Credence

by Penelope Douglas

  “Look at me, Tiernan,” Noah whispers.

  Slowly, I look up, meeting his eyes over my shoulder.

  The photographer snaps some shots.

  “We’re not letting you go,” he murmurs to me, so no one else can hear. “This is family.”

  I can’t help but smile. For better or worse, I’m not escaping them, am I? This is family.

  They won’t run from me, and no matter what happens with Kaleb and me, I love Jake and Noah, too. They lend credence every day to what happened to me and to my need to be in this. They validated me when I had nothing.

  Jake was holding onto his past and punishing himself, just like me. Noah had no one to talk to, just like me. Kaleb struggles to connect, because of his pain of being forgotten by someone who should’ve loved him enough never to forget.

  Just like me.

  They lend truth to the fact that I was lost, and it was okay to be hurt. We found each other, and no matter what anyone would say about what happened up here this winter, I’m the only one who needs to understand.

  “Lean into him, Tiernan,” Juno instructs.

  I do as she says and lean into Noah, looking up at him, a small grin I can’t help but feel spreading across my lips. He winks at me.

  “That’s good.” A few more snaps go off. “Now, Noah, look off to the side and down.”

  He hesitates, but finally, he looks away, looking like Kaleb as he stares off like the tortured hero.

  “Oh, that’s great. You both look great!”

  I slide off the bike and climb on behind him now, spreading my knees and placing my hands on his waist.

  “Looking good,” Juno says, moving around us to take more shots.

  I hear someone giggle and look up to see a few more people have arrived, racers and their girlfriends whom I vaguely remember hanging around the shop last fall.

  One girl stands next to Kaleb and stares at him, looking nervous but smitten.

  I gulp. At least he’s not paying her any mind.

  “Now, Noah, off the bike,” Juno says. “Tiernan, I want you to lean forward and grab the handlebars. Noah, do the same from the other side, straddle the front wheel, and challenge each other. Kind of like siblings.”

  Noah laughs again but follows orders. I scoot up in the seat, both feet on the ground, while Noah plants both legs on either side of the front wheel and leans into me, holding the handles.

  “Tiernan, can you arch your back?” she asks.

  I do, jutting out my butt a little more as the muscles in my thighs flex.

  “More, honey.”

  I sigh, trying to lean forward more and stick out my ass.

  But Noah urges me further. “More,” he whispers. “Like you’ve got a man behind you.”

  I arch an eyebrow. Leave it to him to make some sexual joke right now.

  I dart my gaze to Kaleb, seeing his eyes crinkled at the edges as he watches us. The girl has moved away a step, but she’s still swooning.

  No short supply of women to take his mind off me once I’m gone, I guess.

  “You ready to go to L.A.?” I ask Noah as Juno takes our picture.

  “I’ve been ready. You?” he challenges. “You ready to get the fuck out of this dump?”

  I want to shoot him a look, but I don’t want to lose the shot.

  “I don’t want him to be angry with you,” I tell Noah, referring to Kaleb.

  If I leave with Noah, Kaleb will assume the wrong thing.

  “If he wants to follow us and bring you back, then maybe that’s what he needs to do,” Noah retorts. “If not, I get you to myself. Win, win.”

  I fluff my hair and adjust my stance. “You don’t want me. You want to race.”

  “I’d love my family with me, though.”

  Yeah.

  I can do that.

  “I’m not letting you go,” I tell him.

  He smiles. But then he stops, remembering himself.

  He glances off toward Kaleb and then back to me. “He’s five seconds from rearranging my face.”

  I could care less if Kaleb is angry.

  “Ugh, doesn’t that just take the cake?” someone says somewhere by the doors. “I love women in that position. All she’s gotta do is hold it like that.”

  Someone chuckles, but I don’t know who. I ignore them.

  “She’s carrying herself a little hotter than last fall,” the same guy says. “Wonder what changed?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m wishing I was locked up here with her all season,” the other man adds.

