Bitter Wild

by Jennie Leigh

  Casey sighed. “It was my job to protect him as well. You’ve got to understand that. Jack was ready to die. You know it as well as I do. He figured after Jester shot him, he’d be vulnerable to you and Stan. Even if I’d known you two were out there, I would never have let Jester kill him. It wasn’t his fault. None of it.”

  John shook his head and Casey crossed the room to him. She reached out and laid her hand on his arm. “Look at me, John. I’d have done the same thing for anyone else.”

  John knew it was true. Casey watched as her brother finally sighed and nodded.

  “I know. That’s part of why I love you so much. You really do deserve this award.”

  Casey shrugged. “I don’t need an award for doing my job. The only reason I’m here is to tell Jack about the baby. This banquet was just a convenient excuse to see him again.”

  Chance came trotting into the room. His limp was nearly imperceptible. Hers was more pronounced. Given time and a lot of therapy, her leg ought to eventually heal completely. She wouldn’t be leading any search parties for a long while, but she could live with that. She wasn’t afraid anymore. Eventually, she’d go back into the woods she loved. For the time being, she meant to focus on healing, physically and emotionally.

  Jack met Skip at the door of the banquet hall. Skip looked completely relaxed. Jack wanted to smack him when his partner gave him an amused grin.

  “Nervous?”

  “Shut up.”

  “Maybe she’ll be wearing that gun of hers. After the way you left, she might just whip it out and put a round in your stubborn ass. Can’t say I’d blame her.”

  Jack shot Skip a glare.

  “I already know I was a jackass. I don’t need you to reinforce that fact.”

  “Yeah, well I wasn’t sure. The way you’ve been moping around since we got home, I thought maybe you were unclear about how you felt. I can’t figure out any other explanation for why you didn’t get your butt on a plane and tell her you’re crazy about her.”

  Jack sighed. “Look, it’s complicated, okay.”

  “Bull. You’re just scared she won’t want you.”

  Jack considered socking his partner in the jaw, but got distracted when his gaze caught sight of Casey. His hungry eyes drank her in like a man lost in the desert who’d just found an oasis. She was a stunning vision in a floor-length copper sheath that hugged all her curves just enough to make his mouth water. She’d pulled her hair up and the color of the dress made her eyes appear to be on fire. Or maybe that was just her emotions as she caught sight of him. She seemed to stumble a bit. Jack wanted to reach for her, to run to her, but he saw the man who walked at her side. He saw the way he wrapped his arm around her waist to offer support. Jack watched as Casey leaned into John, obviously drawing comfort from his nearness. In that instant, Jack felt his heart turn to stone. Well, what had he expected? This was exactly what he’d intended to happen when he walked away from her.

  Casey saw the coolness of Jack’s gaze and it almost made her want to turn around and run back to her room. But she wasn’t a coward. She’d made up her mind and she intended to go through with her plans. She glanced up at John.

  “I’m okay. I just stumbled.”

  John nodded and offered her his arm. He’d seen Jack Hall. He knew exactly why his sister’s steps had faltered. God help the idiot if he caused her any more pain than he already had.

  Jack felt like he was standing at attention as Casey and John approached. They stopped and he could feel Casey’s eyes on him. He knew he had to look at her sometime, but he figured he’d put it off as long as he possibly could. He heard Skip clear his throat, but Jack still couldn’t make his voice work. He might as well have been frozen. Finally, Skip stepped forward.

  “Ms. Nolan. It’s a real pleasure to see you again. I’m especially glad to see you getting around so well.”

  Jack heard a hint of a tremor in Casey’s voice as she answered.

  “It could certainly have been much worse. I’ll need some therapy, but they tell me everything will be fine.”

  Jack finally managed to shift his gaze to her. She was flushed, obviously uneasy. It made him feel even more like an ass to know he was causing her distress. He cleared his throat, forcing his voice into service. It was rough, but at least he wasn’t standing there like a statue any longer.

  “I’m glad you’re going to recover.”

