First Comes Love

by Juliana Conners

  “I do know one thing,” he says. “They sure have sexy ass women down there in Florida.”

  I blush and he brings his face closer to mine, until our noses are touching.

  “All I want to do is kiss you.”

  And then he does. His kiss is soft, and gentle, but when I lean in to meet him, passion takes over and we’re making out like high schoolers.

  “Ramsey. Wait. Hold on.”

  I gently back away, even though I don’t want to. All I want to do is keep kissing him.

  “This is dangerous. I mean… I’m having fun, sure. But we could get in big trouble. I’m an officer. We start training early tomorrow morning. And we’re in public.”

  “I agree,” he says, quickly, surprising me.

  Maybe I was building this whole thing up to be more than it really is. He just wanted to flirt and steal a quick kiss and be on his way. Silly me.

  “Let’s make it private,” he finishes.

  “What?”

  “You can’t drive. You’ve had strong drinks and I can tell you’re not used to them.”

  “How so?” I ask, rather offended that he’s implying I can’t hold my liquor, even though he’s right.

  I wasn’t even planning to drive but instead to call an Uber. I’m secretly glad he wants our night together to continue.

  “Because you’re kissing an enlisted service member, in public.”

  “Well, that’s true.”

  We both laugh.

  “You need a ride. Let me drive you home. To my place.”

  “What if we get in trouble?” I can’t help but wonder.

  “It’s nothing,” he reassures me. “People do this. You know they do. Tomorrow we’ll act like we don’t even know each other. Everyone came here and had a drink and then went their separate ways. That’s all that anyone will know about tonight. Nothing else will have happened, as far as anyone else is concerned.”

  “Okay,” I say, feeling crazy, but also excited.

  He’s right. What’s one night of passion— of freedom?

  Do I not deserve that? I haven’t been with anyone since Peter. And I will never have to see Ramsey again. There’s something exhilarating in that knowledge. The only way I like to get with guys is when I won’t have to see them again, but this isn’t just a regular hook up. Instead, it’s exciting.

  The feeling is bringing me back to college now. Just like the last time I drank Long Islands.

  “You’re right,” I tell him. “I need a ride.”

  And some hot, random sex.

  “And we can’t really go to your hotel,” Ramsey says. “I know there are a lot of out of town service members and officers staying there for the training, who could see us. And that wouldn’t be good. We’ll have to go to my house.”

  “Let’s get out of here,” I say decisively.

  My heart pounds as we walk towards the door, and Ramsey keeps a tight grip on my waist.

  We’re really going to do this. I’m really going to do this. This is happening.

  I’m going to love it, and then I’m going to forget about it. Or I’ll just keep it as one of those crazy things I look back on when I’m an old, lonely lady, with only my memories to keep me company.

  This is going to be a great memory to have later, I just know it. A wild night of passionate sex with the handsome SEAL. And then I’ll move on, and so will he. We’ll go our separate ways, and that will be that.

  Won’t it?

  Chapter 5 - Ramsey

  As I drive Monica to my place, which is close to the base, the air feels light and fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt so carefree, so excited.

  To make the mood even better, a David Bowie song starts up on my random MP3 player shuffle.

  “Oh, I love this song,” I say, turning it up. “Heroes.”

  I start singing, under my breath, about how I can be a king and Monica can be a queen.

  “I love it too!” she exclaims.

  I look at her, skeptical, until she joins me in singing the refrain, about how we can spend twenty- four hours together, as heroes.

  “What?” I exclaim.

  “What what?” she says, able to tell from the look on my face that I was initially dubious, and feigning upset at that fact.

  “There aren’t many girls who like Bowie,” I say. “May he rest in peace.”

  “Oh, come on. Labyrinth? Every young girl liked that movie.”

  “All right. Well, that’s not exactly the same.”

