Out Past the Stars

by K. B. Wagers

  “Tsia Brov, I am simply the keeper. I did not make these decisions.”

  “You have the knowledge and you do not share. We could put a stop to this.”

  “I do not have the authority to share these memories with others,” Timur protested. “I am skirting the bounds of my authority as it is by letting you see it, Santi.”

  “So why did you?” I asked.

  Timur bowed. “I was told to cooperate with the Star.”

  Dirah was watching at Santi with new eyes. “I am in agreement with Tsia Brov. This needs to be shown to the Istrevitel, to the Svatir. We have lived in this lie for long enough.” She held out her hand to the Svatir rep. “Will you help me tell our people the truth?”

  Santi nodded to Dirah and took her hand. Together the pair left the room. Timur leaned both hands on the desk again and sighed.

  “How did you know?” he asked.

  I shook my head. “You give me too much credit. I didn’t. I merely knew something was wrong.”

  Timur looked at the door, indecision on his face.

  “You know,” I said with a soft smile. “Nothing stays buried forever. Better to get this wound out into the air where it can heal.”

  “I will lose my position for this.” Timur headed for the door as he spoke.

  “Just blame it on me,” I called after him. “I’m used to it.”

  33

  The fallout from my reveal of the Svatir’s fabricated history was not as rocky as I had expected. The majority of the Istrevitel were uninterested in returning to Svatir society and took the news of their false past with a surprising amount of aplomb.

  As for the Svatir, all I had to go on were the reports filtering back in to Captain Zov from Tsia Brov. The pair had struck up an unlikely friendship, Santi’s moral objections to the Istrevitel being pressed into service under false pretenses being the driving force behind their campaign to bring the truth to light.

  And Timur was proving to be a promising ally on that front. The Memory Keeper seemed to have thrown his lot in with Santi under the auspices of my last words to him.

  “I just hope it doesn’t result in the Svatir holding Indrana accountable in some fashion,” Alice said with a sigh. We were having our weekly com in the quiet of my quarters on board the Hailimi. I was curled up in my favorite chair, still dressed in the clothes I’d slept in.

  I tried to hold back my grin at Alice’s disapproval, unsuccessfully if her look had anything to say about it.

  “Hail.”

  “What?” I lifted my mug of yablok to hide my second, wider smile. “I was barely involved.”

  “You told him to blame you.” Alice’s eyes flicked past my right shoulder to where I knew Emmory was standing, but my Ekam didn’t change expression and she sighed. “Are you coming home?”

  “No.”

  “Hail, if the Hiervet aren’t an issue, you—”

  “The regular Hiervet may not be, we don’t know for sure, but the two Farian ones are.” I set my mug on the nearby table. “There’s that little matter of an army on Faria that’s taken over, and if you think I’m leaving Fasé and Stasia, not to mention a squad of Royal Marines, at the mercy of Thyra, you haven’t been paying attention, Alice.”

  “You know I’m not suggesting we leave them, but we could send someone else. An actual military team, which I apparently have to remind you, you are not,” she replied. “You belong back here, Hail.”

  You belong with your people.

  Your Star is not coming for you.

  I rubbed at my forehead and tried to ignore the persistent flickering in the corner of my vision. I’d stopped looking over the last week; the futility of trying to see what wasn’t truly there was exhausting and a distraction I didn’t need.

  You’re losing it. Again. The voice that had been silent for a long while was back in my head with a vicious singsong glee.

  “Hail?”

  I dropped my hand into my lap. “Give me some time to wrap things up here and talk with Aiz about the next steps as far as Faria goes. Ragini has a working program to clean the virus out of their ships and their smati, but I’d like to make sure it’s all gone before we leave.”

  You mean before you run.

  Alice nodded and we closed out the com without our usual good-bye. I leaned forward in my chair, resting my head on the edge of the table.

  If I leave, Mia dies.

  “Leaving feels wrong,” I whispered, but I knew Emmory could hear me.

  “Then we don’t go. You are in charge, Your Majesty. We only go on your word.”

