by Charity B.
Uncle Bennett hauls as many frozen steaks as he can carry into his house while Kai and I finish emptying the freezer. I keep wishing Mommy and Daddy were here to help us. Thinking about them only makes me feel yucky though.
The body bag scratches across the concrete as we drag it up the driveway, quieting once we’re inside the garage. On the count of three, we heave him onto a work bench. I unzip the bag to expose the body and help Kai break the rigor mortis. After trying to get him to fit in the freezer twice, we break his neck to finally bend him the right way.
Frozen meat is piled on top of him before Uncle Bennett sets a box labeled ‘Photos’ on the lid. Trash bags filled with Saran Wrap and our bloody clothes are the next thing Kai hides. He stuffs them in a cardboard box that has ‘Video Games’ written across the side.
With a sigh, he leans against the wall. “We should get back. Until we can use the crematorium, there isn’t anything else we can do.”
I tune them out on the way home, humming Ring Around the Rosie to Scabecca. She doesn’t have a head, but her dress is pretty.
The Courtenay Family Funeral Home sign passes by the window. Though there are a lot fewer cars here than when we left, some are still parked in the back.
It surprises me how quiet and empty the house is, meaning they must all be downstairs. Uncle Bennett mumbles he’s going to sleep on the couch, disappearing into the living room.
Kai’s hands wipe down his face on his way up the stairs. “I need a shower.”
A shower would feel nice, except I’m not ready to wash his come out of me yet. Instead, I follow behind him to change into clean panties and a nightgown.
My throat is dry, the absence of moisture scratching the back of my mouth. Juice sounds yummy. Hesitantly, I walk downstairs, stopping in the hall to glare at Princess Sparkle lying on the table. She hasn’t come alive again since earlier in the park. The only thing that makes any sense is that I imagined it. It sure didn’t feel imaginary though.
With my juice glass emptied, I return to the hall. Before I even realize that my feet have kept walking, I’m standing in the display room. My fingers trace across the large mahogany casket that’s right in the center. It’s lined in off-white satin with a fluffy, laced-trimmed pillow.
Daddy always said he wanted to be cremated when he died, but Mommy never told me what she wanted. I wonder if she will be put into one of these. She always said embalming was beautiful; it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s what she wanted for her own body.
The presentation table the casket is displayed on lifts it up too high for me to climb inside. In the hall closet, I find a step stool that’s the perfect height. I unfold it and climb up. It’s been a long time since I’ve been in a coffin. Mommy yelled at me when I was little for playing in them, so I never did it again.
She can’t yell at me now.
I lie down, sighing at the comfort of the quiet coffin. It’s very cozy in here. Safe. Reaching up, I close the lid. Blackness covers me in a soft, warm blanket. The echoing of my deep breathing is like a lullaby singing me to sleep.
Malakai
18 years old
The ice-cold water rains from the shower head, pelting my back in beaded shards. I’m shaking, though I have no idea if it’s from the temperature or my sobs.
Both of my parents are gone. Forever.
It’s a fact I know, yet I can’t help doubting it’s true. Or maybe I’m just holding on to the hope that someone, somewhere, got it wrong. I’m irate at my mother for doing this to us. My emotions ping pong between that and the smothering terror for me and Adriel. What will happen to us? Will she be sent to foster care? Am I meant to be on my own?
My chest aches, throbbing to the point that it hurts to breathe. Pushing open the shower curtain, I kneel by the cabinet to search for my knife.
Relief in the form of steel.
The destruction of my skin gives me the solace I crave. Slowly, I regain a steady breath. I dry my face and get dressed before going to Adriel’s room. It’s empty. Any other night that wouldn’t bother me. Tonight, though, it makes my heart drum with anxiety.
What happened with us seems like light years ago. I’m pissed at myself for getting upset with her…tonight of all nights. She isn’t in my room which leaves only one bedroom to check.