  Her gaze darted to him, then skittered away. She couldn’t even look at him. Jack chanced a glance at her boyfriend and saw exactly what he expected. The man looked like he could chew nails. Jack cleared his throat again and took a stiff-legged step back. “Why don’t you let me show you to your table?”

  He turned and headed for the dais at the front of the hall. All the award recipients were seated on the stage. Jack climbed the steps, then paused to wait for Casey and John. His teeth were grinding by the time she’d climbed the three steps. She had to lean on John as she took one step at a time. The leg she’d broken was the same one the bear had torn up. It was now weaker than ever. It also caused her some obvious pain. She sighed when she reached the top step. Jack managed to keep his mouth shut, though he wanted to release a litany of curses. Again, he knew he’d done this to her. No wonder she wouldn’t even meet his gaze. She must hate him.

  Casey gratefully sank into the chair John pulled out for her. She’d known this would be hard, but she hadn’t dreamed how difficult it would actually be. Jack was like a stranger. His voice and his gaze held no emotion at all. How was she ever going to look into that cold, blank stare and tell him he was going to be a father? Under the table, she laid her hand against her belly.

  Jack and Skip took their seats beside Casey and John. Jack had intended to sit beside her, but he pulled out Skip’s chair and sank into it instead. He saw the look his partner shot him, but ignored it. Casey didn’t want him. He wasn’t going to make her more uncomfortable than she already was.

  The banquet started and Jack resolutely counted down the minutes until it was time for him approach the podium. He’d agonized over how he felt about Casey, but he hadn’t once questioned what he’d say about her. He was the one who’d witnessed her actions throughout the hunt for Russell Jester. He had been the logical choice to tell her story to the crowd. When the emcee finally introduced him, Jack got to his feet and stepped to the microphone.

  “Any field agent will tell you that one of the most disquieting aspects of the job is the moment you’re confronted with the necessary involvement of a civilian. Whether it’s a civilian hostage or a civilian expert, the concern is always the same. Civilians are, if you’ll forgive my honesty, one more thing to worry about. They’re generally lacking in any useful training that will keep them out of harm’s way. Frequently, they make the job more difficult. There’s nothing worse than finding yourself in a situation where a civilian is between you and a target you need to take down. Three months ago, I found myself in exactly that position.

  “We’d been chasing Russell Jester for several bloody days. He’d been on a killing spree the likes of which I’ve never seen before. Needless to say, the pressure to stop him was immense. When my team and I rolled into the quiet little town of Decatur, Montana, I was exhausted and frustrated and more than a little uneasy. My concerns didn’t lessen any when we realized the fugitive had stolen horses and gear from his latest victim before disappearing into the mountains that surrounded the small community. Sheriff Stan Pritchard was immeasurably helpful. He explained that chasing Jester down wouldn’t be easy. We’d need a tracker and guide to find him in those mountains.

  “I’m sorry to say that my first meeting with Ms. Nolan wasn’t a courteous one. Frankly, I made an ass of myself. Ms. Nolan thankfully overlooked my shortcomings, however, and agreed to lead the manhunt. She organized the entire search within a matter of hours. I have no doubt that she saved my life on multiple occasions, but I’ll simply tell you about two of them.

  “There was a bridge that spanned a chasm which
we had to cross. Unbeknownst to us, the fugitive had sabotaged the bridge. Ms. Nolan crossed it without incident, but I was barely past the midway point when we realized it was about to fall. I don’t mind telling you that I was more frightened than I have ever been in my life. There was nothing but open air beneath me and I knew I had no chance of reaching the other side before the bridge collapsed. Ms. Nolan managed to throw me a rope, which I’d barely tied around myself when the bridge went. It wasn’t until she’d practically hauled me up the side of that cliff that I learned she’d had no time to anchor the other end of the rope to anything but herself. Her shoulder was dislocated badly. I’ve been trained to perform CPR, but not to fix a dislocated shoulder. She told me what to do, and endured my fumbling attempts to carry out her instructions.

