Bad Dad

by Sloane Howell

Staring at Cora did the same. An instant neurotransmitter rush. All kinds of chemicals fired just looking at her eyes. I kept quiet and made a minimal amount of small talk.

  After lunch, Janet waved us away and she and Logan cleaned up. Logan loved to help.

  Cora and I walked into the living room. Being alone with her in the room was dangerous. Too dangerous. I stared at her and all I could think was that my body, brain, mouth—they were going to betray me. We were on opposite trains heading straight for each other on the same track. The more I fought it, the more I sped up.

  She glanced around at pictures on the wall. Photos of me smiling with Logan. Some with Logan, Janet, and Gus.

  “You look so happy in these.” She gestured to the photos.

  Of course I was happy. I had my son with me and I’d convinced myself that my past didn’t exist. That we weren’t in danger. That I’d been forgotten and left alone and that we were safe. Then Gus had showed me Sid and his fight. It’d all rushed back.

  I stared at Cora and fought with myself. Wrangled with my thoughts. Her face was relaxed but her pulse beat a million-miles-an-hour in her neck. She kept wiping her palms down her jeans. Any time I moved she would stiffen. She’d rub her forearms to try to get rid of the goosebumps she didn’t think I noticed. I fought it. Warred with the chemicals racing through my limbs. Battled the heat coursing through my blood just at the sight of her. It was hopeless. I had to have her.

  “We’re going out tonight.”

  Cora whipped around to face me. Her head canted slightly to the side. “You say all kinds of—things.” She stared for a moment and her eyes narrowed. “We said we were just going to be friends at the park.”

  I lowered my gaze to meet her eyes and gritted my teeth. I was hungry for her. A hunger that couldn’t be sated until she was mine. “You said that.”

  What are you doing?

  She stared at the wall and shook her head. Seemed to have an entire conversation in her mind. But I could see it inside her. I could feel it. She felt it too, the same way. Slick palms, nervous twitches—I wasn’t having it anymore.

  “I’ll pick you up at seven.”

  She chewed on her bottom lip. When I saw something I wanted, I took it. And I wasn’t going to leave the sour taste in my mouth that’d been there when she said we should just be friends. It wasn’t going to happen. I’d decided it was time. Logan and Janet approved—both loved her—and somewhere down in the depths of me where truth resided, I wanted it to happen whether it was wise or not.

  “What if I say I’m busy?”

  I smirked.

  “Really?” She feigned offense. “What makes you think I don’t have other plans?”

  “I told you what time I’d be there. You’ll be ready.”

  She walked up to me. My heart kicked up a notch. She was getting more comfortable—settling in. Maybe she was giving in too. She motioned me to lean over with her index finger, like she had a secret.

  I obliged.

  She exhaled along my neck and vaporized my blood. I smelled the berry lip gloss. The tiny hairs along my nape stood at attention the same way my cock rose in my pants.

  “I, umm, forgot what I was going to say.” She backed up a step with a devilish grin plastered across her face.

  My eyes locked onto hers. “See you at seven then.” It wasn’t a question.

  CHAPTER 10

  Cora Chapman

  YOU WOULDN’T KNOW I WASN’T supposed to date the parents of students the way I pranced around my house dancing to Taylor Swift while I got ready. Well, it was my rule anyway, but I was a hundred percent sure the school would frown upon it. I still had Landon on the brain, constantly. Nothing but Landon. The way he looked at me. Commanded a date with me. Jesus, that man. So much raw, constrained power. He looked like he wanted to have me for a meal.

  I was setting myself up for failure and I didn’t care. The town would find out. Rumors would start. More disappointment from the parentals. Didn’t care anymore. I tried suggesting we’d just be friends. I didn’t want to, but I said it. Tried to give him a way out. I shouldn’t have gone to lunch at his house, but I did. Between his hard stares like he might own me at any second, and Logan batting his eyelashes, I was dead in the water.

