself as a person. I told him I had to go check on something I left the motel. I was only a few blocks from the motel when I heard a voice from behind me say, ‘It’s time for you to come home child and enjoy the beauty of who you are.’
“That day was the beginning of my healing. That was the day I met Crystal of the night. She was the lady downtown who saved me.
“You see, young Shannon, seeking is not about knowing the other person, it’s about knowing yourself. Remember how you were found and you will know how to find someone else the same way. It’s not about looking for someone to save, it’s about finding yourself. You’ll know exactly what I mean when the time comes. It might take you two hours or two years, but when it happens you’ll know what to do. Now, let’s eat a little so that we can be well rested for the morning. Come.”
Taking Shannon by the hand the two walked to the dinner table. Shannon was quiet as she ate, absorbing Claudia’s story. She saw her in a new light as a real person, not a mythical Angel on a grandiose pedestal. That’s what the story meant, they were one and the same.
“Claudia?”
“Yes, Shannon?”
“Who is it that taps on the window?” Claudia laughed.
“Young Shannon, that’s why I love your spirit so much… The tapper on the window is not a mystery once you find what you’re seeking.”
Claudia laughed at the young girl’s face twisted in confusion.
“Young Shannon, always remember that there are no secrets in life, only answers to questions that we have not yet asked. You are going to make an excellent seeker. Be sure and get plenty of rest tonight. Seeking can be exhausting work.”
Shannon woke before the sun, eager to begin seeking. The vigor of life flowed strongly though her veins. The streets were quiet as the rising sun brought light back to this portion of the world. Shannon reflected on her conversation with Claudia. She was in search of herself, looking for a reflection of who she once was in the face of another. Sitting in a park, Shannon watched people pass. Everyone seemed to have an important place to go. As she watched patiently, she noticed a boy walking aimlessly through the park. He seemed so familiar to her; Shannon realized she was watching her own reflections in him. The boy sat down at a bench shrouded in trees and took a drink from a bottle wrapped in a paper bag. She was eager to approach him but chose to continue watching.
The boy finished his drink and staggered from his spot underneath the trees. Clearly intoxicated, he moved where the wind took him. Shannon followed him out of the park, two strangers traveling the same path. Shannon knew it well. They were headed to a pool hall-pizza parlor frequented by lots of other teenagers. They boy walked up to a group of young men where he slapped high-fives and gave handshakes to greet them. After a few moments of laughing and talking they broke up to various tables and started hustling newcomers to the pool hall. Shannon chose a corner of the room where she wouldn’t be noticed to watch him conduct his business. They boy was good at his hustle and he managed to continue successfully for hours. When he finally called an end to his day, Shannon instinctively knew why, it wasn’t that he couldn’t have continued at the pool hall, he needed a drink. He shook hands with a few of his buddies as he said hurried goodbyes while heading to the door. After waiting a few moments, she followed. The boy had not gone too far; she spotted him leaning against the wall on the side of a liquor store. Shannon kept her distance while she watched him make his move on a passing homeless man who needed the money worse than the boy needed a drink. A match made in hell, she thought. The homeless man took the deal and Shannon made her move.
“Why does the moon circle the Earth?” She asked, confident she was within earshot.
The boy looked at her squinting to see the features of the silhouetted form approaching him. “What?”
“Why does the moon circle the Earth?” Shannon repeated, louder and with greater confidence.
“I don’t know, why?” He replied with annoyance as he took a drag of his cigarette.
“Think about the experience of our individual paths and the effects those routes make around us. The moon’s path is to follow the Earth. What is yours?”
Thinking she must be crazy, the boy turned slowly and walked away. As if on cue the homeless man exited the store and the boy followed him to complete their transaction. As they crossed the street, Shannon called after him, “You can walk away from me, but every moment you’re answering the question for yourself.” The boy disappeared around a corner with the homeless man without giving Shannon another look.
Shannon walked, marking every step back to the park where she first laid eyes on him, sitting on the same bench, she waited. Every second seemed to pass as hours. Her mind was consumed with one
question: What if? What if the boy is her mirror and she his reflection?
“Aye! Moon Girl,” a voice shouted from behind, “if you wanted to hang out all you had to do is ask.”
It was the boy.
“Okay,” she said, “let’s hang out.”
He smiled at her unemotional response.