  “Am I really needed here, though? What if I’m just fooling myself that I could have made any difference in this conflict? I don’t know.” I blew out a frustrated breath.

  “Hail.” Emmory’s hand settled on the back of my neck.

  “I’m fine.” I could feel the vibrations of his chuckle through his palm, and I sighed.

  “The only time you say that you’re fine to me is when you’re not. You don’t have many tells, Hail, but that’s one of them.”

  I lifted my head and offered up a wan smile. “That’s a nice way of saying you know when I’m lying to you.”

  “I had to come up with something.” Emmory squeezed my neck gently before he removed his hand. “You don’t lie to us much anymore, which makes when you do all the more evident. You want to tell me about these shadows you’re seeing?”

  I blinked at him, so surprised by the change of subject I couldn’t come up with an appropriate denial. “How did you know?”

  “Hao talked to me.”

  “Of course he did,” I muttered. I hadn’t intentionally been dodging that conversation with my brother, but it shouldn’t have surprised me he’d go to Emmory about it.

  “To be fair, Zin mentioned something about it before that, and everyone else has noticed you seem slightly more on edge that normal. Though we assumed it was because of the fight with Mia.”

  I sighed. “I’m impressed they can parse that out given how often I’ve been on edge lately.”

  Emmory gave me the Look.

  “It was right there.” I pointed into the corner of the room. “The whole time I was talking to Alice there was a shadow, not really a shadow, just a flicker. Like I could see something trying to resolve itself on a screen and failing. It’s gone now. Do we think it’s something from Priam?” I tapped myself in the now-healed spot where the Farian Hiervet had impaled me. “Or something from my time on Sparkos because let’s be honest, Emmy, I wasn’t emotionally stable then and I may still not be.”

  His expression didn’t change and he didn’t move when I pushed to my feet.

  “What?”

  “Given everything you’ve been through I would say you’re extremely stable. Which means this is something else.”

  “But?”

  “It’s interesting that your first assumption is that you’re losing your mind. What happened on Sparkos wasn’t your fault, Hail, you know this. So why do you keep trying to blame yourself for a perfectly normal reaction?”

  Because I’d buried away how badly it hurt to think of everyone dead. I’d dug a grave and covered it and built a heavy foundation on top because that was easier than coming to terms with the idea of how losing everything could break me.

  “I don’t want to think about it,” I whispered, rubbing the palms of my hands over my arms in an effort to ward off the sudden chill.

  “You’re going to have to. Maybe not now, but eventually.” Emmory reached out and took me by the shoulders. “Everyone dies, Hail, and it’s not your responsibility to stop it from happening.”

  It didn’t take any encouragement from my Ekam for me to step into his hug. I exhaled, tightening my arms around his waist as the tension went out of my shoulders.

  “I have watched you tear yourself into pieces over this time and again,” he murmured. “From your family all the way down to a little girl in Garuda Square. You are never thoughtless with the lives of the people around you, and
yet you have somehow convinced yourself that you are because you can’t stop the inevitable.”

  “I am the Star of Indrana.”

  Emmory chuckled. “You are. Star of Indrana, yes. Empress, yes. Legendary gunrunner, yes. Occasional gigantic pain in my ass, yes. You are also human, Hail, and none of us expect miracles from you.”

  “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how much I appreciate that,” I said as I hugged him once more and then stepped back with an exhale. “Have you been taking notes from your husband? That was very Zin-like speech.”

  Emmory smiled. “I have my moments, Your Majesty. Speaking of Zin, though.”

  The door chimed once and opened. Zin poked his head into the room. “Aiz and Mia are here, Majesty. Do you have a minute?”

  “Yes.” I felt my stomach knot back up as the pair came through the door. Aiz’s look was grim and Mia wouldn’t meet my eyes.

  Bugger me.

  “Zin, have Gita come in here. You stay on the door. Emmory will just tell you all about this after we’re done anyway.”

