Royal Mistake: The Complete Series

by Ember Casey

  “But that’s just it. I can’t give this country a future. And Andrew knows that.”

  His brows draw together. “I’m not sure what you mean. What I am sure of is that my brother loves you. I’ve never seen him actually care about another person outside our family, so for him to profess his love…” He gives me a small smile. “I’m not sure you understand the gravity of the situation.”

  “I do, though. I understand it completely. But you…don’t.” I wince. “I…I can’t be with him. I mean…I can be with him, but I can’t give him…” I close my eyes again for a moment. Andrew obviously hasn’t shared my secret with the rest of his family—and once they know, everything will change. All this we’re-so-happy-Andrew’s-in-love stuff will end. And they’ll realize why it will never work.

  He pulls his arm from the bench behind me and covers my hand with his. “Whatever it is, Victoria…” He puffs out a breath. “I know this sounds cliché, but in this case it must be true…” He lowers his voice so that he’s almost muttering. “God, I can’t believe I’m saying this out loud.” He clears his throat. “Love will conquer whatever it is, Victoria.”

  I open my eyes to meet his gaze. “No, not this time.”

  He arches a brow. “Then you should tell me what it is.”

  I shake my head. “I can’t. If I tell you, I’m sure there’s some weird law in Montovia that will require you to tell your parents.” I stare at him for a moment. “But maybe that’s the answer. Maybe if it comes from them, Andrew will see how ridiculous he’s being by insisting that we can work it out. Maybe I’ve been going about this all wrong.”

  “Well, now you have to tell me.” He squeezes my hand. “And I swear, there are no laws in Montovia that require me to tell my parents anything. And under the circumstances…” His small smile falls away. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you’re thinking it is, Victoria. And I’m happy to help you see it as the joke I’m sure it is… Let’s just say, everyone in the family could use some levity at the moment.”

  “There’s nothing funny about it, though. I…” I tear my gaze away from his. “I can’t have children. And Andrew knows.”

  He’s quiet for a moment, but I can’t bring myself to turn back to him.

  “Truly? You’re certain?”

  I stare down at the sidewalk at my feet, giving a slow nod.

  His voice is low, almost soothing. “That does complicate things.” He squeezes my hand again. “I didn’t mean to make a joke of it, Victoria. I thought perhaps you were going to tell me you were of King Maximilian’s lineage or something. That, I could have made light of.”

  We sit in silence for a moment before I sit upright, turning to him. “Ever since I’ve known Andrew—hell, even before I knew him—he’s talked about nothing but doing what’s best for Montovia.”

  He smiles. “That does sound like my brother.”

  I nod. “And being with me…it’s not what’s best for your country. I… He…he needs to fix things with Justine. She is the right person to be by his side. She can give him what he wants. Not me. I mean…it wasn’t even a day ago that he was suggesting I stay in the country as his mistress.” My voice chokes again. “I can’t do this.”

  William frowns, rubbing again at his jaw. “I really am not the best person to be giving advice on this matter, Victoria. You should really speak with my mother. And I would insist that you do so if there weren’t other matters at hand—”

  I cringe, interrupting him. “God, I know. I’m so sorry. I’m being so selfish—you should go back to the hospital.” I stand, smoothing down my skirt. “I’m…I’m so sorry.”

  He waves his hand as though there’s nothing wrong with me tearing a son away from his dying father’s bedside before he stands up, too. He pulls my hands into his. “If anything changes with my father’s condition, I’m but a text and a few blocks away. And there’s nothing I can do at the hospital now besides wring my hands in the hallway. They’ve barely let me in to see him at all.” He tilts his head. “And your concerns are not insignificant, Victoria. My brother chose a terrible time to decide he no longer wants to play his role of the perfect son, but perhaps it was all for the best. Perhaps there was good reason.”

  I pull a hand away from his and rub at my forehead. “I think you should go to Justine and talk to her. She needs a friend right now—what happened this morning hurt her pretty badly.”

  “I can’t even imagine.” He purses his lips and squeezes my hand. “At least my father didn’t insist on betrothing his children. I know he came pretty close with Andrew and that horrid Lady Clarissa, but he’s never done anything close to what King Maximilian has done to Princess Justine.” He nods. “I’ll try and find her. Not that I can do anything for her, but perhaps she just needs someone to talk to. Hopefully I’ll be able to avoid Lady Clarissa—I’m sure we’re both aware of what might happen should she find me in a conversation with another woman.” He rolls his eyes.

  I give him a weak smile. “Is there any way…?” I close my eyes for a moment before looking back up at him. “Never mind.”

  He shakes his head. “Anything for you, Victoria. Anything—just name it.”

  I frown, glancing around me as though someone might recognize me. My voice lowers, even though I know it’s ridiculous to think anyone would. “Is there any way you could not mention any of this to Andrew?”

  He cocks his head and grins. “Any of what?”

  I smile. “Thanks.”

  He squeezes my hand. “It’s my pleasure. Not that I’ve helped you with any of the decisions you need to make. But if I can give you one piece of advice, Victoria, it would be to not run away. To at least explain to Andrew that you are trying to do what’s best for Montovia. That’s the sort of reasoning my brother tends to understand.”