  “I’ll admit I only initially heard of a lot of his music from Moulin Rouge,” Monica says, with a laugh. “Including this song. But I liked them so much I went and looked him up, back in the Napster days, and downloaded a bunch of his music. I really do like this song.”

  “That’s awesome,” I tell her, reaching across the center console of my Jeep to hold her hand. “I love to play the refrain on my bass.”

  “You play the guitar?”

  She looks as surprised as I must have when I found out she likes Bowie.

  “Just a little.” I underplay it, feeling shy.

  “You’ll have to play something for me! That’s amazing.”

  “I’m not very good yet,” I tell her, embarrassed. “I played at Jensen and Riley’s wedding, but it was simple, cheesy stuff.”

  “Wow. I bet they loved that.”

  “I’m not good like real musicians. I’ll let this song play itself, much better than I can. George Murray plays the bass on this, and it’s great.”

  I blast the music, with the windows down.

  “This song could be my theme song when it comes to love,” she says, loudly, trying to be heard over the music. “I mean, it even describes tonight.”

  “How so?” I ask.

  “Oh, you know. In real life, we’d never work out. We’d do things to drive each other crazy and drive each other away. We wouldn’t stay together. But hey, we have a day, right? That’s more than enough.”

  I laugh, amazed to find someone who feels the exact same way as I do about relationships. Still, it makes me a bit sad to hear her being so cynical.

  “Well, yeah that’s true. We definitely do have tonight, right?” I ask.

  “Yes,” she agrees. “Let’s change the lyrics to ‘Just for one night!’ To be each other’s heroes. Although no one else in the world knows about it, or they’d be discouraging it. So, we’d best enjoy it.”

  The chorus comes back on and we both shout out about how we’re each other’s heroes “just for one night!”

  It’s refreshing to call it like it is with someone, without the games and the manipulation tactics that usually necessarily go along with getting a girl into bed. We have one night, it’s great, we’re each other’s heroes in the sack, and then it’s over.

  And it’s a reminder, too. A pact among ourselves, that better hold up stronger than the no- commitment pact my brothers and I entered into so long ago, and that the two of them recently broke. Monica may look awesome at first sight, but we both know we can’t get too involved.

  We’re still exuberant, like two giddy kids, as we head up my front walkway and I open the door to my house.

  It’s not until I hear the sharp, confused voice calling out, “Ramsey? Is that you?” that I realize there’s something— or someone— who could put a crinkle in our nicely laid- out plans.

  “Mom?” I ask, squinting to see her sitting on the couch in the living room, in the darkness. “You’re still awake?”

  Oh great. Just what I need, to ruin my game. I’m sure Monica’s going to stay hot for me when she thinks I’m a guy who still lives with his mom. Kind of. It’s the other way around, but she doesn’t know that.

  And all I know is that I need to fuck her now and I don’t need my mother messing up yet another thing in my life.

  Chapter 6 - Ramsey

  Monica looks at me quizzically, and I can only hope she’ll give me the chance to explain later, instead of bolting out the door. I really thought my mom woul
d be asleep, since it’s so late. But her habits and actions are becoming less and less predictable lately, which is why she’s been staying with me in the first place.

  “Who’s your friend?” Mom asks, a large, almost creepy smile spreading across her face.

  “This is Monica, Mom,” I say. “We’ve had a late night. We’re headed to bed.”

  But Mom is already up, lumbering towards us with an off- balanced walk. I’m certain she’s been drinking, although I have no idea where she found alcohol. I got rid of all of mine before asking her to come stay with me, precisely to avoid her tendency to overindulge like this.

  “I’m glad you have a girlfriend, Ramsey,” Mom says, reaching out her hand.

  “Hello… Mrs. Bradford?” Monica says hesitantly. “Nice to meet you.”

  Monica gingerly shakes Mom’s hand, but soon Mom is reaching up to Monica’s hair and face, petting her like some kind of animal.

  I’m horrified, but Monica just says, “Thanks. It was really windy in Ramsey’s jeep,” as if Mom is petting her in order to fix her hair.