  Every time I was around him or Logan I felt disconnected from the dredge of everyday life. I was alive. They were like a drug I couldn’t quit, an addiction. Maybe it was what my mother would call irresponsible, but I found that moments like that were few and far between, and were meant to be embraced. I wasn’t hurting anyone and there were no official rules against it. I read the Desire Public School Teacher’s Handbook three times to be sure. Nothing about a teacher dating a parent.

  I checked my lip gloss in the mirror. Wondered where he would take me.

  Doorbell.

  My thighs squeezed together just knowing he’d be on the other side.

  I walked over and answered it. Landon didn’t say a word. He just held out his hand. He commanded me to take it with his eyes, and I melted. I took it. There was no way that I couldn’t.

  “WHERE ARE WE GOING?”

  An arc of bright orange sun lowered itself on the horizon behind us. Desire disappeared into it.

  “A movie.”

  “Really?” I didn’t think of him as the movie type. He had books all over his house, and as far as I could tell, only one television in the place. I’d snuck a peek at his book collection. He was definitely well-read, which was a pleasant surprise. A lot of historical fiction and some dystopian. Even a few classic romance titles from the likes of Austen. Who’d have thought?

  “You don’t like movies?” He gave me a side eye.

  “No, I just—”

  “I figured it was pretty low-key. Different city. Less likely to be seen.”

  “Sure, sure, it makes sense. Sorry.” I shook my head. There was too much going on and I couldn’t process it all. Was he trying to protect me? Then the insecurity rushed in. Did he not want to be seen with me? I knew my gut would hit me with some girly-ness at some point. It always came out at the worst possible times. My mind was a bitch.

  We pulled down Higgins Avenue and the lights of The Roxy came into view. It was an old-timey-looking theater. Had the marquee and everything out front. I’d never been there before. It read COOL HAND LUKE on it in the magnetic block letters people put up with a long pole.

  Landon nodded to the sign. “Ever seen it?”

  I shook my head.

  He smiled. “It’s a classic. You’ll love it.”

  He walked around and opened my door for me. I’d never had a date do that before. My stomach fluttered. He held out his hand again. I could get used to taking it.

  WE WALKED OUT INTO THE night and left the smell of buttered popcorn behind us. Landon’s hand reached down and his fingers interlocked with mine.

  “I love Paul Newman.” I looked down at Landon’s hand and tried to make conversation to take his mind off the fact he was holding it. If he’d noticed, he might have pulled it away and I didn’t want it to go anywhere. Mine fit perfectly in his giant palm. I loved the way it felt, but more than that, it was the power. The possibilities even his hand had hidden in it. What would it feel like grabbing my hip, or twisting in my hair? My mind had taken up residence in the gutter the second I’d laid eyes on him, and it refused to leave.

  The moon was a half crescent overhead and the red lights from The Roxy sign played across his cheek.

  Landon nodded at my Paul Newman adoration. “A fine thespian.”

  I stiffened at his response. That was an interesting way of putting it. He used weird phrases like that sometimes and I couldn’t put a finger on any kind of regional dialect with him. Where the hell was he from?

  We walked to Landon’s car and he opened the door for me again. I tried not to swoon at the gesture. There was something so rugged about it, and so flattering at the same time. Like I was on a pedestal. I’d never felt that before. Someone elevating me, showing me that kind of
attention. Holding doors open and eyeing my every move, anticipating every need.

  The drive home was full of conversation, but most of it pretty trivial. We talked about the movie and Logan. Landon deflected any personal questions. He was a tough shell to crack and it left me wanting so much more. Judging by his skills of observation, he definitely knew it. He knew what he was doing. Everything was so calculated and purposeful with him. Every time he looked at me it was like he was taking in information and logging it away.

  He pulled into a gas station on the outskirts of Desire that sat near the interstate. Most of the town used it on their commute to Missoula and it was a truck stop too. Always busy.

  “Need gas.” Landon hopped out and ran into the store.