It’s unsettling how I can almost still feel them, as if their energy stained the walls and soaked into the carpet. The bed barely squeaks when I lower onto it. Everything appears the same as it did when they were still breathing. Curiosity spins in my head, wondering what items she kept close to her when she slept. Opening my mother’s side table, I pick up the photos inside. They’re of me. All of them. A tiny jar in the corner piques my interest. It tinks when I move it.
Malakai’s Baby Teeth, the label says.
Anger at my mother for not having a single drawing or report card of Adriel’s has me tossing the jar down, slamming the drawer shut.
I continue my search for my sister, panic cracking through my bones when I check the entire living space to only find Uncle Bennett asleep on the couch.
Air whooshes in my lungs the moment I cross over to the funeral home side. A stepstool sits in front of the center coffin in the display room.
If I wasn’t so heartbroken, I would laugh. She always wanted to get in the caskets, but we were never allowed to. Lifting the lid causes my lips to raise in a small smile. Adriel is fast asleep inside, peaceful and free from all the horrifying events consuming our lives right now.
Careful not to wake her up, I slip in behind her. It’s a snug fit, yet calming to be so close and confined with her this way. I need this comfort right now. In this small space, her intensified smell inundates my mind with memories of the mausoleum.
I know I said we could never be together that way again, and it definitely needs to stop, but right now, it feels like she’s the only thing that will keep my mind from going in a hundred opposite directions. The silk of her nightdress is smooth to the touch. Her small breast fills my palm, and she shifts with a sigh the moment I squeeze through the fabric. The taste of her skin on my lips hardens my erection growing against her ass.
Why do I want her so much? It isn’t fair that I feel this. I can’t control it. Maybe it’s my grief or the shock that’s making me so confused. Even as I question myself, my hand slips beneath her nightie to touch her panties.
Wet arousal seeps onto my fingers through the cotton. Fuck. I rub faster, waking her enough to earn an erotic moan.
I whisper, “Is this okay? I really need you right now.”
Her breathing quickens in little puffs. “I need you too. All the time.”
My hair falls in my face as I shift my position to hover over her. Am I really going to do this again?
Almost as if my body has separated from my thoughts, I lower the waistband of my sweat pants before pushing her nightie up to her stomach. I reach between her legs, going more off feel than sight. Guilt tries to claw at me as I tug her panties down, but I ignore it.
I need this.
Either the cramped space or her tight body is making it really hard to push inside. Hurting her is not what I want. I just need one good thrust, then I can ease up.
“Be quiet. We can’t wake up Uncle Bennett.” She nods while I hold on to the edge of the casket for leverage. I shove, feeling the moment I break inside. A choked cry jumps from her lips, so I cover her mouth. “Shhhh. It’s okay.”
Two more little whimpers escape before she quiets down to rapid breathing. I slow, going deeper to truly feel her body encasing mine.
“What are we gonna do, Kai?” she whispers, tenderly pressing herself against me.
I wish I had the magic words, the solution to this huge fucking mess. In truth, I’m just as clueless about what this means as she is.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to keep us together. I swear.”
Her body stills with her cracked voice. “You think they’ll try to separate us?”
I don’t have the an
swers, so I kiss her. She relaxes as the silence settles, the rhythmic sound of our breathing allowing my mind to focus on the euphoria my body is feeling. With my steady pace, a buildup of pressure prickles my skin. The arousal will overtake me soon. I can’t exactly come in the casket, and considering I already finished inside her one time too many tonight, I can’t do that either. The coffin squeaks with my last few thrusts. Damn it. I have to stop.
Reaching down, I pull her panties away from her body and quickly slide out. I moan into her neck as my orgasm throbs for an abnormally long time, filling up the inside of her cotton underwear. God, I wish I could see what that looks like. After I secure them into place, I yank up my sweats.
She scoots over, giving me room to lie behind her again. “We can’t sleep in here. Uncle Bennett finding us wouldn’t be good…for a few reasons.”
With those words, culpability crawls across my skin. I swear to myself that this was the last time. I can’t live with the guilt that comes with this perversion.
She nods without showing any indication of moving. “Just a few more minutes.”
