Credence

by Penelope Douglas

  And I walk into the water, diving in after a few feet. The fall splashes, churning up the cool water, and I can’t keep the grin off my face as I catch up with my brother.

  “She’s definitely a reason to stay, isn’t she?” I call up to him, a few feet above me. “I like having her around.”

  Kaleb keeps going, crawling the incline to the top of the waterfall.

  “Nod once if you’re thinking the things I’m thinking,” I say.

  Finally, he glances down at me, his dark eyes dead as usual as he pauses his climb.

  But I keep going. “I know you are,” I tease. “You were going at her so hard the other night, she couldn’t get a word out.”

  His gaze looks out, back over to the beach where Tiernan is. I look, too, seeing she’s taken off her shirt, sporting a white bikini top on a body she hides damn well under my clothes. Her breasts are almost too big for the top, but she keeps her shorts on as she sits on her blanket, arms resting on her knees and looks up at us through her sunglasses.

  “What did she feel like?” I ask.

  But when I turn around, Kaleb is climbing again, sweat making his black hair stick to his neck and temples.

  “Kaleb?” I grab a pebble and throw it at his legs. “What was it like?”

  He scowls down at me but keeps going.

  I glance back at her again. My dad squats down next to her, showing her how to bait a hook. I have to give her credit. She is indulging him. I fucking hate fishing.

  “I wonder what she feels like when she’s happy,” I tell him. “When she gives herself to someone and lets herself want it.”

  I’d love to see what she looks like when she’s alive.

  “I hated that yesterday, you know? Seeing her like that.” I don’t know if he’s even listening, but I keep watching her. “She needs us.”

  I need another presence in the house if I’m going to make it through another winter here.

  I turn back to Kaleb, and he’s stopped. He looks down at me.

  “Don’t run her off,” I warn him. “I mean it. If she stays, I’ll stay.” And then I add, “For the winter, anyway.”

  Tiernan

  “You said you didn’t want to fish,” my uncle says behind me.

  I reel in the line, glancing over my shoulder and seeing him approach.

  I turn back around.

  He found me.

  My flannel, tied around my waist, blows against my thighs as the skin on my bare back and shoulders prickles.

  He stops next to me, baiting his hook.

  After the boys darted off to cliff dive before, Jake tried to get me to fish, droning on about how the reel and rod work and how to cast a line, but I barely listened. Kaleb’s jump off the top of the waterfall made my stomach drop even more than it already had during my interaction with Noah this morning.

  I hadn’t wanted him to leave the shower.

  I waited for him to touch me.

  “You don’t like help, do you?” Jake asks me.

  I draw in a breath. Nope. Which is why I decided to sneak over here when you weren’t looking and do it myself.

  I watch the water flow where my line disappears under the surface. Do fish actually swim in streams with this much of a current?

  “You’re not asking, you know?” he continues, trying to catch my eyes. “I was offering.”

  “I’m a loner.”

  He snorts under his breath. The current pulls the line, and I reel it in a few inches as he casts his own, the spool singing loudly.

  He clears his throat. “So how is it you can shoot, but not fish?”

  “I never cared to learn.”

  “And now?”

  I throw him a look. “I don’t want to be the only one who doesn’t know how.”

  I don’t want the boys doing everything for me. And learning new things keeps my mind busy. I can do origami, play three songs on the ukulele, type seventy words a minute, and it only took me three months to train myself to do a handstand.

  “Competitive, huh?” he asks.

  “No, why?” I arch an eyebrow. “Is that a de Haas family trait?”

  “No, a Van der Berg one.”

  I look up at him. I expected a remark about my family.

  “You’re ours now,” he says and looks down to meet my eyes.

  Ours now.

  When you’re here, you’re a Van der Berg, Noah had said.

  Jake’s soft eyes hold mine, and the way he stares at me makes warmth bubble up in my chest, and I don’t know why. Noah and Kaleb seem miles away.