“You have a name, Moon Girl?”
Shannon didn’t respond.
“Alright, Moon Girl, my name is Charles. You wanna hang out, huh? Then come on.” He walked a few steps, but Shannon stood still.
“I thought you wanted to hang, Moon Girl. What’s up?”
Staring into his eyes, she could see he was up to no good. “Charles, do you know the difference between ‘yes’ and ‘no’?”
“No,” he said, “I don’t know what the difference is.”
She smiled.
“Yes, you do. Imagine if you’d have answered, yes instead of no; you’d have gotten a different response.”
“So, I guess that’s the answer to your riddle?”
“You’re very smart, Charles. Now we can hang out. Come with me.”
They made their way to a spot Shannon had enjoyed in the past. High atop a hill covered by tall trees and thick bush, a thin, unmarked trail led the way to their hidden destination.
“Wow, Moon Girl, you can see over the entire park from here. I’ve climbed this hill a thousand times and have never seen this place.”
Shannon was busy breaking overgrown branches, revealing a small wooden bench.
“You can have a seat here if you’d like,” she said.
“Yeah, thanks, Moon Girl. You still haven’t told me how you know about this place and why I’ve never seen you before.”
“You’re funny, Charles. Why should I know you and why should you know this place? Why ask me a question that works just as good when you ask yourself the same thing?”
“Moon Girl, what are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about your mind, Charles. The world does not revolve around you. I don’t know you for the same reason you don’t know me, and this place is new to you because you’ve never been here.” “Damn, Moon Girl, I was just trying to ask a question. I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“I’m not offended. I built this place a long time ago. I used to come here to escape the world around me. Here, I could be alone and watch the world from a distance. I could see people without them seeing me. They couldn’t judge me. They couldn’t control me. Here, I was free.”
“That sounds pretty lonely, Moon Girl. You didn’t have many friends, huh?”
“Friends were not what I needed, because I was not alone. I had something with me that I treasured more than any person, including myself. I had something that gave me more comfort than a vanishing friend ever could; my drink. It didn’t matter what kind it was as long as it was strong and worked fast.
“You see that spot over there? I dug a deep hole in the middle of those bushes, so I could throw up when I got too drunk. A true alcoholic, as I learned from the best. That’s why, when I saw you, I knew.”
“Aw, Moon Girl, you got me all wrong. I love to drink, but I don’t do it like that! I party with my buds and we drink a little. I might get a little wasted before and after I go meet them but that’s the only time I drink alone. I’m a social drinker who loves to hang out. I’m sorry your trip was so bad but mine’s alright.”
“Yours is alright? Your trip is alright? Trips like yours create trips like mine. My parents were social drinkers until the social ran out. They met partying and never stopped. I was born addicted to alcohol. When I took my first drink, I was already hooked. So, when you say your trip isn’t that bad, you think about the future you’re creating. You could have a little girl just like me. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Silence. She continued, “If you love yourself, you’ll heed my words. If not, enjoy the child you create from madness. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She moved toward the thick bushes and tall trees.
Charles sat quiet absorbing her words before blurting out, “Moon Girl! How will I know when and where to meet you?”
She stopped but didn’t turn around. “You will know the same way I will. We’ll just see each other Charles.” Vanishing into the bushes and trees, she left him with his thoughts.
It was evening when Shannon walked through the door. The delicious smell of dinner permeated the house. The table was set for two.
“Claudia,” she called, “Claudia! I’m home and I have good news.”
“That’s wonderful,” Claudia shouts from the bedroom. “Get washed up and we’ll talk about it over dinner.”
Shannon quickly washed up thinking how much she had to say. Claudia sat at the dinner table, smiling. “Have a seat, young Shannon. I’m sure during your travels you neglected to eat; that usually happens during seeking.”
At that moment Shannon realized Claudia was right, she hadn’t eaten anything all day. From the first bite, she was consumed by the flavors, as if discovering a new delicacy. As the taste washed over Shannon’s tongue, Claudia’s melodic voice wafted to her ears.
“On my first mission into the world, I became lost and it took me a long time to find my way home; I became removed by what I was seeking. You see young Shannon, finding your reflection brings you closer to yourself. During the search, you will discover new things that have always been. You will recall moments that feel as if they were dreams. You will begin to see yourself. Once you fully see yourself, you will finally be free. Your journey today is only a small glimpse of this mirror. You still have so much to see. It is time that you rest, young Shannon. Tomorrow will bring about a new journey. It is your time, spend it wisely.”
