The Exhibits in Mrs Salmon's Waxworks

by Tim Ellis

  They reached Rita the Medium's address and knocked on the door.

  Rita opened it. 'Oh hello! You didn't say you were coming today.'

  'Is now not convenient?' Duffy said.

  'Of course! Please, come in.'

  They followed Rita into the warm living room where a fire was roaring in the grate.

  'Can I get you tea, or anything?'

  'No, thank you.'

  They sat down.

  'Have you made any progress?' Rita asked.

  'Possibly. We now understand what happened during the séance.'

  'To Estelle?'

  'Yes and no.' Duffy pulled the laptop from her bag. 'It would be easier to show you.'

  'All right.' Rita moved onto the sofa to sit next to Duffy.

  Duffy brought up the section that Perkins had recovered. 'When we first watched the recording of the séance, I noticed that the minute and second hands of the Victorian clock you have on your mantlepiece stopped, which made me think that someone had altered the video, so I had it professionally analysed. Fifteen minutes had been deleted, and this is the recovered section.'

  'I don't understand how that's possible. I was the only one . . .'

  'That's just it, you weren't.'

  They watched the first part of the recording, where all the participants collapsed on the table, the two men in gas masks came in and cloned Amy Lohman's phone.

  Duffy paused the video.

  'Goodness!' Rita said. 'I must speak to . . .'

  'I've already done it,' Duffy interjected. 'Amy Lohman is Chair of the Intelligence and Security Committee of Parliament, so I thought it was important that she should see this recording and take action accordingly.'

  'Of course. I feel awful that it happened in my house. Who were those men?'

  'They're probably Russians, but that's not our concern. And I suggest you don't mention it to anyone either.'

  'No, I won't say anything. Something like that could affect my business. If clients don't feel safe, and can't talk freely, in my house . . . Well, they'll stop coming. You won't say anything, will you?'

  'As I said, it's not our concern. We're paranormal investigators, and that has nothing to do with the paranormal.'

  'That's true.'

  'This, on the other hand does.' She re-started the recording.

  They watched Estelle Adams leave the room and then one of the two men deleted the section of video.

  'I don't understand,' Rita said. 'We were all unconscious and then Estelle woke up and walked out.'

  'Not exactly,' Duffy said. She closed out of that video and brought up the one that had been analysed with an infrared filter. 'Take a look at this one.'

  They watched Estelle leave the room again, but this time with the help of a ghostly image.

  Rita's face reddened and she said, 'You think it's Edward, don't you?'

  Duffy nodded. 'Yes.'

  'He hasn't visited me since that night.'

  'Is it possible that Estelle is still somewhere in the house?'

  'This house?'

  'Yes.'

  'No. You searched every room. There's no one here but me.'

  'What about Edward?'

  'Well, ghosts are ghosts. They don't live anywhere – they just are.'

  'Are you sure? You say that you and Edward have been together for ten years, so he must be here somewhere in your house. Aren't ghosts usually associated with the place where they died, or somewhere that meant something to them?'

  'Yes, but I've never thought of him as living here. He comes into my bedroom at night, does what he does and then leaves.'

  'Every night?'

  Rita's face reddened. 'Sometimes two, three times a night. He likes a lot of sex.'

  'You call him Edward, but who is – or was – he? Edward who?'

  'I don't know. He's just Edward to me. I have asked him, but he doesn't communicate in that way. He's more of a hands-on ghost. I did try to find out who he was, but it didn't go well. Without a surname, he could be anybody from the past.'

  Harry interrupted. 'Would you mind if we searched your house again?'

  'No, I don't mind. You do what you have to do. I'm sure Estelle isn't here though.' She held out her hand towards Duffy's laptop. 'Would you mind if I took another look at that infrared recording?'

  Duffy passed her the computer. 'Not at all.'

  They searched every room again, but Estelle Adams was nowhere to be found.

  It was Harry who saw the opening into the loft. As they were standing on the landing outside the bedrooms, he glanced up and stared at the oblong access panel, which was blocked by a board that had to be pushed up and moved to one side. 'We haven't looked up there.'

