Legally Bound

by Rynne Raines

  Donavan shook his head. “You really have no idea what it takes to be a submissive, do you?” He grasped her chin and forced her to look at him. “It takes trust, confidence, and limitless inner strength to hand over total control to another human being. Being a submissive would never make you look weak to anyone who knows anything about the lifestyle.”

  “And what about the people who don’t know anything about it? Hmm?” Though her tone was sharp, Donavan’s expression remained sympathetic.

  “There’s always going to be judgment. No matter what. It’s human nature. It’s not like you’d broadcast your fetish to all of Los Angeles or try a case wearing handcuffs and a ball gag.”

  “Maybe not, but word spreads, Donavan.”

  “So you lose a few clients that didn’t deserve your skills anyways.”

  “Oh, that’s easy for you to say.” His nonchalant tone got her back up. Had he suffered through years of mental and emotional abuse praying one day for liberation and a better life? Had he carried two jobs in order to pay for law school while being uncertain of whether or not it would even pay off in the future? She had worked her ass off to get where she was and in order to take her career to the next level, sacrifices needed to be made. She sat straighter in the tub now, hugging tight to her knees. “You’re a junior partner in one of the most prestigious law firms in the city. I’m not. Every client counts to me. You have no idea what I’ve gone through to get where I am.”

  “That’s not entirely true,” he murmured and Eve narrowed her eyes.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I might not know all of the details, but I do know some.” He cupped a palm over her knee and squeezed. “She’ll throttle me for telling you this, but Caitlyn clued me in on a few things.”

  Shocked, Eve stared. “You…you spoke to Caitlyn about me? Why?”

  “I wanted to know more about you. I’ve always known you weren’t a Mistress, but I wanted to know the reason behind the lie. Cait filled in the blanks. She told me a little about your mother and how hard you’ve worked to overcome diversity. You’re an admirable woman, Eve.”

  Though she should’ve felt betrayed by her best friend and irritated that Donavan would go behind her back, she didn’t. She felt strangely relieved. For years she had buried her past, refusing to speak of it with anyone other than Caitlyn for fear of it somehow tainting her future. No one knew where she grew up or where she came from. No one but Caitlyn understood what made her tick and fueled her determination. Now, Donavan did.

  Eve looked in his eyes then, expecting to see pity. What she saw was respect. A lightness filled her and in that moment she felt closer to him than she had any other person in her life.

  “You understand why I lied then?”

  Donavan cupped her face in his hand and stroked his strong thumb over her cheek. “Yes. I understand.”

  “Oh God, you don’t know how relieved I am to hear you say that.” She closed her eyes and turned her face more firmly into his palm. The strength of his hand radiated through her, cleansing the demons of her past. She grasped his wrist and pulled his hand down to cradle it between both of hers then brushed her mouth lightly over his knuckles.

  “So, you won’t tell anyone about this weekend then? About me being a submissive?”

  Donavan sat straighter, the muscles throughout his shoulders and chest tensing. In silence, he pulled his hand free from her, reached for a towel, and proceeded to dry his hands.

  His brow remained knitted for a long time before he actually spoke. “I didn’t think I’d have to tell anyone. I assumed it’d be obvious when we were seen together romantically.”

  “Well, I was sort of hoping we could keep things between just the two of us for now. I mean, with the big win last week I’m at a crossroad with my career. If I’m going to be offered a partnership in any of the competitive firms, I can’t afford anything negative circulating through the grapevine.”

  “Right,” Donavan agreed in a crisp tone.

  He rose from the step and turned his back to her. Tension filled the air and Eve’s body. She watched him roughly shove a hand through his hair and heard him swear under his breath. Suddenly the bitter sound of silence swallowed her premature relief. Was it something she said making his stance so rigid? They were having a wonderful time until the business conversation.

