Star Sullivan

by Binchy, Maeve

‘No I wouldn’t, as it happens.’

  ‘And what would you suggest I do with it, like, put it in the post office or what?’

  ‘I have no idea, and really I couldn’t care less,’ Laddy said, turned and was gone.

  Lilly’s Nick, who was turning out to be more of a boyfriend than a journalist, came to supper on Monday evening. He brought a big chocolate cake and cut a slice for everyone. To Star’s amazement, Lilly ate a sliver like a normal person. And she didn’t disappear to the bathroom to be sick either.

  Lilly looked so well these days. The boutique where she worked was having a fashion show. Lilly was going to model three items. Nick was making sure that one of these would get into his paper.

  He noticed that the Sullivan family seemed a bit subdued.

  ‘Where’s Michael?’ he asked.

  Michael would liven things up, he was not one for long silences. It had been the wrong question to ask, apparently. Nobody knew where he was and everyone seemed to be blaming someone else. Nick gave up in despair. Sometimes you just couldn’t get families right.

  *

  Star picked up the phone. Michael was on the other end.

  ‘Don’t say my name, pretend it’s someone else, that fellow from the supermarket or something.’ He sounded anxious.

  ‘Oh, hi, Kenny,’ Star said. Her mother looked up sharply but nobody else took much notice as Star took the phone upstairs.

  ‘Where are you, Michael, what is it?’ she whispered to him.

  ‘Star, have you any money, any money at all?’

  ‘No, of course I haven’t any real money. I’ve about sixty euro. Would that do?’

  ‘Listen to me carefully. Laddy is holding some money for Dad, I know he is. Can you get it from him, tell him the rainy day has arrived.’

  ‘Tell him what has arrived?’

  ‘You know the way people say they are saving for a rainy day? Well, it’s here, it doesn’t get much rainier than this. I’m in awful trouble, Star. I have to have the money tonight.’

  ‘I’m not speaking to Laddy, ring him yourself.’

  ‘This is not the time for games.’

  ‘It’s not games, let me tell you. You talk to him.’

  ‘He won’t talk to me,’ Michael admitted.

  ‘That makes two of us, then.’

  ‘This isn’t a joke, I have to have this money.’

  ‘Ask Dad then.’

  ‘I can’t do that, Star, it’s some kind of a secret. I’m not even meant to know about it. It was something you asked Laddy to do way back, to make Dad give up gambling, and Laddy did it, and he’s holding some money Dad won. So the money’s there, and if you could just tell him that it was for you, Laddy would certainly give it to you. He has a soft spot for you, you know he has.’

  ‘Not any more he doesn’t,’ Star said and hung up.

  ‘How was Kenny?’ Molly asked.

  ‘Kenny?’ Star looked at her blankly.

  ‘You were just talking to him,’ Molly reminded her.

  ‘Oh yes. That’s right. I was.’

  ‘So is he OK?’

  ‘He’s the same as always,’ Star said.

  *

  Star met Kenny next day when they both returned to work. He had a black eye and a bruise on his chin. Star had a cut and a bruise on her forehead. She pulled her white bakery hat low over her face and tried not to meet anyone’s eye as she served them scones or croissants with her pincers. So she didn’t recognise her brother Michael until he hissed at her, ‘Star, talk to me.’

  ‘God, I didn’t see you, Michael, you look terrible! What happened to you?’

  ‘What happened to me is that my sister hung up on me yesterday and I’m in deep, deep trouble.’

  ‘What kind of trouble?’

  ‘Well, these guys I know . . . half know . . . met, anyway . . . They took my van. And now the fellows who own the van want to know where it is.’

  ‘And can’t you tell them that the other people stole it?’

  ‘Not really, you see, I wasn’t meant to have it out the night it disappeared.’

  ‘But what about the insurance?’

  ‘Wake up, Star, these kind of people don’t have insurance.’

  ‘Michael, I can’t do anything for you, I don’t have anything. It’s Tuesday today, I get paid again on Friday. Would that be any help?’

  ‘By Friday I’ll have two broken legs.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Yes. Star, can’t you speak to Laddy?’