  I look away, suddenly aware he’s half-dressed, but his eyes stay on me. I can see him out of the corner of my eye as I reel my line back in a little. His smell surrounds me—a mixture of grass, coffee, and something else I can’t place.

  “These things are like ropes,” he says, and I feel him pick up one of my braids.

  He squeezes my thick, blonde braid in his fist and releases it, clearing his throat. “Can I tell you something?” he asks.

  I glance at him, my heart beating fast.

  “Fish are usually hanging out where there’s a change in current or a change in depth,” he tells me. “See that eddy over there? The still water by the rock?”

  I follow where he’s pointing, looking past the small rapid and whitewater, to the small, gently swirling pool.

  I nod.

  “That’s where we want to get your line,” he explains. “They’ll be waiting for insects, minnows, and all the other little guys to get washed down in the rapid.”

  Oh.

  That makes sense. I thought fish just swam everywhere.

  Setting down his pole, he takes mine, reels it in, and then takes my hand, leading me out into the stream.

  I tighten my grip, feeling the grooves of his rough palm in mine, almost wanting to thread my fingers through his just to feel it more.

  My feet hit the cold water, my shoes instantly filling up as we tread out a few feet, and he comes up behind me, fitting my hand in his and putting both of ours on the handle.

  I still, his bare chest blanketing my naked back, and I close my eyes for a moment.

  Pulling our arms back, in unison, he tosses the line, letting it fly to the still pool and reeling it back in.

  “If you don’t like fishing,” he says behind me, his voice low and husky, “there’s a pretty cool cave behind the waterfall. It doesn’t go that deep, but it’s peaceful.”

  We cast the line again, trying to reach just beyond the pool. “Sounds like a good place for teenagers to do bad things,” I joke.

  “As a matter of fact…” He chuckles.

  Oh, great. I can only imagine what the boys get up to back there, growing up here as they have.

  “If a guy takes you there,” he tells me, “now you’ll know what he’s after.”

  “Then maybe you should take me.”

  He stops spinning the reel, and I stop breathing. That sounded…

  Oh, my God.

  “I’ll be safer with you,” I rush to add, turning my head to glance at him. “I mean, right?”

  He stares down at me, almost like he’s not breathing, either. “Yeah,” he mutters.

  He finishes reeling the line back in, and I take it from him. Rearing my arm back slowly to give him time to veer out of my way, I cast the line, pressing my thumb into the button as soon as my arm shoots out in front of me. The line—silver in the sunlight—glints as it flies, and I land it just at the far edge of the pool.

  “Good,” he says. “One more time.”

  His heat covers my back, making the rest of my body miss the warmth. I reel the line back in.

  Holding the handle, I inhale through my nose and finally pinpoint the part of his scent I couldn’t place before. Burnt wood. He smells like a fall night.

  Unable to stop myself, I lean back a little, meeting his chest with my back as he puts his hand over mine on the handle.

  “Am I crowding you?”

  “No.” I shake my head.r />
  Here I am, saying I don’t need help, but please don’t take your hand off.

  He fits his grip on top of mine, both of us holding the handle and my arm resting on top of his.

  He draws my arm backward. “Back,” he whispers with my thumb on the button and his thumb on me. And then we throw it, flicking our wrists as he calls out, “Release,” casting the line far out into the stream.

  It billows into the air, pulled by the weight of the bait and drops into the water with a plunk.

  His chest moves rapidly behind me, and I can barely hear his voice when he says, “That’s good, Tiernan.”

  But he doesn’t move.

  A light sweat covers my forehead, my breasts heave, and I wonder if his eyes are on them. I hope—

  “We haven’t had a woman living in the house since their mother,” he tells me. “I don’t have a… a great track record with taking care of women.”

  I look over my shoulder and up at him.

  He shakes his head, whispering, “No matter how hard I try.”

  His brow is etched with pain as he focuses on the stream, and my throat tightens.

  His first love killed herself, and the mother of his children was sent to prison. He feels responsible.

