by K. G. Reuss
The weight in my chest pressed harder. It was mid-afternoon the following day, and I’d spent most of the previous night and today trying to recover.
“Everly,” I whispered, pushing the covers off me. There was a knock on my door. “Enter.”
Damien pushed the door open with Eric behind him.
“It’s her,” I said, climbing uneasily to my feet.
“She’s awake,” Damien answered. “And she’s breathing on her own.”
“I’m going to her,” I said immediately. My friends looked at one another, a silent conversation spoken between them.
“We’ll go with you,” Eric finally said, looking over to me. I nodded, and they left me to dress. Quickly, I put on a clean black uniform and my cloak, then studied myself in the mirror. I’d managed a shower late the night before. This was the first day of our new life. I touched the red infinity symbol marking the underside of my wrist. My heart skipped in my chest, worry setting in. What if she hated me? That was a hell of a way to spend an eternity. I didn’t know Everly well. I just knew the scared girl from when we were kids. I didn’t know her now. I just knew she didn’t want to die. And she was beautiful.
I drew in a deep breath, my aquamarine eyes near-glowing as I focused on trying to heal myself. Surprisingly, warmth spread through me immediately as my body strengthened. I’d struggled with getting it to work since I’d woken up. This was a good sign!
Feeling a million times better, I pushed my silver hair back from my face and tied it into a small ponytail at the back of my head. Satisfied with how I looked, I left the bathroom and went downstairs to find Damien and Eric waiting for me. And everyone else in our chapter.
A round of applause greeted me. Eric told me no one knew what had happened to me. Only that I’d been on a secret mission and had been hurt.
“Thank you,” I murmured, my eyes finding Amara’s. She came to me and wrapped her arms around me tightly. I didn’t hug her or even kiss her back when she pressed her mouth to mine.
“We have cake!” Adam proclaimed, gesturing to a large chocolate cake on the coffee table in the center of the room.
“Sorry, Shadow. We tried to tell them you didn’t want any of this.” Damien shrugged helplessly. I let out a sigh and forced a tight smile. Everything in me only wanted to check on my girl. My Everly.
“I appreciate everything you’ve all done,” I said, as everyone hushed. Amara wrapped her arms around my waist and rested her head against my shoulder as I spoke. I glanced down at her feeling frustrated. “However, I’m unable to join you at this time. Duty calls.”
There was a general moan of letdown.
“Save him a piece of cake,” Eric called out.
“Screw it. I’m eating.” Jared shrugged, going to the cake. Sloane grinned and handed him the knife, and I was soon forgotten about. It wasn’t unusual for me to skip out on events.
“Are you kidding me?” Amara hissed. “You’re leaving? Again? You’ve only just healed!”
“I have a responsibility,” I said firmly.
“You promised we’d spend time together. Where are you off to this time? And why can’t I go?”
“You know where I’m going. Don’t act like you don’t,” I snapped at her.
“To her? The Nattie?”
“She isn’t a Nattie,” I replied, unwinding her arms from around my waist. “She’s a Special, and she’ll be coming to Dementon as soon as the Order gives their approval. I’m meeting with them tomorrow over the matter.”
“I hope she does come here,” Amara snarled, her eyes flashing dangerously. “Because I want to meet this girl. I want her to know who she’s messing with—”
“I’m not listening to this. I’m leaving. But you and I,” I whispered through my clenched teeth and narrowed my eyes at her, we’ll talk later.”
“You’re damn right we will!”
She stomped away from me with a roll of her eyes. I let out a frustrated sigh, more at myself than anything. I should’ve ended things with her a long time ago.
“Forget it, man.” Damien patted me on the shoulder. “You’re done there anyway, right?”
“Yeah,” I muttered, turning to leave. He and Eric fell in step behind me as we went out to the street.
“She’s at Mercy,” Eric said, indicating the hospital. I gave a tight nod as I turned to meld, Eric and Damien following suit. We quickly whisked through the darkness, and before I knew it, I was standing outside the hospital.