  ‘I told you, there was awful trouble at the party, you missed it all. Biddy left Mr Hale, and Kenny hit Laddy, and he hit Kenny back, and I fainted and got this.’ She showed him her bruised face.

  ‘God, Star, are you serious?’

  ‘Yes, it couldn’t have been more horrible.’

  ‘And Kenny?’

  ‘He’s got an awful bruise, worse than mine. I haven’t talked to him either.’

  ‘And why did he hit Laddy?’

  ‘A misunderstanding. He thought Laddy had hit me.’

  Michael looked thoughtful. ‘Where does he work, this Kenny?’

  ‘Over that way, the fish and deli counters. You’re not going to go and hit him too, are you?’

  ‘No, why would I do that?’

  ‘I don’t know why anyone does anything,’ Star said.

  *

  At her lunch break she decided to face Kenny and went over to his counter.

  ‘He’s gone home,’ someone said.

  ‘He’s not feeling worse, is he?’ Star asked.

  The others looked with interest at her face. Could she and Kenny really have had a violent punch-up? Watch the quiet ones, people said.

  They told her that he had said he had to go out on urgent business and would be back in the afternoon.

  Star waited until four o’clock to be certain, then she headed for Kenny’s counters again. He was back at work.

  ‘I did it, Star,’ he said.

  ‘Did what?’

  ‘Got Michael the money, like you asked.’ He was very pleased to have helped her.

  ‘How much?’ She could hardly speak.

  ‘Two thousand, like you said,’ he said proudly. ‘I had to go to the bank, but we got it for him in time.’

  ‘I went to the bank today,’ Shay Sullivan told them at supper. ‘And I have a nice little piece of news for us all.’

  ‘That’s the first time I ever heard that going to a bank brought good news,’ Kevin said. He and Gemma had come to discuss the plans for the Sullivan father and son setting up the much talked of health-food snack bar in the hotel’s leisure complex.

  ‘They’ve been overcharging you for years and now they’re going to refund it?’ Nick suggested. Nick was becoming a fixture in the Sullivan house with Lilly these days.

  ‘Tell us the news, Shay,’ Molly begged.

  Star sat like a stone, uncaring, unhearing.

  ‘All right, I will. When I lost interest in all that gambling thing I had one big win, remember?’

  ‘Yes indeed, it was Small Screen that won,’ said Molly. ‘Everyone thought Lone Star was going to win. And you gave us all a present.’

  ‘Well, I actually won a great deal more that day, over ten thousand euro, and someone was holding it for me. Now I’ve put it into the bank with an explanation of how I got it. They won’t take big lumps of cash these days without knowing where it came from. And anyway, Kevin and I can now set up the business together.’

  ‘God, that’s great, Dad,’ Kevin said, eyes shining.

  ‘Well done, Mr Hale, you’re home and dry.’ Nick reached forward to shake him by the hand.

  ‘Oh Shay, aren’t you marvellous,’ cried Molly.

  Star said nothing because she hadn’t been listening. So they told it to her again.

  ‘Someone was holding it for you. I expect that was Laddy,’ she said eventually.

  ‘Well now, love, it doesn’t matter who was holding it, the main thing is that it’s safely in the bank,’ her father
said.

  ‘Do you need it all for the restaurant?’ Star asked in a curiously flat voice.

  ‘And more, but it will begin to pay off in a year or two, believe me. Your brother and I are going to be tycoons.’ He laughed happily.

  ‘Could I have two thousand now, do you think?’ she asked.

  They all looked at her open-mouthed.

  ‘Well, not just now, Star, later on, maybe. We could have a big divide-up all right, give you girls your share, and Michael of course if we ever see him again.’

  ‘No, I really mean it, Dad, I need two thousand euro tomorrow. Please can I have it?’

  ‘But what for, Star?’ her mother asked. ‘Why could you possibly need that kind of money?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter why, it’s a secret, you all have secrets, why can’t I have one?’

  ‘It’s an awful lot of money,’ Lilly said.

  ‘Not now, Star, later on, when we’re up and running, if you want a car or a holiday or whatever –,’ her father began.