  “As if that wasn’t enough, she continued to guide me on the search for this extremely dangerous fugitive. I learned later that she’d barely recovered from a vicious bear attack that had taken the life of her fiancé and almost cost her her life as well. She was in pain every step of the way, yet she refused to stop, to allow Russell Jester to escape. When we finally caught up to him, I made the mistake of dropping my guard. Jester was a cunning man. He faked his own death and set up an ambush. He captured Ms. Nolan and used her as a human shield. We were on the top of a cliff. There was nowhere for him to run and no way for me to stop him. Ms. Nolan knew that if Russell Jester killed me and then her, there would be no one to keep him from disappearing into the mountains forever. Faced with that possibility, Casey Nolan did something I’m certain I would not have had the nerve to do. She threw herself and the fugitive over that cliff.

  “The fall killed Russell Jester instantly. Ms. Nolan suffered numerous injuries, including a concussion, a broken arm, broken ribs and a punctured lung, and a badly broken leg. Had she not taken this radical action, I most certainly would have died on that cliff. I owe this woman my life, as do countless others who might well have been victims of Russell Jester’s violent nature. In my entire life, I have never been so honored to know any other person, nor so grateful for the aid of a civilian. Ladies and gentlemen, Ms. Casey Nolan.”

  Jack turned around to indicate Casey. He could clearly see the tears in her eyes. He watched as John rose and offered her his hand. The applause was loud enough to make it impossible to hear what John whispered to her as she stood. Jack backed out of the way as the emcee came forward. He offered Jack the felt covered case that held the award certificate. Jack turned and offered it to Casey. She took it from him, finally searching his gaze with her own as she did so. Jack wanted desperately to touch her, to tell her he loved her. He wanted to kiss her tears away and hold her trembling body in his arms. But John was still by her side, his arm supporting her. Jack couldn’t bring himself to push the other man aside. Especially not at this moment that should be all Casey’s. So he backed away, leaving her and John in the spotlight while the applause continued.

  Casey was exhausted by the time the banquet ended. Her leg was aching badly and her heart was almost as bruised. She was so confused that she didn’t know what to think or do. Jack had seemed nothing but cool toward her from the first moment they’d met earlier. Yet his speech had felt so personal. His praise of her, his insisting that he was honored to know her had sounded too real. And then, when he handed her the award, she’d searched his gaze, desperate to understand what he thought and felt. For a moment, it had seemed that he’d been full of a torrent of emotion. Yet an instant later his gaze was completely shuttered, leaving her with no idea what he was feeling. He hadn’t so much as glanced in her direction once during the remainder of the banquet. It was more strain than she could bear. She turned to John.

  “I’m exhausted.”

  He was on his feet immediately. He pulled out her chair, then slipped his arm around her waist so that she could take some of the weight off her injured leg. They turned and found Skip and Jack had risen as well.

  “Are you okay?”

  She gave Skip a tight smile. “My leg is bothering me a bit, I’m afraid.”

  Jack and Skip escorted them through the crowd, parting the way like a pair of icebreakers in the arctic. Casey was too grateful for their help to worry about people who might be offended by their impatience. Her leg was hurting and she felt like she was on the verge of tears. She didn’t understand Jack, couldn’t reconcile this cold, unfeeling side of him with the man she’d been so intimate with. It was as if they were two different men, one a stranger she didn’t even want to know and the other a lover she could barely stand to be apart from. She was afraid to find out which of them was the real Jack Hall. She wasn’t at all sure her heart could take it. She just wanted to get away from him, to curl up on her bed with Chance and lick her wounds. She’d have to face him again. She had two days in the city. It was part of her award. She would be shown any and all sights she wanted to see before returning to her ranch and her life. Sometime in those two days, she would have to see Jack again. She had to tell him about the baby. She just could not do it tonight.

  Jack and Skip escorted Casey and John to the elevators. They were staying in the same hotel that was hosting the banquet. John jabbed at the elevator call button while Casey tried to hold her tears at bay. She heard the bell that announced the arrival of the elevator and breathed a small sigh of relief. She heard the doors open almost at the same instant that Jack said her name. Her eyes shot to him in response to the longing she heard in his voice. There was still no emotion in his eyes, though. Nothing at all.

  “Thank you for saving my life.”