  Duffy looked around for a switch, lever or a ladder. 'How can we get up there?'

  'I don't know.'

  She called over the banister. 'Rita!'

  Rita came into the hallway and looked up at them. 'Yes?'

  'How do we get into the loft?'

  'I have no idea. I've never been up there.'

  'Do you have a stepladder?' Harry asked.

  'In the cellar.'

  Harry went downstairs, then into the cellar and came back up carrying a six-tread aluminium stepladder that was high enough for him to reach the opening and lift himself up into the loft.

  Neither Duffy nor Rita would be able to get up there, they'd need proper ladders.

  He positioned the ladders beneath the opening, climbed up and shifted the board to one side. He bent down and whispered, 'I can here something. Can you go downstairs and get the night vision camcorder out of my bag, Duffy?'

  'Okay.'

  She hurried down, found his bag by the sofa in the living room, removed the camcorder, took it upstairs and passed it to him.

  He switched the camcorder to infrared, put it up in the loft to one side of the opening and then lifted himself up. His legs dangled over the edge and then disappeared.

  'What do you think he's doing up there?' Rita said.

  'He must have found something.'

  He was gone for about five minutes, but eventually Harry's legs re-appeared. He had the camcorder strap around his neck and he let himself down onto the top step of the ladder and then climbed down to the floor.

  'What did you find?' Duffy asked.

  'You won't believe it.'

  'We won't unless you show us.'

  He re-wound the footage he'd taken, pressed "PLAY" and said, 'Take a look.'

  Rita and Duffy watched as a naked Estelle Adams writhed about moaning on an old dirty mattress in the attic. Ghostly hands made impression in her breasts, and between her thighs was a spectral head. Then, the apparition moved up to lie on top of her and have sex with her, but what was really disconcerting was that they could see Estelle Adams' vagina opening and closing as if on its own.

  Rita appeared deflated. 'It looks like Edward has found another woman, doesn't it?'

  'If that is Edward,' Duffy said. 'It certainly looks that way, Rita.'

  'It's Edward all right. I recognise his moves. How . . .?'

  'I think the sleeping gas gave him the opportunity to get into Estelle's unconscious mind. Ten years ago, you knowingly let him in, but very few people would do that.'

  'How did Estelle get up there?' Harry said.

  Rita looked up at the opening. 'Edward can make you float. I've often . . .' She leaned towards Duffy and whispered to her, 'When I had orgasms, I would often realise that I was floating in mid-air, if you know what I mean?'

  Duffy nodded. 'I know what you mean.'

  'What are we going to do?' Rita asked.

  'Well, Estelle can't stay in your loft having orgasms until she dies, can she? We have to get her down. I expect she hasn't had any food or water since Sunday night.

  Rita pulled a face. 'She won't like it. Most men can only do it once and last less than twenty minutes. Edward has no such limitations. Some nights, it never seemed to end. Sex with Edward is out of this world.'

  **
*

  The team were busy preparing for the following morning. Checking and cleaning weapons, making sure they all had the right equipment and it worked, and writing letters to loved ones.

  A couple of the team were cooking a selection of meals from the Army (General Service) 24-hour ration packs that Jack had acquired and supplemented with bread, eggs and milk. An all-day breakfast with bacon grill, beans and eggs; chicken curry with rice; soup; and apple flakes. There was a selection of chocolate covered caramel sweets, chocolate bars that could be used to hammer in nails; lemon and orange spangles, fruit and plain biscuits; oatmeal blocks; and tea and coffee stewing over a low flame.

  'It's like the old days,' Steve Sallow said.

  Mike Roberts nodded. 'Yeah. Things were simple then.'

  Rummage was making a hell of a racket at the far end of the factory – rattling her neck chain, kicking the metal dividing wall, shouting, screaming, pleading. She was using everything she had in her arsenal.