  Zin’s answering smile was short-lived as he left the room. Gita appeared a moment later and closed the door behind her.

  “She told you,” I said to Aiz even though his tight jaw told me all I needed to know.

  “You want to fill the rest of us in, Your Majesty?”

  I looked at Emmory, slipped my hands into my pockets, and told them about Mia’s visions. All of it, from her death to mine.

  Johar bumped me in the shoulder and settled into the spot next to me, propping her booted foot up next to mine and leaning on the railing of the small alcove in the upper floors of the Istrevitel’s headquarters. “Drink?” She dangled the bottle of whiskey within reach and smiled at my snort.

  I took it, pulled out the top, and tipped back the bottle. It was an Earth blend with more smoke than I liked, but our stock was running low and beggars couldn’t be choosers. “That bad, huh?”

  “The whole facility heard you three. I’ll admit, I didn’t think Mia could get that sort of volume. She always seemed like the speak-softly type.”

  “Oh, she is.” I rubbed at my chest and took another drink as I watched the Istrevitel moving around below. “Except when she chooses not to. Did you steal this off my ship?”

  Johar winked. “I planned on sharing it with you anyway, so I don’t think you can technically call it stealing. You want to talk about it?”

  “Not really,” I admitted after a moment, and handed the bottle back. “But you can go and ask Gita. It’s not a secret.”

  “I may do that.” Johar shrugged and took a drink. To my surprise she didn’t leave. “You know this thing with Rai has lasted longer than any other relationship.”

  “You decided not to kill him, huh?”

  “About the same as you.” She shot me a sideways glance as she passed over the whiskey. “Too many other people in front of him on the list. We hunting down Jamison after this is over?”

  “Maybe,” I replied, appreciating how she assumed we’d both be around when this was done. “I’ll have to tell Alice and everyone I’m just taking a vacation.”

  “You sound less than thrilled about the idea of going home. You know…” She glanced over her shoulder at where Indula stood just out of earshot. “I know a few people who could make Hail Bristol disappear.”

  I narrowly avoided choking on my mouthful of whiskey and tears filled my eyes from the burn of the hastily swallowed alcohol. “It would take Emmory and Zin less than a year to find me and you know it.”

  “Eh, maybe.” Johar grinned. “I figured you’d get a few years, because they might cut you a break, but it’s a lot more running than a vacation should contain.”

  “I’ve had my share of those.” I swung the bottle from side to side with a laugh, watching the amber liquid coat the inside of the glass. “Ask Hao to tell you about the time we went to Fiji VI for a vacation.”

  “Let me guess, he got shot.”

  “Actually I did.” I grinned. “Though at the time I was sure Portis was going to shoot Hao. The fact that I was bleeding all over and Hao was holding me up was probably the only thing that kept him intact.”

  Johar laughed until she wheezed. “I swear the more stories I hear about your time out in the black, the more I am amazed that Hao didn’t kick you both off his ship.”

  “He threatened a lot, but he loves me.”

  “He does. I’ve never seen the like.”

  We lapsed into silence, passing the bottle back and forth as we stared out over the bustling facility below us.

  “Hail.” Johar cleared her throat, the bottle dangling between her fingers. “Captain Zov has offered us the use of a ship. I thought I’d take it along with a few Shen and Istrevitel and go see if we can’t get a firsthand look at what’s happened on Faria.”

  My heart twisted in protest at the thought of sending yet another person into danger. I dragged in a breath. “Jo, I can’t let you do this.”

  “You should know I’m not really asking for permission.” She smiled at me and shook her head. “You don’t get to be all noble and set on sacrificing yourself while the rest of us sit back and do nothing. We need to get the intel. There’s a good chance that the Farians won’t even see the ship, and if they do are they really going to fire on it?”

  I felt like there was a very good chance they’d shoot, especially if Thyra was in charge.

  “Do you want to risk your life on a maybe?”

  “We all do, every single day,” Johar replied. “I would be lying if I said anything beyond I want to get this shit over and done with and go back to room service. But you and I both know we’re at a standstill as long as we have that yawning black void of the unknown over there.”

