by K. B. Wagers
“You don’t get to make these choices for us. Don’t you understand?” I threw my hands up in the air and swore in frustration. “This is the very thing that infuriates me about you, about Fasé, about Sybil. You see these things and then make a choice for the rest of us without the slightest regard for our feelings.”
“You’re asking me to live forever knowing I caused the death of everything I hold dear!”
“And you’re asking me to stand by and let yet another person I care about die! Look, I know there was never going to be a happy ending for me. I’m fine with that. But you want Aiz to live for eternity knowing he could have saved your life? How dare you.”
“Hail, I—what?”
“Hai Ram, surely you’ve thought of what this would do to him?”
She stared at me, one eyebrow raised in a look I knew all too well now.
“What?”
Mia muttered a curse at the ceiling. “Do I—” Her laugh was bitter. “You don’t even know what you just said.”
“I do. I said Aiz—”
“I am not talking about Aiz.” She leveled me with a look that would have impressed Emmory.
“Fuck me. Look, I’m not going to guess.”
“Then play it back.”
I gritted my teeth, wondering just when I’d lost control of this conversation, and played the vid back. I knew what it was she’d latched onto the minute I heard the words again and sighed, rubbing my face with both hands.
“‘There was never going to be a happy ending for me.’” She hurled my own words at me and they hit like a punch.
“Have you seen my life?” I asked softly, dropping my hands. “Of course you have. You of anyone should know, Mia, how this fucking thing plays out.”
“You think you’re going to die.” She surged to her feet, crossing the room to get in my face. “Worse, you’re okay with it! You stand there and lecture me while you’re prepared to throw your life away.”
“I’m not throwing my life away. I’m going to die, because it’s what humans do. Even more likely when you’re the target of a Shiva-damned prophecy that’s intent on throwing every obstacle in the book at you. I’m a realist, Mia.” I took a step forward until we were almost touching. “Besides, we were just in the middle of your ‘don’t come after me’ speech. You’re a fine hypocrite to shout at me about this when you are all set to die.”
“I don’t want you coming after me because I know what will happen if you do!” She jabbed a finger off to the side. “I don’t want you sacrificing yourself just for me.”
“You don’t understand. I will never leave you in the dark.” The words were hoarse and something of my anguish must have shown on my face because Mia’s anger melted away.
“Hail—”
“I won’t ever leave any of you alone in the dark,” I said in a rush. “You have to understand that. I have done it too many times. Never again. I’m not sorry for the fact that I will throw myself at death a thousand times if it means keeping the people I love safe.”
“Will you ever think of yourself first?”
I shook my head, felt the tears start their slide down my cheeks despite my efforts to stop them. “I did that. Remember? I stayed out in the black and my whole family died because of it. Never again, Mia. I won’t ever do that again.”
“Hail—”
“You tell Aiz or I will,” I said, opening the bedroom door and walking out. My ultimatum hung in the air, and the sound of Mia’s tears followed me as I left my quarters.
28
I leaned against the railing, one booted foot propped up as I watched the movement below with a critical eye. We were on the Istrevitel’s training planet of Horst, standing on a platform overlooking an intricate complex where the top-ranked squad from their latest round of war games along with Captain Zov and some other ranking officers were going head-to-head with some pretty tough-looking Hiervet simulations.
“Thoughts?” I murmured to Gita. I’d managed to push the argument with Mia mostly out of my head so I could focus on the forces below, but the pain of it lingered much like the healed wound in my shoulder.
“They’re not bad.” Her tone of voice suggested that was the kindest thing she could come up with.
Johar’s amused snort was little more than a breath of air. “They are children playing games. The five of us could take both of these squads apart in three minutes.”
Neither Emmory nor Hao commented, but their carefully blank faces told me all I needed to know. To the unexperienced eye the Istrevitel’s training was impressive. The squads moved well together, their tactics were flawless, and they’d won three of the four engagements we’d watched.
What was painfully obvious, though, was that it wasn’t real to them. The relaxation I’d spotted in Captain Zov when we’d first met was now clearly a lack of experience; and that along with a dozen other clues I’d missed in our initial meetings was now going to haunt me.
Though if I was being fair it wasn’t entirely their fault. They’d had nowhere to test their skills in the real world; all they had were these simulations. Simulations that were clearly nowhere near the fighting capabilities of the Hiervet. I had ignored those signs before this moment in my rush to impress them.
Now the reality of it was coming back to kick my ass.
The five of us had been through combat and we could spot the differences between lived experience and training. Training taught you a lot—how to carry yourself, how to watch exits and recognize other warriors.
There were things about combat that no simulation could prepare you for—the way your heart kicked into high gear, the way you buried your grief for a fallen comrade and kept going, the split-second decisions you couldn’t ever take back.
And most importantly, if your training was going to work or if you were just going to freeze up.
That was almost impossible to predict.
The Istrevitel were missing the practical real-world experience and the only way to get it was to send them into a fight, but none of us wanted to be there for the potential chaos that could happen with an untested ally at our side.
Hao turned toward me as the final simulation ended. “They’ll get us all killed,” he said in a low voice, and headed for the door shaking his head.