  ‘I don’t want a car or a holiday, I just need that money now and I can’t tell you why.’ Her face, with the livid bruise on the forehead, was white and tense. The Sullivans, Gemma and Nick looked at each other in alarm.

  ‘What could be so urgent that it can’t wait?’ her mother asked.

  ‘This can’t,’ Star said.

  ‘Oh my God, she wants an abortion!’ Lilly cried.

  ‘It couldn’t cost all that, could it?’ Gemma’s eyes were enormous.

  Star spoke very slowly. ‘If I were to tell you that it was for an abortion, would you give it to me?’ she asked her father.

  ‘No, not like that. We’d need to have a discussion, look at other possibilities,’ he replied.

  ‘This isn’t something where you can just write a cheque, there are a lot of things to talk about,’ her mother said. ‘Like whether it would be the right thing to do, which I must say I don’t think it would at all.’

  ‘Is that what you need the money for?’ Kevin asked.

  ‘Why?’ Star’s voice was cold.

  ‘Because one way or another it’s very sad that Dad’s great news has ended up in a big crisis discussion about you, as it always does. No matter what happens in this family, it’s always a question of let’s not upset Star.’ His face was red and angry.

  It was so like what Laddy had said before he went off in his van. It was so unfair, Star thought. All she had ever wanted was for everyone to be happy. And now everyone was cross with her and saying it was her fault.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  WHEN STAR WENT BACK to work in the supermarket she had great plans of making it all up with Kenny. He had been put in a really bad position and it was all her fault. She had practised over and over what she would say to him. She would ask him home to supper in Chestnut Street. Everything would be all right again.

  But she didn’t get a chance to speak to him. Every time she approached him there seemed to be some reason that he had to hurry away. Finally she tugged at his sleeve to get his attention.

  ‘Shouldn’t you be back at your counter, Star?’ he said, and she saw that his face was very cold.

  Star felt as if she had swallowed a lot of iced water. Kenny was avoiding her. Kenny who had said he loved her.

  She returned to the pastries and scones with her heart heavy.

  *

  There was a postcard from Michael when Star got home. It was addressed to the Sullivan family and it said that he was travelling for a bit and would be in touch later when things got clearer. A friend of his was posting this in Poland. It did not mean, of course, that this was where he was.

  ‘God, that boy is getting harder to understand every day,’ Shay said.

  ‘I hope he’s all right,’ Molly said, worried.

  ‘I was going to ask him to be our best man, what do you think he means by later?’ Kevin asked. Kevin thought only of his wedding day the following year, and his upcoming health-food snack bar project.

  Nick, who was most definitely Lilly’s boyfriend now, was keen to see the best in things. ‘Looks as if he has everything under control,’ he said vaguely, and Lilly patted his hand.

  Only Star said nothing. It was as if she was hardly listening to the conversation. There was a time when she would look from face to face, hoping that everyone was getting on well, trying to head off any trouble before it began. Not any more.

  *

  That night Star went and read to Miss Mack. But her voice was faltering and she had to stop. Miss Mack said they could sit and listen to music instead. Perhaps Star could put on some Haydn, she said. It would fill up your soul for you. Miss Mack’s eyes were probably closed behind her dark glasses. Star sat twisting a small handkerchief until she eventually tore it into three pieces.

  ‘Go home, child,’ Miss Mack said. ‘You’re getting no peace from this lovely music, go home and sort it out.’

  ‘It isn’t all at home to sort out,’ Star said.

  ‘Well, go wherever it is, Star. I can hear your heart breaking from here,’ said Miss Mack.

  ‘Laddy, can I come in please?’ she asked.

  ‘No, Star, you can’t.’

  ‘I promise it will only take ten minutes.’

  ‘Not even for ten seconds. Go home.’

  But she was into the Hales’ kitchen before Laddy could stop her. She took a seat opposite him as he sat reading the evening paper.

  ‘Do you know any of Haydn’s music, Laddy?’ she asked.

  ‘Nope,’ he said.

  ‘It’s meant to fill your soul,’ she said.

