by Charity B.
It’s so lonely sometimes. I should make a new friend! Kai won me a pig stuffie at the arcade, plus I have the plush spotted puppy dog Uncle Bennett got me for Christmas.
I sit on the floor, using scissors to cut off the heads and tails of both toys. Threading a needle, I start sewing the pig head to the puppy body. The final touch is the curly piggy tail. I smile at her when she’s finished. She’s so cute.
“Hello, Piggypup!”
Mommy’s cries drip into my room, filling up my ears. Sneaking into the hall, I see light shining from under the bathroom door. I wish she wasn’t always so sad. Every time I try to hug her, to make her feel better, she pushes me away and tells me not to touch her. The carpet is scratchy against my ear when I try to see between the space under the door.
I hope she’s okay.
She screams at someone to be quiet. I don’t hear anyone else with her though, and Daddy’s at First Bethel.
“Just fucking stop!” she cries.
A loud crash makes me sit up to put my hands against the door. “Mommy? Are you okay?” I fall forward when she yanks it open. She reaches down, gripping my collar to drag me down the hall.
“I just need a few goddamn minutes!” Jerking open the closet door, she shoves me inside so hard that I hit my head on one of the shelves. “I’ll come get you when I can stand to look at you.”
Darkness drowns me when the door slams. I was just trying to help. She cries a lot, and I really want to make her happy. As hard as I try, she just doesn’t like me. There’s a click, so I know she locked me inside.
It gets so boring in here. I wish I had a clock because I know how to tell time all by myself. I don’t even need Malakai’s help anymore! Pressing my ear against the wooden door, I try to listen for him. He will help me.
My eyes start to feel heavy. Without light, I’m getting sleepy. My knees curl against my chest as I lie under the bottom shelf. Growling in my stomach reminds me of how hungry I am. She got mad at me when I asked her for something to eat this morning, so I haven’t eaten since yesterday. At least I know I won’t be in here all night. Daddy will be home soon. He’ll come looking for me if Kai doesn’t save me first. Too bad I don’t have Piggypup with me, then I wouldn’t be all alone.
A thump, thump, makes me sit up. Bright light from the hall floods the closet, so I cover my eyes.
“Are you okay?” Kai’s voice always makes my cheeks stretch with my smile.
“Yes. Mommy put me in here to get away from me.”
Slowly opening my eyes, I see his mouth drooping in a frown. He reaches down to take my hand.
“I’m sorry. I should have been here—I know how Mom is. I was just excited to use my new camera. Are you hungry?”
At the mention of eating, my stomach flips. “Will you make me a peanut butter and jelly? Mommy yelled when I asked her.”
His arm hugs my shoulder as he leads me down the hall. “I’ll make you a sandwich and chips. How does that sound?”
Ooh, chips! Maybe he’ll get me a soda pop too! I rub my tummy. “Yummy! Hey, can I ride on your back?”
He grins before turning around to kneel in front of me. “Hop on.”
My arms wrap around his neck as he takes off running down the hallway. It’s so fun bouncing up and down on every step that giggles hop out of my mouth.
When we get to the bottom of the stairs, I slide off his back to run into the kitchen. Seeing Mommy sitting at the table suctions my feet to the floor, causing Kai to bump into my back. The second she lifts her head, her face lights up like my Care Bears nightlight.
“Kai! I missed you today, baby.”
Rushing over to him, she doesn’t even look at me. She wraps him in a big hug, kissing his head. My fists tighten at my sides. Why won’t she do that to me? I look over at the clock. Daddy will be home soon. He loves me, and he will hug me.
I won’t tell him about being in the closet today, and Kai won’t either. She locked me out of the house one time when it was raining, and Daddy found me walking on the side of the street soaking wet. That night, he screamed at Mommy for a long time. He said it was all her fault when I got sick. It didn’t do anything besides make her hate me more. She’s better at hiding it now and is only mean to me when he’s not here.
Kai glances at me over her shoulder. “We’re hungry. I’m going to make some sandwiches.”