The succinct and damning judgment was the final nail. Even if my own thoughts hadn’t run parallel, there wasn’t a force in the universe that could make me ignore Hao’s concerns about something this important. I wanted to give Dirah the benefit of the doubt, but ego or inexperience, Hao was still right. If we took the Istrevitel into battle with us against an opponent built for war like the Hiervet, the odds that we’d end up dead were better than I liked.
Contrary to Mia’s belief, I could be prepared to die for this cause while actually not wanting to die at the same time.
“Majesty, I’d advise waiting to break the news on this until we’re back at the meeting site,” Gita said as we followed Hao out to where Captain Zov waited.
“You think we’ll have a problem?” That had been another strike against them. Dirah had chosen to participate in the demonstration rather than staying with us to gauge our reactions. It reminded me of the time I’d wanted to show off for my father and his quiet “Leaders lead, Haili, but they also know when to step back and let their people shine instead. Don’t let your ego get in the way of your duty.”
“Unlikely that they’ll give us any trouble,” Emmory answered for Gita as he caught up to us. “It’s just safer.”
I pasted a smile on my face when Captain Zov joined us. “That was very informative, Captain. Why don’t you and your people get cleaned up? I have a com from home I need to take. We can head back to the meeting site and talk with Tsia Brov.”
“Absolutely, Your Majesty,” Dirah replied. She was bouncing on the balls of her feet like a child.
“Bugger me,” I muttered after we were out of earshot and rubbed at my face. My entire plan had collapsed like a punctured lung. “What
are we going to do?”
“Just because we don’t want to fight with them doesn’t mean we couldn’t use them,” Johar said as we hit the ramp of the Hailimi. “We could throw them at the Hiervet first, stay out of the way. Maybe they’ll surprise us and buy us time to fight that army on the ground?”
“That’s mercenary, even for you,” Gita replied.
“With this army it might be necessary,” I said. The briefing we’d had this morning had only added more tension to my shoulders. Gita and Johar hadn’t gotten any new information from Orrin, but they had been able to piece together enough of a timeline with his testimony and some rumors from Fasé’s people. The whole thing had disaster written on it and I was starting to wonder if I should just pull the mercenaries into this fray before things got truly out of hand.
At least with them, I knew what I was getting and knew that they’d be able to work together to fight not only Thyra’s army on Faria but the Hiervet also. “I’m not discounting it,” Gita continued. “Just pointing out that we have to consider what it might do to Indrana’s relationship with the Svatir.”
“Fair enough.” Johar nodded. “I’ll admit I didn’t think of that.”
“It’s not your job,” I said as we boarded the Hailimi once more. “It’s mine.” I had thought of it and discarded the idea almost immediately. Not only because of the potential political impact, but because the thought of sacrificing these people made me deeply uneasy.
“True.” Johar grinned. “If I’m throwing out suggestions I should keep shit like that in mind, though. I’ll do better next time.”
“Majesty, a reminder that you’re already asking a lot of the Farian and Shen forces. Integrating two previously opposed forces is difficult enough without adding in a completely unknown element like the Istrevitel.”
I met Emmory’s grim pronouncement with a shake of my head. “Dhatt. I know. We can’t use them at all.” I blew out a frustrated breath. “Let’s get back to the meeting site and get this over with. What a fucking waste of time.”
I headed for my quarters without waiting for anyone else and Emmory let me go only because we were safely in the ship. I didn’t want the placating words I knew they’d offer up. I should have known better.
Mia wasn’t in my quarters. I hadn’t seen her since our fight the day before. She’d declined to come with us to the planet’s surface, but I had no idea if she’d talked to her brother about her visions or if I was going to have to follow through with my threat.
I commed Aiz, frowning when he didn’t answer, and instead sent him a quick message that I wanted to talk.
“Majesty.” Alba knocked on the door frame. “Do you have a minute?”
“I do. Come in.”
“How did it go?”
I shook my head. “Not good. They’re trained well, but they’ve never seen combat and it shows.”
“I’ll admit it’s not entirely unsurprising,” she said. “The Svatir’s entire lives are so set on peace that it has to be difficult for them to overcome that. Even if they separate themselves and train as the Istrevitel have.”
I sighed. “We have no way of knowing how it will go in a real altercation. Anyway, we’re headed back to Ndrog and I’ll figure out some way to tell them there.”
“Would you like some help with that?”
“Always.” I laughed. “You are far more diplomatic than I am.”
“Hardly, ma’am. You’ve done an amazing job given the circumstances.”
“With a great deal of assistance from you.” I held my hand out and she took it, letting me pull her into a hug. “I’m sure this is not what you signed up for when I offered you this job, and I owe you a massive raise, but thank you for sticking around.”
“Of course, Majesty.” Alba squeezed me tight and then stepped away. “I won’t say no to the raise.”
I laughed. “I probably owe you hazard pay, too. What did you need?”
“Have you spoken to anyone on Faria since we left?”
“I haven’t,” I replied, waving Emmory into the room. “I just tried to com Aiz before you came in but I didn’t get him.” I pulled Fasé up on my smati as I spoke with the same results.
