Surrender to Me

by Donna Hill

  * * *

  It had been three days, going on four since she’d heard from Rafe. The last time she’d spoken with him was the day he left announcing that he was returning to Louisiana. Between the misgivings that she was having once again about the two of them, compounded with the ultimatum by her father, she wasn’t in a good place mentally. Kerry’s pep talk certainly had her reexamining her relationship with her father, and she’d come to accept that she had to do things differently if she ever wanted to be happy, but maybe that contentment was not with Rafe. She already lived her life on the edge. It was part of her job. She didn’t need it in a relationship and it appeared that’s the way things would be between her and Rafe. She was all for excitement and spontaneity but to always be in limbo with where she stood on the list of priorities was a problem for her. She’d lived her life that way with her father, much to her own detriment. She couldn’t, with her eyes wide open, go down that road with anyone else.

  “Ready?”

  She glanced up. Mike was standing in her doorway. They were scheduled for the vice president’s detail. He was making several stops with the first one in Dallas, on to Florida then back to DC. He was the featured speaker for Women Against Domestic Violence in Dallas, and the keynote speaker for Save our Sons, an advocacy group of mothers that had come together to fight gun violence in their communities and police brutality.

  “Yes. Give me one minute.” She shut down her computer, took her secondary weapon from the bottom drawer, grabbed her jacket and go-bag and walked out with Mike.

  “Just saw Collin and Steven. They’re going straight to the car. We’ll escort the VP from his office,” Avery said, slipping into her jacket.

  Mike stabbed the button for the elevator. “We really haven’t had a chance to talk since the meeting with the boss a few weeks ago.”

  “Hmm.” She stepped on the elevator. “What’s to talk about?”

  “Both of us being offered the same promotion, for one thing. I’d say that would give us something to talk about.”

  She gave him a quick glance. “Funny, I feel the total opposite. Talking about it won’t change the outcome. You do your job and I do mine. When it’s all said and done the person deserving the promotion will get it.”

  Mike snorted a laugh. “You don’t really believe that bull you just spouted, do you? When has the deserving person ever gotten anything in Washington? It’s all about who you know, what favors are owed and who your daddy is.”

  Her head snapped in his direction. “Really? You’re gonna go there?” She rolled her eyes. “My daddy doesn’t get on the firing range for me, he didn’t take my tests, put his life on the line to protect someone else, serve on any of my details. It’s me!” She stabbed her chest, poking the Kevlar vest beneath her starched white shirt. “I got to where I am because I worked my ass off to get here and not because of Daddy.” She tugged in a shuddering breath. He really knew how to draw out her temper.

  “Look, I’m sorry. That was totally out of line.”

  The elevator doors swished open. Avery adjusted her jacket and walked out. The last thing she needed was to let Mike twist her emotions when she was on duty protecting the vice president.

  They exited the agency headquarters on H Street and got in one of the three militarized Suburbans that would take the vice president to Air Force Two.

  They would only be gone for two days. Normally that was a walk in the park, especially a domestic detail. But the idea that the time would begin with tension between her and Mike had the potential to make the two days feel like forever. She couldn’t let his rhetoric or his masculine insecurities throw her off her game. She had to be on point every moment. It was bad enough that he’d been assigned to this detail in the first place, which was a last-minute call. Martin Palmer was supposed to go, but had come down with the flu. Mike was his replacement. Just her luck. But at least the time away would keep her mind off Rafe Lawson.

  Chapter 16

  Rafe accompanied Quinten to his studio with the hope of working on some music.

  The short drive from Q and Rae’s town house took them through lower Manhattan. The World Trade Center once destroyed by terrorists had risen like the phoenix to its former towering majesty.

  The last time he was here was more than a decade ago. He’d come for a visit with Janae. She’d never been to the “Big Apple” and the trip was his birthday gift to her.

  He and Janae Harper were students at Tulane, then Howard. Janae was a social work major, determined to bring good into the world through advocating for children in foster care.

  They’d first met at an off-campus party. Rafe was playing with a four-piece band and Janae found her way to him after his set.

  “Hey,” she said as Rafe was packing up.

  He looked down from the stage and he would have sworn that a halo glowed over her. He stopped what he was doing. “Hey.”

  “Great set. I’ve seen you around campus. Rafe, right?”

  “Right.” He took the three steps down from the stage and came around to where she stood. “And you are?”

  “Janae Harper.”

  “Janae.” He nodded his head. “Nice.”

  Janae was what is designated as petite. She might have been five foot five and a hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. She had the most luminous brown eyes that Rafe had ever seen. Her mouth was a perfect bow and when she smiled deep dimples carved hollows in her cheeks.

  “I would have remembered if we had classes together,” he said, taking her in. He usually went for the tall model types, but there was something about Janae that awakened a protective instinct. “You here by yourself?”

  “No. I came with some friends but...I wanted to meet you before we left.”

