What Hurts The Most 3

by Tynessa

  Today, I decided to take the kids out to get their minds off their no good ass papa; plus, I wanted to get my mind off the nigga as well. I’d been laying around the house crying so much that I was all cried out. To me, Lo asking another woman to marry him was by far the dirtiest thing he’d ever done to me. I wasn’t that hurt when he had a baby by the bitch.

  “So did ya’ll have a good time?” I asked my boys as we pulled into the driveway of our home. They all yelled that they did, and that put a smile on my face. I couldn’t believe I’d almost given up on being a mother because that asshole basically said I wasn’t a good one. He must’ve had me sadly mistaken for himself for that tired ass bitch of his.

  Getting the kids out the car along with our bags, I was shocked when my front door swung open and there stood Lo. I wanted to gather my kids and leave, but I didn’t. This dummy came rushing out while looking around like he was looking for someone. He grabbed our youngest son and stomped in the house like a fool.

  “Where in the fuck had you been? I been blowing up your fucking phone all damn day,” he said when I walked in. I looked at him like the fool he was.

  “That’s funny, because I’ve been blowing up your phone ever since your ho came over here waving her ugly ass engagement rock in my damn face.” The ring wasn’t at all ugly, but because I was bitter about him proposing to her, I lied and said it was.

  “Man, go to ya’ll fucking room since ya’ll mama about to be on her bullshit,” Lo ordered the kids. I really hated the way he cursed at my kids, and the more I got on to him about it, the more he would do it. I felt less than a woman to still be in love with this man and he treated my kids like shit.

  Once the kids were out of sight, he turned to me and said, “Now what ring are you talking about?”

  I hate that he was standing there acting like he didn’t know what I was talking about.

  “The ring you fucking proposed to Bree with, Lo! Don’t fucking stand in my face and act dumb. I’m really tired of your shit! You need to give me my house key and get the fuck out of my house. All your clothes and shit is at Bree’s, so just go.”

  “What the fuck you mean all my clothes at Bree house? My shit better be up those stairs, because if you done packed up my shit and moved it out this house, I’m putting my foot in your ass,” Lo said as he stared at me with the ugliest mug. Pressing my lips together, I stared at his ass right back, like, nigga try me!

  Lo took off up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I heard him rumbling around, and when he ran back down the stairs, I was standing in the same spot with my arms folded across my chest and a smirk on my face. I was really done with him this time, forreal, and I know he knew that. I ain’t never went that far as to actually pack his things and removing them from the house, not even when he got Bree pregnant. I was still trying to fix our relationship. Now I know that was when I should’ve been done, for good.

  “Bitch, what the fuck is your problem?” Lo walked up and said while grabbing me around the neck. “You and Bree going to stop testing me. I don’t know who you been talking to, but I ain’t gave nobody no damn ring.”

  Bringing my knee up, I kneed his ass right in the nuts. Lo was going to learn today to not fuck with me. Just like Keri Hilson says, every woman has a breaking point, and Lo had pushed me to that limit. I was sick of him treating me like shit and most of all, treating my kids like shit nowadays. I’d put up with Lo’s bull crap for so long, and today it ended.

  I wasn’t about to give him no ultimatum, where he chose me or Bree, or none of that bullshit. This nigga had to go. I could do bad all by myself!

  “Ahh!” Lo screamed and fell to his knees. “You fucking bitch! What the fuck you do that for?” he dumbly asked.

  “I’m sick of your bullshit, Carlos! You need to get the fuck out of my house and don’t bring your ass back. All your shit is where you wanna be, so go be with that bitch.” I guess he could tell in my eyes that I was dead ass serious, because he managed to get off the floor slowly, and reached out for me.

  “Man Shay,” he said. I just backed up. He didn’t have nothing to say to me, and I damn sure didn’t want his filthy hands on me.

  “Lo, I’m not playing with you. This is the last straw. First you got the bitch pregnant, then once she had the baby you just said fuck our kids. Me or my kids shouldn’t have to go through the bullshit you take us through. I have been nothing but a good woman to you. I cook for you, clean you dirty ass draws, and take care of the baby you had on me. All you do is go back and forth from Me to Bree. How many females you know would sit at home waiting for you, while you’re at your babymama house chilling?” I asked him. Believe it or not, I wasn’t even crying. My face might’ve held a mug, but my voice was calm as fuck. I was so over this guy!

