RAW
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With all the rifts and disagreements within the group, when it came to doing what we had to do to ensure the album was a success, we kind of balked. There was just too much internal shit going on. When it came time to shoot a video, some of the guys went MIA. When it came time to do press, cats went missing again. We had mad magazine covers we could have done, but didn’t. We did a few shows, though, so that helped a lot in terms of us appearing as a unified front. Even if things were a mess behind the scenes, we still brought the ruckus live. We could have—we should have moved at least 150,000 units in the first week. Instead, ABT debuted at number 29 on the Billboard chart and moved less than twenty-five thousand copies in its debut week. Womp womp.
As a result, everyone was all over the place and pissed off about how ABT had landed, and the ways the business—our business—had been run for all these years. Raekwon in particular was very vocal about his disappointment with the album, giving interviews saying he felt it should have been harder, that our team was compromised by how RZA makes music, and all that.
But RZA wasn’t hearing any of it. As a leader, sometimes you have to compromise with your soldiers. They’re on the battlefield with you, fighting by your side. Everything can’t go your way every time, not everybody gonna agree with you every time. You may have put up the money to get the album done, so yeah, you get final say, but you still have to listen and take heed of what your soldiers are saying as they’re putting in the work.
And it just keeps happening. In 2017, RZA produced “Don’t Stop” with Meth, Rae, and Deck for the Silicon Valley soundtrack. Now, I’m not on that song, and I’m glad I’m not, because it’s a wack beat, and I told him so. But RZA didn’t want to listen; he thinks everything he does is hot all the time. He’s not open to criticism, even when it will make the project better. So he put it out anyway—under the Wu-Tang Clan name—like we’d all decided to put that forth. Other songs on that soundtrack have a million views; DJ Shadow’s “Nobody Speak,” featuring Run the Jewels, has millions of views. “Don’t Stop” has around seventy thousand streams at the time I’m writing this. Shit, I can get seventy thousand streams by my own damn self! So when four original Wu members come together on a song and it only gets seventy thousand streams, that’s not cool. That kind of shit hurts our stock, it hurts all of us.
*
People also been talking about the last album we came together for, Once Upon a Time in Shaolin, which exists in only one pressed copy that was put up for sale in 2015.
First of all, to me, what Cilvaringz did with that project was some sucker shit, pure and simple. He went around to each of us individually and paid us money to lay verses down for an independent compilation album, not an official Wu-Tang LP. He collected a nice amount of verses from brothers to piece together a decent record. But he didn’t have the motherfucking right to sell it as a Wu-Tang Clan album, as I also argue in my lawsuit. Yet he still tried to do just that—he tried to go out and sell it as an official Wu-Tang Clan record, thought he was gonna make a profit off it. He didn’t have the paper to do that; to sell all our masters and all our rights, and neither did RZA. We wouldn’t sign off on no sucker shit like that. You know damn well my lawyers, everybody’s lawyers would cease-and-desist that shit so goddamn fast his head would turn.
At some point he schemed up this idea to sell it as an art piece, let RZA in on the idea then; at one time, Leonardo DiCaprio was gonna buy it for two million dollars. That didn’t happen, so they held an auction, and that pharma guy Martin Shkreli ended up winning with a bid of two million. RZA got in bed with Cilvaringz and sold what was supposed to be a compilation album as an official Wu-Tang album to Shkreli for millions. Of course, I still haven’t seen any of that supposed bread either. This is all in my lawsuit, too. And I’m convinced the Court will see it my way, if the case ever has to go that far. ’Cuz like so much else, that shit just ain’t right.
19.
THE LEGACY
I’ve been in the game long enough to know people come and go. I’ve seen the rap world go from Master P to Tupac to Biggie to 50 Cent to the new wave of Lil Wayne and on and on. The real question is how can you stay around forever, how do you remain relevant? Today, with the exception of Nas and Jay-Z, very few rappers from the 1990s are still putting out work. I’ll always be grateful for what I’ve had; even if radio never plays another of my records again, I’m still happy for how long I’ve been in the game as an artist. And I’ll always be thankful that hip-hop saved my life.