  He glanced over her shoulder to see three young women huddled together checking them out. “Those your friends over there?” he asked with a lift of his chin. He sat on one of the tables and folded his arms.

  Janae looked behind her. “Yes.” She slid her hands into the back pockets of her jeans. “I should be going or I’ll miss my ride.”

  “You live on campus?”

  “No. But I have a roommate.”

  “Hmm. Well, I guess you better get going.” He stood. “See you on campus, maybe.”

  She looked up at him. “Yeah, I guess.” She paused. “Nice to meet you, Rafe.”

  “You, too.” He watched her walk away. She cast one backward glance before walking out the door.

  “Who was that?” Barry, his bandmate, asked.

  “Some girl from the school.”

  “Cute. You heading home?”

  “Yeah.”

  “We’re set for the gig here next Saturday. But we’ll meet up say Thursday to rehearse.”

  “Yeah,” he said absently as his thoughts drifted back to Janae. He should have gotten her number. Tulane’s campus was extensive to say the least. The odds of running into her again were pretty slim. “Need me to drop you off?”

  “Naw, I’m good.”

  They walked out together.

  “Hey, heads up,” Barry said under his breath.

  Rafe looked two doors down and Janae was standing there, or rather pacing there, looking a bit lost.

  “Maybe you won’t be going home alone,” Barry teased and clapped him on the back before heading off in the opposite direction.

  Rafe took a slow stroll toward Janae. “What happened to your friends?”

  She brushed her wind-blown hair away from her face. “They left.”

  He frowned. “Just like that? I thought you were leaving with them.”

  She ran her tongue across her bottom lip. “I told them to go without me.”

  He studied her for a moment. “So...how’re you getting home?”

  “I...was hoping that you would
take me.”

  He stroked his chin. His mouth quirked into a half smile. “Suppose I had other plans?”

  “Do you?” she boldly challenged.

  He chuckled. “Now I do. Where do you live?”

  * * *

  From that first night Rafe and Janae were inseparable. They did everything together from early morning jogging to discovering new recipes. She came to all of his performances and she dragged him with her to each “save the everything” event in the state of Louisiana. She was a dreamer, with a heart too big to contain, and she saw the silver lining in everything. Her enthusiasm for life was contagious and she was his biggest champion and fan. When she decided that she wanted to pursue her master’s degree at Howard, Rafe didn’t think twice. He relocated, as well. They got a place together in downtown DC, began to plan their future together—where they would live, careers, a family.

  They were young and in love. Rafe was happy, happier than he’d ever been. His music was beginning to take off, Janae had a solid internship with the Department of Children’s Services and was guaranteed a job when she finished her degree. She’d passed approval with his brother and sisters, his aunt Jacqueline adored her and even his father begrudgingly accepted that Janae was going to be a Lawson.

  * * *

  He’d made reservations for them at the Hilton Millennium on Church Street with perfect views of the Twin Towers, the iconic landmark of the New York City skyline, Chelsea Piers, Battery Park and plenty of shopping.

  They arrived in New York late in the evening, so rather than head out on the first night, they opted to settle in, order room service and enjoy the view and each other. The plan was to get up early and hit the ground running. He knew Janae wanted to shop but for later in the day he’d gotten them tickets to a play and he had special reservations at Le Cirque. He wanted everything to be perfect, for the perfect moment.

  When Rafe woke up later than he’d planned and didn’t find Janae in the room he wasn’t surprised. She was notorious for getting up at daybreak to get her day started. Knowing her, she probably went out for a jog and to scope out some of the stores. He pulled himself out of bed, put on the coffeemaker and took a quick shower.

  With coffee cup in hand he strolled over to the window to take in the landscape. Frowning, he stepped closer. There was a plane flying so low that it looked like it was going to run right into the building. Then the unthinkable happened.

  Black plumes of smoke and flames shot from the window from the impact of the plane.

  “Holy shit!” He could see the people on the ground running as debris began to fall from the building. He grabbed the remote from the nightstand and turned on the television. It took him a minute to get beyond the hotel advertisements to find a local news channel.

  The reporters seemed, initially, to be as confused as he was and then the reports began to come in about a plane in Ohio that detoured from its flight plan and then, on live television, the second plane struck the South Tower. The hotel shook. He could hear glass breaking and screams in the hallways. If there was any thought that this was all a freak accident, that idea was smashed.

  Rafe tore off the towel and grabbed his clothes. He got his phone and called Janae. He was sure she would have come tearing through the door by now. The call went straight to voice mail. He tried again and again.

  The chilling voices of the newscasters played in the background. He went to the door and pulled it open. Several hotel guests hurried toward the elevator. The doors opened. He knew Janae would get off. She didn’t.

  He tried calling her again. All circuits are busy. He never saw Janae again.

  “How’s your head?” Quinten asked as they got set up for their session, stopping the dark thoughts from swimming in Rafe’s head. “It’s been a minute since you’ve been back here.”