  “I thought I was protecting Kaleb and Noah, keeping them secluded up here,” he says, watching his line. “I think I just gave up, though. I didn’t want to fail again.”

  I gaze at his eyes and how young they still are. How they betray all the things he still wants.

  “I didn’t even have a desire to try,” he murmurs.

  Then he looks down at me, and everything else stops.

  “But now we have you,” he tells me.

  His heated stare holds me frozen, and something pulls at every inch of my skin, begging for something.

  His hands. His rough hands.

  Heat pools low in my belly, and I’m wet. I feel the slickness between my thighs as I throb, embarrassment rising to my cheeks.

  The fishing pole slips through my fingers, I jump, sucking in a breath, and watch the stream carry it away, bobbing over the current.

  “I’m sorry,” I rush out. My mouth hangs open, and I back away, looking at Jake. “I’m...”

  I struggle to keep my balance on the wet rocks.

  He shakes his head, his voice gentle. “It’s okay,” he says, watching me. “Tiernan…”

  “I’m really sorry,” I say again and dash away, jogging back up onto the beach and heading for the pond.

  I need to dive. I need my whole body under the cold water.

  Oh, my God. What was that? Did he know what I was thinking? Could he tell? He’s spilling his guts, and I’m standing there, getting turned on?

  I charge for the pond, the boys nowhere in sight. Dropping my shorts and peeling off my shoes, I wade into the water a few feet and dive, the cool freshwater covering my body and caressing my scalp. My pores open up, releasing more heat, and I continue swimming, not wanting to come up and show my shame.

  Only when my lungs are painfully stretched do I pop up to the surface, drawing in deep breaths. The waterfall pounds, shielding all other noise and enveloping me in a sort of silence as the mist hits my face.

  Jake must think I’m such a girl. Emotional. Erratic.

  I close my eyes and sink under the water again. Jesus.

  I swim around the waterfall, grabbing hold of the rock as the water pummels my back. The sun is gone, and I push up, gasping for air and slicking my hair back over my head.

  I look around, the water pounding behind me and shielding me from everything. I spot the entrance to the cave Jake mentioned, and trail down the rock ledge, heading for it, because it’s a decent place to hide for the moment.

  My feet touch sharp rocks underneath the water, patches of icy water hitting my skin as I lightly step up for support. Water flows into the cave, ledges on both sides, and the hair on my neck rises as I look around the black den. I can hop up on the pathways on the side of the tunnel and walk deeper inside. Who knows how many caves and rooms sit off to the sides?

  Tipping my head back, I feel drips hit my face as the roof bleeds, and I inhale the musty scent of wet rock and dark earth that sinks into my lungs.

  A giant red octopus is spray-painted on the wall to my right, chipped and worn after years of erosion. Was it here when my uncle last was?

  Do the boys come here?

  My stomach swirls as I close my eyes, letting my heart calm and my head wander.

  I shouldn’t have been having those thoughts about Noah in the shower. I should’ve stopped Kaleb the moment he started.

  I shouldn’t feel…nervous around Jake Van der Berg. I’m desperate for attention and confused.

  It feels good.

  And right now, I want it. Drifting away behind my closed lids, I dive deep into my head, in the dark cave and surrounded by the thunder of water, so no one can hear my thoughts except me.

  Here, I’m safe.

  He’s there. Close. Taking my hand.

  I follow as he leads me deeper into the cavern, and I want to go with him. I want him to want me somewhere dark and private.

  I stop, and he circles around me, coming up behind me and pulling the strings of my top. My bikini falls away, and my instinct is to cover myself, but he reaches around and scoops up my breasts in both hands before I have a chance.

  I groan at the images in my head, grabbing onto the rock for support. The tiny pulse between my legs throbs, and I slide my hand under the water and inside my bottoms.

  I breathe hard. Shit. God, I want…

  I want…

  He squeezes me, pulling me hard against his wet chest, and he doesn’t talk. This is a secret.

