Shadow Song

by K. G. Reuss

  “I only just found out! I swear it!” She came to me and wrapped her arms around my body in a hug. “Would it be so bad? To be married to me?

  “Amara, you know how I feel! Why would you think an arranged marriage would make me feel any better? Huh? This is not how you make a relationship work. If I wanted to marry you, I’d ask you, and I sure as hell wouldn’t be doing it right now! We’re too young for God’s sake!”

  “We don’t have to if you don’t want to.” She hugged me tighter. I let out a sigh and gave her a small, one-armed squeeze. It was the best I could muster under my current mental condition.

  “I don’t,” I said softly, firmly. She shook against me before looking up at me with bright eyes, the tears glistening in them.

  “I know,” she said sadly. “But my heart says that maybe someday you will. We’ve been together for a long time. That has to mean something to you. It does to me.”

  Not wanting to continue the conversation any further, I leaned down and silenced her with a kiss. She eagerly accepted it, her tongue sweeping along mine. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was doing, but I did it anyway, dragging her to my bed, wanting everything plaguing me to just go away.

  I just wanted to be me again.

  I tugged my shirt back over my head, feeling like a total jerk. I never stuck around afterwards. She knew that though. It was just one of the many things that made me wonder why she bothered being my girlfriend.

  “When will you be back?” she asked, sheets wrapped around her in my bed.

  “I don’t know,” I grunted, feeling sick for being with her when I had all these mixed feelings going on in my head. The last thing I wanted was to lead her on. I hated myself for it.

  “Is it that girl?” she ventured, sliding to the edge of my bed.

  “Yes,” I muttered hurriedly, shoving a blade into my holster that had fallen out when I’d taken off my pants. “And if you tell anyone about this, you’ll be punished in Xanan. It’s a serious offense to give away secret mission information once I’ve given it out to members. I am the only one who knows about all missions and who has the power to share that information with everyone. Do not share with anyone what I’ve told you. Eric and Damien are the only two who know.”

  “I know.” She pouted, reaching out for me. “I understand. I really am just worried about you. This isn’t normal. You have to know that. This girl—she could be crazy. She could hurt you.”

  I stared down at her as she got to her feet and looked at me. She reached up and pushed my silver-gray hair off my forehead. While rolling around in my bed, some of the strands had fallen from the rubber band. Tilting her chin up, her lips met mine. I wasn’t sure what I was doing anymore… what I was feeling. Desperation. Agony. Confusion. I kissed her back. I kissed her pretending she was Everly, the girl my heart both loathed and loved. Just like I’d crawled into bed and buried myself in her moments ago imaging she was Everly. It was wrong, but the thought of my lips on Everly’s made the dam inside of me burst open, the swell of emotion pouring out of me onto Amara’s lips. She let out a soft moan, her fingers tangling in my shaggy hair.

  I got my wits about me and pulled away leaving her to whimper at my distance.

  “I have to go. Go to bed.”

  “Will you come see me when you get back?” she asked coyly. “I’ll wait for you.”

  “No.” I looked her up and down, knowing I’d made a huge mistake taking her to bed. Foolishly, I’d hoped the butterflies would beat their wings again. Well, the nauseous twinges that I hoped would one day metamorphose into butterflies. But nothing. I was empty inside. “Just go to bed. Your bed.”

  Her fingers pressed against her lips. “You never kiss me like that. I know you’re having trouble with your feelings. I’ll wait. You know I will.”

  “Don’t wait for me, Amara. I’m not that guy. We both know that.” I melded into the shadows and disappeared into the darkness not waiting for her answer.

  Chapter 10

  “Man, why did we have to meet here?” Damien grumbled as he appeared beside me with Eric in the middle of the dark cemetery.

  “It was the best place,” I murmured, walking forward through the tombstones, still feeling sick over my night with Amara. Inwardly, I rolled my eyes. It’s not like we’d never done it before. We had plenty of times since we’d started dating. But it shouldn’t have happened tonight, especially with how messed up my head was. I hated myself for it and vowed not to do it again until I had my shit sorted.