  I nod. “I know. But I’m in the way. And I have tried to explain that reasoning to him—and look how it turned out. He told the world he’s in love with me. He just left out the part about how I can never be the woman he needs me to be. Not in the long term.” I shake my head. “I wish I could explain it better, but I want to do what’s right for everyone. For Andrew, for Montovia, and for myself. And I just don’t see how staying here is the best thing for anyone.”

  He nods, gazing into my eyes for a long moment. “But you love him.”

  I frown. “I do.”

  “And he loves you. He’s said as much to the entire world this morning.” He smiles. “It would seem the only answer is for you to try to figure out how you can be with him. Not to try to find reasons why you can’t.”

  My stomach twists with some combination of hope and dread. I could stay—I could stand at Andrew’s side and face the world. I just don’t know if I can go through everything again. If I stay, the media will tear me apart, and it’s only a matter of time before my secrets will be revealed to everyone. And I’m not sure I have a reason strong enough to justify staying with Andrew. If I can’t give Montovia a future, what value am I to this country? Why should I even bother staying when I somehow know Andrew is going to come to his senses at any moment and cast me aside?

  “He loves you.” It’s almost as though William can read my thoughts through my eyes. “That’s all that really matters. You can worry about the rest of it later. And think of what fun it will be watching Leopold squirm when he learns he might actually have to rule someday. And if he doesn’t, his child will.” He grins. “Think of all the drama that can be stirred up when that comes to pass. Sophia is going to love it.”

  He drops my hand and holds out his arms.

  I smile, accepting the quick embrace.

  “I’m going to love finally having someone in the house to spar with. Have I mentioned how horrible my brothers are at fencing?” He quickly pecks the top of my head before he releases me.

  I’m not quite out of his arms when I hear Andrew’s voice. I suck in a sharp breath at the sound.

  “William?” Andrew’s voice is low, almost growling.

  Wi
lliam spins around and I edge myself to his side, barely avoiding Andrew’s fist as it connects with his brother’s jaw.

  Andrew

  William stumbles backward, grabbing his jaw.

  I should have known he’d move in on Victoria at the first opportunity. That he’d take advantage of her in her state of confusion.

  He straightens, rubbing his face. “Seriously? For a hug?”

  I’m about to tell him exactly where he can shove that hug, but before I can, Victoria grabs my arm.

  “What the hell are you doing?” she asks me.

  “He was taking advantage of you—”

  “He was talking to me. Because I asked him to.”

  I lower my arm, the fight leaving me. Her eyes are hard as she looks up at me.

  “You asked him to speak with you?” I say, my jaw tight. “Him?” I glance at my brother and then back at Victoria. “I’ve been running around looking for you. We need to talk. Not you and William.”

  “I’ve already heard what you have to say,” she says. “I…I needed some time to think.”

  “That didn’t look like thinking.”

  Her eyes flash. “After everything we’ve been through, you still don’t trust me? Why am I not surprised?”

  “It’s not you I don’t trust,” I say, glancing back at William. “It’s my brother. But this isn’t about trust. This is about the fact that I laid myself emotionally bare before you—before the entire world—and your first reaction was to run to someone else.” I pull her hand off my arm. “I don’t know what else I have to do to convince you of how I feel, Victoria. I know that wasn’t perhaps the best time or place for such an announcement, but I think part of me was convinced that it was the only way I could finally get through to you. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I don’t care what anyone else thinks, or whether this is the best political decision, or whether we will be able to have any natural children. I’ve tried in every way I can imagine to make that clear to you…but maybe it’s time for me to stop trying. Maybe I should just accept that you’ve already made your decision about the matter.”

  William is looking markedly uncomfortable. “Maybe I should go—”

  “No. I’ll go,” I say. “You two can finish your conversation. Ms. Simpson has made her feelings about this entire affair quite clear. I was simply a fool for ignoring them.”

  I turn and stride away, not waiting for a response. My stomach twists and turns, but I see no other option at this point—the more I push, the further she runs. The harder I try to show her the truth, the more she pulls away.

  I’ve laid myself before her. I’ve offered her everything. I’ve proved once and for all that I’m willing to put her above all else in my life.

  I should go back into the hospital, I know. Go sit by my father’s bed and pretend I’m even half the heir he wants me to be. But I can’t. I need to clear my head. So I stride past the building and down the street beyond, toward the river.

  It’s the first time I’ve been in the city proper since the news about the royal scepter broke. I’m not sure whether or not my apology was enough. Perhaps people are more concerned about the state of my father. Or perhaps they’re simply amused that I’ve made a bloody fool of myself in front of the entire world. Either way, I don’t go without notice as I head down the street. People point and murmur amongst themselves as I pass, and a couple of people even call out to me.

  I pretend not to hear them. I know I should stop and greet them, perhaps gauge how much damage control I still need to do, but I can’t seem to find the strength to do so. I march on, blind and deaf to everything.