  I can’t believe how chill Monica is playing this. More points for her.

  “Mom, do you need any water or anything?” I ask. “Anything I can get you before we head to sleep? I have to be up early tomorrow, for training.”

  I specifically leave out the fact that Monica is part of the training or that I know her from work, because the less Mom knows, the better. I can just imagine her telling my brothers that I brought home the female fighter pilot. That wouldn’t go over so well.

  “He’s going away soon,” Mom tells Monica. “He goes away a lot. And then I’ll have no one.”

  “I’m sorry,” says Monica. “But it’s for a good cause.”

  “Yes,” Mom agrees. “I’m proud of him. Of all my boys.”

  My heart swells a little bit when I hear this, even though I give all credit to my dad for the way that my brothers and I turned out.

  “All right, Mom, thank you,” I tell her. “If you don’t need anything, we’re headed off now.”

  “Good night,” she says, and I’m grateful when she toddles back over to the couch.

  “You don’t want to sleep in your room, Mom?” I ask her.

  “No, it’s too lonely. I like it out here.”

  “All right. Good night.”

  I hurry to my room, pulling Monica along with me. I don’t want any more diversions. I want it to be just Monica and me, and to be able to leave all worried or embarrassed thoughts about my mother behind.

  Once we’re in my room, I flop down on my bed and Monica sits down beside me.

  “I am really sorry about that,” I tell her, in a low tone of voice. “I should have warned you that my mom is temporarily staying with me. I really thought she’d be asleep.”

  “It’s no problem,” Monica says, and shrugs. “I know what it’s like to have roommate relatives.”

  “You do?”

  “Sure. My sister- in- law and her two kids live with me.”

  “Oh okay. Mom is just living with me until I can figure something else out. She’s not in the best health and I’m beginning to think she’s kind of losing her mind. I’ve been looking at assisted living places Mom can stay at while I’m gone.”

  “What about your brothers?”

  “Well…” I take a deep breath. I hadn’t really expected to get into such a deep conversation tonight. “They’re not huge fans of my mom’s. Understandably so.”

  “Because…?” Monica prods, squeezing my hand, which I realize she’s been holding ever since I grabbed hers and pulled her back to my room.

  “She left our dad— and us, I guess— when we were young. He was a great guy, too. A local politician, but not one of the smarmy ones. Really.”

  She laughs.

  “We had a good life, and my dad was well respected, and completely in love with my mom. They were high school sweethearts. But she met some loser and ran off with him. In addition to falling in love with him, supposedly, she also fell in love with drinking, drugs, being a drifter…”

  “Oh, man,” Monica says softly, sounding sincerely sympathetic. “That really sucks.”

  “Yeah. The only loves that have lasted in her life are her addictions,” I continue. “She’s bounced around from loser guy to loser guy ever since. My dad used to wait around for her senses to come back to her. He’d bail her out, give her money, let her live with us after she’d had a break- up and begged and pleaded enough for him to take her back in. He loved her until the end, but she just kept breaking his heart over and over again.”

  “And that’s why love sucks,” Monica announces, with conviction.

  “Tell me about it. I think my dad literally died of a broken heart. They say it was undiagnosed hypertension, but to me that just sounds like stress and heartache.”

  “Wow. That’s awful.”

  “Sure was. Jensen and I practically had to raise Harlow. My mom came back into the picture for a while, out of guilt, and because she wanted some of dad’s money, but it was almost better when she wasn’t around. Things were chaotic and none of us had stable lives for a while. We were all on bad paths— especially Harlow— but the Navy really saved us. Being SEALs gave us a purpose.”

  “I know what that’s like.”

  I look at her and wonder what skeletons might be hiding in her closet. I realize that she doesn’t have to tell me— this is just a one night stand. So, I continue.