I wrap my arm around her waist and blow out a breath. A few more minutes won’t hurt.
“Guys! What the hell? This is a twenty-five-hundred-dollar casket!”
I jolt awake at the aggravation in Uncle Bennett’s voice. It takes a few seconds for the events of last night to settle back in my memory.
My parents are dead.
I fucked my little sister—twice
And there’s a body in my uncle’s freezer.
Right now, my mind can’t decide which is the most horrifying.
“It’s not Kai’s fault,” Adriel says sleepily, rubbing her eyes. “I just wanted to know what they would feel if they were buried.”
My eyes quickly scan over each of us to make sure our clothes are where they should be. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I clench my fists. How could I have let things go so far?
What kind of brother does that make me?
Uncle Bennett’s shoulders fall as he waves us on. “Just get out, okay?” After we obey, he inspects the coffin for anything that might show we were in there. Scratching behind his ear, he stares at us like he’s about to break down. “The investigators are gone.” Relief overflows my veins at being able to dispose of Mr. Jasick once and for all. “Are you guys hungry?”
Oddly, I kind of am. Even with my insides in knots over my parents and Adriel, my stomach feels empty. As much as I want to get rid of Mr. Jasick, doing so on a full stomach doesn’t sound like the worst idea.
“I want blueberry pancakes! And peaches and cream,” Adriel declares. “I just need to shower first.”
For years I’ve wondered how I can feel this way about her, why I have this abominable desire. Then her maniacal energy will consume me like a storm, and in those moments, my feelings make sense.
Uncle Bennett pours a cup of coffee while we wait for her. The uncomfortable silence sits and decays until finally he says, “Did you know that I’m your Godfather?”
Even though I’ve heard the term before, I have no real knowledge of what it means. “I didn’t. What is that…exactly?”
Endless minutes of him staring out the window pass before he finally answers. “It means that I’m responsible for you. The both of you. However, you’re eighteen which gives you more choices than it does Adriel. We need to talk to your parents’ lawyer. I’m hoping there are finances in place that will make this easier on all of us.” He sips his coffee, and I think the conversation is over until he adds, “I don’t know what the fuck Micah and my sister had you kids doing, but it’s over.”
I nod as Adriel’s black Mary Janes stomp down the stairs. She arrives in the kitchen wearing a pink dress with rainbow tights, carrying one of her toys under her arm. Her color splashes across my destroyed life, giving me a hiccup of happiness.
Clapping her hands, she says, “I’m ready for pancakes!” as if this isn’t the first morning of all mornings without our parents.
Once we arrive at the Lettleton Pancake House, Uncle Bennett waits until he has his coffee, I have my soda, and Adriel has her cocoa before speaking. “I’m not completely sure how this is going to go, so for now, let’s assume your mother left the business to me. Hiring another mortician is a must. Regardless, I’m going to sell my house and live with you until both of you finish high school. Once you’ve both graduated, we’ll see where we’re at.” He raises his eyebrows. “Do either of you plan to go into mortuary science?”
“Yes,” Adriel replies almost immediately.
I realize that I can do whatever the hell I want. There is no ‘family business’ anymore. Half the family is dead. They both look to me, and I can’t do more than shrug.
“I don’t know.”
The rest of breakfast consists of bullshit conversation about curfews and who will do what chores until Uncle Bennett pays the check.
Adriel holds my hand, dragging me to Uncle Bennett’s Camaro. She’s ready to get this finished as much as I am.
Mr. Jasick’s frozen body is heavy and a little tricky to get in the body bag, but we eventually get him in the trunk. Too bad we didn’t have the foresight to bring the cot and the first call van. Double checking the freezer for any blood or hair, I grab the bags of cellophane and our clothes before meeting Adriel and Uncle Bennett in the car.
As soon as we pull in our driveway, a relieved sigh blows from my lips. Uncle Bennett’s shoulders tense the moment he turns off the car at the mortuary entrance.