  I glanced over at the gauge and it was on empty. I’d thought maybe he just wanted a break from my incessant questions about him. The gas gauge relaxed me a little. I pulled out my phone and checked Facebook, not that I was interested. It was just passing the time, so I wouldn’t ogle him. It wasn’t like I had a ton of friends anyway. A few in New York. A few high school classmates from my graduating class of like twenty-five people.

  I glanced back up and my face went as white as a ghost. All the blood rushed out of it, and my heart seemed to stop beating. Landon stood face-to-face with Charles Hastings. It didn’t look pleasant. “Oh shit.”

  Where had he come from? Why hadn’t I paid attention?

  I tried to duck down but Hastings had already snapped his head over to the car. His eyes locked onto mine before I could slide down into the seat. It looked like he grinned before I’d made my way toward the floorboard.

  I wanted to jump out of the car. I wanted to run somewhere and bury myself. Ten p.m. in Landon’s car and the worst person alive had seen me. Why did this always happen?

  I stayed out of sight for a few seconds that lasted an eternity and then lifted my head up slowly. I had to see what was going on. Couldn’t stop myself. His wife was on the school board. He already had it out for me. I could already picture being called into Principal Williams’ office first thing at school. The rules worked in my favor, but rules in a small town were meaningless. Even if they couldn’t fire me, people would talk. It’d get back to my parents. My mother didn’t need any extra ammunition to fire at me.

  Landon towered over him. I couldn’t tell what was said, but Hastings ran off in a hurry. Thank God. At least Landon didn’t lay him out. How he found the self-control I’d never know. Something about Charles Hastings made me want to claw his eyes out of his head. The man was a creep.

  Hastings’ tires squealed as he peeled out of the parking lot. Jesus, what did Landon say to him?

  Landon walked inside and paid the clerk and flew back through the door. I slid back up in my seat. Landon’s feet pounded the pavement the same way they had when he’d walked into school the first time I met him.

  He marched by and yanked the nozzle out. Didn’t stop. Didn’t say a word.

  The car jolted when he shoved it into the gas tank, and despite my fear, all I could think about was him shoving his cock into me with that kind of authority. My thighs squeezed together. His square jaw was set, and a tiny muscle jumped in his cheek. He glared out at the night sky. It was the longest I think it’d ever taken for a car to fill with gas. My stomach twisted.

  He holstered the nozzle and screwed the cap back on. I looked away, but could still see him out the corner of my eye. He was angry, and I was wet. His intensity heated me up to a thousand degrees and I bit my lip. I couldn’t stop myself. What is wrong with you?

  He paused at the door and his lungs expanded. I stopped breathing. Finally, he folded himself in the car and shut the door. Looked like he wanted to slam it, but he didn’t. Like he was trying to control himself before facing me. He looked straight ahead.

  I turned to face him. “What happened?”

  Landon’s knuckles turned white when he gripped the wheel. His teeth ground together. “He saw you.” There was failure in his voice, like he’d let me down.

  I shook my head. Wanted to set him at ease, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t want him to stop talking to me. I’d had so much fun on our date, and watching him take deep breaths, the way his forearms would flex, the way his jaw would tighten—I scissored my legs. The fact he could rip the steering column out of the car if he wanted only stoked the flames higher between my thighs. “It’s okay.” It wasn’t okay. I was going to hear about it. They might manufacture a reason to fire me. I didn’t care. I just wanted him. “I tried to hide.”

  Landon didn’t respond. He pulled out of the parking lot and drove me to my house. The whole way home my brain reminded me how bad this was, and at the same time my heart kicked up a notch. I’d been careless all day—didn’t need the small-town gossip. Hormones were real assholes. They made you stupid. They were trying to ruin my life, and I still didn’t care.

  He pulled up in the driveway, and I started to get out before he could open my door. I’d save him the trouble. I just needed to be away from him for a few minutes, and I’d settle back down to normal. Breathe again like a regular human being. Think things through. If I was with him another second, my body would betray me. I reached for the door.

  “Don’t.” It was a command. Not a question. Not a suggestion. His hand was on the driver’s side handle. “I need to walk you.”

