Ice Trilogy

by Vladimir Sorokin

  “Mi.”

  Rikuosh

  It’s fun to jump...better than anything in the world...jump and forget everything...I jumped over the bench and forgot...there’s no bench anymore...dum dee dum...I jumped over the ditch and there’s no ditch anymore...I jumped over Erika’s leg and then Erika left for Masterton and married a mechanic...I jumped over a rabbit and Anna cooked it in white wine...jump jump jump...pink hills pink hills dum dee dum...A square man has been hanging out in the bar since this morning...he goes and goes and goes around the world the square man...it’s hard to jump over the square man...because he only drinks bourbon...jump jump jump and jump dee dum...I’m the Great Jumper of pink pink hills...when I was born there was a twister in the pink hills...I would have jumped over the twister, but it wasn’t near us it was in Terriaqua and Masterton...we only had wind and the rain gutter bent and smashed the doghouse against the bar...jump jump jump pink hills...but Masterton got hit good...it’s fun to jump and very good for you...when you jump you fly and forget...dum dee dum...but when you land you stand and remember what you jumped over...I’ll jump over the pink hills tomorrow...but I won’t jump over the square man from the bar...he walks walks walks about the world that square man...Erika Norma Joseph dum dee dum dee...and who else...the dog Fidel likes raw bones...when he gnaws a bone I jump over him...oh how he scampers about...the wind crawls into my dress...it’s fun to fly and fly...when you fly you love yourself...and dum dee dum...pink hills didn’t destroy...Kate tried to convince Mama to go to town...dum dee dum and dum dee dee...Sem Kuan the Korean bred chicks for fried chicken...I jumped over him...when you fly it feels good to throw your head back dum dee dee dum...so your neck cracks...when you fly it’s fun to fart...but when you land you don’t fart, no one will understand how come...dee dum...and you can blow your nose when you jump...and sneeze...dum dee dum...and you can fart, blow your nose, and sneeze and sweat all at the same time...but the most dangerous is to sneeze because you have to close your eyes and dum dee dee dum dum...but I never jump with my eyes closed...it’s boring...and the square man walks and walks about the world...dum dee dum and dum dee dum...that’s my favorite song about the square man from the bar...jump farther and more and shake your head and dum dee dum...each time try not to break anything...Fidel liked to drag handkerchiefs out of pockets and dum dee dum...there are different jumps...I’m the Greatest Jumper of all countries and continents...dum dee dum...horses are better than dogs...and dogs are better than cats...it’s fun to jump over dogs...they don’t see you...you fly over a dog and whistle and dum dee dum...Fidel Fidel Fidel...but he doesn’t see you...he looks all around...jump jump jump...pink hills pink hills...dum dee dum...I don’t like spiders...it’s scary to jump over a spider...but you have to...you fly over spiders for a long long time...you fly fly and dum dee dum...but you jump fast over a snake...because snakes are better than spiders...and rats are better than snakes...flying over a rat is fast...dum dee dum...it sniffs and can’t figure out where you are...jumping over cats is even better...the cat can’t figure out where you are either...but once you jump over the cat it understands everything...dum dee dum...but dogs never figure out you jumped over them...I jumped through the pink hills today...and I have to jump farther...farther...over the highway to the gulf...where the ships are...and the cape where there’s a monument to lost ships...there’s dum dee dum and dum dee dee...it’s fun to jump over stones because they don’t talk...it’s hard to jump over the gas station where Erika works, Erika with her hair in rollers...it’s just that dum dee dum...when I jump over the gas station it doesn’t smell like gasoline but like shit...it isn’t Erika’s shit or Erika’s husband Stephen’s shit...jump over the Collinses’ farm and forget...over the cows’ trough...and over the tractor and forget...dum dee dum and dum dee dee ...and the best is to jump over dumb old John and Sigurd...I jumped and forgot...dum dee dum...landed and remembered...dee dum running jumps are fun...a running jump just right so the square man doesn’t see...he just walks and walks about the world, that square man...I jumped over the school and shouted and spat...dum dee dee dum...school is a bad place...they only jump in gym there...and they don’t jump well because they don’t like jumping and don’t know...don’t realize that jumping is great...it’s dum dee dum...I jumped over the teachers...I jumped over the pupils...jumped over the school desk on the left side...I jumped over math and physics...jumped over drawing...dee dee dum...I jumped over 186...but I didn’t jump over singing because singing is like the wind...and you mustn’t jump over the wind...I’m the Greatest Jumper of all countries and continents...dee dee dum dum...I jumped straight over the square man and I’m not scared of him anymore...when I jump over something I’m not scared of it anymore...it’s fun to jump just like that without a running start...then dum dee dum...you have to hold the air in so it doesn’t burst your chest...you hold hold the air while you fly...you land and dum dee dum...you exhale the air and it already smells different...it’s already dum dee dum...it’s already after-jump air and no one needs it...breathe out the after-jumping air quick as you can and run around and about and up and down...so dum dee dum...you always have to choose right quick who to jump over...right now I dee dee dum...I’m jumping over the cleaners and there it’s always dum dee dum...warm and damp...when I land I sweat like dum dee dum...I like to sweat like dum dee dum...not when I fly but when I land...but when I fly I like to yawn and swallow the wind and dum dee dum dee dum...after I jumped over him the square man was small like a square on the bathroom floor...and because dum dee dum...the green square smells like bourbon vomit...and I jumped over 45% on the supermarket glass...and dum dee dum...I jumped over 45%...and it doesn’t smell at all anymore and I don’t want to yawn...when you jump over something everything starts to smell dee dee dum...you smell yourself...or not yourself but someone else...when I jump over the streetlamp it smells like cheeseburger...but when I jump over McDonald’s in Masterton it smells like Martin’s motorcycle...and dum dee dum I haven’t jumped over Martin’s motorcycle yet...but I jumped over a liquor factory in Terriaqua...and it smelled dum dee dum...like grass like spit and the chair in the bar dee dum...and I farted over the factory and giggled...and now I’m running up down all around about dee dum...and I jump over a train station and dum dee...and it smells like the barn lock and grandma who’s been lying in the ground near the old stone fence for ages...I’m the Greatest Jumper of all countries and continents...I dum dee dum...jump and jump...but you can’t always jump...you have to wait while you eat...because it’s hard to jump with food...food dum dum dee dee...wants to jump over the plate into your mouth and down your guts and then jump over your guts into caca into the toilet...and in the toilet dum dee dum...but the square man isn’t jumping anymore and won’t ever jump into the toilet...because the square dum dee dum...they don’t jump but sleep and watch...I jumped into the town dum dee dum...I’d never been there...the city looked like the bar in Masterton dum dee dum...it’s simple to jump over people in town...they’re all together they don’t move like dum dum dee dee dum...you don’t have to take a running jump and look before you leap...I’m the Greatest Jumper of all countries and continents...I jump dum dee dum over cars...they smell like people...like people’s sweat and like words...cars are fast but I’m even dum dee dum...I can jump over fast things too...if I jumped over Martin’s motorcycle then I can jump over cars too...in flight I like to smell what’s under me...dum dee dee dum...it’s fun to spit and shout...when you jump you’re not scared of anything...just jump far and high...then everyone will be happy...I jump over a newsstand...over cigarette butts...over dog shit...I jump over a movie theater showing Shrek 2...I jump over a tram...jump dee dum...over a cash machine...over a café...and suddenly a woman in sky blue says jump over me Sophie...I stop...you know me dum dee dum...she says everybody knows you you’re the Greatest Jumper of all countries and continents...jump jump over me...and she bends down like in school...I take a running leap I jump dee dee dum...and my palms stick to her back
...and then dum dee dum someone does something to me...and I can’t jump anymore...I can only be in a basement on the wall...and call for mama...and then dee dee dum...they hit me in the chest with something cold...and dum dum dee dee I hear my heart speak.