She finally lets him go, flashing me a glare on her way to get her coffee mug. “Your dad will be home soon. Why don’t you grab a small snack so you don’t ruin your dinner?”
Walking to the fridge, he grabs two bags of fruit snacks, two juice boxes along with a box of animal crackers. Mommy turns her back to me, speaking only to him. “I have some things to finish up downstairs. Come get me when it’s time to eat.”
The moment she leaves the kitchen, I skip over to Kai for the snacks. “Let’s go eat these in my room. I miss my friends. I haven’t got to see them for a long time.”
He follows me as I run up the stairs. After dropping the food on the bed, I go to my desk for my tea set. I wasn’t done playing when Mommy stopped me.
“Can we have a tea party?” I hold up the tray at his arched eyebrow. “Please?”
He rolls his eyes with a smile and sits on the floor. “You’re lucky I love you.”
I clap my hands. He’s the best big brother in the world. Using the juice to fill up the pink teapot covered in purple stars, I look at the tray holding the matching pieces. “Will you put the treats on the plates?” Once I fill four tea cups with juice, I set the teapot back on the tray.
“Who are the other two cups for?” he asks.
“Our guests, silly! They’ll be here soon.”
I stand up and walk to my shelf where I pick up Piggypup and Snegasis. Placing them in their spots, I use my manners to introduce them. I make Piggypup oink her hello, feeling so good when it makes Malakai laugh. Snegasis is a snake with wings, so I wave him in the air like he’s flying. His hello sounds more like a hiss.
“It’s so fun to have real food and drink. I usually have to pretend.”
“Can I ask you a question?” Nodding, I sip my juice with my pinky in the air like a lady. He picks up Piggypup, running his finger over the stitching on her neck. “Why do you do this to your toys?”
I never really thought about it before. “I dunno. None of the kids at school like me, so I create my own friends. They won’t fit in anywhere besides with me. Just like I don’t fit in anywhere.”
His face softens as he tilts his head. “Adriel…you fit in with me. I don’t have any friends either. I just don’t care. Who would want to be friends with those shit heads anyway?”
I almost choke on my juice. “S-H-I-T heads? That’s a bad word!”
A tap, tap, tap on the door pulls our attention from our tea party. Daddy smiles at us as I jump up to give him a hug. It makes my body so warm when he squeezes me back.
“Hey there, kiddos. You want to help me make dinner? I got stuff for tacos.”
Kai shrugs, but I love being Daddy’s helper. Putting Snegasis in my dress pocket, I use one hand to hold Daddy’s and the other to hold Malakai’s all the way to the kitchen.
While I set the table, Kai rinses the vegetables. Daddy asks, “Did you guys have a good day? What did you do?”
Malakai looks at me, asking with his eyes if we should tell. I shake my head before grinning at my daddy.
“We had a tea party!”
Malakai
18 years old
It’s cold in here. I wring my hands in my lap as I sit next to Uncle Bennett, waiting for them to come get us. Self-doubt nags at me, making me question my reason for asking to do this.
These past four days since they died have been the longest of my life. It’s important to me that I personally verify their bodies. I want to be sure it’s true. But now that I’m here, I’m thinking this might be a mistake. I’m terrified to see my mom and dad reduced to meat bags.
My knee shakes violently when a man
dressed in blue scrubs meets us in the sitting room. “You can come on back.”
We follow him down the freezing hall to a set of double doors. The temperature drops significantly as it tends to do when walking into a morgue. While I’m aware of the other bodies in the room, my focus homes in on only two of them.
Soulless and lifeless, my parents’ bodies are nothing more than skin containers, lying on the slabs in front of me. They don’t look like themselves. Closer to an idea of them. There’s no way to deny the truth of their deaths after this. Spinning on my heel, I shove open the doors to the hall, passing the technician that took us to that godforsaken room. My feet pick up speed, carrying me outside. I don’t stop until I’m on the other side of the county medical examiner’s parking lot. Tightening in my throat forces me to double over and hold my knees as the world spins around me.
Smell the flowers, blow out the candles.