  “No.” I shook my head, and at the same time screamed yes in my brain. “You can’t. I don’t even know who my neighbors are yet. I don’t need rumors going around. This place is small. People talk.”

  I watched him react. He gritted his teeth and couldn’t even look at me. He sat there, glaring straight ahead.

  I reached over and put a hand on his arm. An instinctual reaction like in the diner. It was me being a teacher again, needing to comfort. I thought my hand might burn up when I felt his thick, flexed forearm. God, the potential power in his arm. It was like gripping iron. “I, umm, I had a really great time.” I sounded like an idiot. Stuttering and fighting for words. Why did he even like me? What did I offer him other than complication?

  He finally turned to look at me and bit back everything he wanted to say. I could see it in his face and feel it in his stare. Words that looked like they wanted to explode out of him, and he fought them back.

  I took a deep breath. “Maybe we just slow down for a bit?”

  He stared at me for a few more moments. Seared me with his eyes, bone-deep heat. My thighs clenched again at his intensity. Get out of the car. Get out! I couldn’t. I just wanted to hear his voice again. It might be the last time I got to see his eyes, alone, just the two of us. Might be the last time a man ever looked at me that way.

  My heart beat a million times a second. Immolation. That’s what his stare did to me. It set me aflame from the inside. It was so damn intense with so much beneath it. I wanted to shake him and demand his secrets, scream at him to tell me what was eating him alive from the inside out. I didn’t want to slow things down. I wanted to sprint right into the danger.

  I pulled on the door handle to save him from his own agony. From mine too. Another second and I would suffocate.

  “Take your hand off the door.”

  I released the handle instinctively at his command.

  Landon flipped his hood up over his head and got out of the car.

  I froze up, breathless, as he stalked around the front. His hand smacked on the passenger side handle and I jolted at the sound.

  Holy shit.

  I didn’t know what was about to happen. Was he going to scoop me up? Carry me off into the sunset? Rip my clothes off? Kiss me? Yell at me for telling him no? Punish me?

  Maybe that could be fun?

  Freaking evil brain chemicals had my legs trembling. Nerves fired in every direction until my brain was nothing but fuzz.

  He yanked the door open and I thought it might fly off the hinges. Metal creaking and groaning and snapping.

  His hand.

  Again.

  In fro
nt of me.

  I took it. Didn’t think about it. My body just reacted.

  He led me to the door. Pulled me along, actually. I struggled to keep up with his long strides. My breath was labored, and I stared at the back of his hood. He was still as much of an enigma as he was the first day he walked into school. Walked with the same ferocity he had that day when he rolled in with the thunderstorm, ready to unleash hell on whoever had hurt his child. But it was for me this time. He was a protector. He rescued people from danger. He couldn’t bear to not walk me to the door. I had never affected another person that profoundly in my life. My shoulders relaxed, and a shock of tingles bolted down between my legs at the thought of him guarding me. I was safe with him. As long as he was near, nothing could hurt me. He was a sanctuary—my safe haven.

  When we reached my porch, I stepped ahead of him. He froze a few feet behind, watching, staring lasers while he waited to make sure I was in my house safely. I fumbled for my key. My hand trembled, and the key rattled around on the knob. Finally, it found its destination and I twisted it. The door popped open and I turned around to meet his stare. The same hooded stare from the first day we met.

  A low rumble came out from the shadows of his hood. “I open the door for you. I walk you to your porch. That’s how it’s going to be.”

  My collar tightened against my neck. I gulped. “Thank you.”

  Science wasn’t my strong point, but I started to think he was a black hole. I’d seen a documentary on them. The dark shadow underneath his hood, it went around devouring anything that got in its way. The strongest force in the universe that could warp time. Seconds slowed down to minutes around him.

  He hadn’t told me what happened with Hastings. I told myself I needed to know. Really, I just didn’t want Landon to leave. “What happened at the store?” I fidgeted with my keys. “With Hastings?”

  His hands balled into tight fists at his sides.

  My heart pinched at the sight and the air left my lungs.

  “I took care of it.”