Obsessive

by Lee Heaven

  I wanted to walk away from here and burn all my memories. I should run. That’s it. I’ll run as far away as I possibly could get. It worked the last time. Where should I go? Florida? Hawaii? Paris? Bali? Is there any where far enough away from here that could erase all the memories?

  And what about my family? No, not the blood family, I don’t have any blood relatives. Sarah, Decker, Josie, Chelsea, Jimmy and Tobias, could I walk away from them? From, Tobias? Did I want to continue to bring my bad luck to him? That’s all that been happening since I met him, nothing but bad events, that’s what brought Liam into my life to. Liam’s family to, can I walk away from him and the rest of them?

  I can’t walk away. I just can’t. I love them all way too much to run and not have them in my life. I couldn’t live without them. Their all I have left, if I did walk away I would be completely lost. I finally have the family I always dreamed about. I finally have love like I should have always felt. Undeniable, no holds barred love.

  No one cares about my screwed up childhood. No cares about my screwed up family. No one cares about the screwed up men from my past. Hell, I think it makes them all love me more. Sarah’s not perfect and Decker loves her like if she walked away he wouldn’t even remember how to breathe.

  Does Tobias love me like that? Does Tobias want to spend the rest of his life with me? It’s been a year since we started seeing each other, we spend every minute together that we can and despite the past two and a half weeks we’ve been great together.

  Tobias has to love me the same way I love him. He has to want the same thing as me. He’s my world and I have to be his. Right? He spent two weeks looking for me. He forgave me after finding out about Liam and me. Detective Kelly even said that he had torn the apartment apart after he heard the news. So, Tobias loves me. Right?