  “Rikuosh.”

  The Transformation Program

  14:57. Guangzhou. The ICE Corporation office.

  The huge, bluish-white office of the corporation’s director. At the table, leaning back in a light-blue leather chair, sat the skinny, bald Rim. His tanned, dried-out face was immobile. His blue-green eyes were glued to the piece of Ice floating in a glass sphere suspended from the ceiling — all that remained from the huge block that fell to Earth. Rim was waiting, holding his breath. His heart was preparing itself.

  Three long minutes passed.

  The milky-white bulletproof glass door slid open silently. Shua, Uf, Atrii, and Tsefog entered the office. Rim stood up, shook off his stupor, and moved to greet them. The brothers who had entered stopped two steps away from Rim: They were protecting their hearts. Rim understood this. They had to conserve their hearts’ energy and not expend it on brotherly greetings. Rim stood stock-still. Before him stood four of the Mighty. Each of them was responsible for the brothers in his part of the world. Each was a shield for his continent. Shua, the former keeper of the Arsenal, was now, after Dopob’s death, protecting the brothers and sisters of America; Uf — of Russia; Atrii — of Europe; Tsefog — of Australia and Oceania.

  The brothers who had just entered understood that everything was ready.

  Rim walked over to the elevator and pressed the button. They all entered the elevator. It moved upward. There, under the very roof of the silvery-blue skyscrapers, a secret room awaited the brothers. One that none of them had ever entered before.

  The elevator stopped. The door opened. The brothers entered a small, vaulted room clad in lilac marble. In the middle of the room stood a round table of sky-blue spar. In the center of the table a small circle shone gold.