by Jay Bell
“I’m gay,” Nathaniel said helpfully.
He held Caesar’s gaze, refusing to show shame as he waited for judgment.
“You’re gay?” Caesar repeated. “Seriously?”
“Yup.”
“Wow. That’s…” Caesar stared off into space before his eyes focused again. “That’s really cool!”
Pine needles rustled underfoot as Nathaniel considered his words. “You think it’s cool that I’m gay?”
“Yeah! I never would have guessed. Do you have a boyfriend?”
“No.”
“Why not?” Caesar said. “I mean, just look at you!”
Without any convenient mirrors hanging on nearby trees, Nathaniel had only his memory to rely on. He had a strong brow, which Dwight insisted made him look like a Neanderthal. Aside from that, he didn’t consider any of his features noteworthy. More than a few girls had shown interest in him, but he never took much comfort in that. What he really wondered is what guys thought of him.
“You think I’m hot or something?” Nathaniel asked, grinning to show the question was a joke.
To his delight, Caesar chose to answer him seriously. “You could have anyone you wanted. I’m sure of it.”
Nathaniel wasn’t convinced. “Maybe. Finding the right sort of guy isn’t easy.”
“Have you tried online?”
“Yeah.”
“And?”
Nathaniel smirked. “Are you asking for details?”
Caesar grinned back at him. “Sure.”
“Mind your own business.” In truth, he didn’t have an exciting story to share because half the guys didn’t look anything like their profile pictures, and those who did were more interested in getting into his pants than talking to him. Occasionally Nathaniel was tempted, but ideally he wanted his first time to be with someone he actually liked.
Caesar looked disappointed, but he didn’t retreat back into himself. “Do my parents know?”
“That I’m gay? Nope.”
“Is it a secret?”
“Not really. My policy is when it comes up naturally, I’ll talk about it. I don’t see the need to broadcast it.”
“That makes sense,” Caesar said. “They’ll be okay with it though. They’re good people.”
Nathaniel arched an eyebrow. “You’d be surprised how much hate can come from people convinced they are doing good. All those Bible thumpers telling me I’ll burn in Hell? They think they’re doing me a favor by trying to save my immortal soul. Are your parents religious?”
“Yeah,” Caesar said. “We go to church every Sunday. They really are good people. All my siblings are adopted. You know that, right?”
The oldest girl was Asian, so Nathaniel had suspected as much. “What about you?”
“I’m their only biological child. For medical reasons. My parents didn’t let that stop them. They take in a lot of foster kids. I can’t count how many have come and gone.”
“I’m sure they’re good people,” Nathaniel conceded. “They wouldn’t have let me tag along if they weren’t. With the gay issue though, it’s hard to guess how anyone will react.”
Caesar nodded. “I know.”
Nathaniel was pretty sure he didn’t, but he let it slide. “It gets lonely. Sometimes I wish more gay people were around. Maybe there are, but I can never tell who. I don’t want to hang out in some anonymous chat room just to meet someone, you know?”
Caesar shrugged. “Whatever it takes. It’s not like a grocery store or whatever is much more exciting.”
Nathaniel snorted. “You’re right. Maybe I just like being lonely.” He wasn’t sure what he meant by that, and he didn’t really want to dwell on it because at the moment, his stomach was more demanding than his heart. “I’m hungry,” he said, coming to a stop. “Let’s eat here.”
“The ghost town isn’t far away,” Caesar said.
“Then let’s pick up the pace. You lead.”
Once Caesar was ahead of him on the path, backpack bouncing on his shoulders, Nathaniel allowed himself a smile. It was nice to be accepted, although he’d have to watch himself now. If Caesar noticed any lingering gazes, he would know they weren’t completely innocent. Maybe he would take it as a compliment, but Nathaniel was meant to be playing big brother, not would-be lover.
His stomach was grumbling by the time the trees thinned out, the shadows replaced by daylight that warmed their skin. At first he thought they had entered a natural clearing, but the land continued stretching outward, unhampered by anything but the skinniest of trees.