  She felt her throat tighten. She nodded, but couldn’t speak. John led her into the elevator and she turned to bury her face in his chest as the tears started to fall. A moment later the doors closed and she let go of the sob that had been choking her.

  Jack stared at the closed elevator doors, replaying his last sight of Casey over and over in his mind. She’d been clinging to John like he was the only life raft in a raging sea. Jack didn’t suppose there was any way to ignore what that meant. He turned around, stopping only when Skip reached out and caught his arm.

  “That’s it? You’re going to let her go with nothing more than, ‘thank you for saving my life’?”

  Jack rounded on his longtime partner and friend. “What the hell do you want me to do? You saw the way she was hanging onto him. Obviously, she’s not interested in me anymore.”

  Skip shook his head. “You know, I used to think you were a smart guy. Hell, there have been a few times I was actually envious of you. I can see now just how misplaced that envy was. You’re in love with her! You’ve got it so bad that you can’t stand the thought of being without her. Do you have any idea how precious that is? Maybe she’s in love with John. And maybe she’s just relying on him to get her through because the man she really loves is too damned mule headed to tell her how he feels. One thing I know for sure, if I ever met a woman I cared about half as much there isn’t anything in heaven or hell that would keep me from telling her so.”

  He turned around and stalked off, leaving Jack to fume impotently. He walked off, heading for the hotel bar. He needed a drink. At least one. Maybe a hell of a lot more. He ordered a scotch, then nursed it while he battled with himself. God knew he wanted Casey. He wasn’t at all sure that he didn’t need her on some level. He thought about his mother and father. They’d loved each other. His mother had given up everything she knew for his father. She’d turned her back on her own family because she loved him that much. Jack took another sip of the scotch and realized something he’d never thought of before. His mother had chosen her husband over everything she’d ever known and she had never once regretted it. Not when they had to struggle to keep the bills paid. Not even after he was killed. She’d loved him unconditionally right up until the day she died.

  Jack thought of the way Casey had looked at him before she went off that cliff. That hadn’t been some transitory emotion in her eyes, it had been love. The same kind of love he’d seen in his ow
n mother’s eyes when she looked at or talked about his father. He sat the drink down and buried his face in his hands. It had been there all along and he’d refused to look at it. Casey loved him. He loved her. Surely that was all that mattered. If it had been enough for his parents, couldn’t it be enough for them? The answer was obvious. It was enough for him. He’d have to ask Casey if it would be enough for her. He pushed away from the bar, threw a few bills at the bartender, and all but ran for the door.

  Casey’s tears had come and gone fairly quickly. She’d gone from broken hearted to angry to just plain sad. John had wiped at her tears, cursed Jack Hall repeatedly, then gone into mothering mode. He’d insisted that she let him order some room service, since she’d done little more than pick at the meal she’d been given at the banquet. He pushed all the right buttons when he told her it was unhealthy for the baby for her to skip meals. She’d reluctantly agreed to let him order some food and then listened silently as he asked if they had any peaches.

  She’d had a lot of cravings for peaches during her pregnancy. Sometimes she wondered if her baby somehow knew the role the fruit had played in his or her conception. It didn’t really matter why she longed for the fruit. She simply couldn’t seem to get enough of them. And every time she ate them she remembered that night in the cabin. She supposed that was to be expected. She wished she’d find a new craving, though, because the constant reminder was starting to wear on her emotional stability. She was on edge enough with her hormones going crazy because of the pregnancy. She didn’t need any additional stress.

  She’d changed out of her dress and was now wearing a comfortable oversized tee shirt and a pair of shorts. Normally she wore an old terrycloth robe as well, but the room had felt unusually warm when she got back upstairs so she’d left the robe in her room. Now she was stretched out on the couch with her aching leg propped up on a pillow. John had changed out of his tux as well. He wore a worn pair of pajama bottoms and a tee shirt, his usual lounging outfit. He was off in his bathroom, getting her some Tylenol for the pain. She refused to take anything stronger because she was afraid it might hurt the baby. She leaned her head against the thick couch cushion and sighed a second before there was a knock at the door.