  Yes, yes he does. Stop questioning yourself! I’m going to spend the rest of my life with Tobias. I can live with not marring him as long as I get to spend my life loving him.

  ~~~

  I was in my head so much I never even realized we had arrived at the hospital and doctors were looking me over. Or was I still in shock? Was I having a panic attack? Was I dying?

  “Stop poking me in the throat, it fucking hurts,” I yell at the young doctor standing over my bed poking me. I wonder if he’s still in med school. He sure looked young enough to be.

  “Maggie!” I heard his strong voice yell down the hallway.

  I was pushing the doctor away from my bed and grabbing the IV bag off the stand in one swoop. I was in the hallway less than five seconds later. I heard him yell my name again and looked up and down the hall for him. I couldn’t see him. I couldn’t even see a nurse’s desk.

  “Let me go, she’s my god damn girlfriend,” I heard him yell. Security must be holding him back. I’m sure they were told to let no one back. But this is Tobias. He has every right to be with me, I want to see him. I want to hold him. I need his arms on me.

  I took off to the left and was in a full sprint down the hall. I skidded to my ass as I tried to stop to turn when I saw a sign for the nurse’s station. I stumbled as I got to my feet and took off again. As I got closer to the nurse’s station it was over crowed with hospital security and police.

  I couldn’t see him, oh god where is he! “Tobias!” I screamed.

  The whole room stood still. Everyone turned to look at me. What? Was I that bad? I’m sure I wasn’t supposed to be out of bed, but I heard him. I heard him call out for me and I needed him so bad.

  “Tobias,” I said again, this time trying to hold back tears that we’re about to over flow.

  “Move!” I heard him bark out. He was seriously pissed off.

  The crowd of security, police and hospital workers started to part. With my free hand I covered my mouth trying to stop the sobs. Then I saw him. Oh god he was so beautiful. He looked tired. His eyes were sporting huge purple circles beneath them. His hair looked like it hadn’t been combed in days and his hands were constantly pulling on the strands. But he was still beautiful.

  I was running again, straight at him. I flung myself at him. I was in his arms being pulled against his hard body. I pulled my legs up and wrapped them around his waist. My head was buried in his neck and it felt like I couldn’t get close enough to him.

  I’m not sure how long we stood like this. I was sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder. His hands just roamed all over my body. I never wanted to let go. I wanted to be right here for the rest of my life. I wanted to be attached to him and never go anywhere without him ever again.

  Someone cleared their throat behind me and Tobias actually growled at whoever it was. I turned my head to see the nurse who was in my room before glowing daggers at me. I turned my head back into Tobias’s neck.

  “Miss Hemsworth, you are supposed to be in bed. I told you not to get up,” she snapped behind me.

  I slowly lowered myself from Tobias’s body, turned around and snapped back, “If you guys had just let him back I wouldn’t have had to get out of bed.”

  I grabbed Tobias hand and pushed past the nasty nurse. I walked back to my room with Tobias’s arm wrapped around my shoulders. As long as his skin was touching mine I knew everything would be fine.

  The nurse was behind me as I walked into the room and tried taking the IV bag out of my hand. I pushed her hand away and shot her a dirty look as I hung the thing myself, “I know what I’m doing. I am a nurse myself. Just leave and find me away to leave here as soon as possible.” I turned my hard eyes to the doctor who had just walked into the room and snapped at him to “Poke me in the neck one more time and I will hurt you.”

  Tobias was staring at my neck. It must be the first time he’s looked at it. I wasn’t even sure what it looked like. I remember seeing black as looked in the mirror back in the basement, but was what I saw real. Is it as black as what I think it is?

  The doctor started talking about how my neck seemed fine except for the bruising, but I need to watch for signs of swelling or increased pain. I don’t think he knew for sure and was just saying it so he wouldn’t have to touch me again.

  I never took my eyes off of Tobias, I never let go of his hand. I couldn’t. If I let go that means there’s a chance he could walk away. Or someone could take me again. No, I couldn’t let that happen again. I needed to feel his skin to make sure everything was safe.

  “Sweetheart, tell me what happened?” Tobias asked after the doctor and nurse left.

  I was about to answer when Detective Kelly walked in, “Why don’t you tell us both.” He smiled at me.

  “First I wanna know how you got involved. This is so out of your district.”

  He smiled at me, “Maggie, haven’t you realized by now that when trouble follows you and Sarah, I’m always there.” Tobias laughed and even though I knew it was true I narrowed my eyes at him. “When they ran the address your name came up so they did a NCIC search, which lead them to the numerous reports against Jon. I was called in as a courtesy since I was the reporting officer on all the reports. I actually wasn’t supposed to be involved at all but I overstepped everyone’s toes and got involved.”

  “I was glad it was your voice I heard when I picked up that phone, I relaxed a little knowing you were here to help.”

  I told Detective Kelly and Tobias my story. I repeated everything from the phone call I got from Jannie, walking down the stairs and watching Liam getting smacked in the head with the butt of the gun. How I fought to get him to let Tristan go after he was shot. When it was time I took a deep breath I told them about waking up to Jon choking me, how everything went black and I thought I had died. How when I came around some time later Liam and Jacob were fighting tooth and nail to escape from the wall.

  “He held a gun to Jacob’s head and screamed at me to kill Liam or he would kill them both. He screamed and screamed. I begged for him not to do this. I didn’t want to shoot anyone. Liam looked at me with such peace in his eyes that when he spoke I knew everything was going to be f
ine. Liam and Jimmy had gone over this scenario a hundred times down at the range. I knew how to get out of this with just the one causality. I didn’t want to though.”

  Tears were rolling down my face and I was on the verge of a full blown panic attack. I could hear the beeping of the machine picking up as my heart began to race. I was gasping for air and I could feel Tobias reaching for the button to call the nurse.

  She came in and pushed some medication into my IV tube. I could feel Tobias running he hands down my hair trying to calm me. Slowly my breathing came back and my heart rate slowed. I looked over at Tobias and I could see the fear in his eyes.

  “Please don’t make me go back to the range. I don’t want to ever pick up a gun again,” I said as my eyes got heavy.

  “Just rest sweetheart, just rest,” Tobias mumbled as he kissed my forehead.

  I snuggled into his arms and let the medicine pulse through my body and pull me deeper into sleep.

  It wasn’t a bright white light, it was more of soft pink. I heard my name being called and I walked closer to the light. I saw my grandmother and ran into her arms. She was warm and smelled like apple pie. She always smelled like apple pie. She was just how I remembered.

  I heard my mom and dad’s voice and turned my head to see them walking towards us.

  “You got up and fought. You did good Maggie Pie,” my dad said to me.

  I missed all three of them. I was finally with my complete family again.

  My mother wrapped her arms around me. She looked like she did in all the pictures with my dad. She was happy, she was smiling, her eyes twinkled. It was how I always imagined she looked.

