R.I.P.

by Charity B.

  Fucking tears fill her eyes like I’m supposed to feel bad for her because she’s an addict. When she nods, I don’t understand the emotion that surges from my gut to my skull. Dropping the syringe, I pick up the urn, holding tight to the narrowed neck. The fingers of my other hand comb through her hair before tangling it in a fist to jerk her head to the side.

  I have more knowledge of the human body than most kids my age, so I know the pterion is the weakest part of the skull. Her screams sound far away, as if I can’t really hear them, probably because I don’t care about them. Slamming the urn against the space behind her temple I yell, “You’re her mom!” I tighten my grip and bring it down again. “You fucking bitch!” The blood and my own tears blur the harm I’ve inflicted. However, the definite crunch when I hit her a third time tells me I’ve done damage. I can almost feel my mother touching me as I weep through my screams. “She’s just a little kid!” The bloody urn falls from my grasp to the floor while my chest heaves.

  She’s not moving and barely breathing. Wiping my slick hands down my face, I move to sit next to her. Oddly, my nerves are calming, allowing my pulse to slow. Well, shit. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. As my thoughts clear, I stand to my feet to go get my dad.

  Guilt eats at me knowing that my actions will cause Millie more damage when she sees me painted in her mother’s blood. I open her door, peeking my head inside. Dad’s sitting in the same spot, but Millie has scooted beside him to rest her head on his arm. They look up at me, and my father’s face pales while hers frowns.

  “Stay here, sweetheart. I’ll be right back.”

  She grabs his hand and shakes her head. “Please don’t go away.”

  “I promise I won’t be gone long. Just don’t leave this room, okay?” While it’s reluctant, she nods her agreement. Once her door is closed behind us, he looks me over. “What happened? Are you okay?”

  Nodding, I try to explain. “She just…she made me snap.”

  “I’m sorry. I heard the yelling and was about to come check on you, I had just told Millie you were playing, and I didn’t want to scare her more by running out.” He stalks toward the kitchen, stopping at the entrance with me behind him.

  “Is she dead?” I can’t tell if her chest is moving with breath.

  He sighs. “If not, she will be soon. This definitely changes our plans.”

  Adriel is going to be so pissed at me for fucking up family night. She’s been talking for weeks about wanting to crush someone’s head with the C-clamp. “I’m sorry…what she was doing to Millie, I—”

  He grips my shoulder. “Believe me, I understand. It’s all right.” Turning to look over his shoulder he adds, “Though a witness is always a problem.” What?! I shake my head frantically. “Relax, son, we’re not going to hurt the girl. We eradicate sinners. Nothing else.”

  “Then what are we going to do?”

  He scratches the back of his head. “The same thing we do at the church and pray that nobody shows up until we’re done.”

  “And Millie?”

  “Let me talk to her. I’ll be sure she doesn’t see the body, so there should be no reason she won’t trust me when I tell her Debbie left. Wherever she ends up, it has to be better than here.” He attempts to hug me without getting bloody. “I need you to know, you’ve made me incredibly proud tonight.”

  Adriel

  17 years old

  A bird chirping in the window is the first sound I hear before Malakai’s steady breathing. It smells like shit in here. Actual shit. I think our dead friends had some accidents. Blue light from the early morning glows in the windows as I look down at my brother deep in sleep.

  “He’s not waking up anytime soon. Ruff! Let’s play!” Pegamy’s muffled voice comes from my backpack. I rush over to it, moving my clothes to see her puppy tongue hanging out as she pants. Her doll hands hold out my sewing kit as her wings try to flutter in the cramped space. I pick her up, and the moment her feet hit the floor, she drops the kit to run to the corpses. She flaps her wings, flying between them. “We should switch their heads!” Her cackling makes me laugh.

  I kneel by my future creations and clap. She has great ideas. “Ooh, and I can switch their feet with their hands and give them mermaid fins!” Jumping to my feet, I grab ahold of Carl’s arms. “Come on, help me drag them to the next room, so we don’t wake up Malakai.”