  'Please! I promise I won't take anymore drugs. Hello! Is there anybody out there? Ramona! Hey, bitch! You'd better let me out of here otherwise . . . Please. I'd rather not threaten you, but if I have to, I fucking well will. Are you there, you bitch. When I get out of here I'll be coming after you. And Quigg. You can tell Quigg he's a walking dead man. I'll cut you up, you fat smelly bitch – a little bit at a time. I'll enjoy listening to you screaming in agony, pleading for mercy, crying for your mummy. Please let me out. I'm going to summon all of Satan's demons to come and devour you. Please! Please let me out . . .' And so it went on and on.

  'She's going to stop soon, isn't she?' Jimmy Crisp said.

  Ramona smiled. 'I wouldn't bet on it. I think she's just getting started.'

  Lucy arrived.

  'Hi!' she said to Ramona.

  'Hey!'

  'Did Quigg give you your reward?'

  'I'll say. Very nice it was too.'

  'And we thought it had healed up.'

  'Some things never heal.'

  'No, I guess not.'

  Jack appeared. 'Come for your bike?'

  'And I'll be joining you tomorrow.'

  'No, you won't.'

  'Who are you to tell me no?'

  'I'm the Commanding Officer and your father. If I say no, then that's the way it'll be.'

  'You can't stop me.'

  The corner of his mouth creased upwards. 'Pusset! Tumbler! Take my daughter into custody and put her in with that noisy bitch down at the other end of the factory.'

  Two men headed towards her.

  'You wouldn't?'

  He held up his hand. 'You know I would, Lucy. I have a team of very capable individuals here. We're going out tomorrow morning to do what's necessary and put an end to the enterprise once and for all. Your presence is not required. In fact, the state you're in, you'd be a liability.'

  'But what about those two who were holding me? I wanted to . . .'

  'There's a lot more at stake here than you getting your revenge on two gofers. I promised each person here half a million pounds to re-start their lives if they joined me. I need you to organise that.'

  'An amoeba could do it.'

  'As a species barely above an amoeba, it's well within your capabilities then.'

  'Are you really not going to let me come with you?'

  'No.'

  'Some father you're turning out to be.'

  'Will you open the accounts and transfer the money, or not?'

  'I'll do it.'

  'Then, if I see your two gofers tomorrow, I'll bring them back here so that you can play with them.'

  'That would be good.'

  'Right,' Jack said. 'Let's watch the movie.'

  They all sat down and watched the video that Zepp and Kincaid had taken of their visit to the Viaduct Tavern on the corner of Newgate and Giltspur Streets.

  'The pub was opened in 1869 and named after the Holborn viaduct,' Zepp said, reading from the brochure she'd been given by the landlord. 'It's the last remaining example of a nineteenth century Gin Palace, and is located just across the street from the Old Bailey, which was built on the site of the old Newgate Prison.'

  The video played out on the wall.

  'On the ground floor is the bar and toilets. The bar is a large room and there are three doors into the pub, but only the middle one is used. In-between each door is a large window. There are also stairs that go up to the other floors, and down to the cellar where they have the original prison cells and the kitchens. The function room is on the first floor, which also used to be an opium den. Above that is the stock room; and a staff area. The other floors above that are in a state of disrepair and have no electricity.'

  'We asked about the function room and whether it was available for the hanging breakfasts tomorrow morning, but the landlord said it was booked. I asked him if there was any chance they'd swap. He said there wasn't, because people were travelling from all over the UK for the hanging breakfast and the meeting.'

  'So, you reckon the meeting is in the function room?'

  'According to the landlord. He let us take a video of the room.'

  Kenny's camera work left a lot to be desired as they went up the stairs, because the lens was mainly focused on Valerie's backside and her breasts.

  Zepp slapped the back of his head.

  'Hey!'

  'Don't think that because you've done a recce on my arse and tits that you can launch a mission.'

  'You could do a lot worse.'

  She grunted. 'I could do a lot better as well.'

  'Stop there,' Jack said as the camera entered the function room.

  They were looking at a large room with a wooden floor and an enormous table in the centre surrounded by old wooden chairs. The walls were decorated in old red brocade wallpaper and the pattern had nearly disappeared. There were six large sash windows that looked out over Newgate Street.

  'Are those beams on the ceiling?'

  'Yes. Long heavy wooden ones.'

  Jack smiled. 'If they want a hanging breakfast, then we'll give them a hanging breakfast. Anybody know how to make proper nooses?'