  “Where all this coming from? You know I be out trying to get this paper. I already told you that once I hit this last lick we’re out. Me, you, the boys, and my baby girl. You know I need Bree on my team in order for this shit to run smoothly. Shay, come on now.”

  “Nigga, you ain’t shit! You told Bree the same mothafuckin’ thing. You, her, and ya’ll damn daughter was going to move somewhere. Please don’t come in here thinking you about to run that slick shit to me. Nah, nigga, I ain’t even falling for that no more. What you need to do is go run along and do whatever it is so you and your fiancée can live happily ever after. Me and my boys will be so much better without you in the picture.” I was so serious. I was sick of Lo’s grimy ass.

  “So that’s how you doing it now? Fuck me huh?”

  “You damn right fuck you! Your bitch ass said fuck me a long time ago when you fucked that bitch.”

  “Bitch, I just told you that damn girl don’t mean shit to me.”

  “She don’t mean nothing to you, but you proposed to her ass,” I said. I was sick of talking to this nigga, and he was getting the fuck out my house one way or the other.

  When he said he didn’t propose to her, that’s when I lost it. I ran up in the kitchen and got the biggest knife I could find. I ran up out of there like I was Chucky the doll or somebody. I wasn’t thinking about nothing but putting Lo in a damn body bag.

  “Whoa, Shay. Chill the fuck out. You tripping girl,” Lo yelled out in fear as I chased his behind around the living room.

  “I’m not tripping. I asked you one too many times to get the fuck out my house. There’s nothing here for your dusty ass. I swear to God, if you don’t leave now, I will throw this damn knife dead in the center of your forehead. Test me!” Once again, Lo knew I was dead ass serious, and that’s why he backed his ass right out the front door with both hands in the air.

  “Fuck you Shay! You’ll definitely be seeing me later. You can bet that,” he said.

  Taking the big butcher knife, I didn’t say shit as I threw it. I prayed that it would stab his ass right in the heart. Luckily for him, he shut the door right in time. I stood there for a while, still not believing that was the guy that I was in love with. I knew it was going to be hard, but I also knew it was for the best that Lo and me went our separate ways. It wasn’t fair to me or my kids for me to walk around smiling like we were one big happy family, when behind closed doors it was a freaking nightmare. I loved Lo, but I loved my kids and me more than any no-good mothafucker that didn’t deserve us.

  Chapter 21

  A Fool For Love/A Fool For Pain!

  Asia

  It was really nice having Keonna around. She was so sweet, cute, and loveable. I was so attached to her, and was already treating her as if she was my own. I know I said I didn’t want any kids out of wedlock, and nothing’s changed about that. See, Keonna wasn’t my child and if Ke’ left me tomorrow morning, I wouldn’t be tied down being a single mother for the rest of my life.

  Don’t get me wrong, I know that could happen if we were to get married, but I only prayed that it didn’t. I wanted one of those marriage where we would grow old together and love one another unconditionally; and I had a strong feeling that Ke’
would be the perfect candidate. But it’s funny that no matter how much I professed my love for him, I couldn’t get Jay off my mind. It’s crazy, because I know he’s with someone else and I have a wonderful man, so I shouldn’t be still thinking about him, at all.

  I usually kept Keonna while Ke’unta went out to handle whatever business, but today I told him that I had something to do.

  The other day I talked to Tan about the way I was feeling and how Jay had been heavy on my mind—yes, I know she was in no shape or form to be trying to give me no advice, but she was my girl and I needed for her to hear me out. Anyways, she suggested that I went to see him. She went on to say that maybe it was closure that I needed, and I totally agreed.

  When me and Jay broke up, we didn’t really just end things. It was more of me letting that nigga know that I was pretty much tired of his shit, and I was leaving him. Whenever I did see him, he was on some other shit and acting all stupid, but today I called his ass up and told him that I wanted to talk to him—without him acting ignorant. I wanted to have an adult conversation with him keeping his hands to himself, and I would do the same.