  He is so heavy and bloody that I slip and fall twice as I drag him down the hall. I’m already panting before I do the same with the lady. Once I catch my breath, I sit Pegamy on my shoulders to walk down the stairs.

  “Where are we going?” she asks as she bats at my hair.

  “I want to pick some flowers first.”

  She climbs to the top on my head, looking at me upside down. “Do you think Kai will be mad at us?”

  The rising sun shows a pretty patch of flowers sitting under a tree next to the car, so I rush over to pick them. “He won’t be mad. They’re already dead.”

  With a full bouquet of mixed flowers and a pile of thick sticks tucked in my arm, we walk back inside. I check to make sure Kai’s still sleeping and tell Pegamy to pick up my sewing kit. Hurrying back to the room with Carl and his wife, I follow the path of blood down the hall.

  Pegamy flies around singing as I sit on Carl’s body to pull out the knife still in his gut from the night before. More blood coats the crusted-over residue. At least I’m still naked and won’t ruin more clothes.

  I rip his shirt down the middle to expose his chest before yanking off his jeans. Straddling him, I hold the hilt of the knife with both hands and lift it above my head to get more force before I stab it into his suprasternal notch. I saw the blade down his chest, stopping right beneath his ribs. The sun’s warm kisses land on my face and shoulders, intensifying the floaty feeling this is giving me. His flesh squelches between my fingers as I rip away his epidermal casing. Once I cut off the excess flaps of skin and toss them in the corner, I reach down with red fingers for the flowers. I arrange them between his ribs so that all the colors are evenly spread out. Sweat wets my forehead, but my slick hands do nothing to wipe it away.

  “That is so pretty!” Pegamy squeals.

  “Thank you.”

  I scoot to his legs. The ankle bone is making this harder than I thought.

  “Cut as deep as you can all the way around. Then you can break the bone.”

  I grin at her, doing as she says. His blood shimmers in the sunlight as I hold his foot, stomping on exposed leg bone to break his foot off from the ankle. My breathing has increased in not only anticipation, but also exhaustion. “This is really hard work!”

  “Ruff!” Pegamy sits on my new creation’s head. “It’ll be worth it.”

  “We need to name him,” I tell her.

  “How about Meanie Meanface?”

  She’s so silly, I laugh. “Maybe.”

  His wrist is much easier because the bone snaps without as much effort. The broken off bones sticking out of his leg make it easy to squish the detached hand onto it. I repeat the process with his other foot. Once they’re both attached, I set to sewing. My fingers are slippery with blood, taking me forever to thread the needle. Human flesh is much more supple than fabric or plastic, so the needle glides in smoothly. Next, I thread the inside of his thighs and calves together. Letting out a big breath, I stare at the last piece: the head.

  Sawing through the flesh is exhausting. My sweat drips down, mixing with the new and old blood. I finally cut through enough of Carl’s neck that I can twist and tug until his spine finally snaps free. His hair makes a nice handle to carry the severed head to his wife’s body to do the same to her.

  The sticks make wet, squishy noises when I shove them into the open neck holes. Once I have Carl’s head fastened to the lady’s body, I secure it with stitching and repeat the process with her.

  Now that he’s finished, I’ve got the perfect name for him.

  “I think we should call him Handsie. Because he has no
hands, and he tried to touch my brother.”

  “Yes! That’s it!” she squeals.

  I do the same thing to the woman that I did to Handsie except I only cut off her breasts instead of the whole chest cavity for the flowers. I think about what her name should be. Carl never called her anything besides, ‘Baby.’ All I really know about her is that she was mean and smelly.

  “Adriel?!” Kai’s panicked voice coils around me, making me jump to my feet. “Adriel?! Where are you?!”

  I call for him, “I’m in here!”

  He appears in the doorway, relief pulling down his shoulders. “I saw the blood, and I—” With raised eyebrows, his gaze travels over Handsie, and he asks, “What are you doing?”

  “His name is Handsie, and hers is…Stinky Baby. Switching their heads was Pegamy’s idea.”