  Rafe blinked back the images, adjusted one of the mics and blew out a breath. “I thought I was past it, ya know.” He frowned. “But I don’t think it’s something you get over. You can’t, not really. I still think that if I’d picked any other place in the world Janae would still be here.”

  “Hey, we been down this road. Don’t even go there. No way anyone on the planet would have expected what happened that day. Nothing you could have done.”

  “Yeah, yeah, I know.” He took his sax out of the case.

  “Well, when you really know you’ll be able to move on.” He gave his friend a direct look. “All the women, the living on the edge, the booze...” Quinten let the obvious linger in what he didn’t say.

  “It’s the realization that there was no closure. I’d planned to ask her to marry me that night.” He shook his head. “Haven’t been that close to taking the leap since.”

  “Look, I know better than anyone what it feels like to lose the center of your life. Man, I been there. My twin sister, Lacy, randomly gunned down. For years I carried around that guilt. If only I could have gotten us out of that neighborhood. If only.” He sat on the edge of the table and folded his arms. “But when I lost Nikita, I knew my world had come to an end.”

  Rafe nodded slowly, remembering all too well the devastation that consumed his friend and threatened to take him from everyone that cared about him.

  “But then I met Rae.”

  Rafe smiled. “Yeah, bruh, then you met Rae.”

  Quinten’s eyes sparkled. “Changed my life, or rather brought me back to life. Didn’t think it was possible. I was dead inside and wanted to keep it that way. Never wanted to feel that kind of loss. The best way to make sure that didn’t happen was to not give a damn about anyone or anything.” He pointed a finger a Rafe. “That’s the space you been in for years, brotha. Only thing I can say is that at some point you’re gonna want to do more than simply survive, you’re gonna want to live.”

  Rafe’s thoughts shifted to Avery. “Maybe. We’ll see.”

  Quinten clapped Rafe on the back. “Avery is the one. Mark my word. And I swear I won’t say I told you so. Now let’s get busy. I been working on this piece and wanna see what you can do with it.”

  * * *

  The session went better than expected and twice as long, but it was worth it.

  “That’s what I’m talking about, man,” Quinten said when they finally stepped outside. “That was live.” They slapped palms.

  “You’re right. We should have done this a long time ago.” He glanced upward. The white arch of the new Towers cut through the night sky. For the first time in longer than he could remember that sick sensation didn’t roll through his gut when he saw the images, recalled the memories.

  Quinten dropped Rafe off at his hotel and confirmed their weekend plans to head out to Sag Harbor for Melanie’s get-together.

  * * *

  Exhausted but in a good way, Rafe flopped back onto the bed, and grabbed the menu from the nightstand with the intention of ordering before the kitchen closed for the night. He placed his order then turned on the television. The news channel was coming back from commercial and there she was. Avery was standing to the right of the vice president, looking very serious and crazy sexy in her dark suit, earpiece and stoic expression. He didn’t even hear what the vice president was saying or make much sense of where he was. The only thing that registered was seeing Avery and realizing how much he actually missed her, and that seesaw feeling in his belly wasn’t hunger, it was longing.

  He stared at his cell phone and before he could change his mind he dialed Avery’s number.

  It rang so long that he was sure the call would go to her voice mail. Avery picked up, sounding like she’d been asleep.

  “Hey,” he said. “Sounds like I woke you.”

  “You did.”

  “I can call you in the morning.”

  “I’m up now.”

  He tugged in a breath. “How are you?”

  “Fine.�
��

  This was going to be a tough conversation but he knew he deserved the cold shoulder he was receiving. “Listen, I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner.”

  “Hmm.”

  “I, uh, came to New York, met up with Quinten. We laid down some tracks today. They sound really good.”

  “I’m happy for you. Listen, I have an early day tomorrow to head back home. Is there something in particular that you want, Rafe?”

  “I want to see you.”

  “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  “Tell me why?”

  “Because it always leads to conversations like this one.”

  “I deserve that. But it doesn’t have to be like this.”

  “I know it doesn’t but you make it this way. You come into my life, turn it upside down, then disappear, leaving me with your promises.”

  “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

  “Really?”

  He heard the note of sarcasm in her voice. “Yes. And I want to tell you about it, tell you about everything.”

  “Rafe—”

  “A close friend of mine is hosting a party this weekend in Sag Harbor. I want you to come with me.”

  “I don’t—”

  “I’ll arrange for everything. All you need to do is say yes and pack a bag.”

  “I’ll think about it.”

  “That’s all I ask.”

  “I’ll call you when I get back,” she said, still noncommittal.

  “Okay. Travel safe.”

  “Thanks. Good night, Rafe.”

  “Good night, darlin’.”

  He tossed the phone aside. Avery had every right in the world to be upset with him. She was right. The reason why they were in the space they were in was because of him. He needed to give himself a chance to get beyond the walls he’d erected. Avery offered it to him. This time he was ready to take it.