  She scrubbed her palms over her arms to rid the sudden chill in the room, but it didn’t help. Was it wrong of her to want to keep things on the down low for the time being? Her desires might have come across a little harsh but surely he understood her need for professionalism. Maybe she sounded ungrateful for the pleasure he had shown her this weekend. Could that be why it seemed like he was angry with her? Quietly, Eve rose from the water and grabbed a towel.

  Bath time was over.

  Eve swallowed hard as she approached Donavan from behind. Waves of tension billowed off of him and constricted her throat.

  She reached out to touch him then hesitated as if an invisible wall erected between them. She lowered her hand and fidgeted with her fingers. “Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying I don’t want more between us. This weekend was amazing. You’re amazing. But you are right. We do run in the same circles and you’ve never hidden who you are. If we’re seen romantically, together people will draw their own conclusions. I’m just not sure it’s worth the risk right now.”

  He spoke with his back to her. “You mean you’re not sure I’m worth the risk.”

  His words stung her, but she couldn’t deny his icy remark held a measure of truth.

  “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  He whipped around and the irritated expression on his face caused Eve’s insides to ache. “I want you to say that what’s going on between us right now is worth more than a few narrow-minded clients who might discover who you really are and judge you for it. I want you to say you’re done hiding.”

  “You of all people are going to talk to me about hiding?” Frustration welled in her throat. “You’ve spent the last ten years bouncing from woman to woman, steering clear of commitment because you’re afraid of turning into your father. Now you’ve suddenly had a change of heart and I’m just supposed to hop on board?”

  His steely gaze burned into her. “I had no reason to change until now.”

  Eve’s pulse hammered in her temples. Though his words were spoken with pure conviction, his declaration didn’t convince her what they’d shared could ever be long term. She wanted to believe they could build a relationship together, but his track record said otherwise. Maybe he could change his life for her. Her mother hadn’t been able to. There were countless times her mother promised to quit drinking so they could both have a better life. Eve stopped believing her when she turned eleven and the tally exceeded double digits.

  “You don’t believe me,” he murmured then swore under his breath. “You don’t believe that what we shared this weekend can last. You’re afraid once I’ve had my fill of you, I’ll move on to the next skirt and you’ll have risked your reputation for nothing.”

  “Am I wrong?”

  Donavan scoffed. “Oh, you must think I’m a real shallow prick.”

  He headed for the bedroom.

  “No. No I don’t think that.” Eve followed quickly behind him. “I just think things are moving quickly, for both of us. Sometimes people confuse sex and love.”

  “I never said I loved you.” He stared at her from across the bed and jerked his shirt on so hard it made a snapping sound. “Though if I did, I imagine you wouldn’t believe me anyways.”

  Maybe she wouldn’t. Eve didn’t know for certain. His lifestyle and history was clear evidence that he wasn’t exactly the type to settle down with one woman. Even if he did tell her he loved her, would she believe that it wasn’t because of a spell cast by the seduction of Eden? It hardly mattered. He hadn’t professed love for her. The look in his eyes spoke more of disappointment than any type of affection. Why did that hurt her so
much? Did she want his love? Perhaps part of her did.

  Speechless, she watched him fight with the buttons on his shirt. Only when he finished fastening half of them and stormed to the door did she find her voice. “Look, all I’m asking for is a little discretion until we find out whether or not we’re any good together outside these walls.”

  “Nothing in life is ever guaranteed, Eve.” He unlocked the door.

  Lower lip trembling, tears burned her eyes. “You’re leaving? Why?”

  Pausing with his hand on the knob, he glanced over his shoulder. His gray eyes found hers across the room and Eve’s heart lurched. “Because I’m not prepared to be the next dirty little secret in your closet.”

  The door clicked shut behind him and an instant heaviness accompanied the finality of the sound.

  Dumbfounded, Eve stared blankly at the door.

  A few minutes passed. Ten. Maybe even fifteen. Realizing Donavan wasn’t coming back, a violent knot constricted in Eve’s chest. Nearly doubling over, she clutched at her towel and winced through a kind of pain she was completely unfamiliar with.