Shannon took the last bites of her meal, chewing in a daze, too tired to respond. Drawn to her bedroom, before her head hit the pillow, she was fast asleep.
Shannon found Charles by the liquor store.
“Moon Girl,” he called out smiling. “I’m glad to see you. I thought a lot about what you said. Today is going to be my last day drinking. I want to hang with you, but I don’t want to remind you of things you went through.”
“Charles, you don’t have to worry about me. We’ll do what you want to do.”
“I really don’t want too much, Moon Girl. All I want to do is hang at that spot with you and talk.”
“That sounds cool, Charles. We can go there. Come on.”
They traveled to the hill top where they sat on the bench watching the people below do what people do. They sat in silence. Charles continued to drink, saying farewell to his good friend. He leaned over and kissed Shannon gently on the lips. It was a passionate kiss that Shannon found herself unexpectedly enjoying. She felt the urge to pull away but didn’t. Shannon opened her eyes, still in her bed at Claudia’s. That kiss, her time with Charles — it was all just a dream? It was still dark outside. Remembering she hadn’t told Claudia about Charles, she crawled out of bed and walked to Claudia’s room. Claudia wasn’t there; the bed was made the room was cold.
“Claudia?” Shannon called out, walking into the room, “Claudia?” She called again, with still no response. She turned on a lamp by the bed and saw something move out of the corner of her eye. She turned to see horrifying, hideous images in the mirror. The mirror appeared fractured, each sliver showed a different version of her own reflection. In one she is young, in another, old; the next, perfect beauty, though in others every blemish, every mistake, every insecurity projected. Her heart was gripped by fear as her eyes grappled with the images before her, desperately trying to find which image in the shattered mirror belonged to her. The largest sliver showed her smiling and laughing with great joy, but in reality, her screams caused the slivers to split into more separate pieces. The image of her enraged flew toward her as if leaping through the mirror and into the world. As if it were too much for even the mirror to contain, the mirror exploded into shards onto the floor.
“What have you done?” Claudia scr
eamed as she walked into the room.
“I – I – I didn’t do anything Claudia. I – I came in to talk to you and saw this mirror and then it just broke. I didn’t do anything. I swear Claudia. I swear.”
Claudia knelt, picking up the pieces of broken glass; visibly shaken by the loss of her mirror. “Get out.” She said sternly, looking up at Shannon with a coldness the young girl had never seen before in Claudia’s face. It resembled the same rage that broke the mirror. “GET OUT!” Claudia yelled as she walked toward Shannon with a piece of the broken mirror still in her hand. “Now! Shannon, I want you gone now!”
“Claudia? I didn’t do anything wrong.”
Claudia slapped Shannon viciously across the face. Tears streamed from Shannon’s eyes. Claudia slapped her as her mother had done. In shock, Shannon ran from the bedroom, through the living room, out the door, down the street, and down another and another until she had no more breath left to run.
The Rocking Chair
Life with Charles was good for a while. They had both given up alcohol. Shannon worked as a waitress in a sports bar owned by Charles’ father. She thought it was funny that she, an ex-alcoholic with no desire to take a drink, worked at a bar. They had purchased a home of their own and were deeply in love, raising their one-year old daughter Eva. They attended church services every Sunday and genuinely seemed to be the perfect young family in the neighborhood.
Shannon left work early one day to surprise her husband and young daughter at home. Arriving at the house she noticed an unfamiliar car in the driveway. Charles always had friends and family dropping by, so the car didn’t spark any concern. When opening the door, a smell entered Shannon’s nose and her heartbeat skipped. It wasn’t the smell that tripped up her heart; but the image before her that did it. Charles sat on the couch with a beautiful woman, playing with their daughter. It wasn’t an alarming scene, but it was one Shannon would never forget. It marked the beginning of the end of their marriage. The smell of this woman’s perfume lingered in Shannon’s mind as the fragrance of anguish. Shadow had explained to Shannon in a dream that the curse of the broken mirror would see to it that Shannon would never be able to hold love from anyone, and if she ever attempted to love, that love would be taken from her.