“Which way is the ghost town?” Nathaniel asked.
“We’re already there.” Caesar stopped, beaming at everything around them. “My dad and I discovered this place a few years back.”
“Did you eat some magic mushrooms along the way? Because I don’t see anything.”
“Wait.” Caesar walked forward, kicking occasionally in the dried yellow grass. “In the summer it’s impossible to find much. I tried once and came back with an army of ticks. One even got on my— Here!”
Nathaniel joined him. Buried in the earth was a long rectangular stone. A brick. Its shortest edge touched another, and after brushing more dirt away, they found a third attached to it. “The foundation of a building,” he said, glancing upward at the seemingly empty field. “Are there more like this?”
“I counted around twenty last time,” Caesar said. “A few still have walls. Mostly ruined, but you can get a better idea. I’ll show you.”
His hunger forgotten, Nathaniel followed him around the edge of the field. Rounding a curve they found even more empty space.
“Dad thinks most of the land had been cleared for farming. That’s why there’s not much out there in the middle. Most of the houses are toward the woods. Hey, there they are!”
In the underbrush, just before the first row of trees, were crumbling walls barely higher than their shins. Only the front steps stood taller, three of them, leading to a doorway that no longer existed.
“It’s kind of sad.” Caesar stepped onto one of the stones, its edges rounded with age, the flat surface stained green with moss. “At one time, this house must have been new. Like brand new. Somebody probably stood right here, feeling proud of his new home, and thought it would last forever. Maybe he pictured his grandkids inheriting it. Their kids too. I bet he never imagined this ruin when he carried his bride across the threshold. Or maybe his husband.”
Nathaniel scoffed. “If you want to get progressive, maybe a woman built this house and carried her man over the threshold.”
Caesar didn’t seem to hear him, his eyes moving over the former interior of the house, which was now sunken earth filled with wet leaves. “Even the town didn’t survive,” he added eventually.
“Are you sure one was ever here?” Nathaniel asked. “It could have just been a farm.”
Caesar nodded toward the field. “There was a church. And a graveyard. I’ll show you.”
Nathaniel followed him into the cleared land. They walked past enough half-buried foundations and toppled bricks to convince him this was more than just a farm. They reached the graveyard first, where the stones had been worn down by so much weather that only the occasional number or letter was visible. They hovered on the edges, unwilling to walk over any graves.
“Dad found one from the eighteen hundreds. He said he was going to check the county records and find out more about what had been here. Never did. I guess he’s too busy.”
“You should do it yourself,” Nathaniel said.
“Maybe.” Caesar turned away from the grave. “The church was right over here. See? If you follow what’s left of the foundation, it makes a long rectangle. With it being so close to the graves, we figured that’s what it must have been.”
“You sure it wasn’t a crematorium?” Nathaniel asked. He laughed at Caesar’s worried expression, since they were standing in the middle of the space now. “Don’t worry. I’m sure this is hallowed ground. Perfect place to ea
t lunch.”
Caesar just stood there.
“And unless you open your backpack soon,” Nathaniel added, “we’ll have to call it dinner.”
“Oh!” Caesar hurried to free his arms from the pack.
They were both curious about the contents, since Mrs. Hubbard had packed lunch for them. Inside was a blanket, which Caesar spread out on the ground, making a place to sit. Then he pulled out a few sandwiches, two slightly browned bananas, two cans of Coke, and some of her homemade brownies wrapped in aluminum foil.
They gobbled down the food, Nathaniel finishing first. Caesar was still chewing the second half of his sandwich and wearing a thoughtful expression. He swallowed a bite and took a swig from his can. “What did you mean earlier, about my parents being good people for letting you come along?”
Nathaniel paused. Caesar was a quick learner, but he was no Sherlock Holmes. The information he was after had nothing to do with such a vague statement. “How much do you know?”
“About what?” Caesar said innocently.
“How much?” Nathaniel repeated.