  “All right.” I bumped my shoulder into hers when she laughed. “I’m giving you permission since you will apparently just do what you want regardless, and you’re not wrong.”

  “Good deal.” Johar handed the bottle over. “I’ll see you in a couple of days, week at the most.” She patted me on the shoulder and pushed away from the railing.

  “Jo?”

  She turned, one eyebrow raised, and I smiled.

  “For the record, I don’t plan on dying.”

  “Good to hear it. I’d hate to have to drag your ass back to the land of the living by force.”

  “See Ragini and get the protection protocols before you go, and be careful. You won’t be able to help Fasé and the others if they’re infected, but you’ll be able to keep yourself safe.”

  “Can do. We’ll see you.”

  I leaned back on the railing, bottle still dangling from my hand, mostly forgotten. We’d drunk a good chunk of the bottle and my head was starting to buzz a little. The temptation to drain the rest of the whiskey was there, but I resisted. Things were only partially settled between Mia and Aiz; I knew there was another conversation to be had once the fires from the initial outburst died down.

  And I probably owed Mia an apology for forcing her hand the way I had.

  “Shiva,” I muttered. The memory of the broken look on her face as she pleaded with us not to interfere kicked me in the gut. I brought the bottle up to my mouth and took a long drink.

  This time the shadow in the corner of my eye resolved itself into the distinct shape of a Hiervet and I almost dropped the bottle of whiskey on the floor.

  34

  Whiskey, like all liquids, burns when you inhale it.

  “Majesty!”

  I folded in half, then went to a knee, coughing and choking on my poorly timed breathing experiment. Indula was at my side, a hand on my back, and if I could have talked I would have ordered him to watch for the Hiervet I’d just seen.

  Except I wasn’t sure I’d really seen it.

  When I lifted my tear-blurred gaze to the spot, that little corner of the alcove was empty of everything but shadows.

  I felt the vibrations of the pounding feet on the stairs and then Gita was on my other side. “Majesty?”


  I waved a hand, finally regained my breath, and managed a wheezing “I’m fine.”

  “Drinking problem?”

  I laughed, which set me off coughing again, and I heard Indula unsuccessfully smother a snicker. Gita let me wind back down before she helped me to my feet. She didn’t release my shoulders and stared at me for a long moment, her expression unreadable.

  “You okay?” she asked finally.

  “I thought I saw something.” It took an enormous effort to get the words out. “A Hiervet in the corner over there.”

  Indula had his Hessian out before I finished, and was inspecting the corner, but Gita didn’t move. “Nothing there now,” she said.

  I glared at her.

  “And the coughing?” she asked.

  “I’d taken a drink when I saw it and the whiskey went down the wrong pipe.”

  “That’ll do it.” Gita let me go, bending down and picking up the bottle. “You probably should eat something, Majesty.”

  “All right. Jo’s going to Faria with Captain Zov in an Istrevitel ship to do some recon.”

  “She talked with me already.”

  “Honestly, what do you need me for?”

  Gita laughed and took a hold of my arm as we headed down the stairs. “We need you, Majesty, believe me.”

  “I’m glad someone does.” I cleared my throat; the whiskey was kicking in, and I sank into a chair in the barracks with a sigh.

  “Indula’s gone to get you some food, do you want anything else?”

  “A vacation,” I murmured wistfully as I stared at the ceiling. “Somewhere with sand and no one shooting at me.”

  “I’ll talk to Emmory and see what we can do.” Gita patted me on the shoulder. “Some water probably wouldn’t hurt either.”

  “I’m not even remotely drunk, Gita. It was barely a third, okay, maybe half a bottle of whiskey.”

  She laughed and headed for the bathroom. I rubbed a hand over my eyes and found myself wishing she hadn’t taken the whiskey with her. I wasn’t drunk, but I could be, and right now that sounded like a really good plan.

  Metal scraped on metal and I dropped my hand, staring across the table at Aiz.