  “Baby girl, you did good. We are so proud of you. You will always make us proud with whatever you do. We are so proud of the family you have made in the past year. They are all wonderful and you deserve nothing less. They will take good care of you and you will take good care of them.” She wiped some tears from my cheeks as she continued to talk. “I know I never told you but I love you. You grew up so beautifully. I am so proud of everything you do.”

  “I want to stay with you guys,” I whispered.

  Dad wrapped his arm around my shoulder and squeezed, “Someday we will be together again, but not now. Now you get to spend your life with your new family. Now you get to love that very handsome man and start a family with him. Be the best you can be. Be the strong woman we know you are. You are loved by us and your new family.”

  “Go, and be the best you can,” my grandmother said. “Your young man out there loves you more than you could ever dream. He will make all your dreams come true. Never go to bed angry and always admit when you are wrong. Give him lots of babies, big fat cubby ones,” she giggled.

  I was passed around to each of them for another round of hugs. My father stood in between the two of them and wrapped his arms around both of their waists. He smiled at me and as they started to disappear he called back to me, “Always remember to stand up and fight. You will always hold all the answers. I love you my Maggie Pie.”

  I heard my mother’s voice even though I could no longer see her “Make sure Tristan becomes part of your family. He’s a good one.”

  I jerked awake, a sheen of sweat covering my body. In all my years I had never dreamed of my family. Now in the past couple of days I have dreamed about them twice, and not the family that I had; the dead father, the drunken mother and the grandmother trying to hold us together, no I had to dream of the family I always wanted, the loving family I needed.

  There was no one in my room as I looked around. I grabbed the pair of sweatpants I had on earlier and slipped them on. No way was I going to go wonder around with my ass hanging out of this stupid gown.

  I grabbed the IV stand, slipped on the ear buds that were sitting on the rolling table and walked out the room. I had to find Tristan. I had to make sure he was ok. I flipped through the music and finally settled on Better Than Me by Hinder. I wondered the hall looking to see if Tristan was in any of the rooms.

  When I got to the last room in the hallway I saw his name on the door. I walked in to find Tristan lying in bed hooked to all sorts of machines. He had a breathing tube and he didn’t look good.

  “Oh god!” I sobbed out as I went to the side of his bed.

  A movement in the corner of the room sent me into a panic attack. God I hate the fact that I’m so jumpy now. I never fully understood how the smallest things could set Sarah off into an attack, but now I know. Now, I understand that the slightest noise that you’re not expecting will send your mind racing back to that awful time where the fear was instilled in you.

  “Sorry ma’am, didn’t mean to scare you,” the tall muscular man said. “No one but doctors and nurses has been in here. I wasn’t expecting you.”

  I still cowered by the bed. Who the hell was this guy? A security guard would have been posted outside the door. The man must have seen my panic because he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. He held out in his hands as he walked toward me. I was frozen to the spot where I stood. My hand was searching the side of the bed for the remote so I could call a nurse. He stopped a few feet away and tossed something on the bed and backed away.

  Once he was back in the corner I reached for the thing he had tossed on the bed. It looked like a wallet. I opened it, the gold circle and star twinkled in the bright lights of the room.

  “US Marshal?” I asked confused.

  “Yes ma’am,” he said.

  I looked at Tristan and was now totally confused with this man. Gives me one name, rents my house in another name and now has a US Marshal standing watch over his bed. What the fuck! Do I not know anyone anymore?

  “Witness Protection?” I whispered. I wasn’t really talking to anybody, but I noticed the man in the corner nod his head ever so slightly.

  “Why is he on a breathing tube? Is he that bad?” I asked tears building in my eyes. I can’t believe this man is in bed like this because of me. I hate this. I hate how the past four days went. Where is the time machine so I can go back and fix everything?

  “He lost a lot of blood, coded on the table and they medically induced him till he was strong enough on his own. They’re going to try to take him off and wake him up tonight. I’ll leave you alone with him, the doctor’s say talk to him, that he can probably hear you. I’ll be right outside if you need anything,” he pushed the chair he was sitting in over to the bed and then walked out of the room and quietly closed the door.

  “Oh God Tristan, what did I do to you?” I sobbed as I sat and grabbed his hand. “The doctors say you can hear me. I really hope you can. I’m so sorry. This shouldn’t have happened to you. You shouldn’t have gotten involved in my crazy life. It’s not fair to you, all you needed was a place to live and you got sucked in.”

  I rested my head on top of his hand. I couldn’t stop the tears. This man was here because of me. All he did was try to protect me. I pulled the ear buds out of the little hole and draped them around my neck, I pressed play on my phone and Ushers’s DJ Got Us Falling In Love started playing.

  “I’ve learned over the past year that music sooths the soul and mind. Sarah, she’s my best friend, you’ll meet her soon; say’s that music can heal the soul. She had a rough time in her early adult life and said that on her darkest days she would listen to music and it would help her out of some dark places. Even now when she’s in a funk she listens to music. It’s always playing in our apartment. The surround sound system in the apartment is wonderful, unless were sleeping one of us has the music going. And it’s not just one type of music, country, rock, classical, love songs, pop it’s all there we listen to it all.” As the song changed to Mumford & Sons I Will Wait, I realized I was mumbling on and on about nothing of importance.

  I couldn’t tell you how long I sat there talking to him. I couldn’t tell you what I talked about. I just rambled and rambled on about anything and everything. It felt like minutes, but when a disheveled Tobias walked in the room I knew it had to have
been longer. He looked mad, scared and relived at the same time.

  “This is Tristan,” I said to Tobias while turning back to look at Tristan.

  Tobias didn’t say anything else he just drug a chair over and sat down next to me. He didn’t need me to explain any more than that. He would have known who Tristan was just from news reports alone, but I’m sure he knew before the news even hit from Detective Kelly.

  Tobias and I sat there for hours just listening to music. Neither of us said a thing, we didn’t need to. We both owed so much to Tristan; he put himself in harm’s way to help keep me safe. It also seems like he put himself in harm’s way another time since he was in witness protection.

  I wasn’t sure what time it was when a doctor came in the room, but he looked at us and said “We’re going to try to wake him up now. We’re going to take out the breathing tube and if he can breathe on his own for a little while we’ll stop the medication that’s keeping him asleep. Once the medication stops it can be a matter of minutes or hours till he wakes up.”

  “How are his vitals otherwise?” I asked.

  “Stronger every day, that’s why we want to get him off the breathing tube and awake now. You could stay or you could leave, it’s up to you,” he said as he turned off the breathing machine and unclipped it from the tube going into his mouth.

  I held my breath and squeezed Tobias’s hand. I watched as his chest didn’t move. Oh god he isn’t going to breathe on his own. I could feel the tears building up and threatening to spill over. Then by some miracle he body shuddered and his chest started to move as his body took over and he started to breathe on its own.