But at the same time, I also don’t want to be the one that could have been. I don’t want to be that dude. Sometimes, even with everything I’ve done and everywhere I’ve been, both with the Clan and on my own, I still feel like that’s my story. Whether as a solo artist, or whether it’s about my time with the Clan, my legacy is inextricably bound up in the group, and although it’s still up to me as to how I shape it moving forward, a large part of it has already been written down in hip-hop history. And even today, I feel like I could have been more, I could have been greater.
And one of the questions I’m dealing with going forward is how do I shape the rest of my legacy? Before I’m through with music, I want to put out at least eight solo albums. And I’m trying to make a cornerstone, classic album every time. And making that kind of music takes time. Plus, I’m struggling against my own legacy with Wu-Tang. All the Clan members are. I have to make my own music stand up to the classics like 36 Chambers and Wu-Tang Forever. That’s what I’m trying to do every time I step into the studio.
My journey isn’t over yet. I’m still climbing the mountain, but I’m not as young as I was back in the day. I also know it’s not how many days you have left, it’s what you do with the days you have, and that’s what I’m focusing on now, doing what I can in my time left on this planet and making the most of every opportunity I get.
The Clan’s journey isn’t over yet, either. There’s a chance the nine remaining members of the Wu-Tang Clan (including Cappadonna) could come together and create a really cool album. There’s plenty of egos in the way, of course, and all these years of conflict over money and the business to put behind us. We’d have to start from square one, but this time we’re older, more experienced. Maybe that’s exactly what we need—a fresh start. And if some of the brothers can put their egos aside and come together like we did back in the day, bring that all-for-one-and-one-for-all mentality like we used to have, there’s no limit to what we could create.
Would I be down with all that? Sure, but right now I have to look out for U-God first and foremost. I have to make sure my head is on straight and take care of my own business before I can even begin to think about whether there’s any way to truly bring the Clan back together again. And if the project turned out to be anything like A Better Tomorrow, forget it. That whole album was just some wack shit from start to finish, and we don’t need any more of that.
It’s a similar situation with the Clan touring together. Truth be told, I feel like there’s been many situations where opportunities have come along that would have been good for Wu-Tang to get back out in the spotlight again, but for one reason or another, they slip through our fingers. A lotta times it’s because dudes are worrying about the wrong shit again. They’d rather spend their time complaining about their situation than take steps to rectify it. Because again, I think they’re scared of taking it to the next level. It’s either that, or somebody’s got something over their head that’s preventing them from doing anything. I don’t know, that’s all I can think of, those two options. But in order for us to get back into the spotlight again and take our shit to the next level, we have to put all that worry and fear behind us and just create.
*
Even today, it’s still hard to leave the past behind. See, most people still got this terrible, stereotyped way of looking at us. Even after all our success—gold and platinum records, world tours, and all that—I feel like a lot of motherfuckers still see Wu-Tang as just some fucking derelict thugs t
hat got lucky. Yeah, we grew up grimy. Grew up in Park Hill and Brownsville, slinging crack and running from the cops. When we first came in, we were rough. We were hard as shit then. That’s not us now. That’s not me today.
Nowadays, I’m still working hard, sometimes as hard as I did back then. I pay my child support, I pay my taxes, I worry about my family, my siblings, my children. They don’t understand that I’m done with the streets for good. You may have heard some shit about us back in the day, but you don’t hear about any of us running around in the streets nowadays. Other rappers be doing shit like that, not us. I’m just tired of that image of us as wack, derelict dudes.
And it’s not just us, either; black people as a whole are dealing with another level of consciousness regarding society today. Too much of the truth that’s been hidden from us is coming to light now. Not just in the music industry, but with social and political issues worldwide.
Mainstream America can’t front that shit anymore. We’re dark skinned, proud, boisterous, and unrelenting in achieving our dreams, with no regard for the outdated ways of thinking this world tries to impose on people of color, particularly black men. Me, RZA, Meth, Raekwon, and all the kids who grew up disadvantaged who are taking the world by creative storm, we’re all living proof that we will not be kept down. We will continue to evolve and learn and adapt until our situation improves overall.