  “They say this place is stupid haunted.” Eric shivered, looking around. “I can feel them.”

  “Me too,” Damien muttered. “Can we walk faster please?”

  “Wusses,” I sighed, breaking into a trot. Conexus typically didn’t mess with the dead unless they were haunting a place or causing issues. Then we went in and took them out, or rather, captured them and sent them to Xanan. I didn’t have much information on what happened past that since no one was really able to see or speak to them. My guess was the Order was working on a way to use them to their advantage against the Cipher. The idea that Ever might be able to help them made me nauseous. But if it would end the Cipher threat, it might not be a bad idea. It just wasn’t an idea I wanted to explore right then.

  We reached the edge of the cemetery gates and stopped.

  “So, what are we doing here?” Eric asked, his form completely black, his eyes a dull orangish red. His form matched mine and Damien’s.

  “I want to show you something. Follow me and remain quiet. No matter what. We’ll communicate telepathically if we must.” Communicating telepathically was a gift members of Conexus got once inducted. It was one of Eric’s main abilities and was therefore something we all could share, just like my shadow melding and Damien’s strength. Each member provided an enhancement. To be paired off with someone was stellar because everything the two connecting members had would become enhanced. Eric’s telepathy proved quite helpful in battle and instances like this—not that there were many—but it had its limits. We needed to be near one another, and it only worked with other members. When Specials were inducted into Conexus, one of their gifts would enhance the rest of us. That’s why I was picky when choosing. I wanted the best.

  I led them down the darkened street and walked straight up to Everly’s door.

  “You brought us to your side chick’s house?” Damien chuckled. “Nice touch, Shadow. I’m rubbing off on you.”

  “Shut it, Wick.” I tossed him a sour look which only made him laugh more.

  “I swear if you’ve brought us here to witness you kill this girl you’re going to have a really tough time,” Eric warned me.

  Sighing, I shook my head and pressed my hand to the door. It glowed momentarily before I moved my hand away. Placing my hands on each of my friends’ shoulders, I brought us outside of Everly’s bedroom door.

  “What the hell—” Damien started, clearly surprised at the talent I’d just shown him, but I shook my head at him, reminding him to be quiet. He gave me a curt nod. Her door was cracked open, so we were able to step inside her bedroom. She was lying in her bed, her long black hair a tangled mess around her. My throat was tight as I stopped and peered down at her, all sorts of emotions rushing through me.

  God, she was beautiful. Her plump, pink lips were slightly parted. Her chest moved deeply as she breathed. Long, dark lashes fanned across her ivory cheeks. Blankets were tangled around her toned legs, revealing her tiny pink shorts riding high on her thighs. A patch of her perfect tummy was visible as her small white tank crept up her torso.

  “This is her?” Eric’s voice was in my mind. I nodded, unable to yank my eyes away from her.

  “Damn. No wonder you’ve gone temporarily stupid. I’m feeling a little dumb myself right now,” Damien’s voice cut in. “God, she’s freaking gorgeous. When I asked you if she was hot, you didn’t say anything. I assumed she was a troll and you were embarrassed.”

  He reached out to touch her hair, but I slapped hi
s hand away.

  “Don’t touch her,” I growled at him, my protectiveness over her kicking in.

  “Damn, dude, chill. Her hair looks soft. I just wanted to check. I wasn’t going to hurt her!”

  She shifted as she slept, her shirt creeping up dangerously high. I reached down and tugged it gently back into place. Her eyelids fluttered, her breath quickening.

  “She’s dreaming,” Eric mused. “I wonder what about.”

  We didn’t have to wait long to find out.

  “Shadow,” she said softly. My name on her lips sent a thrill of excitement through me. I’d never told her my name, or rather, my nickname. It was an interesting development. “Help me. Please.” She gave a tiny whimper, her eyebrows crinkling.