  It was kind of chilly outside, so I was rocking a pair of skintight skinny jeans, and a pair of thigh high stilettos heel boots with an off-the-shoulder fitted sweater. I had just left the beauty parlor, so my hair was on fleek. I had my natural beauty going on, just the way him and Ke’unta liked it. I knew I was looking good as I strolled up to Jay’s front door. Taking a deep breath, I rang the bell.

  “Sup?” said Jay casually as he looked me up and down, then moved to the side so I could enter. When he closed the door, he walked right past me to the living room, with me right behind him. I was a little taken aback with his nonchalant attitude, but I didn’t say anything.

  “How have you been doing? You haven’t been calling harassing me in a while?” I said with a smirk as we took a seat on the couch.

  “Shit, chill. Just living life. What’s good with you? I hear you playing step-mama, now. You couldn’t have my baby, but I see you willing to take care of the next nigga little one.”

  See, this is the exact reason we’re not together now. Everything had to be an argument with him. We couldn’t just sit and be cordial, because he always had to be an asshole. What was the purpose of the shit he’d just said? However, I feed into his bullshit.

  “Yup, she’s an angel, and you wasn’t ready for a baby then. So, what’s up with you and your girl? Ya’ll work everything out?” I asked. I knew they did, because I saw them together the other day when I was at the store with Keonna.

  “Yea, we’re good.” I just twisted my lips as I nodded my head up and down at his short reply.

  “She must be really in love to still be with you after you beat her ass for no reason at all.” When I said that, Jay cut his eyes at me and if looks could kill, I would be a dead woman right now.

  “What the fuck is you talking about?” he asked me. I didn’t come over here for his attitude. I didn’t know why I was sitting there explaining the shit to him anyway. I shouldn’t even give a flying fuck if he killed the girl or not, being that I know he was cheating on me with her. I just felt that he should know who was really behind me leaving him for good.

  “Just what I said! That girl didn’t do shit to deserve what you did to her. Do you remember at the hospital, when I told you that you beat the wrong bitch’s ass? Plus I had been telling you that anyways, and you still beat her ass. You were wrong for that shit, Jay.”

  He smacked his lips, not really wanting to her the truth. I just didn’t know what had gotten into this boy.

  “It wasn’t her. It was that girl that walked out with her. She’s the one that deserved that ass whooping you were giving out. So you were sleeping with the both of them?”

  “Hell nah! I ain’t sleeping with that crazy ass bitch. I fucked her once, but that was it,” he admitted.

  “When we was together, right?”

  Jay couldn’t even say anything. He just dropped his head. I wasn’t even hurt learning that it was. I was so over all the different women Jay had cheated on me with that whatever I found out from this point on, it didn’t surprise nor hurt me.

  “I’m sorry, Asia. I really am and believe me; I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I wish like hell I could, but I can’t.” Jay’vion grabbed my hand and pulled me up and between his legs as he slid to the edge of the couch. “All I need is one more chance; just one, to prove that I could be the man for you. I love you and you know that, Asia. Please don’t do me like this, baby,” Jay’vion begged.

  I wanted to believe him; I really did, but that shit was just déjà vu. I’d heard it all before. Looking up at the ceiling, I shook my head back and forth as tears rolled down my face. I couldn’t go back down that road with Jay’vion. I just couldn’t do it.

  “You don’t mean that, Jay’vion. You said all this shit before, then turn around and do the same shit. I can’t do this with you again. Why do you want me? To continue to take me through so much pain? I love you Jay, but—” My words were cut off when I was being lifted off the floor. My breathing had thickened when Jay’s lips came to mines, and next thing I knew I was being laid on his bed, and my clothes were coming off.

  I wanted to stop Jay. Lord knows I did, but I just couldn’t. I was supposed to be over him, so why was I feeling like I needed to feel him inside of me? Is it wrong for me to love Ke’ but still have feelings for my ex? It was no secret that I still had feelings for Jay, and as much as I tried to act as if those feelings were no longer there, they were. I just can’t be with Jay, not right now anyways.