  Tulbahadur Thapa held up a finger. 'Sir.'

  'Excellent. Mike and Terry, you go with Tulbahadur and buy enough rope for twenty nooses long enough to throw over those beams and tie off.' He looked around the faces. 'Anybody got any objections?'

  Nobody objected.

  'We have a plan then. Petty Officer Relish will stay here with our noisy guest, Grunt and my one and only.' He glanced at Ramona. 'And you have my permission to chain her up with Jezzie if she starts talking about following us.'

  'I'll look forward to that, Sir.'

  'You wouldn't?' Lucy said.

  'Half a million pounds says I will.'

  'Some friend you turned out to be.'

  Jack continued. 'We'll park the van in a side street. Steve, I want you selling the Big Issue opposite the entrance at the drinking fountain, providing a running commentary and acting as lookout while we're in there. Once the guests have all arrived, breakfast has been served and the meeting is underway, we'll go in. All weapons are to be fitted with silencers. Valerie and Jimmy will stay downstairs in the bar area, and lock the doors. We don't want any unwelcome visitors. Pete and Kenny can disable the staff with restraints. Once it's all locked down I'll use the password and get rid of any guards outside the function room. Bob and Mike can follow me in. Terry and Tulbahadur will carry the nooses between them. Once we have their attention, we'll serve up the real hanging breakfasts. Anything I've missed? Any questions?'

  Nobody said anything.

  'Okay. Take things easy and get an early night. I have something to do, but I'll be back later.'

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  'Inspector Quigg!' Amy English said as she stepped into the command centre. 'You wanted my help?'

  'I certainly do, Mrs English.' He stood up. 'Follow me.'

  They went back into the waxworks.

  He introduced her to Mister Warner. 'Warner here
tells me that there's whooshing noises coming from inside the columns. You, on the other hand, tell me that those columns are solid concrete. I need you to show each other what evidence you have, and then tell me whether those columns are hollow or solid?' He said to Amies, 'Come on, let's go and sit over there while they confer in technical gobbledegook and come up with a definitive answer.'

  After about fifteen minutes Warner and English came over to where they were sitting.

  'So, what's the answer?'

  'We don't have one,' Amy said. 'He has clear evidence that there are irregular noises coming from inside the columns. I have the blueprints, which clearly show that the columns are solid.'

  'Great!' Quigg said. 'I really don't want to start knocking holes in those columns.'

  'There is another way,' Amy English said.

  'Oh?'

  'Ultra-wide band penetrating radar.'

  'Like ground penetrating radar?'

  'Same principle, but UWB works in the vertical position.'

  'And you've got one with you?'

  'Unfortunately, no.'

  'What about you, Mister Warner?'

  'Sorry. We don't need them.'

  'So, when can you get me one, Mrs English?'

  'A week.'

  He stood up and offered his hand. 'Mister Warner, thanks for your assistance. Constable Amies, please escort him from the premises. After you've done that, I want you to contact Perkins and tell him that I'd like some form of ultra-wide band penetrating radar, so that I can look into those columns without breaking into them, first thing in the morning.'

  'Yes, Sir.'

  'Also, I'd like you to phone Merchant Acoustics and haggle the price. Remember, you're representing the public against a money-grabbing private company.'

  'Yes, Sir.'

  'And, you're to bring the incident board up-to-date.'

  'Where will you be, Sir?'

  'I'll be here. I need to discuss a few ideas I have with Mrs English.'

  'Okay, Sir.'

  Once Warner and Amies had left, they made their way down to the ladies' toilet in the basement and went inside.

  'Jesus!' Amy said, lifting her skirt up to her waist, leaning over the sink and spreading her legs. 'I thought they'd never go. Are you ready?'

  'I don't think there's ever been a time when I've not been ready, Amy.' Grabbing her hips, he thrust inside her. Starting slow, like a steam train, the stoker began shovelling coal into the boiler's firebox for all he was worth. Gradually, the train picked up speed until it reached peak pressure. It was then that the driver sounded the whistle to warn interested parties that the train was approaching at full speed.