“It’s going to be hard to go in there without her seeing you. It’s easy to stay hidden from the Natties. Harder when it’s another Special, especially one like her. There are very few shadows in there to blend in with,” Damien said, gazing up at the brick monstrosity in front of us.
“I’ll figure it out,” I murmured, knowing I could create what I needed to.
“Don’t heal her.” Eric turned to face me. “No matter what. If you do, things will look suspicious. You have to let this happen, OK?”
“Like hell—”
“Listen, man! If you heal her, how can it be explained to the Natties? It’ll only cause her more problems. You’re going to have to sit this one out. OK?”
I nodded. He was right. And I hated it.
“And don’t kill her,” Eric added as an afterthought. I snorted at him, shaking my head. That was the last thing I planned on doing.
“We’ll come with you. Just in case,” Damien added. I rolled my eyes at him but agreed. I knew I’d need them to stop me from healing her completely if it came down to it. We traveled upstairs, once again using any shadows we could. It was like skipping through puddles as we hopped from one shadow to the next, something that was proving difficult inside of the hospital. I created what I could, which helped.
Once I made it to her room, I was grateful to find her sleeping with no visitors.
“We’ll keep watch,” Damien grunted at the door. I gave him a curt nod and approached her bed.
As I stared down at her, I drew in a sharp breath. Her face was badly bruised. The purple and red patches ignited anger deep within me. Dylan. I’d make him pay for this. Her arm was wrapped and so was her leg. A bandage wound around her head, and she was paler than usual, which made her eyes really stand out in their black and blue state. Even her plump pink lips were cracked. My heart squeezed.
“Sweetheart,” I murmured, reaching out to touch her face gently. I glanced in the direction of my friends and was grateful they weren’t looking at me. I quickly sent a bit of energy out to her, healing some of the nasty bruises to a dull yellow color. I even gave the gash I knew was hiding beneath the bandage on her head a quick nudge in healing, so it wouldn’t scar so badly.
“Ever, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’ll take care of you from now on. I promise I will. I’ll do what I have to do to keep you safe. It’s going to be a rough road, Everly, but I swear to you it’s worth it. Just hang on for me, OK?” I leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on her cheek.
“Mm,” she murmured, her hand moving. It found mine as she slept, and she gave it a tiny squeeze. “Shadow.”
My heart lurched in my chest. I didn’t realize how involved I really was until that moment. I only wanted to help her. But she’d caught me. And she had me. And I didn’t even want her to let me go despite knowing in my heart that she deserved so much more than the life I could offer her. I knew I couldn’t keep her. It wasn’t fair to her. It would only cause her more pain. Instead, I vowed to just protect her. To keep her safe from all I could. I’d never tell her who I was. Which meant I couldn’t get close to her any longer because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to control myself from claiming her for good and sealing our destiny.
All we could ever be was me staring at her from across a crowded room, wishing I wasn’t me.
Chapter 18
“You’re more sullen than usual,” Eric commented as we left the hospital. I’d kissed her tenderly on her forehead before leaving her there. I had to let things play out. I kne
w I did.
“I have to let her go,” I replied, my voice stronger than I expected it to be.
“What?” Damien asked. I didn’t answer him until we were back on Dementon grounds.
“Because. She deserves more than what I can give her. She deserves a choice. I won’t take it from her.”
The guys were quiet as we walked to our house on the edge of campus.
“And Amara?” Eric ventured.
“Over. I can’t give her what she wants either. Not when I love someone else.”
“Wait. You really love Everly?” Eric asked. Damien gave a low whistle.
“Yeah,” I answered, accepting it. It was the only explanation I had for my feelings for her. The moment she was out of my sight, I was left breathless, a burning desire to breathe her in, my chest aching for her. She was in my mind constantly. I had endless thoughts about what it would be like to just hold her in my arms for eternity. If that wasn’t love, I didn’t know what was.
“Shadow, man, you can’t live your life avoiding the one person you’re meant to be with—” Eric started.