  “Stop, Jay. Please stop!” I said once I realized he was nibbling on my pussy through my jeans. I couldn’t just have sex him because he wanted to. Nah, it didn’t work like that.

  “Come on, Asia. I know you want it. You don’t miss this dick? I know I miss this good shit,” he said to me.

  Pushing his head back, I sat up. See, that’s his probably. Jay’vion was the type that thought he could dick me down and everything would be better, but I could only blame myself for that. In the past, when we would argue, he would give me one of those weak ass apologies, then the ‘D,’ and I would be right back in love with his behind. I was over that spell, though.

  “No, Jay, you want it. You talk all that shit about how you want me back, but you don’t miss me, you miss having sex with me. You’ve proven to me over and over since we’ve been broken up who has your heart. And it damn sho ain’t me.” I got off the bed and begin straightening up my clothes. I seriously think it was a mistake for me to have come over there.

  “I know you’re not insinuating Stacy has my heart?” he asked confusedly. I just pressed my lips together and gave him a duh look. He laughed at that. “Nah, shawty don’t have this heart right here.” Jay placed his hand over the left side of his chest, sincerely.

  “I can’t tell,” was my reply as I headed for the stairs. Jay was right behind me. I needed to get out of this man’s house.

  “Asia, wait.” Grabbing my hand, Jay’vion pulled me over to the couch and we both took a seat. I blew out a frustrating breath. I just wanted to leave and go home where I belong.

  “What do I have to do to prove that you’re the only one for me?” I was just about to let Jay know there was nothing he could do when he placed his index finger over my lips to hush me. “Yea, I know it’s fucked up that I continued to fuck around with Stacy after we broke up, but even after all the time I’ve spent with her, she’ll never have my heart, or what me and you had. I mean yeah, I might have a little feelings for shawty, but that ain’t who I want.”

  Hearing Jay’vion admit that he had feelings for that girl crushed my heart. Hell, I assumed he did anyway, but it’s another story hearing the shit. Ugh. Why do I even give a damn when I’m head over heels for Ke’unta?

  “I know you’re with ol’ boy, but I’m not giving up on you; on us. My mama was right, I should’ve did right by you when I had you, but I was dumb back then
and wanted to have my cake and eat it too. I refuse to believe it’s over, Asia. You being with dude is just a phase that you’re going through. You can scream a million times how much you love him; but that nigga don’t have this right here,” said Jay as he placed his right hand on the left side of my chest. I dropped my head as a single tear rolled down my check.

  “Jay’vion, I can’t do this with you. Just like before, you spitting all this shit, then you’re gonna run back and be with that bitch,” I said. I knew Jay all too well. I wasn’t falling for his shenanigans no more.

  “Man, fuck her! The only reason I’m still fucking with her is because I wanted to get over you. I thought by occupying my time with Stacy, I could let you go; but I see that shit ain’t gon’ work. Can’t you see, Asia? I couldn’t get over you if I tried. I already told you once that when I love, I love hard. I’m willing to do everything in my power to get you back. Starting with not fucking around with no other female. Including Stacy. That shit stops today! You’re the only woman I wanna spend my life with.”

  “Jay, I have to go.” I got off the couch and headed to the door. I’d heard enough. I knew if I continued to sit there and listen to Jay, I would without a doubt take him back; and I couldn’t do Ke’ like that.

  “Aye, just know I’ll wait for you,” Jay said in a serious tone. The look on his face and in his eyes was one that I’d never seen before. All the times Jay had begged, pleaded, and lied for me to come back to him, he never had that look on his face before.

  I just shook my head and headed to my car. It was crazy, because this time around, I actually believed Jay’vion would do right by me.

  Chapter 22

  Getting Shit Straight!

  Lo

  I can’t believe this bitch threw a knife at my ass. Had I not closed the door in time, my ass probably would’ve been a dead man. I knew one day I was going to push Shay to the limit; and hell, to tell you the truth, I thought it would’ve been a lot sooner than now. I guess me proposing to Bree was the last straw.