Caesar shrugged and looked away. “I was surprised you were coming with us. Peter wasn’t allowed to bring a friend, and I never was allowed before. Normally these trips are about ‘the family spirit,’ as my mom likes to say. So I was surprised, that’s all.”
Nathaniel continued to scrutinize him. “Did you ask your father?”
“Yeah. He just said it would be good for both of us, whatever that means.”
“He’s hoping I’ll be a good role model to you,” Nathaniel said. “Nothing more.”
“Then why did you get so defensive about the question if you’ve got nothing to hide?”
Fuck. Okay, maybe he wasn’t Sherlock, but he did have a touch of Columbo. “Don’t worry about it.”
Caesar wasn’t discouraged. “Did it have something to do with your wrist being all bruised?”
Nathaniel snapped. “Just shut up, okay?”
The loudness of his voice carried through the clearing, birds pausing before continuing their chatter. Caesar looked away and resumed nibbling on his sandwich. He didn’t make eye contact again. Nor did he try to make conversation.
Nathaniel sighed. “My brother and I don’t get along.”
Caesar’s eyes met his and widened. “He did that to you?”
“We got into a fight.” That kept things simple. Two brothers arguing until they started swinging wasn’t hard to imagine. How he had sat still and let his brother slowly hurt him, not offering any real resistance—that would be difficult to explain. “We get on each other’s nerves a lot, so your dad thought me getting away would help cool things down.”
“Oh,” Caesar said. “Sorry.”
“It’s fine. I just don’t want to talk about it. The point of being here is to leave it behind.” Nathaniel flopped onto his back, considering the clouds until the sun came out from behind them and brightness forced him to close his eyes. “I like it here. Your dad was right. This is what I needed.”
Caesar was silent, probably wondering how a person’s wrist could be bruised so badly during an ordinary fight. Or perhaps he just wanted to respect Nathaniel’s wishes. “Usually I hate these trips,” he said eventually. “Especially the last few times. I’d rather be with my friends.”
“Or Steph, I imagine.”
“Yeah.” The blanket rustled, the fabric beneath his back tugging a few times. When Caesar spoke again, his voice was lower, like he too had opted for a sun bath. “I’m glad you came along. Forget the family bond. I’d rather have fun.”
“I’m glad you’re glad,” Nathaniel murmured.
Caesar laughed. “I’m glad you’re glad that I’m glad.”
Nathaniel’s thoughts felt sluggish, his stomach full. “I’m having fun too.”
The only response was a light breeze that rustled the grass around them. Then Nathaniel didn’t hear much of anything, his thoughts abstract until he was no longer aware of them at all.
* * * * *
Something cold and wet splattered on his forehead, jerking him awake. The sky was gray now, just a hint of optimistic blue visible on the distant horizon. Caesar was sitting up, staring at him. Nathaniel expected him to look away, as he so often did. Not this time. Caesar watched him until a drop of rain struck his own cheek, causing him to flinch.
“I guess we should get going,” Caesar said, wiping it away.
“How long was I asleep?” Nathaniel asked, head feeling light as he rose.
“An hour. Maybe more.”
“Why didn’t you wake me?”
They didn’t have time to discuss it further because raindrops were coming faster now. Together they shook out the blanket, everything on it tumbling off. They stuffed the blanket messily into Caesar’s backpack, leaving little room for anything else.
“Let’s just go,” Nathaniel said, glaring up at the clouds.
“It’s a church!” Caesar insisted, crouching to pick up the litter.
The gods had a funny way of thanking him, because as soon as he was finished, the skies really opened up. Rain pummeled Nathaniel as he broke into a sprint, Caesar soon catching up and running alongside him. They were heading for the nearest line of trees, which wasn’t near at all. Nathaniel wished at least one building in this old town had survived, because they were getting seriously soaked. By the time they reached the trees, their clothes clung to their bodies. Caesar laughed, wet hair framing his face. Nathaniel grimaced, pulling at his T-shirt until it let go of his skin. At least the trees provided some shelter. Water still broke through, but it was better than nothing. Hopefully the storm would blow away so they could dry out on the way back to the campsite.