  “I’m here,” I murmured without thinking. I sat on the edge of her bed and pushed her long hair off her forehead tenderly. She nuzzled her face into my hand, her lips brushing against it as she moved her head. My heart quickened in my chest. I closed my eyes, not wanting to feel this way for her. It felt… wrong. My mother was gone because of my draw to her. I couldn’t help myself. I was a victim to something greater. Something I didn’t want to consider, so I continued to cradle her face tenderly, watching as her eyelids fluttered with whatever dream plagued her to the point of calling out for me.

  “Should we leave you two alone?” Damien asked coyly.

  “Shut up, Damien. Will you be OK with her?” Eric’s voice sounded off, weird, in my mind.

  “Yes,” I replied softly. “I won’t hurt her.”

  “You better not,” Eric stated darkly. “We’ll be outside in her hallway, lurking in the dark like a couple weirdos. Come on.” Eric tugged Damien away and slid through her open door.

  I ignored them as I sat and watched her for what felt like forever, and yet even that wasn’t long enough. I could gaze at this girl for an eternity, and my heart would still crave more. I swallowed hard at the realization.

  “Save me,” she whimpered. “Please. Don’t let me go,” her voice was garbled with sleep, her brows crinkled tightly. A tear slid from the corner of her eye. I gently wiped the tear away as I leaned into her.

  “I’ll never let you go, Everly. As much as I know I should. As much as I want to. I’ll always save you even if it kills me to do it.” I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her brows unfused, and she stopped fidgeting as her breathing became deep and even again. I’d never had so many butterflies hammering a rhythm in my guts or chest before. Being near her caused my heart to beat rapidly. The feeling was totally unique and foreign, but somehow, something I didn’t want to end.

  I didn’t want to leave her, but I had to. I had to tell the guys what was going on.

  What I might be. What Everly might be. Fighting it wasn’t going to change the possibility.

  And I hated it. I hated being forced into this. I hated Everly being forced into it. I hated my mother being gone. I hated caring for Everly one minute and then hating her the next. I hated myself for the way I felt. I was just a giant ball of anger and hatred.

  It was time I started to come to terms with what it might mean for all of us.

  Chapter 11

  “She’s hot, dude,” Damien said as we left her house. “I figured you must have been holding out information. She’s hotter than Amara even. And that’s saying something.”

  “Don’t talk about her like that,” I said, stepping off her front step.

  “Who, Amara?” Damien asked.

  “No. Everly.”

  “Wait. I’m confused. What’s really happening here?” Damien dragged me to a stop. “You’re with Amara. What’s the deal with this girl? A few days ago you were plotting to kill her. What’s changed?”

  “I don’t know,” I sighed, shaking my head. All my thoughts were twisted and muddled. “Nothing’s changed, and yet everything has. I can’t even explain it.”

  “Well, you should probably try because you have us confused,” Damien continued. “Or at least give us an idea about your plans. Because I have to tell you, man, if you’re too confused to figure it out, I definitely don’t mind stepping in and taking care of her. I could introduce myself to her. Show her a good time while you try to figure things out—"

  “You’ll have no relationship with her,” I growled, fisting my hand in his shirt collar and pulling him roughly to me. The very idea of someone touching her sent me into a bout of rage.

  “Whoa, man. Chill.” He held his hands up in surrender. I released him and ran a shaking hand over my face in frustration. Damn. Why was she having this effect on me? It was unsettling.

  “Shadow, man. Talk to us. What’s going on. This girl isn’t even your girl. Why so protective?” Eric cut in. “Damien’s right. You wanted her dead just a few days ago.”

  “She really is mine,” I murmured, feeling faint.

  Damien and Eric glanced at one another.

  “Does she know it?” Damien ventured carefully as I looked up to her darkened bedroom window.

  “I think subconsciously she knows it. Or at least she’s close to realizing it,” I sighed, wishing I could just go up to her room and take her small body into my arms and hold her forever. It was a terrible tugging in my core, one I had to wrestle with and kick into submission.

  “Man, you’re acting all sorts of crazy.” Damien cleared his throat. “Does Amara know about all this? I know you said you weren’t going to say anything, but you’re acting weird.”