  “I guess I understand why Jensen and Harlow are pretty much done with my mom. They think ‘she’s made her bed’ and all of that. And I have to admit it can be frustrating, because no matter how much we help her, she seems to ruin everything all over again. But then again, it’s my mom.”

  “Right,” she says. “You feel obligated. I think it’s noble of you. Although a balance might be good. Some boundaries maybe.”

  I have to agree with her. I make a mental note to find out where and how my mom managed to get a hold of alcohol, and institute a strict no tolerance policy.

  I’m not sure if I can actually follow through with it— I don’t want her to be homeless, or living with some vagabond, like she has in the past. But I can’t let her keep slipping up without consequences, either.

  There’s a long pause, and I feel like I’ve been a conversation hog. I wipe a strand of hair from her eyes, which was probably put there by my mom.

  “So, what about you?” I ask her. “Is there a particular reason you have extended house guests? Only if you want to tell me, that is.”

  “Well, my brother died,” she says, and lets out a long, slow breath.

  “I’m so sorry to hear that.” I place my hand on her shoulder.

  I think about Harlow trapped in the helicopter when it was on fire, how I thought we’d lost him. I don’t know that I could have handled that.

  “Yeah, his name was Mason,” she continues. “He was in the Air Force too. A fighter pilot, like me. Except stronger, faster. I still can’t believe he got taken down.”

  “It happens to the best of us,” I tell her. “Fucking war.”

  “Yeah. It about broke my sister- in- law. I sometimes still don’t know if she’s going to pull through it.”

  “That would be so hard. And with kids, too.”

  “Yeah, she was very depressed, to the point of being non- functional. She’s still pretty depressed, but she’s on meds for it, and slowly getting better, I think.”

  She shrugs, looking hopeful but unsure before continuing.

  “But her whole life was built around him. She doesn’t have a career, or goals of her own beyond taking care of her family. She really doesn’t have anyone or anybody. So, I invited her to move down with me, temporarily. That was over a year ago and she’s still living with me. But she can take all the time she needs. It’s nice to have company, and I think it helps her.”

  “I’m sure it helps her to have your support.”

  “Definitely,” she says. “I consider her family. I mean, she
is family, by law. But I’m closer to her now than I am to my own flesh and blood. I have two older brothers who are great, but they’re stationed elsewhere, and they’re deployed a lot.”

  “I know how that is.” I nod. “What about your parents?”

  “They’re still back in Minnesota, where I’m from,” she says. “They had us kids later on in life and I’m the youngest, so they’re older now. We get along pretty well but I don’t see them often. My dad had a stroke a couple years ago and my mom takes care of him full- time.”

  “That’s rough.”

  She sighs. I sigh. There seem to be no words sufficient to express our emotions. Just sighs.

  She says, “These are really deep issues…”

  “…for our one night together,” I finish, and we both laugh. “I really didn’t mean to get so depressing. The night was perfect. Our mood was great.”

  “It still can be,” she says, her knee bumping mine playfully. “We still have time left.”

  “Yeah, there’s something I’ve been wanting to do with my just one night…”

  “What’s that?” she asks, but I’m already kissing her, touching her.

  And she doesn’t seem to mind it one bit.

  Any bit of embarrassment I felt about my mother fades from my mind as my hands hurry to unbutton her uniform. And her sadness about her brother and sister- in- law also seems to fade away as she returns my kisses.

  Finally, I think, as I breathe in the smell of her shampoo mixed with the fresh outdoor air from my Jeep. I’m going to get to fuck her. And out just one night together is going to be amazing.

  Chapter 7 – Monica

  Ramsey’s kisses are exactly what I need. They’ve been what I’ve needed for a long time, but I didn’t even know it. I was keeping my feelings, my loneliness, all bottled up. Now I open up to him, as he removes my uniform and then my bra, and his hands trace over my breasts.

  “You’re beautiful,” he says. “Stunning.”

  He wraps his hands around my waist and his fingers slowly trace their way up to the curve of my breasts.

  “Wow.”