  ‘Good,’ he said, not even looking up.

  ‘You said you liked me, once,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah.’

  ‘So what went wrong, how did I lose you? Tell me, Laddy. Even if I can’t get you back, I may get somebody one day, and not annoy them and drive them mad as I did with you.’

  ‘You didn’t have me to lose, stop talking crap,’ he said.

  ‘Tell me what I did wrong, then I’ll leave you alone,’ she begged.

  For the first time he looked up. He was so handsome, she wanted to cry. ‘Promise?’ he said.

  ‘Promise,’ said Star Sullivan.

  ‘Right. Where do I start? We came here to live, my dad and I. My mam had done a runner, things weren’t great. Biddy was exactly what we said, a friend. She had been in some trouble and needed somewhere to stay, so she came to us. My dad fancied her, of course, but she was much too young for him and she never slept with him. She was great fun to have around the place, she kept us on our toes a bit . . . Look what a mess the place is, now that she’s gone. Anyway she and I were mates too, not lovers, not at all. Not ever. My dad was very upset when she said she was moving on. I had just got him persuaded that it was all for the best when you started shouting the odds and saying that I was having an affair with her. Now he’ll never be sure.’

  ‘But I didn’t mean –’ Star began.

  ‘You never mean anything, Star. That’s your problem.’ He was very cold. ‘You didn’t mean it when you asked me to help your brother, Michael. Now I’m under heavy police suspicion myself, even though I’ve never done anything more than buy a dodgy video or DVD.’

  ‘But I thought –’

  ‘Sure you thought. You thought I might cure your father’s gambling. A nice man, Shay, I always got on well with him, and now because of you we’ve ended up bad friends.’

  ‘I didn’t know . . .’

  ‘No, you never knew . . . You didn’t know that your mother looks at me as if I were the devil out of hell, because she thinks I seduced you when you were a child and then abandoned you –’

  ‘She does not think that!’

  ‘Of course she does, and why not, you told the world you slept with me.’

  ‘To save your skin.’

  ‘Like hell. I was doing nothing, just sweeping up after your brother and his crim friends.’

  ‘But –’

  ‘And you go on telling me how much y
ou want to listen to me and you never listened to one thing I said.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like you should tell your mother about Lilly hiding food, then she would have been helped much sooner. Like telling Michael you would shop him, then he wouldn’t be on the run in Eastern Europe at this very moment.’

  Star looked at him with a white face.

  ‘And then you told that poor gobshite Kenny the Fish that I’d beaten you up and he came after me and I had to hit him. So where’s the friendship in any of this, Star?’

  ‘I didn’t tell him you hit me.’

  ‘Well, you sure didn’t tell him quickly enough that I hadn’t.’

  ‘I’m so sorry.’

  ‘I’m sure you are. Now will you go home, and remember you promised to leave me alone. You know that you promised you would.’

  ‘All right.’

  Star got up and left. She paused at the door to look back at him but he was reading the paper again.

  ‘I brought you a cup of tea, Star,’ her mother said.

  ‘Thanks, Mam.’

  ‘You look very sad, pet, very sad, is your head hurting?’

  ‘No, not at all.’

  ‘Star, what is it?’

  ‘It’s too much to tell, Mam, I’ve made such a mess of everything.’

  ‘Ah, we all make a mess of most things,’ Molly said soothingly.

  ‘We don’t, Mam.’

  ‘We do actually, Star. We just shuffle along. No one gets it all right, the wise person knows that.’

  ‘I don’t want to get it all that right, I just want people to be happy. Is that a crime?’

  ‘No, love, of course not, but it’s just that it won’t happen. It doesn’t happen. We have to put up with what we’ve got.’

  ‘But I hate when people fight, I’d do anything on earth to avoid a row,’ Star said.

  ‘Not always the right thing to do,’ her mother said.

  Star thought of her brother Michael, and shivered.

  ‘So are you are all right? Wouldn’t you like to come downstairs?’

  ‘No, Mam.’

  ‘What are you thinking about, love?’

  ‘I was thinking that I’d like to work somewhere else, rather than near Kenny. You know, after everything.’