Purple Lotus
Page 27
Then something magical happened to me. One day, five years into a meaningless, miserable marriage, I realized that I deserve better. When I walked out into the unknown, strangely, I wasn’t dying. My spirit was only then finding rebirth. My life in the months that followed was filled with the love and kindness of friends, which was driven by my own courage. I was finally a person with dreams, desires, and many reasons to live. I had finally taken control of my life. Sadly, this basic right is denied to many of us.
To the modern-day keepers of our traditions, I ask: Why is it always the woman who is instructed to try harder to win over her husband, to adjust, to stay silent, to make peace with the injustices she faces? When things go wrong, why can’t she turn to her family? If she finally decides to stand up for herself, why does her family not stand with her? Why is the victim victimized even further? Why are no questions asked of the perpetrator?
I eventually got remarried to my soulmate. If this were a Bollywood movie, that would be the expected happy climax, love triumphing over social dictates, over the baddies, the audience applauding. But Bollywood is make-believe. In real life, a woman who steps out of line blackens her family honor. She is branded an outcast. There is thrill in dragging a woman’s name through the muck by repeating her story to all and sundry. In my case, not only had I dared to remarry for love, but my soulmate was born into a different faith. That was enough scandal to last three generations of my family.
My ex, meanwhile, lives without stigma. I know I will be maligned for one more reason when this essay is published—airing dirty laundry in public. A man can do it with no fear of social censure, safe in the knowledge that even his wife’s own family would disown her. I fear censure, for it is but a form of rejection. I have feared rejection all my life. And yet, I had to tell my version of my story, for this is not my story alone. It is the story of countless other women like me.
A feature I did for the Morning Herald with a senior colleague in the late nineties comes to my mind. It was a heartbreaking interview with Kamala, whose alcoholic husband had set her on fire in a drunken rage. Kamala had refused to implicate her husband up until her death a week later. Afraid of retribution from her husband and his family in case she survived the burns, Kamala claimed the fire was an accident. The story quickly made national headlines. Public sympathy for Kamala grew into a massive wave, pushing the police into action. The husband was labeled a monster. The law quickly caught up with him, and as far as I know, he is still serving out his life sentence.
Not all monsters are egregious. Some stay hidden in plain sight. They wear a “normal” mask. They don’t set you on fire. They crush your spirit slowly, until you die every day, from loneliness, purposelessness, worthlessness, hopelessness. The monster is not the perpetrator alone. The ones who breed him, the ones who victimize the victim—the relatives and neighbors and town people who judge unfairly—they are monsters too.
The monster is the anachronistic mindset that needs to change.
I was expected to exist for society. I chose to live. To love. I take heart in the knowledge that the monsters around me do not sully me, because the names they have for me are not the names I give myself.
Acknowledgments
It took ten long years, several drafts, and countless rejection letters from literary agents before Purple Lotus saw the light of day. The manuscript would have continued to languish in the slush pile of agents had my incredible publishers at She Writes Press not seen value in it.
Winning the She Writes Press and SparkPress Toward Equality in Publishing contest was one of the most important and joyful moments of my life. Thank you, Brooke Warner and Lauren Wise, for believing in this immigrant woman’s story, and for championing diversity in publishing.
To the extraordinarily talented Brigid Pearson: thank you for the stunning cover that stands out on the shelves and screen. Big thanks also to my copy editor, Jennifer Caven, for your keen attention to detail.
To Crystal Patriarche and Keely Platte of BookSparks: I offer my heartfelt gratitude for all your creative publicity efforts.
I am indebted to my developmental editor, Tiffany Yates Martin, who saw potential for a resonant work of art when it was rough marble, and whose invaluable feedback helped me sculpt this novel into shape.
Dr. Ruby Lal, author and Professor of South Asian Studies at Emory University—your valuable feedback is deeply appreciated.
To my friends Navami Naik, Daryl Wilcher, Jyothsna Hegde, Denise Huddlestun, Atika Nadaf, Girija Vaidya, Reena Raghu, Vidya Waikar, Paromita Sengupta, Priti Bandi, Nirjari Dalal, Andi Plotsky, Trudie Oshman, Ramya Govindrajan, Bojana Ginn, Melanie Hollis Villard and Patti Tripathi—I love you all for being so supportive of my writing dreams. Monsoon Vaz, our brave warrior, your enthusiasm for Purple Lotus, and for life, will always remain close to my heart.
To Ram, who offered new insights, and stood behind this project: thank you, 333 times over.
My rock stars, Frances West and Nancy Haden—I am forever indebted to you for being the Ruth and Dottie of my life. Ma, you are missed every day.
Thank you, Amma, for your steadfast prayers for the book to be published. Brother Rajesh, sister Reena, sister-in-law Rachana, and brother-in-law Rahul—thank you for dreaming my dream with me.
And finally, to my son Aditya, who never let me give up on my dream of being a published author: thank you, my love, for being my motivator, counselor, critic, copy editor, proofreader and biggest cheerleader. High five! We did it!
About the Author
Veena Rao was born and raised in India but calls Atlanta home. A journalist by profession, she is the founding editor and publisher of NRI Pulse, a popular Indian-American newspaper. Although her day job involves news reports, interviews, and meeting press deadlines, she devotes her spare time to creative writing and long walks in the woods. Purple Lotus, her debut novel, is the winner of the She Writes Press and SparkPress Toward Equality in Publishing (STEP) contest.
Author photo © Sumi’s Photography
SELECTED TITLES FROM SHE WRITES PRESS
She Writes Press is an independent publishing company founded to serve women writers everywhere. Visit us at www.shewritespress.com.
Again and Again by Ellen Bravo. $16.95, 978-1-63152-939-9. When the man who raped her roommate in college becomes a Senate candidate, women’s rights leader Deborah Borenstein must make a choice—one that could determine control of the Senate, the course of a friendship, and the fate of a marriage.
Faint Promise of Rain by Anjali Mitter Duva. $16.95, 978-1-93831-497-1. Adhira, a young girl born to a family of Hindu temple dancers, is raised to be dutiful—but ultimately, as the world around her changes, it is her own bold choice that will determine the fate of her family and of their tradition.
Cleans Up Nicely by Linda Dahl. $16.95, 978-1-938314-38-4. The story of one gifted young woman’s path from self-destruction to self-knowledge, set in mid-1970s Manhattan.
Appetite by Sheila Grinell. $16.95, 978-1-63152-022-8. When twenty-five-year-old Jenn Adler brings home a guru fiancé from Bangalore, her parents must come to grips with the impending marriage—and its effect on their own relationship.
Trespassers by Andrea Miles. $16.95, 978-1-63152-903-0. Sexual abuse survivor Melanie must make a choice: choose forgiveness and begin to heal from her emotional wounds, or exact revenge for the crimes committed against her—even if it destroys her family.
In a Silent Way by Mary Jo Hetzel. $16.95, 978-1-63152-135-5. When Jeanna Kendall—a young white teacher at a progressive urban school—becomes involved with a community activist group, she finds herself grappling with issues of racism, sexism, and oppression of various shades in both her professional and personal life.
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