First they needed to find the path. Caesar seemed to know where to go. As they slowly picked their way over brambles and small bushes, Caesar stopped to get his bearings. He took off his glasses and wiped at them with his wet shirt, which didn’t do much except move the water around. When he put them back on, they began to fog up.
“Damn it,” he muttered, removing them again. “I hate these things! I’m getting contacts.”
“I like your glasses,” Nathaniel said.
“I like being able to see. I’ll get contacts and pop the lenses out of these so I can still wear them. Happy?”
“Thrilled.”
“Good.” Caesar folded up the glasses and shoved them in his back pocket. “You’d better lead the way. The path should be right over there.”
He was right. Soon they were on the path again, which made travelling easier but exposed them to more rain—just a drizzle now, but enough to ensure they wouldn’t dry out. After the better part of an hour, the clouds finally parted. The sun was too low in the sky to provide heat, but exertion helped. Half an hour later, Nathaniel was feeling warm. Odd then that Caesar was shivering visibly. All the weight and muscle Nathaniel had put on over the last year might be useless against Dwight, but apparently it protected him against the cold.
“You okay?” Nathaniel asked, bringing them to a halt.
Caesar nodded, putting on his glasses again. This time they didn’t fog up. “I’m okay.”
“Try saying that without your teeth chattering.”
Caesar ignored him, glancing around. “Does this look familiar to you?”
“A bunch of pine trees, a few squirrels, and the occasional armadillo? Yup.”
“Seriously,” Caesar said. “What about the big rock where I stopped to tie my shoes? Remember? We should have passed that by now. Do you remember seeing it?”
“No.” Nathaniel looked farther down the path, just in case it was there waiting for them.
“I would have seen that, even with my glasses off.” Caesar stopped shivering long enough to scan their surroundings. “Maybe this is the wrong path.”
“There’s more than one?”
“Yeah.”
“How many?”
“I’m not sure,” Caesar said, giving up and turning to him. “I wish we hadn�
��t left our phones behind.”
“There’s no reception out here,” Nathaniel reminded him. “I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel like backtracking for more than an hour. This path has to end up somewhere, right?”
“I guess so.”
Nathaniel led by example, setting off down the path again. After what felt like another half hour, he stopped. The sky above was growing dark, the path they were walking becoming thinner, as if less traversed. He was starting to wonder if this path didn’t lead to somewhere, but away from somewhere instead.
He turned to find Caesar hugging himself, his normally olive skin a paler shade than normal. “You’re still wet!”
“A little. This shirt is made from sponge or something crazy. Maybe I should take it off.”
“Do it.” Nathaniel unshouldered the backpack, shoving the trash to one side so he could pull out the blanket. “Here.” He stepped forward, wrapping Caesar’s bare torso in the light material. That would probably be enough, but he gave into temptation, pulling Caesar close and putting arms around him. “Just warming you up,” he said.
“Thanks,” Caesar responded.
Nathaniel breathed in, as if concerned by their situation. He was, but he also yearned to inhale the scent of Caesar’s skin. At the moment it smelled like rain water with a hint of sweat, a combination he didn’t mind at all.
“What are we going to do?” Caesar murmured. “I don’t think this is the right way.”
“I don’t know,” Nathaniel replied, forcing himself to focus on the matter at hand. What choice was there besides turning around? No other paths had crossed this one. They could only backtrack to the open field, find the original path, and go from there. Reaching the ghost town originally had taken hours. That, added to how long they traveled in the wrong direction, meant they would be walking in the dark long before they got back to camp, increasing their chances of becoming lost again. Surely if they kept walking, they would reach a river or— “Hold still,” he said. “Listen.”
Caesar forced himself to stop shivering. Nathaniel held his breath. There! Off in the distance! Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but it sounded like tires cruising along a gravel road.