“There’s no answer, is there, ma’am?”
I shook my head at Alba as the worry in my chest grew. “Emmory, bridge. I want to talk to Inana and Captain Saito, tell them both to meet us there. Alba, walk with me.” I sent Mia a message asking her to meet us on the bridge as we headed out into the corridor.
“There was a strange blackout with the news this morning,” Alba said. “I didn’t think much of it, but everything since then has been odd.”
“Define odd for me,” I said.
“Majesty, I can’t get a hold of Sergeant Patil either,” Emmory reported, and I cursed. The woman in charge of the contingent of Royal Marines I’d left with Fasé should have been easily accessible.
“Hold that thought, Alba.” I gestured at Hao and Gita as they came around the corner. “Have either of you two talked to your contacts on Faria today?”
“No,” Hao replied with a frown. “What’s up?”
“Do it.” I continued past them and took the stairs to the next level two at a time, trusting the others to follow me.
“Majesty.” Both Admiral Hassan and Captain Saito greeted me as I came onto the bridge, and the three of us headed for the ready room.
“What do you have?”
“There is a complete blackout of coms around Faria. We can’t get a hold of anyone on the planet or in system. The squad of Marines I left with Fasé isn’t answering on any channel.”
“Is it a jammer or just nothing there?” I hated to even voice the suggestion that Faria was gone.
“We can’t tell from here. I’ve never seen any kind of signal jammer with that range. So if it’s that?” Inana shook her head. “We don’t know what the situation is, Majesty, and because of that I can’t allow you to go back. I think we should go to Ndrog as planned and regroup from there.”
“No response, Hail,” Hao said.
“We may fucking need the Istrevitel after all.” I shared a grim look with Hao. “Alba, send Captain Zov a message that we are leaving ASAP. If she’s not ready we’ll meet her at Ndrog. If you can also contact Tsia Brov and let them know I’d like to speak with them as soon as we get in system, I’d appreciate it.”
“Of course, Majesty.”
“Ma’am, I’ll go see about getting us under way,” Isabelle said, and I nodded as she left the room.
“What in the Dark Mother’s name happened?” I muttered, then looked around the room. “All right, people, give me ideas. What are we looking at?”
“Thyra and Adaran somehow orchestrated a coup using Adora’s people.”
“The Farians and the Shen started shooting at each other again.”
“The Hiervet attacked Faria.”
I winced at Emmory’s suggestion. “Oh gods, I hope not.”
“Sorry, Majesty. The Farians are the next best target in this area, and we can assume the Hiervet might steer clear of the Svatir given their history.”
“One would hope so,” I replied. “But at this point it wouldn’t surprise me to have a Hiervet ship drop out of warp onto our heads.”
I will, one of these days before my death, learn not to say such flippant things. The gods have a sense of humor to rival my own and have very much delighted over the years in making me eat my words.
Mia joined us on the bridge just before we left Horst. Her shoulders were stiff with tension and it took all my self-control not to wrap my arms around her.
“Did someone catch you up on what’s happening?” I asked, and she nodded.
“I have not spoken to anyone since last night, neither Aiz nor Talos. I tell myself I would know, Hail, if something had happened to them.” She didn’t look at me, her storm-gray eyes locked on the bridge screen.
I wanted to promise everything would be fine, but my gut was telling me otherwise. So instead I sto
od in silence, listening to the buzz of the bridge crew as they prepared for our jump.
This wasn’t like the float of an Alcubierre/White Drive. The Farian tech was essentially ripping the ship from one point in space and depositing it in another, but the translation was smooth as a silk sari. One moment we were staring at the dull gray surface of Horst and the next I could see the brilliant green of Ndrog in the viewscreen.
Captain Zov’s ship flashed into solidity nearby, the black surface all but invisible against the backdrop of space.
“I am still really jealous of their ships,” I murmured.
“If you manage not to piss them off when you tell them they’re shit fighters, we could ask to borrow a few,” Hao suggested as he stepped up to my side, and I snorted.
“Captain, I’ve got multiple signatures incoming.” Commander Nejem’s announcement cut me off before I could respond, and several seconds later all Naraka broke loose in the black.
Mia gasped as four ships appeared right in front of us, one of them vomiting fire into space.
“Evasive maneuvers!” Isabelle shouted, but her crew was already responding.
I grabbed for Mia with one hand and Hao with the other, backpedaling to the nearest console as the internal systems fought with the sudden shift in direction.
“Got you.” I felt Hao lock a hand in my belt. “Also, you had to say it, didn’t you?”
“Do not even try to blame this on me.” I shook my head. “Those aren’t Hiervet ships.”
“Majesty, status report.” Emmory’s voice came over our com.
“We’re fine,” I replied out loud. “Someone give me a read on whose ships those are!”
“They’re Shen.” Mia’s agonized whisper came just as the ship closest to the Hailimi exploded.
29
I tightened my grip on Mia as our ship shook from the pressure wave and tried not to think about how much of the debris had made it past our shields.
“Shields are down to eighty-eight percent, Captain.”
“I’m reading damage on decks three and fourteen. Casualties reported.”