We not only evolved, we survived. Everything I did back then I did to survive, but I was always, always looking for a way up and out, and I made it. I don’t consider myself an ex–drug dealer or an ex-criminal. I consider myself to be an experienced fucking person who went through a lot of hell to come out right and get where I am today. And I’m still going through hell in some aspects of my life. It isn’t the hell of my youth, that’s for sure, but it’s still hell, just a different kind today.
I know there’s things in here that some people ain’t gonna agree with, but this is how I saw the events that went down. The way I see it today, this story still has to be told. How we were raised. How we were brought up. That doesn’t mean it’s who we are now. It may have shaped me, but it doesn’t define who I am today. Some people can look at me now and recognize that—they can see I’m not the street hustler I was back when I was twenty years old. Other people can’t—for whatever reason, they look at me and think they’re seeing the same kid who was running the streets back in the day. I still know a bunch of motherfuckers I grew up with that are stuck in the past. They think we’re all still back there in Park Hill, and I’m like, “Dawg, you been sittin’ there twenty fuckin’ years. I’m not even in the hood no more.”
And any motherfuckers who claim to represent that gangster shit nowadays, I guarantee they’re faking it. They’ve never been through that shit for real. They’re just caught up in projecting that lifestyle, acting like they’ve been through some shit when in reality they’re just sucka-ass motherfuckers. Acting like they want to go through the shit we went through when we were kids—they have no idea what that was like. Why would you want to go through that fucking hell again or, even worse, brag about it? Makes no sense to me at all.
All the motherfuckers who went through hell growing up and got out of that shit don’t want none of it anymore. They’re the ones who don’t talk about it; they’ve just left it behind, like it was in another life altogether.
*
Our journey here was rough, no doubt. We lost our brother Dirty along the way, but the rest of us are still here, still alive, still bringing it. We’re not posted up in front of 160 anymore, ducking cops and bullets, scrambling for drug money while dreaming of stardom and getting out of the projects. We’ve done that. We’re not locked up or on parole pissing in cups. We left all that shit behind us years ago. We’ve achieved fame and success the likes of which most people can only dream about, and in the right circumstances, we’ll do it again.
Yeah, we don’t always get along, but what family does? But just give us time to come back together, and we’ll show everybody that the Wu-Tang Clan still ain’t nothin’ ta fuck wit’!
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I want to thank first and foremost the good Lord for giving me the strength and perseverance to continue on this long journey called life. To my mother, who from the beginning showed me how to turn a negative into a positive from the minute I was born. To my right-hand man and manager, Domingo Neris, aka the Puerto Rican Gandhi, who has taught me the art of good business and being patient, you made me a better person, father, and artist … we did it, fat man! To John Helfers for helping me tell my story; it took us over two years, HUNDREDS of HOURS—it was a grind, but we did it! To Jorge, for advising and looking out for Domingo and myself. To my legal team, Ian, Paul, and Jon, for having my back 365 days of the year. To my team at UTA, Marc, Cheryl, Zimmer, Kim, Meredith, and Jamie; and to Pronoy, Greg, and the whole team at Picador and Faber for helping me bring my story to the world. To my family, all of my kids, this is your legacy, too. To my Wu brothers Meth, Rae, Deck, Cappa, Ghost, Just, RZA, MK, and Math, we’ve come a long way, guys—happy twenty-fifth anniversary! To ODB, the one and only—rest in peace, my brother. In your memory, I’m gonna combine a piece of you into every rhyme I write until the day I die. To all the Wu fans around the world, I started this journey in the slums of Park Hill Projects in Staten Island, New York City, and now the story has been told! I love each and every one of you—I wrote this for all of you … SUUUUUUEEEEEY!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
U-God was born Lamont Hawkins in Brownsville, Brooklyn, in 1970. He is a rapper and founding member of the hip hop collective Wu-Tang Clan and has been with the group since its inception.
COPYRIGHT
First published in the UK in 2018
by Faber & Faber Ltd
Bloomsbury House
74–77 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DA
Published in the USA in 2018
by Picador
175 Fifth Avenue
New York
NY 10010
This ebook edition first published in 2018
All rights reserved
© Lamont ‘U-God’ Hawkins, 2018
Cover design by Luke Bird
Cover photo by Angie Bambii, courtesy of Babygrande Records, Inc.
The right of Lamont ‘U-God-Hawkins to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
ISBN 978–0–571–34243–3