Uncle Bennett’s arms wrap around me, slowing my heartbeat. “I understand what you’re going through, kid. Both of my parents are dead and now my big sister…” He swallows. “Can you imagine seeing Adriel laid out like that?” As soon as the terrifying words leave his mouth, he backs away. “Shit, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
It’s too late though. My mind fabricates an image of Adriel’s dead, lifeless body on that cold table. Her once supple skin hard and void of color, her beautiful gray eyes turned milky white…
The entire drive home, all I can think about is her dying. The melody of Twenty-One Pilots’ Neon Gravestones isn’t even enough to distract me from the horrific mental pictures poisoning my thoughts.
As Uncle Bennett turns onto our street, he says something about needing to get ready for a meeting in his office, but I’m not really paying attention. I don’t even wait for his Camaro to come to a stop in our driveway before jumping out and running inside. I need to see her, hold her and make sure she’s still breathing.
The moment I find her, sitting on her bedroom floor, talking to her creations, my heart starts beating again. My legs lose strength, and I fall to my knees beside her. Grabbing her arm, I pull her onto my lap, crying with relief against her shoulder.
I don’t know why his comment made me so scared. Even logically knowing there wasn’t any reason she wouldn’t be all right, it felt like when I have a nightmare. Once I wake up, I need to be sure it isn’t real.
“What’s wrong?” She turns around in my lap to hold my face, locking me in her gaze.
“I just needed to know you were here with me.”
Her lips lift ever so slightly as her hand caresses me over my jeans. “I’ll always be with you.”
I feel guilty for wanting this so badly after avoiding her all day yesterday and dodging her every kiss. I’ve been losing my mind thinking about what we’ve done, but right now, my craving for her touch overpowers the knowledge of how disgraceful this is. I need her more than anything in this moment.
Silky, warm lips move against mine. “Where’s Uncle Bennett?” she whispers.
I kiss down her neck with my response. “In his office. He has a meeting.”
As she falls open for me, I begrudgingly pull away long enough to shut and lock her door just in case.
Having sex with her has to stop. All of it does. Still, I need to feel her body in some way. She leans back on her elbows, spreading her legs wide to show me her blue panties with a blonde Disney princess right by her pussy. God, I love that she only wears dresses.
“Will you lick me again? It felt so good.”
I adore how she can pull me back when it feels like I’m trapped. Uncle Bennett was right, except for one thing: When I need her to be, she becomes the string to my balloon.
I lie on my stomach, grinning at her request and facial expression. Allowing myself to tease her a little, I rub her over the cotton. Her impatient bucking makes me chuckle.
Yeah, she’s exactly what I need right now.
Pulling her panties to the side reveals her smooth, pink cunt. My tongue straightens, dipping into her little hole. She moans softly with her toy held tightly to her chest. Little jolts of pain on my scalp from her other hand gripping at my hair has my cock straining in my jeans. I never knew someone’s body could taste so fucking good. Two of my fingers fight their way into her entrance as she pushes my head down, releasing a gasped moan from her lips. I pump my hand harder, focusing on my tongue pushing against her clit with repetitious pressure. Her little pussy suctions around my fingers in quick succession, her arousal dripping down my hand.
“You’re making me come, Kai.”
When her pulsing stops, I remove my mouth, licking my lips. “We can’t keep fucking, so let’s try something different.” Her eyebrows narrow but raise when I yank her panties down her legs. “If I’m not inside you, it’s no different than holding hands. It’s just two body parts touching each other.”
I lay on top of her, lowering my jeans to release my erection. Though her grin tells me she knows I’m full of shit, she goes along with it quietly, gripping her fingers into my back. I spread her adorable, puffy lips, placing my aching cock between them. Thrusting slowly at first, I pick up speed when my tip slams against her clit.
She gasps, “Wow. This is…” Her back arches to push herself closer to me. We rock against each other’s bodies, never letting go of our hold on each other. Shuddering beneath my weight, she moans, “I love you.”
“I love you too,” I breathe. “More than anything.”
Her wetness coats me and smears across my abdomen. Tensing, I thrust faster. Her pussy feels so damn incredible. My breathing halts as a warm heaviness settles over my body. Sitting up, I stroke myself until come streams across her dress and face. Goosebumps spread over my flesh when her tongue darts out to lick the semen from her lips.