  My nipples pebble, the hard, little points poking through my swimsuit top, and I rub my middle finger over my clit in small, slow circles. Gripping the rock by my head, I imagine him at my back, and I shake my head, trying to picture anyone else.

  It could be anyone.

  But it’s the same hard, sun-kissed body pressing into me, his rough fingers against my soft flesh, and I’m so wet and hot, and so…

  Empty.

  I rub faster, gasping and whimpering, all alone in the cave, but I need something more. Something I can’t give myself.

  Something solid inside me and my mouth on him and his eyes looking down at a body he wants to touch but can’t and taking me in his possessive hands with his lustful eyes and making my heart pound in my chest.

  He hates my father but wants me.

  My clit pulses as I feel the orgasm crest, and I want him to make me scream and come and feel everything I’m tired of not feeling. I want to be breathless.

  Fuck me.

  Fuck me.

  “No!” someone suddenly shouts. “Stop!”

  I pop my eyes open, pulling my hand out of my bottoms. The pulse between my thighs rages as the orgasm aches and fades away.

  “No, I said…” But her voice lowers to a mumble, and I dart my eyes around, looking for anyone.

  Who is that?

  God, if anyone saw…

  I twist my neck, taking in the empty cavern and no other bodies in the pool or by the waterfall.

  “Ugh!” a woman cries out, and I hear a shuffle as I back away.

  No one else was on the beach when we came, and I didn’t notice anyone else show up. Who…?

  But just as I push myself back in the water, getting ready to bolt, a figure emerges from the darkness, and I freeze as a young woman steps out of some tunnel or adjoining cave.

  She sees me and stops.

  Cici Diggins. The woman from the pharmacy who was a little too interested in who I was. She must’ve arrived while I was fishing. She wears a blue bikini, her long, dark hair wet and spilling around her, and I spot a trickle of blood coming out of one of her nostrils.

  I narrow my eyes. Why is she bleed—

  She walks past me, above on the ledge, and dives back into the water, disappearing beyond the waterfall.

/>   What the hell? Who hit her?

  Just then, I hear pebbles shuffle, and I turn back around in time to see Kaleb walk out of the same tunnel she just came from.

  The water shimmers across his dark eyes as they meet mine, and he steps forward, dropping into the water and sinking waist deep, dressed only his jeans.

  He stalks toward me, and I back up toward the waterfall, unblinking.

  Did he hit her? I scan his face and body, seeing no marks of self-defense.

  The room is dark, and it’s just us, his hard eyes zoning in on me the closer he gets, and my heart leaps into my throat.

  But then… he just walks right past me. Diving under the waterfall, he disappears, too, and the fear of what I’d been doing to myself under the water with them right in here is thankfully overshadowed by what the hell was just going on in that tunnel.

  What was she arguing with him about? He didn’t do that to her, did he?

  And how the hell do you argue with someone who doesn’t speak? How does that work?

  I head out of the cave, swimming under the water and back out to the middle of the pond. My uncle loads up the truck in the distance, Noah helping him, and I watch the guys working, my cheeks warming at the memory of my fantasy. I never actually put a face to him in the dream, but I know who it was.

  It’s okay.

  Everyone has thoughts. Everyone touches themselves. A therapist would say I’m seeking an outlet to cope with my troubles. That’s what this is, and better this than drugs or alcohol.

  The breeze causes the water to ripple, and I dip my lips in, wetting them as I watch the guys load the truck.

  It did feel good, though. The feel of him at my back, his smell around me, the thought of his bed covered in that scent…

  “Tiernan, come on!” Noah yells over at me.

  I blink, looking up at him. He climbs on his bike.

  “They’re having a pop-up race in Gent,” he calls out. “Let’s go!”

  A pop-up race?

  Kaleb throws his leg over the other bike, while Jake climbs into the truck, and I quickly nod, swimming for shore.

  Not sure what a pop-up race is, but it sounds noisy. And crowded.

  Two things I typically hate, but maybe Jake isn’t right this time. Maybe a nice, non-familial distraction away from the peak is exactly what I need, after all.