  There’s a shuffle, a gasp, and then all hell breaks loose as a table topples over and shouting ensues.

  “Kaleb!” Jake shouts.

  I shoot up, watching as Kaleb throws one of the racers down on the floor of the shop and Jake rushes in to haul his son back. Juno and the stylists rear back, out of the way, and the girls who came with the guys stumble out into the driveway.

  I climb off the bike, seeing Noah rush over and keep Kaleb back as his dad picks up the guy off the ground.

  “Motherfucker!” the guy growls at Kaleb.

  But Jake pushes him and his friend out of the shop. “Hit the road,” he tells them. “Closed shoot, you little shits!”

  Those must’ve been the jerks making remarks.

  Kaleb goes after him again, but Jake is quick to catch him. “Stop!” he yells. “Stop it right now.”

  He points in his son’s face, but Kaleb is seething. The racers take their girls, climb on their bikes, and speed off, everyone in the shop standing around, shaken.

  Finally, Jake just waves them off. “Alright, that’s enough,” he bites out. “We’ve got what we need.”

  Juno nods and turns off her camera, everyone hurrying to close up shop and gather their equipment.

  Kaleb stalks toward me.

  But Jake grabs him again. “No,” he says. “Get in the truck. Now.”

  He glares at Kaleb, pushing him out of the shop.

  Kaleb stumbles back, staring at me.

  “Now!” Jake fires at him again.

  I can see the vein in Kaleb’s neck bulging from here, and he hesitates, but… he leaves, heading into the driveway.

  “You, too,” Jake orders Noah.

  Noah grabs his T-shirt and follows his brother out to the truck.

  Jake charges over to me. He stops close, keeping his voice down as much as he’s capable since there’s still people around. “I’m going to go deal with the sheriff, and I’m taking them to the fucking bar to sort some shit out.”

  “A bar,” I grit out. “And I have to stay here?”

  “Yes.” He glowers at me. “Don’t leave the house, or you’ll be sorry.”

  “What did I do?” I fire back. “I don’t want to be stuck here all night while you’re all out, shopping for tail!”

  “You’ll stay here, because Kaleb’s not going to leave you alone if I don’t get him away from you!” he barks, not caring who hears us now. “You haven’t been separated from him for more than two months, and everyone needs a few hours of space. I’m doing this for you. Take a shower. Calm down.”

  I shake my head. He thinks a shower is going to solve this? I have every right to be upset. I won’t calm down.

  He pauses, relaxing his shoulders and checking himself.

  “I need to talk to him, Tiernan,” he says, softening his tone. “I need to make sure there isn’t a warrant out for him, and we need to talk to the Diggins girl. You need to stay here. We’ll be back later.”

  And I watch as he leaves, fishing his keys out of his pocket.

  I stand there, even after the photographer and stylists have left and I’m all alone in the house, knowing that Kaleb and I only have one problem, and the only thing that will solve it wasn’t on Jake’s agenda tonight.

  It’s something his father can’t take care of for him. It has to come from Kaleb.

  See you soon.

  I stare at the text from Mirai that came in four hours ago as she was boarding
a plane at LAX.

  She can’t come here. Kaleb has no restraint. He won’t care about appearances, he’ll scare her, and she’ll try to drag me out of here.

  Standing by my bed, I look down at my half-filled suitcase that I started packing when the text came in. At first, I threw in a few clothes to stay with her at the motel in town, just to keep her away from here.

  Then, I started packing more than I needed, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe Jake was right to take them out tonight, so we could all have space. Maybe space is exactly what everyone needs right now. I could go home for a bit. There’s texting, email, FaceTime… I’ll stay in touch. I could say I’m taking Noah to get him settled at my house while he meets with sponsors and just take the opportunity to get some air myself. Some perspective.

  But I stopped packing when I realized I wouldn’t come back. Not unless Kaleb came for me himself.

  Am I prepared to draw that line?

  Tonight?