“I have to. I’ll protect her, but I can’t get involved with her. Us together is too dangerous. Can you imagine what would happen if anyone found out what we were? Do you know what could happen to all of us? Even you guys? If the Cipher got her, she could create an army so vast, drawing all the souls to her to raise up from the Veil. They’d take down the Order. They’d take over both the Nattie and Special world. She needs to be kept safe and as unknown as possible. I won’t let anyone be a pawn in this war. No way. It’s my job to protect you guys. I won’t fail.”
“I think you need to reconsider—” Eric argued.
“This is my reconsideration,” I snapped. “It’s done. Before it even started. I’m going to stay away from her. We’ll pop in less on her. I think she’s hidden enough that she won’t have issues. If we keep going to her, it could draw attention to her. Nothing’s bothered her since I sent the wraith back to the void.”
“You’re the boss,” Damien muttered. “So… Does that mean I can introduce myself to her?” I knew he was joking with me, but it upset me just the same. The idea of anyone with their hands on her made my stomach twist into uncomfortable knots. I shot him a nasty look. “Damn, boss. Just askin’!”
When we made it into the house a few members of Conexus were still in the commons, lounging around.
“You’re back!” Sloane exclaimed, her dark eyes meeting mine. She narrowed them at me for a moment before getting to her feet and stopping in front of me. “You’re upset. Talk to me. It’s girl troubles. I can tell.”
“Uh...” I looked between Eric and Damien who only grinned and shrugged. Sloane had a way of being able to detect all of our problems.
“Seriously. Let’s talk. I need to vent about something anyway, too.” Without waiting for me to answer, she tugged me by my hand and led me to my office where she closed the door behind us. “Spill. Now.”
“There’s nothing to spill,” I muttered, flopping down in my chair and rubbing my eyes.
“Bullshit,” Sloane raised her dark eyebrows at me. “Spill it or I’ll quit Conexus.”
“You can’t quit Conexus! This is a lifelong bid. You know that—”
“Doesn’t matter. I’ll still quit—or turn you into a toaster. We’ll see if your shifter prince ass can get out of that. Your choice.”
“You’re a pain in the ass, Monroe,” I grumbled, but grinned. A girl’s perspective might actually help me.
“Come on.” She flopped down on the couch against my wall. I got out of my chair and went and sat beside her nervously, which was unheard of for me. I was never nervous. “Talk to me. Nothing said here will leave this room. I swear it.”
“Swear?” I raised an eyebrow at her.
“I’ll blood oath it if I have to,” she countered, pulling out her knife.
“I trust you,” I mused. She pocketed her knife and stared at me.
“Speak. I know you have a lot going on in that gorgeous head of yours. You’ve been acting strange for weeks now.”
“I’m in love,” I said softly. She let out a sputtering cough before shaking it off quickly.
“Wait. What?”
“I’m in love,” I repeated, my heart fluttering as I thought of my sweet Everly.
“You just realized you’re in love with Amara?” She crinkled her brows. “I don’t understand how this is a problem—”
“It’s not Amara.” Sighing, I rubbed my eyes, even more frustrated. I sounded like the worst person ever. I was in love with someone, and it wasn’t my girlfriend. And I’d wanted to kill the girl I was in love with, and somehow still hated her. I was a mess. Great.
“Oh, wow.” Sloane shifted in her seat. “It’s me, isn’t it?”
“You’re such a shit,” I chuckled at her trying to help me loosen up. She grinned back at me, her dark eyes shining.
“So, who really is the lucky girl?” She nudged me. “How did you meet her?”
“Her name is Everly,” I answered. “I’ve known her since we were just kids.” I decided I had to tell her the whole story, so I did. She listened, frowning more than smiling. Once I finished she let out a sigh.
“She doesn’t even know who you are. This is a freaking tragic romance. Why don’t you just tell her you love her? Why don’t you just let yourself feel for once? And stop thinking you hate her. You don’t hate her. You hate the situation. You hate your mom being gone. You hate mustard. But Everly? Nope. You love that girl.”
