Credence

by Penelope Douglas

  “Please” I cry. “Please stop.”

  I shove him away, trying to get his hand off my arm. I can’t do this. We have to wait. Jake will know what to do. I can’t do this. I won’t lay eyes on a doctor for five more months. What if the pain never goes away? What if it doesn’t heal?

  I pry his hand off. “Get off me,” I growl. “It hurts!”

  He stands up, and before I know I can tell what’s happening, his hand whips across my face, and my neck twists so hard, a tendon nearly snaps.

  My eyes pop wide, my mouth falls open, and I stop crying, pulling in a breath as I sit there, my ears ringing and my body frozen.

  What the fuck?

  He hit me.

  He hit me!

  He plants his fists on the sides of my thighs and leans down into my face, and it takes a moment to get my bearings again because the room is spinning.

  “What the fuck!” I snarl and turn back around.

  I raise my hand and slap him back, his head barely jerking with the attack.

  “You hit me!” I scream, anger hardening in my gut.

  I shove him in the chest with both hands, hitting him again.

  “But you’re not in pain anymore, are you?” Noah says in my ear behind me.

  I glare at Kaleb, but I process Noah’s words, focusing on the feeling in my arm.

  The pain is there, but it’s dulled—the rage in my head too strong right now.

  I don’t feel sick anymore.

  My breathing turns shallow, and I stare at Kaleb who’s still leaning down into me.

  But he doesn’t wait for my shock to wear off. He sits back down in the chair and jerks his chin at Noah, as if signaling something, and pinches me again, puncturing the skin with the needle.

  Noah climbs on the table behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist and threading a hand into the back of my scalp.

  He fists my hair, and I wince at the sting but exhale as the focus is taken off the pain in my arm.

  Kaleb pulls the thread tight, and I close my eyes, sweat breaking out all over my body at the onslaught. Jesus, fuck.

  Kaleb threads, Noah’s fist tightens, and I let my head fall back against him, turning my lips into his neck to cry.

  Again and again, two more times, and my stomach rolls. I heave.

  “Kaleb,” I beg.

  He darts his eyes up to me, and I look at him, nodding.

  Just do it. Just…

  His brows pinch, and he breathes hard, but he rises, hesitating only a moment before he slaps me again. I cry out, squeezing my eyes shut and making tears stream down my face.

  I blow out a long, slow breath as the world spins.

  Hands suddenly cup my face, caressing so softly now—like feathers—and then a mouth is on mine, gently kissing my lips. He nibbles and soothes, his teeth grabbing hold of my bottom lip and making my blood warm all the way down to my toes.

  Heat fills my body, and it’s like I’m floating. His tongue touches mine, scorching and… Oh, God. I’m weightless. It tastes so good.

  I run my hands up his stomach and chest, and I start to circle my legs around him, but I stop myself.

  “Fin—” I stammer in a whisper. “Fin…finish it. Just finish it, please.”

  The lips leave me, and I turn my head as the needle pokes through, and I let out a cry, but it’s lost in Noah. His mouth is on mine now, and I scream as he just holds me and I shake.

  Shit.

  “Tiernan,” he whispers. “Shhhh…”

  The fire on his clothes wafts around me, and the next thing I know he’s burying his face in my neck, not kissing, as he squeezes the front of my throat.

  “Harder,” I gasp.

  He sinks his teeth into my neck, squeezing me, and just as I feel the pinch of Kaleb’s needle, I grab the back of Noah’s head and turn into him, breathing in and out hard against his lips.

  “Tiernan,” Noah whispers, and I taste salt, but I’m not sure if it’s his tear or mine. “I love you. You’re so fucking ours. We love you.”

  He kisses my cheek and my forehead as Kaleb works, and I try to calm my breathing as the tingles from his mouth on my skin sink in.

  A bottle grazes my lips, and I take another drink as Kaleb bites off the thread, cleans the blood off my arm, and wraps me up with a bandage.

  The alcohol starts to warm my insides, the pain in my arm less sharp than it was.

  My cheek burns, though.

  I open my eyes wide, drawing in a deep breath.