  Heartbreak? Is that what this wretched sensation is? You’ve got to be kidding me.

  She stole a glance around the empty room and flashes of memories assaulted her—the strength of Donavan’s hands, the sinful pressure of his mouth, the low, reassuring sound of his voice.

  “It was only one weekend of sex for God’s sake,” she told herself on the end of an angry sob.

  But it wasn’t only one weekend of sex. Donavan had taken the time to break through her walls, to make her feel secure and wanted and beautiful. He helped her discover her needs and then fulfilled them without expectation. In the end, all he asked for was that she put a little faith in him, yet she couldn’t even bring herself to do that. Why?

  An icy chill swept over her damp skin and her lower lip began to tremble. This wasn’t how the weekend was supposed to turn out. She wasn’t supposed to be standing here with a broken heart and her secret exposed. She hugged herself tighter and tried to blink back the water pooling in her eyes.

  Quickly as their connection formed through intimacy and understanding, she let insecurity and fear sever it. Apparently Donavan was right. Nothing in life is ever guaranteed.

  ****

  “I’ll have the rosemary duck in the red wine sauce with the roasted baby potatoes and a garden salad to start. Oh! And, can you please put the dressing on the side? Fantastic. Thank you.” Caitlyn Ward Chambers beamed up at the waiter as he jotted down her order then turned his attention on Eve.

  “Um…just a garden salad, put the dressing wherever you want.” The waiter inclined his head, retrieved the menus, then headed for the kitchen.

  Caitlyn wrinkled her nose as she flopped a white linen napkin over her lap. “Just a salad?”

  “Forgive me if I didn’t feel the need to order half the menu.”

  “I didn’t order half the menu,” Caitlyn argued. “I should have, though. I’m having calorie withdrawals. We normally have lunch together at least three times a week. This is the first time I’m seeing you in two. You’re not still mad at me for opening my big mouth to Donavan, are you?”

  At the mere sound of the name, Eve’s back straightened and her lips tightened in a firm line. She hadn’t seen or spoken to Donavan since the night he left her confused and devastated in their room at Eden. Since then, she had buried herself in paperwork and avoided anything that would remind her of him which included Caitlyn.

  “I was never mad at you,” Eve finally answered and Caitlyn frowned.

  “Then why haven’t you been taking my calls? I’ve been worried about you.”

  “I’ve been busy,” she lied.

  After winning the Langly case, Eve expected her phone to be ringing off the hook with offers from competing firms. However, there wasn’t any more ringing than usual and the only offer she received was from Arthur Langly himself—an offer so filthy she wouldn’t dare repeat the words in her head for fear of bursting into flames. Eve fought off a shiver. So, here she was back at square one—struggling for clients in a small firm and avoiding Donavan at all costs.

  “You really don’t look well, Eve.”

  “Thanks.” She raised her glass of wine and inclined her head. “You always do know the right thing to say.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” Caitlyn winced and reached across the table for Eve’s hand. “You look tired.”

  “Maybe that’s because I haven’t slept in days.”

  “Have you spoken to him?”

  “No, I haven’t,” she answered quickly. “And, I don’t plan to—don’t look at me like that.” Eve arched a pointed stare when Caitlyn shot her a disapproving glance. “Look, I’m not the bad guy here. I didn’t do anything wrong. All I wanted was to keep things behind closed doors until we both discovered whether we had anything real or not. He was the one who made it all or nothing. It was his choice to leave.”

  “God, do you even hear yourself?” Caitlyn muttered.

  Her harsh tone made Eve flinch. She reached for her wine and took a contemplative sip while carefully studying her friend over the rim of her glass. Caitlyn never lost her temper. As a psychiatrist, the beaming blonde possessed the patience of a saint.

  Thankfully, Caitlyn’s scowl didn’t linger long before her pale pink lips contorted in another frown. “Listen to me. I’ve known Donavan for years now. If he was willing to step into a committed relationship with you, then what he was feeling had to be pretty damn real. It would have taken a lot of balls to put his emotions out there. When he did, you basically told him that his feelings were bullshit.”