  Sticking my phone in my back pocket, I head up to Kaleb’s room to clean out anything I’ll need in the immediate future. Lightning flashes out the window as I enter his room, and I turn on the lamp, the smell of the wood, fire, and books like home now, because I’ve spent countless hours in this room over recent months.

  Picking up the tattered hardback on his bedside table, I open it to where a pencil is stuck inside and look at the sketch I saw him working on one night. Me in the shower, water spilling over my top half as I rinse my hair.

  I told him that I read some of his journal entries, and while he wasn’t upset, I haven’t seen him write any more since. When he does dive into the flyleafs, he just draws now.

  I assured him I wouldn’t read more, unless he wanted me to, but he doesn’t feel safe. In some ways, he opened up more with me. In others, he retreated.

  I pick up the pencil and start writing on the opposite page.

  Noah said something a couple of months ago. He said you were my first, and if I followed my mother’s advice, then I wasn’t supposed to end up with you.

  Rain starts hitting the roof and lightning strikes again, followed by a roll of thunder.

  But at the time, in my head, you weren’t the first. You were the one I should be with, because I finally liked myself, and I liked how you pushed me, because it made me push back. You made me learn how to demand.

  And for that, I’ll always be grateful.

  I can’t take any more than short, shallow breaths, because a lump lodges in my throat.

  You’re at the bar with them now, and I’m alone in your room, knowing I should keep packing my suitcase but not wanting to, because the highs with you are so good. I don’t want it to stop.

  But the lows…

  The lows are like I’m nine again and still waiting for them to love me.

  I can’t keep being grateful for the scraps. I need more from him.

  You won’t change, and the bottom line is… I won’t stay. You’re not my parents. You don’t ignore me. But you’re punishing me. You wield the only power you have, and I don’t know why I thought I could get more out of you, because if you didn’t talk to Noah and Jake for seventeen years, why would you talk for me?

  Maybe it’s about control. A way to dominate us. I don’t know, but it hurts.

  I think you loved me, though. And I love you. I was yours that first night when you took me in your arms in the shop, and you didn’t even know my name. It was a rough road we traveled to get here, and I knew you were the one even then.

  I look up at the ceiling, listening to the storm. Kaleb was rain. Passion, a scream, and my hair sticking to my face as I wrapped my arms around him. Spontaneous and loud all over my skin.

  He was whispers, too, though. Snow, firelight, and searching for his warmth between the sheets at two a.m. when the rest of the house is asleep.

  Remember the three L’s I talked about—Lust, Learn, and Love? There’s another one. One my mother didn’t tell me about, and I’m not sure where it fits, but I know it’s necessary.

  I need some time alone to hear myself.

  It’s time to Listen.

  My head and heart are both saying the same things. I need more from him. I stick the pencil in the book and close it, laying it on his bed before turning off the lamp.

  Closing the door, I head downstairs, texting my uncle on the way.

  I’m picking up Mirai at the airport.

  He just doesn’t need to know I’ve decided to keep us at the motel in town. It’s a wise choice, anyway. The peak could get snowed in again, and I don’t think she and Jake need to be locked up in such close proximity.

  I toss some toiletries into the suitcase and close it up, carrying it downstairs. Setting it by the door, I pull on my rain boots and coat, hearing the dogs barking out in the barn.

  I walk over to the window and look outside. It’s not like they aren’t used to thunder up here. What are they barking at?

  The door to the stable swings open and closed in the wind, the light left on and casting a glow as the rain pours. Mud puddles dance as drops hit, and I buckle up my raincoat, heading out the shop door.

  I walk across the room, opening the bay door and stepping outside.

  Running to the stable, I squeal as water hits my jeans, and I dash inside, throwing off my hood.

  Danny howls as Johnny runs up to me, and I give him a quick pet, hearing Shawnee thrashing in her stall. She whinnies, jumping up and down, her hooves hitting the wooden door.

  What the hell?

  I run over, grabbing her mane and pulling her down to me. I stroke her nose.