  “You could’ve warned me,” I tell Kaleb, my voice thick with tears as I stare down at him. “You could’ve hit me anywhere else.”

  Why the face?

  He closes the kit and rises, taking the bloody gauze to the trash.

  I set the bottle down and slide off the table. “Cici Diggins came out of the cave with you at the waterfall with a bloody nose that day.”

  “What?” Noah hops off the table, too.

  But Kaleb doesn’t acknowledge me. I stare at his back as he washes his hands at the sink. His muscles flex, and his breathing is slow and methodical. Too calm.

  Doesn’t he want to defend himself? She could be telling the truth. I’ve seen him abusive. Throwing things, spitting, not taking ‘no’ for an answer…

  He slapped me without any hesitation tonight.

  But the dogs love him most, don’t they? They follow him, sleep with him, and make him smile when he doesn’t think we see.

  He’s always ready to stand in front of me and keep me from harm. He tries to connect, like when I was sketching.

  No matter what snide comment Noah makes or what his father demands from him in his harsh tone, he doesn’t say anything or start a fight. He just does whatever he has to so people will leave him alone.

  I look away, shaking my head. This is what women do, though, isn’t it? Look for meaning in the tiniest details to mean more than they do.

  The corners of my mouth twitch as my eyes sting. “Kaleb,” I whisper, begging.

  But it’s Noah who speaks up. “Cici Diggins would say anything for attention.”

  “She was bleeding,” I clarify. “She didn’t know I would see her.”

  “He doesn’t hit women, Tiernan.” Noah passes me, pulling the ibuprofen out of the cabinet. “Unless they’re hysterical and keeping him from saving their lives,” he replies, dumping a couple tablets into my hand and meeting my eyes. “You told him to do it.”

  I stick the pills in my mouth and swallow them dry, feeling them scratch against my throat.

  Yeah, I told him to.

  The second time.

  I told him to hit me, partly because it dulled the pain and partly because...

  I drop my eyes. Partly because I liked it. I liked the anger and the desire to hit him back, because even though it hurt, I was here. I was in it, and I never wanted it to stop. I never wanted that feeling to stop.

  Pain always reminds us that we’re alive. And the fear along with it that we want to stay that way.

  Kaleb is like that. If nothing else, he reminds me that I’m more than I think I am.

  But when he held my face after the slap, and kissed me so softly, my heart immediately sank into my belly, and I forgot everything.

  I forgot why I should keep as far away from him as I can.

  I run my hand through my hair, chewing on my lip as the alcohol dulls the pain in my arm.

  “I want Jake,” I whisper to myself.

  What if this still gets infected? He would know what to do. They can’t handle this. Volatile, irresponsible…

  “He’s not who had your tongue in his mouth minutes ago,” Noah spits out, looking over his shoulder at me as he fills a pitcher. “You liked us then.”

  I shift on my feet, looking away.

  But he turns, wiping his hands on a towel. “You know, it just occurred to me.” His eyes crinkle as he studies me. “I’m actually the only man in this house who hasn’t hit you,” he states. “And I’m the one you don’t want. What the fuck
is wrong with you?”

  I narrow my eyes as his words hit. That’s not… What?

  I don’t…

  “Maybe if I take you over my knee, too, you’ll get wet?” he asks.

  And then my face falls. He saw us. He saw his father spanking me that night.

  My heart thumps in my chest, and I watch him shake his head, the first actual sign of disdain I’ve seen come off Noah, and it’s directed at me.

  He’s pissed now.

  My mind goes back to moments ago—Kaleb’s lips so gentle and Noah’s mouth so warm.

  Moments ago, he loved me. I love you. You’re so fucking ours. We love you.

  I think he was even crying, because he hated me hurting that much and hated not being able to take the pain away.

  My arm still throbs, but I feel better than I did.

  They took care of me. Not Jake. They handled this.

  Noah thinks I don’t see him.

  He turns around to fill another pitcher as Kaleb cleans the table, and I stare at them both, barely noticing when the lights go out.