  “I did no such thing,” Eve argued.

  Caitlyn sighed. “Think about what you said to him, about what you just said to me.”

  Rolling her eyes, Eve set down her wine and went over what she’d said in her mind. I want to keep things behind closed doors until we both know whether we have anything real or not. Sometimes people confuse sex and love…Oh God.

  Eve shifted uncomfortably in her chair as her heart sank. How could she have acted so cavalier toward him after what they’d shared physically, emotionally? Like Caitlyn, Eve had also known Donavan for years and not once, in all the time they’d been acquainted, had she ever witnessed him willing to enter into a committed relationship.

  Yet, this weekend, he was willing to enter into one with her. Even after she had lied to him about being a Mistress. Even after she had tried to trick him onto the end of her leash and make a fool of him. And how did she repay him for so generously forgiving her? She tossed his admission of feelings for her aside as if he were a school boy with a crush.

  “Not only did you insinuate that what he was feeling wasn’t real,” Caitlyn continued. “You no doubt stung his pride by not wanting to be public about your relationship. With the average man, behind closed doors might fly but with a Dom? Doms are naturally very prideful individuals. Especially when it comes to their submissive not wanting to be seen with them in public.”

  If that was how Donavan took her comment, it would have come off sounding quite insulting, Eve thought, proceeding to gnaw on her fingernail.

  “God,” Eve sighed. “I know it sounds horrible, but you know how he is. The man hasn’t had a lasting relationship since the Stone-Age.”

  “And yet he was willing to take the leap with you.”

  She frowned. “So he said.”

  “And you didn’t believe him?”

  “It’s not that I didn’t want to, but I’ve been around long enough to know some people can’t change no matter how much they love you or want to change.”

  “Donavan is not your mother, Eve.”

  “I know that,” she snapped quietly.

  “Do you really? Because I don’t think you do.” Caitlyn braced her delicate forearms on the table and leaned forward. “For someone who upholds the law and lives by the philosophy ‘innocent until proven guilty,’ you’re certainly quick to judge. What evidence
do you have leading you to believe Donavan wasn’t telling you the truth, other than believing that everyone is exactly like your mother?”

  Eve chewed her bottom lip and thought about Caitlyn’s question. Each time she opened her mouth to argue she found herself snapping it closed again with no answers to give.

  “Everyone has a past, Eve. In regards to meaningless relationships, Donavan’s past might not be pretty, but he’s never lied to the women he’s been intimate with. He’s always puts his cards on the table and been straightforward about what he’s wanted. Can you say the same for yourself?”

  A tick started in Eve’s jaw, accompanied by a wince. No, she couldn’t say the same for herself. From the very beginning, she had lied to Donavan and to herself about who she really was and what she wanted. Maybe because she hadn’t fully accepted that she was a submissive.

  Deep down, she’d always had an inkling that she was attracted to alpha males who possessed enough of an edge to keep up with her sometimes snarky attitude, but instead of allowing herself to be with a man like that, she had put her concerns about her career first and bided her time with vanilla gentlemen who were the safe and boring choice that would not affect her profession.

  This weekend was the first time in her life when she had ever actually put her cards on the table. With patience and understanding, Donavan helped her accept who she really was, sexually and as a woman.

  “Just because Donavan and I had great sex together doesn’t mean it makes a relationship, Cait. I admit, he’s everything I want sexually. I won’t deny that. I’ve been searching a long time for someone who makes me feel the way he does, but what about the rest? You can’t build a long term relationship on good sex.”

  “Then put the sex aside,” Caitlyn suggested. “You’ve known Donavan even longer than I have. Look back on the years you’ve known him. I think when you do, you’ll realize what type of man he really is. Then ask yourself if he honestly deserves to be persecuted for the sins of someone else.”