  “Hey, hey, it’s just rain.” I chuckle, giving her a good rub. “You’ve gotta be used to storms by now.”

  “It’s not the storm upsetting her,” someone says.

  Tiernan

  I twist around, my heart thundering in my chest as a hooded figure steps out of the next stall. Smoke billows into the air as he drops a cigarette to the ground and grinds it out on the cement.

  The overhead light swings back and forth in the breeze, casting him in shadow every few moments.

  “Who—?”

  But I stop as he slips off the hood of his jacket, and I see Terrance Holcomb turn to face me. Rain has darkened his sweatshirt and glistens across his face as he looks me up and down.

  No.

  I didn’t hear bikes approach. There are no vehicles outside. He arrived undetected.

  He snuck in here.

  Quickly, I glance around for anyone else and take a step back, toward the exit.

  “We didn’t invite you on the property,” I bite out. “No one wants to see you here.”

  “There’s no one here except you, though,” he says, eerily calm. “You’re all alone, right?”

  Keeping my eyes locked on him, I reach over and pull a rake off the wall that I can see hanging there out of the corner of my eye while slowly reaching behind me to pull my phone out of my back pocket. His eyes are fixed on my weapon.

  He chuckles, stepping toward me as I step back. “At least it’s not a shotgun,” he jokes, and I remember Kaleb and Noah, armed and rushing to the pond to get me away from this guy all those months ago. “It’s cute how they try to protect you.”

  “They don’t have to.” I squeeze the long handle. “Leave.”

  “What if I came just to talk to you?”

  “By lurking in our stable on a dark, rainy night?”

  Yeah. This isn’t a social visit. He either saw the Van der Berg’s in town without me and seized his opportunity, or he’s been here, waiting for them to leave.

  I retreat another step, his boot crawling heel to toe and approaching.

  “Kaleb is going to be charged over the damage he did to those bikes last November,” he says.

  I press the power button on my phone and try to swipe in my security pattern behind my back, listening for the small click over the rain that tells me it’s unlocked.

  “And yet, you’re here and not the sheriff,” I point out.

&
nbsp; I try a few more times, my fingers shaking, but I finally hear the click.

  “I’ll say it was an accident,” he tells me. “I’ll take his side and back him up.”

  “What makes you think I care?” I tap the screen where I know my phone icon is located.

  Terrance grins knowingly. “Everyone saw you two in town today,” he replies. “It was really a no-brainer. Women love assholes, especially the quiet ones. He was always going to have you, even if just a piece.”

  My chest is too heavy to breathe. He tries to close the distance between us, and I retreat, the rain growing heavier outside the door behind me.

  “You sponsor me, and I will not pursue him,” Terrance proposes. “I’ll get the sheriff and my team to back off, and you and he can live happily ever after.”

  “You have a sponsor.”

  “I had a sponsor,” he retorts. “They pulled their support when Kaleb destroyed the bikes.”

  I cock my head, leveling my eyes on him. Kaleb caused some damage, so he lost his sponsor? Really?

  He shrugs, knowing I’m not buying it. “And they got wind of some other things, too,” he admits.

  I nod. Yeah. Like his clubhouse, maybe. Or any one of a million shady things I’m sure he’s up to, because he’s a sleazebag. A reputable business doesn’t want him representing them.

  Kaleb may be fined—he’ll definitely have to pay damages—but he’s not getting arrested.

  “So what do you say?” he asks.

  I hold his eyes.

  He doesn’t want to hear no. He came up here when he knew I’d be alone, because he’s prepared to coerce me.

  Will he leave if I lie and agree?

  A ring pierces the air, my phone vibrating in my hand, and my heart stops.

  He bolts for me, and I throw the rake at him before spinning around and dashing for the house. I splash through puddles, rain pummeling my head, the storm heavier now, and I don’t look behind me as I cry out and race through the open bay doors, into the dark shop, and up the steps to the house.

  Swinging the door open, I barrel inside and answer the phone, seeing Jake’s name on the screen.