  The kitchen goes black, the outdoor lights outside the window dying in the storm, as well, and the boys stop what they’re doing as the snow falls in the dark night and the house goes silent.

  Noah throws a hand towel down. “Jesus, fuck.”

  Kaleb stalks out of the kitchen, heading to the laundry room, and I watch Noah pull off his shirt and toss it down as he works the faucet.

  “All we’ve got left is the hot water in the tank,” he gripes. “Fuck.”

  I ball my fists, my arms feeling so empty all of a sudden.

  I take a step, slowly walking up behind Noah.

  And I slide my arms around his waist.

  “Noah is always warm,” I say in a low voice. “He’s the one I love to talk to.”

  He stills, and I rest my forehead in his back as my arms wrap around him and my hands touch his warm torso.

  I see you.

  “He’s the one who smiles at me and always makes me feel like my lungs are full.”

  The wind blows through the attic, creaking through the quiet, dark house, and he’s barely breathing.

  “My arms fit around him perfectly, and I love to watch him cook. I just want to stay in the kitchen and watch him all the time.” I smile to myself, breathing in his scent. “He smells good enough to eat, and I didn’t want him to the leave the shower that day before we went fishing. I wanted him to touch me.”

  His chest caves, and I look down to see his fists curl into the wooden counter.

  I swallow. “I even fantasized about it,” I whisper. “About us in the shower, hiding in there every morning and keeping our secret.”

  He whips around, anger straining his face. He grabs me under my arms and lifts me up on my tiptoes.

  I gasp as he brings us nose to nose.

  “I was so wet for you on the couch the night of my birthday,” I whisper between us. “So wet.”

  I do want you.

  Something clanks on the floor behind me, and Noah glares down at me, looking like he’s about to lose his mind. He looks like Kaleb when he looks at me like this.

  Lifting me up, he plops me down in a tin tub, my toes curling into the rusty surface.

  “Don’t talk anymore,” he says.

  It sounds like a threat, though. I tense.

  “I have to—”

  “Shhh.” He releases me, pressing his finger to my mouth. All the air rushes out of me.

  His eyes pierce, and I don’t know what he’s going to do, but I know what he wants. This Noah kind of scares me.

  My thighs clench. I have to go to the bathroom.

  But I’m not leaving. I don’t want to break the spell.

  Kaleb stands off to my side, and all I can see are his legs, because I’m too scared to look at his face.

  I shift on my feet in the tub.

  The tin tub, I think to myself.

  The pitchers of hot water.

  This is a bath.

  Noah lifts the hem of my shirt, pausing just a moment to give me time to stop him, but I just stare at the floor as he finally lifts it over my head.

  I hear his intake of breath as the cool air hits my breasts and my shirt falls to the floor. Kaleb’s eyes burn my skin from where he stands in the darkness, and I can barely breathe.

  Yes.

  The silvery feeling between legs grows heavier, and I rub my thighs together. Slowly, Noah smooths my hair, parting it on the back, and I stand there as he braids it.

  “Don’t want to give you a wet head,” he says, strained.

  My nipples harden to points as he braids one side and then the other, Kaleb starting to circle me like a shark. I still wear the ribbon I stole from his room.

  Noah wraps one of the cheap rubber bands from the drawer around the final tail and plays, flipping up my braids. “She’s cute like this,” he tells Kaleb. “Don’t you think?”

  The tails tickle my skin, and I look up in time to see Noah wet his thumb and then rub circles on my left nipple, toying with the sharp, little point.

  I groan, crossing my legs against the burn. “I’m gonna pee my pants.”

  “Then the pants have to go,” he replies calmly.

  I close my eyes for a moment. I’m not sure if I have to go to the bathroom or I’m just nervous.

  He lowers to one knee and looks up at me as he pulls my shorts down. I step out of them, feeling Kaleb like a threat as he stops and watches.

  Noah reaches up again, taking my light blue silk panties and pulling them down my legs, my body bare for them.

  I look up at Kaleb. He stares, every muscle in his arms flexed with his fists curled as his eyes trail down my body. It doesn’t look like he’s breathing.