  “She doesn’t know everything.” I forced my gaze from her window and focused my red eyes on Damien. “I don’t know what I’m doing. You’re right. I wanted her dead. I still do, but the part that wants her to live is stronger. My brain is screwed up. My heart is at war with it. I don’t feel for Amara what I feel with Everly. Not even close.”

  “Yeah, but Sleeping Beauty doesn’t even know who you are,” Eric’s voice of reason broke in. “So, I think you need to take a step back and evaluate what the hell you’re doing here. Being with a girl outside of Dementon is hard. Plus, you can’t decide if you want to kill her or not? And can you imagine what your father would do if he found you dating outside your social class? And a Nattie?” Eric shuddered.

  “She’s not a Nattie,” I replied. I drew in a deep breath before launching into what I’d been told by the Order. When I finished, Damien and Eric stared at me wide-eyed.

  “Dude. No freaking way.” Damien shook his head. “You? The Reever? Her? The Mancer? What the hell are you going to do if it’s true? You acted like we were crazy when we mentioned it!”

  “Hopefully we never have to find out,” I mumbled. “But I’m going to figure out how to get her to Dementon, so I can watch over her.”

  “Amara will love that.” Eric rolled his eyes.

  “Amara won’t have a choice.”

  “So what are you going to do? Break it off with Amara and attempt something with this chick?” Eric asked, nodding in the direction of Everly’s house.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I can never be with Everly, no matter h-how I end up feeling. It just can’t be. I’ll always blame her for my mother’s death. Instead, I just want her to learn about herself. And prove me wrong. Convince me that maybe she deserves to live.”

  “See?” Damien shoved Eric in the shoulder. “You thought our boy was going to drop Amara, who puts out all the time, to chill with some chick who might talk to him? You’re nuts. Amara is a pain in the ass, but he’d be nuts to let her go, especially if this chick doesn’t even know what the hell she is. And she’s not Conexus. It couldn’t happen. Plus, the dead? Really? To hell with that. I couldn’t deal with it. It’s bad enough we have to capture the lost ones.” Damien shuddered as he looked up to her bedroom window, backtracking on what he’d said earlier about trying to have a relationship with her.

  “Look, we’re going to watch over her. We’re going to keep her safe. It’s our new mission. And we tell no one about this. Got it? Everly is a secret. If she is who the Order thinks she is, she’s going to need to
be protected. If the Cipher get wind of this, she’ll be in danger. She’s in danger now. I mean, someone sent a wraith after her. She needs us,” I finished.

  “You know we have your back.” Eric gave me a bro handshake. “Anything, man.”

  “Yeah, we got you,” Damien added, shaking my hand like Eric did.

  “I knew I could count on you guys.” I grinned, feeling a bit better.

  Chapter 12

  I was out on a haunt with Brandon, Sloane, Amanda, Adam, and Eric. My brow was wet with sweat, and I was unable to focus because I was worried about Everly. There was a nasty, nagging feeling in my guts. The pull. I’d been fighting it since I’d learned what it was. I couldn’t—wouldn’t—go to her. By focusing on it, I was able to control it a bit more. Damien had gone to watch over her. He had strict orders to remain unseen. He’d never failed me before. It wasn’t him that was getting to me. There was this overwhelming feeling that something was wrong with her. Damien swore he’d fire message me if something happened. I knew I’d know before the message got to me though.

  “I don’t understand why we’re trying to round up the dead,” Sloane muttered as we walked into the abandoned old house. “Like I freaking hate this job so much. I didn’t ask for this crap.”

  “No one usually does,” Brandon murmured, his brown curls a mess on his head, his hazel eyes keen as he peered through the darkness. “I can feel them.”

  “Me too,” Eric added. “There aren’t many though.” He took out the voidbox. It went straight to Xanan. It was a top-secret mission we’d acquired only weeks before. We were under tight orders to not speak of it to anyone at Xanan or with the council unless directly spoken to of it with the passcodes we were given. I didn’t even know who’d handed the order down.

  “Let’s get this over with,” I growled, drawing my blade.

  “Why didn’t Damien have to come?” Adam muttered. “Is he back home banging some Conexus groupie or something? Not fair, dude.”