  He stalks toward me, his naked form beautiful in the morning sun. Crouching down beside me, he looks at my work. He’s silent for so long I think maybe he is mad when he says, “The flowers are a nice touch…” With a sigh, he wipes his hand over my hair. “We do need to get out of here though. Finish your project, and then go clean off in the pond we swam in last night.”

  Stinky Baby is getting close to being finished when he returns with a folded stack of clothes. “Everything is packed up.” He lays out one of my dresses with a pair of panties and socks over the edge of the old baby crib. “We’re getting low on clean clothes.”

  We’re also running out of money. Soon, we’re going to need food. Plus, we still have to change the way we look. The very idea of stealing gives me a sick feeling that I don’t like. I’m just not sure we have any other choice.

  Double checking Stinky Baby’s threading, I try to concentrate on the last of my stitching instead of watching Kai’s muscles flex as he tugs the black and white striped t-shirt over his head. He finds me staring at him, and he gives me my favorite ornery smile.

  “You need to quit looking at me like that. My dick is already hard, and we need to get back on the road.” He bends over, tasting the inside of my mouth with his kiss. “I’ve always loved how you look in blood.” Backing out of the room, he nods to Handsie and Stinky Baby. “Try to hurry.”

  Finally, I cut the thread to the last stitch. She’s perfect. They both are. I stand up to look at my first human creations. It’s impossible not to grin. “Woof! They’re absolutely beautiful! Oh, how I wish we had a camera!” Pegamy flies around in excited circles.

  “Kai does! What a great idea!” I pluck her out of the air to set her on my shoulder. “Come on, I gotta tidy up.”

  Kai’s leaning against the hood of the car with crossed arms as he stares at me. While he isn’t exactly smiling, he isn’t frowning either. He just looks lost in his thoughts.

  “Will you take a picture of Handsie and Stinky Baby? I want to remember them.”

  He arches an amused brow. Every part of me aches for him. Heart, body, and mind.

  With a nod toward the pond, he agrees. “Sure, go get washed.”

  Since he’s waiting on me, I don’t play around with Pegamy. I just get the blood rinsed off of us and hurry back to the house.

  Back upstairs, I tell Pegamy to get my sewing kit as I yank on my dress and panties. I buckle my shoes and pick up the bloody knife that lies on the floor next to Stinky Baby, attempting to clean it off with an unsoiled spot on her clothes before going outside.

  Kai meets me at the passenger door, plucking the blade from my hand. “I’ll be taking this now.”

  The smile that lifts his lips makes me cross my ankles, pressing my thighs together. Frowning at him, I toss my bag on the floorboard. “Why?”

  His eyebrows raise with an unamused stare. “Really?” The heat of his body radiates against me as his fingers dip beneath my dress, rubbing me over my panties. Soft lips kiss up my neck before his teeth nip at my ear. My body shivers at the sound of his deep voice. “You know you have a tendency to stick these into people.” I try to hold my glare, but then he chuckles, sliding his hand inside my panties. I grab onto his shoulders as he rests the knife on the roof and pumps his fingers with escalating aggression. “You looked beautiful in their blood.” His lips touch mine softly. I lean into the kiss until suddenly he takes away his touch. My gasp fills his grinning mouth. “As much as I want to finish this, we better go. We’re wasting light.”

  I gape at him as he snatches the knife and runs to the driver’s side door. We get in the car for the last time, pulling away from the house that is now Handsie and Stinky Baby’s tomb.

  He takes my hand, and I notice the angry, red scars on his arm which show bright in the sunlight. T-shirts alone are not something he ever wears. I like seeing his arms. His body sits tight and tense, causing sadness to eat at me like a disease. I didn’t think about it when he got dressed, but I don’t think he has any more clean, long-sleeved shirts.

  Softly, I touch the raised scars from years of him hurting himself. I’ve always wondered when he started doing it. One day, they were just there and have been ever since. I think I kept waiting for him to talk to me about them. He never did though. While there are quite a few marks on his right wrist, there are oodles more on his left. I separate our hands to kiss them.

  “You’ve never told me why you do this. I know it’s not because you’re trying to die.”