  Noah pours water into the tub and then rises, both of them circling me. My pulse races, and it feels like they’re going to pounce any second.

  Water sloshes at my ankles, and I hear Noah behind me as Kaleb stops in front of me, running a finger down my torso and stopping just below my panty line. I shiver.

  A hot cloth hits the back of my neck, and I hear the suds bubble and pop as Noah squeezes the cloth.

  “Do you mind this, Baby Van der Berg?”

  I shake my head, my eyes rolling into the back of my head. He runs the hot cloth down my back and back up to my shoulders.

  It feels so good.

  “What would you do without us?” Noah leans into my ear, whispering.

  I lean my head back against him, closing my eyes.

  “We take care of her pretty good,” he tells Kaleb, reaching around me to squeeze hot water over my breasts. “She doesn’t need Daddy. Do you?”

  Kaleb takes my leg, bringing my foot up to rest on his knee as he washes me. Running the cloth up my thigh, he dips inside, close but not there, and I moan.

  “That’s it.” Noah bites my ear. “Good girl.”

  Giving me the cloth, he uses his hands and soaps both my breasts, massaging them in circles. A pool of heat settles between my legs, and I want more. I want their hands everywhere.

  Noah takes my hand with the cloth and pushes it down low. “Clean your pussy.”

  I bite my bottom lip, but I follow directions. Using the cloth, I slip between my legs and squeeze it for more soap, washing myself.

  Kaleb brings up my other leg, bathing me, but his eyes are on my hand, watching me soap up my bare pussy.

  “Get it wet again?” I ask him, holding out the cloth.

  He dips it into the water and hands it back to me, his chest rising and falling hard as he watches me wash myself and water drip down my legs.

  His hard eyes don’t blink, and a groan escapes him. I look down, seeing his cock straining against his jeans.

  “Is it clean?” Noah asks.

  For a moment, I think he’s asking me until Kaleb dives in, his hot tongue licking the length of my slit to check.

  I shudder. Fuck.

  I grab Kaleb’s head, keeping him there, and Noah twists m
ine to the side, taking my mouth.

  Kaleb licks and sucks, while Noah takes my breath, making it impossible to breathe.

  God, don’t stop.

  “Say yes to us,” Noah whispers against my mouth.

  I stare up at him, quiet for a moment.

  If we do this, we might not be able to come back from it. I don’t want to lose them. I…

  Kaleb’s mouth works its way inside, and I thread my fingers through his hair as he licks and sucks my clit.

  Noah jostles my chin. “Open your mouth, Tiernan,” he orders.

  I do and he sinks his tongue inside, his kiss tingling all the way down to my toes.

  “Say yes to us,” he says again.

  Kaleb comes back in, grabbing my ass in both hands and yanking me into him. His mouth covers my pussy.

  I whimper. “Yes,” I pant. “Yes.”

  Noah releases me and growls, “Fuck, yeah.”

  Kaleb rises, lifts me up by the backs of my thighs, and I wrap my dripping arms and legs around him, meeting his eyes.

  Mine.

  In a few months, the snow will melt, and the world will invade us again, but right now…they’re mine. For this one winter, they’re mine.

  Our noses touch, and Kaleb opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but then he just kisses my forehead.

  Flutters go off in my stomach. I love it when he does that.

  He turns, carrying us to bed.

  I hug him to me, watching Noah follow us through the dark house, and I bury my nose in Kaleb’s neck, inhaling him.

  I want this. I want them. I want him.

  Kaleb is a bully and a baby, but so am I, and I want him to talk to me, but sometimes I think he already does, and I just don’t hear. The tight way his arm is around my waist. How safe I feel with his other hand holding my head in the crook of his neck.

  The way he smells my hair and pulls me out of harm’s way, even when I think I barely exist to him. He always knows what’s happening and where I am.

  Tears burn my eyes as I think of the last few months. Giving me his meat at dinner, giving me his lap when my seat was wet, and taking me away from Cici and Terrance on the dance floor. He’s always thinking of me.

  That’s how he talks to me.

  “Kaleb,” I whisper in his ear, trailing kisses down from his temple to his jaw to his neck.