  When I reach the river, I turn and follow one of the paths along the bank. There are restaurants and shops overlooking the river on both sides, but in between the buildings and the rushing water are public paths and narrow gardens. There are a handful of people wandering through the late-blooming flowers, but I keep my head down and pay them no mind.

  What am I supposed to do? I’m willing to give up everything for her, and still I see fear in her eyes. What is she so afraid of? How do I get past the walls she keeps putting between us?

  There’s a little stone bench on the edge of the garden, overlooking a place where the river curves. The water is rough here, swirling and dancing around the rocks that stick up through the current. I sit on the bench and look down at the rushing water. The fear that has been tickling at the back of my mind suddenly cannot be contained any longer.

  It’s possible I’ve lost everything.

  The love and respect of my people. Of my family. Of the one woman in this world for whom I’d do anything. My father might be on his deathbed right now, and I put him there. If I become king tomorrow or the next day or the day after that, I will never forgive myself. The people of Montovia will never forgive me, either. And I will be alone, bearing this burden by myself. I dared to take some control over my life, dared to reach for something I wanted just for me—and everything fell apart.

  I rub my forehead. You knew this would happen. You knew that if you turned your back on your responsibilities and duties, you’d only bring pain to yourself and your country. And yet I let myself believe, for one fleeting moment, that I’d found a way out of the dark tunnel. That I could be the ruler Montovia deserved and marry the woman I loved. Imagine—I even thought for a brief second that Victoria would see my public declaration of love as some sort of grand gesture, that she would even run up to me in front of all those reporters and throw herself into my arms and tell me that she returned my feelings. We’d stand up in front of the entire world and show them what we could do together.

  I’m a bloody fool.

  There’s a footstep behind me.

  “I’ll hold another press conference to address the public’s concerns about my behavior,” I say absently, waving whoever it is away. “I assure you, I will give everyone the answers they deserve. For the moment, though, I request some privacy.”

  The person doesn’t leave. Instead, they step forward, coming around the bench and standing right next to me. When I look up, I see Victoria staring down at me.

  “Victoria,” I say, standing.

  She looks up at me for a long moment, saying nothing.

  I long to pull her into my arms, but I don’t. I ache to tell her once again how I feel about her, but I restrain myself. I simply wait, though such a simple act takes all the strength in the world.

  “You shouldn’t have said those things at the press conference,” she says finally. “Not like that. Not in front of the world.”

  “I don’t care if the world knows, Victoria. I want them to see the truth. I want to stop hiding who I am and what I want.”

  She blinks and looks out across the river. “I… I’m not ready to be in front of the world. I don’t know how to deal with that sort of attention. Even just now, I was stopped by four different people on the street who wanted to ask about what you said. And meanwhile I’m still trying to figure out how I feel and what I want.”

  I hesitate. “How do you feel, Victoria? Truly?”

  Her gaze turns back to me, and her eyes glisten with moisture. “I…I love you. You know I love you. But that’s not enough. What we have is…is amazing, but we have to think about everything else. Sometimes you can love someone and the relationship can still be wrong.”

  I frown. “Is that what you truly believe? That this is wrong?”

  “Maybe. I don’t know.” She presses the heels of her hands against her eyes. “That’s just it—I don’t know. Part of me says I should get myself out of here as fast as possible, but the other part of me can’t bear the thought of being away from you. I just…” She drops her hands. “I don’t know what to do, and now I have to figure it out in front of the entire fucking world. No matter what I decide, eyes will be on me. People will judge me. Invade my privacy. Tear me apart when I already feel like I’m coming undone from the inside out.”

  Once again, I’m overwhelmed by the longing to
pull her into my arms, but I close my hands into fists. “I’ll protect you in every way I can.”

  “You can’t protect me from the world,” she says. “You can’t protect me from the fact that I can’t bear children.”

  “Maybe not,” I say. “But I can and will continue to love you no matter what you decide. I’ll love you even if you reject me in front of the world. I’ll love you if you run from me again. I’ll love you no matter what you say or do to push me away. I’ll even love you if you tell me you’d prefer to be with William instead. It doesn’t matter—my love will not falter, not in this lifetime. Loving you has changed me forever. You’ve shown me a side of myself that I’d forgotten existed. You’ve taught me to see beauty and hope in a world where I saw only duty and responsibility. You’ve given me something more priceless than anything else in my life, and it doesn’t matter what choices you make now—I will always love you for the gift you’ve given me, and I know without a doubt that I will never feel this way about anyone else ever again.”

  She shakes her head and looks away from me, and a tear escapes her lashes and slides down her cheek.

  “Don’t say things like that,” she says. “It’s not fair.”

  “It’s the truth,” I tell her. “I’ve spent most of my life shying away from the deepest truths about myself. I have no intention of hiding those truths again, no matter what the consequences.” I step closer to her but still don’t touch her—even though I long for nothing more than to reach out and brush that tear off her cheek. “What’s your truth, Victoria? Don’t think about what you should or shouldn’t do or feel. Just tell me the truth. What does your heart say? What does your soul say?”

  Her mouth falls open slightly, but no words come out.

  “I’ll tell you what my soul is saying right now,” I tell her softly. “It’s telling me not to give up. And to do what I should have done long ago.”