“I can’t. It’s too dangerous for her. I want to keep her safe. I owe her that.”
“Listen to me. She’s going to love you, you know that, right? Just because you guys have a shitty sounding destiny together, doesn’t mean anything. You have the control. You can make it as beautiful or as tragic as you want. I trust that you know your heart better than anyone. I know you’ll do what you feel is right by her, even if it’s staying away. I can’t tell you what to do there except let the seed grow. Don’t try to halt it. That’s how things get twisted and ugly. Let nature take its course. I can tell you this though, you’re a good guy. You need to tell Amara that it’s over between you two. I’m not a big fan of hers, and you two never made sense to me.”
“Really?” I asked. Everyone else seemed to think we made sense together.
“Really. You’re a hard ass, yes. But she doesn’t challenge you. I think this girl will. I think you need her in your life. You’ll be able to grow with her. With Amara, you’ll only find yourself arguing and doing the same thing over and over. You two fight, kiss, make up and then do it all over again, but are you happy doing that? I mean, come on.”
“I’m not happy. You’re right.”
“Even if you decide to keep your distance from this Everly girl, at least you won’t be the jerk who dragged out a dying, failing sham of a relationship. End it. Seriously. If you have any doubts, you need to put the brakes on and g.t.f.o. Because if you don’t, and you find yourself able to pursue Everly, Amara will be hurt. Everly will be hurt by it. And so will you. Save some heartache and cut the damn cord.”
“When did you get so smart, Monroe?” I mused.
“Isn’t that why you forced me into Conexus?” she asked innocently. I snorted at her and shook my head.
“I pulled you in because you’re one of the best casters I’ve ever seen,” I answered honestly.
“Yeah, well, that’s kinda what I wanted to talk to you about. I, uh, I want to talk to my friends again. I’m lonely here. I don’t fit in,” she didn’t meet my eyes as she said the words.
“I know you’re lonely,” I said softly. “I’m sorry, for what it’s worth. You know the dangers of associating with people outside of Conexus. They become targets in the event of something bad. I don’t want that for anyone. It’s another reason why I’m staying away from Everly. Why I won’t talk to her. It’s for her safety. I know you miss your friends, Sloane. And I’m sorry that it’s this way. But no.
You can’t talk to them. I’m not doing it to be a jerk. I’m doing it to protect you and them. You understand that, right?”
“I guess,” she mumbled, her dark curls falling over her shoulder. “Rules and all that. Policies. Procedures. Crap.”
“Have you tried getting along with Amara? Or Chloe and Amanda?”
“Amara is just too mean for me.” Sloane sighed. “And Chloe and Amanda are OK, but they’re best friends. I just want to have some fun. I’m trapped here, though.”
“Damien is fun,” I pointed out. Her lips turned up.
“He is,” she said, still grinning. “I guess I can torment him until he comes to you to make me go away.”
“See? Now you’ve got a plan.”
We sat in silence for a moment before she got to her feet.
“Talk to Amara. Do it for the both of you. And when you’re done, go to Everly and look at her and see how you feel then. And please, don’t think about killing Everly again.”
“I won’t,” I murmured. She gave me a sad smile as she left the room.
She was right. I had to end things with Amara.
Chapter 19
“Hey,” Amara greeted me at her bedroom door. She opened it, and I stepped inside.
“Hey,” I replied following her to her bed. We sat down next to each other on it, and she stared at me expectedly. “We need to talk.”
“OK,” she answered, her voice shaking. She reached for my hand, but I pulled away and put a safe amount of space between us.
“I’ve been doing some thinking.” I cleared my throat. “And I think it’s time you and I call it quits.”
“What?” her voice shook harder, tears springing to her eyes.
“I’m not in a good place right now, Mara. Being with you is doing you an injustice. You deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love them. I am not that guy.”
“Wow,” she breathed out, clearing her throat as a tear slipped out of her eye. “Are we taking a break? Or is this really over, over?”
“It’s really over,” I said gently. She grew quiet and clasped her trembling hands.