“So, walk me through this.” He rubs his forehead violently before looking at us in the rearview mirror. “Azalea would find people that she thought deserved to die, and you’d what? Just kill them?”
“Yes,” Adriel snaps, squeezing my hand so tight my fingers crunch together. “That’s exactly what we did. They weren’t good people. They were very, very bad. So, walk me through this, Uncle Bennett. Are you gonna take care of us or just keep judging us?”
With a deep inhale, he turns in his seat, looking older than I’ve ever seen him. “I’m not judging you, Adriel. I’m trying to understand this crazy shit. I love you guys. I’m not your enemy.”
Yanking her hand from mine, she storms out, slamming the car door and stomping with her doll all the way inside.
He groans as I tell him, “Try to understand, we were always told that what we were doing was holy work. Adriel’s always been proud of it. She thinks you’re belittling that—making it something wrong.”
His disbelieving laugh bursts from his mouth. “It is fucking wrong, Kai. Tell me at least you believe that.”
“I don’t know what I believe at this point.” I get out after her, hearing Uncle Bennett shutting his door behind me. Inside, Adriel’s eyes blaze in fury as she watches him pass by to get a cot. My soft steps take me to her. “Are you okay?”
“Uncle Bennett is bad and he’s mean.”
A cold, biting shiver consumes my body when her eyes go vacant. I know her mind is traveling somewhere twisted. “No, he isn’t. He’s sad and scared. All he wants to do is help us.” I nudge her shoulder so she will look up at me. Whispering, I plea, “Please don’t do anything to hurt him.”
Her sweet smile loosens my chest as she holds my arm, nodding her agreement. “I won’t. I promise.”
While there are things about her I either don’t want to or am not comfortable confronting, I know her willingness to take my emotions into account is significant. And I love her for that.
I kiss the top of her head as Uncle Bennett pushes the cot past us. We follow him to help move Mr. Jasick. The second we get his body in the cardboard box and onto the lift, I feel much better.
We watch his corpse burn in silence for so long that Uncle Bennett’s voice sounds odd when he says, “Do either of you have any idea what would happen if anyone found out about this?”
As if I haven’t thought about it a million times. “Not exactly, but I’m guessing it involves life in a cage.”
It frus
trates me that he’s forcing our minds to that, now, with everything happening. Adriel glares at him, nodding toward the ceiling. “I’m going to my room.”
She leaves the crematorium, and I step to follow her when Uncle Bennett grabs my arm.
“I need to talk to you for a second.” His next words are not what I expect. “You know, I always liked your dad. He kept Azalea tethered. She was a balloon, and he was her string. You and Adriel are a lot like that. You need to keep her tethered. Understand?”
I get what he’s saying, yet for some reason, him comparing us to our parents makes me uncomfortable.
“I understand.”
Adriel
8 years old
“Would you like some more raspberry tea, Ms. Topplebottom?” I pretend she says, ‘Yes, please,’ and pour the invisible tea, holding the cup up to her frozen lips. She’s lying on one of the embalming tables in the prep room, so I have to stand up for this tea party. I like to play with the bodies Mommy works on because sometimes I want friends that are people. It’s easier to play make believe this way.
I take the red lipstick I got from Mommy’s dresser out of my dress pocket. Ms. Topplebottom’s hard lips make it hard to not smear. With the yellow ribbon from my ponytail, I tie it around a patch of her hair. “You look so pretty today!” I imagine she tells me, ‘You do too!’ After tipping the cup against her lips again, I gently dab her mouth with a napkin.
“What the hell are you doing?” Mommy yells, making me drop the cup. “How many times do I have to tell you? This is not a playroom, and the corpses are not your toys! Now, go to your room,”—she nods behind me— “or I’ll stuff you in one of the cold lockers and leave you to freeze.”
My eyes widen at the threat. She wouldn’t really do that…I don’t think. Still, I don’t want to risk it, so I grab my tea set and run from the morgue before she yells at me more.
Once I’m safe in my room, I look out my window to see if I can find Kai. He’s been gone all day. I cross my arms, pouting when I can’t find him.