I’m so grateful for her, for this. Regardless, just like before, my ejaculation is tied with my contradictory emotions.
The second it’s over, I’m suffocated by guilt. It’s as if her touch helps in the moment, yet makes it worse in the long run.
As soon as I’m drained, I scoot away from her. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Her head tilts to the side as she crawls toward me. My come is still on her cheek, glaring at me. “Stop feeling like this is bad. It’s not.”
“Yes, it fucking is!” Jumping to my feet, I right my jeans. “It’s sick. Just like what I did with Mom. I know I’m the one that came in here. This is my fault, and I’m sorry. This has to stop though, Adriel.” It feels like I’m using her, and that’s the last thing I want to do. From the crushed look on her face, she’s feeling it too. “I’m sorry.” I say again as if it will make anything better. If I wanted a cop out, I could say that seeing Mom and Dad’s bodies fucked me up, but these feelings have been at war long before they died. I need to get away from her and the proof of my deviance dripping down her face. Backing out into the hall, I lamely say again, “I’m sorry.”
Returning to my room allows the air to expand from my lungs as I lean against the door. My gaze goes to my bed where I know a knife waits for me.
Without remembering the steps that brought me here, I’m lifting my mattress to wrap my fingers around the blade. I slowly squeeze until pain zaps through each individual digit. Adrenaline lights my veins on fire steadying my thoughts. The steel cuts into the skin of my hand, the blood dripping down my wrist. Reprieve showers over me, and I drop the knife, sighing as I stare at the cuts. Small, deep wounds are on each finger and a long slice reaches across my palm.
Crimson falls in droplets on the floor as I make my way to the bathroom. Avoiding my reflection in the mirror, I wash the wounds and wrap my hand in gauze.
Once I finish using a wet rag to clean the blood out of the carpet, my eyes glance down the hall toward Adriel’s room before I shut myself back in mine. Exhaling a deep breath to empty my lungs, I fall backward on my bed. I stare at the door and half expect my mother to walk through. The infuriating mix of heartbreak and relief at the fact that w
ill never happen again tightens my chest.
Freedom and abandonment threaten to swallow me whole.
Adriel
17 years old
“He’s just sad about your mommy and daddy. He’ll get better soon.”
The skin around my eyes stretches wide as I whip my head around to my bed. Pegamy is sitting on the edge, swinging her feet and smiling at me. She is one of my more special creations because she was hard to make. Her puppy dog head is plush with a plastic doll body, making the sewing hard. I had to use a nail from the garage to make the holes in her neck, plus she’s partly stapled. Since the Pegasus wings are also mostly cloth, I used the same technique to attach them to her back. The dress she’s wearing is the one she came in, so I made holes in the back for the wings.
It feels like there’s something in my throat. I swallow it down as my heart drums in my chest. Why are they choosing now to talk to me?
In the end, my curiosity at what she will say wins. “B-but what if when he’s better, he doesn’t want me at all?”
Her wings flap, and she barks before asking, “Do you want him to be himself or to touch you?” Jumping to her feet, she uses my bed as a trampoline. “Because I don’t think you can have both.”
She’s making me angry. I grab her wings to throw her against the wall by my door. She squeals in pain before running under my bed to hide. What if she’s right? Once the sadness about Mommy and Daddy is gone, will he ignore what I know he feels for me? I can’t believe that. We loved each other this way before anything happened to our parents. He’s not touching me just because he’s heartbroken, he’s doing it because he wants to.
I huff as I slam my head against the pillow. He went to the morgue today. I almost asked if I could go too. Maybe if I saw them that way, then they’d really seem dead, because in a lot of ways they don’t. Part of me keeps expecting Daddy to come in here to ask me if I’m ready for dinner. He isn’t going to though. Because of Mommy.
My anger at her boils so hot, my skin beads with sweat. She never loved me. I truly realize that now. I think I’ve always known. Either I denied it or I wanted to believe it would happen eventually.