  He chews on his lip as if he’s unsure himself. “It just feels…well, ‘good’ isn’t the right word. I mean it hurts, just not like it does here.” He taps his head. “I shouldn’t let what me and Mom did bother me so much. I truly think she was confused. I hate her and love her at the same time. I was constantly pulled between being scared of her and for her. That, on top of all the stuff at school…it became a lot. When I cut myself, all the shit that rots and decomposes in my mind gets loosened. Like some of it finally releases. It’s trading my emotional pain for physical pain.”

  Mommy never loved me, I believe that now more than ever, but she loved Kai too much. I think that may have been worse. “Have you done it since they died?”

  He nods. “It’s basically my go-to when I can’t deal with what I’m feeling.”

  “Have you ever done it because of me?”

  Momentarily closing his eyes, he groans, “Adriel, that isn’t fair.” His gray irises are lighter in the sun, glistening when he looks at me. With quick glances at the road, he reaches over, gripping the side of my face and neck. “I felt out of control with us at first. I thought something was wrong with me. It wasn’t because of you, okay?”

  I want to ask him to stop. The idea of anyone hurting him, even himself, makes me very, very angry. At the same time, though, he’s telling me it helps him. Why would I want to take away his safety net? In this moment, I silently promise him that someday he won’t need it. I’d never kill another sinner if I truly thought it would make him quit mutilating himself.

  Smiling at him, I place my hand on his. “I know.”

  My eyes keep shifting to the clock on the dashboard every couple of minutes. We’ve been in the car nearing two hours, and that’s how long he said we’d drive before we’d leave it.

  As if reading my thoughts, he sighs. “I think it’s time we continue on foot.”

  I drop my head back on the seat. I don’t want to walk. “Maybe a little longer?”

  “It’s going to suck regardless if it’s now or in five minutes. Besides, I’ll be less paranoid without this thing.” He takes an exit, driving until we find a low traffic road. After about a mile, he pulls off into the grass. “We need to attach as much to our backpacks as we can. This stuff is going to get heavy really fast.”

  He rolls up the blankets, tying them to his bag with some twine he found in the trunk. After doing the same with the pillows on mine, we stuff all the food we can into any free spaces in our backpack pockets.

  Hand in hand, we start our walk under the burning sun. I wish I had sunglasses; I feel like I’m going blind. It seems to take forever to get to the end of the street, and we don’t see a single car
along the way. By the time we reach the main highway, my dress is already sticking to my skin.

  My heart pitter patters the moment I hear the first rumbling of a car. “What do we do? Just hold our hands out like this?” I make a ‘thumbs up’ at the passing car that doesn’t even slow down.

  Fifteen cars later, I know because I counted, we’ve been walking for what feels like hours. My legs are tired, and I’m thirsty. When my eyes find a gas station in the distance, a jolt of energy courses through me.

  I point to it. “Can I get some sunglasses and water? Pleeease?” I whine because throwing a fit usually works with Kai.

  “Yeah, I need to piss anyway.”

  When we finally reach the Gas ‘N’ Grub, I run inside. Black spots dance across my vision, the air conditioner the most remarkable cold bliss on my face. I moan as Malakai’s hand brushes my arm, placing a soft kiss to my cheek. “Just sunglasses and water, okay? Get me a bottle too.”

  I skip to the sunglasses and take out Princess Sparkle. “I need to pick out ones that make it hard to tell who I am.” She obviously doesn’t feel like talking to me right now, so I talk for her. “These ones are pretty!” The glasses are pink with heart-shaped lenses. I try on a few more, but keep coming back to the heart ones. I slide them on top of my head before walking to the coolers. Kai likes Fiji water, but I like Dasani. I pick out one of each when his arms wrap around my waist, and he rests his chin on my shoulder.

  “You ready? Maybe you should go to the bathroom while we’re here.” He’s right. I hate having to squat in the bushes. I hand him the waters and sunglasses before doing as he says. It’s odd that I’ve gone my whole life never appreciating toilet paper before. There are three rolls lined along the top of the paper towel dispenser. Taking a big breath, I reach up to grab one and stick it in my backpack. Dear Jesus, I’m sorry for stealing.