The Pain in Loving You

by Steiner, Kandi

  I grimaced. “Ouch.”

  “Yeah. Ouch,” Tyler agreed, and he swept my hair back over my shoulder. “Of course, they didn’t make their flight after that. They moved it to a later one, and after Azra stormed out, I sat all four of them down in the kitchen and explained.”

  Shame rushed over me in a heat wave. “Oh, God,” I said, rolling onto my back and covering my face with my hands. “They must hate me.”

  Tyler chuckled, balancing on his elbow to take my place, his eyes cast down on me now. “Do you really think that’s possible?”

  I sighed, letting my hands drop to the side. “I’ve talked to Morgan a few times,” I mused. “She hasn’t said a word.”

  “I asked them not to. I needed some time to figure out what I wanted to do, what I wanted to say… and mostly, how to get you to listen.”

  “Wasn’t as hard as you thought, was it?”

  “Did you notice I was wearing sneakers?” he asked. “I was prepared to run you down and pin you to the ground, if I had to.”

  I bit my lip, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him long and hard. “Now I kind of wish I’d ran.”

  Tyler chuckled.

  When we pulled back, I kept my arms around him, frowning again. “So they don’t hate me?”

  “Not even close. In a way, I think they all kind of knew… or at least, they weren’t surprised. Mom even seemed like she’d been hoping for it.”

  I smirked.

  “Seriously, though,” Tyler said, running the pad of his thumb over my lower lip. “I think most of what was standing in our way wasn’t Jacob or Azra or Morgan or anyone else. It was us.”

  I nodded, closing my eyes when he pressed his lips to mine again. “We’ve wasted so much time,” I whispered. “Put ourselves through so much pain.”

  “I guess some lessons are learned the hard way.”

  I nodded again, with my forehead pressed against his, my arms looped around his neck. “So, what now?”

  Tyler grinned, pulling back to look me in the eyes. “I was thinking we could spend the rest of our lives making up for lost time.”

  “Oh yeah?” I asked, feigning nonchalance as my heart galloped in my chest.

  “Yeah. What do you think about that?”

  “I think the rest of our lives won’t even be enough.”

  At that, Tyler kissed me, slow and soft and sure, and then he whispered, “Then let’s stay together forever after that, too.”

  Epilogue

  Tyler

  3 years later

  MY WIFE COULDN’T POSSIBLY be any hotter.

  Jasmine was stretched out in the oversized hammock that hung above Tahiti’s crystal-clear, turquoise waters, platinum hair in a messy bun on her head, dark sunglasses shielding her face. She held a romance book in her hands — one she’d started reading on the plane ride here — and every now and then, she’d reach over for the orange and pink frozen drink on the deck, moving the tiny umbrella in it aside to take a sip.

  She looked like a goddess, with the mountains stretching up behind her in the distance, palm trees waving in the breeze along the beach. She had her long legs crossed, polished toes tapping along to the steel drum in the distance, and her tan skin was ablaze against her skimpy white bikini.

  If we didn’t have our own private hut on the water, I’d have had a big problem with that bikini, because the thong exposed her perfect little ass and the strapless top just barely covered her chest. As it was, she was on display for my eyes only, and I rather enjoyed the view.

  I took my time making my way outside, letting my eyes wander over the plush canopy bed that was still a mess from us the night before and swiping my sunglasses off the bedside table. The teak wood was warm on my bare feet as I padded across the balcony, and I leapt into our private pool right next to the hammock, tucking my legs into my chest for the optimal splash.

  When I emerged to find my wife glaring at me over the soggy pages of her book, I knew I’d succeeded.

  My wife.

  God, I’d never get tired of that.

  We’d wasted so much time being apart, years of pretending what happened between us was nothing, a mistake we were both trying to forget. But the minute she showed back up in New England for my sister’s wedding, I knew we’d both been lying to ourselves.

  I think I knew, even on that first night when I watched her eating dinner with my family for the first time in seven years, that she’d be mine. It didn’t matter that I was taken at the time, or that she was, too. Just being back in the same room had ignited a flame inside me that I’d tried to convince myself had long been extinguished.

  The truth was that it never could be.

  Those two weeks were hellish. I tried to stay away from her, tried to leave her alone, but no matter how I convinced myself that I was doing everything I could to give her space, I somehow found myself in the same room as her, no matter where she was. And I made up every excuse in the book to spend time with her — like being in the kitchen when I knew that’d be her first stop after her morning run, or forcing her to rest when she lost her voice and jumping at the opportunity to stay back with her, or taking her for a run on my favorite trail.

  Every time I had a wake-up call in the form of her boyfriend reminding me that he existed, I’d find a renewed urgency to stay away from her.

  But it never lasted long.

  And once we finally admitted what we’d been feeling all along, once I’d had her? I knew I’d never be able to let her go again.

  We’d wasted a lot of time — too much time — and I’d spend the rest of my life making up for those moments lost.

  “Jerk,” Jasmine said through a pouty laugh, laying the book out to dry beside her drink. “I was just getting to a good part!”

  “A sex scene?”

  “Maybe.”

  “We can make one of our own, instead,” I offered.

  She smiled, and even though her eyes were covered by sunglasses, I knew she was rolling them. Still, she crawled out of the hammock, grabbing her drink and taking a seat on the edge of the pool. As soon as her legs were in the water, I was between them, grabbing her hips and kissing her possessively.

  “You weren’t kidding about making that sex scene of our own, were you?” Jasmine teased against my mouth.

  “I’d never joke about something so serious.”

  She laughed, shoving me backward into the water. “You’re insatiable. We’ve barely stopped fucking on this trip.”

  “That’s the purpose of a honeymoon.”

  Jasmine leaned back on her palms, giving me an even better view of her lean body as her feet kicked softly in the water. “I can’t believe we’re here,” she said softly, shaking her head on a smile as she looked around at the paradise surrounding us. “I can’t believe we’re married.”

  “Well, any time you can’t believe it, just look at the ring on your finger.”

  She did, and her smile grew, finger wiggling and making the two-carat, radiant-cut diamond glisten in the sun. “Not bad advice, Mr. Wagner.”

  “What can I say? I’m a genius, Mrs. Wagner.”

  I smirked, swimming my way back over to settle between her legs again. My lips found hers, soft and seductive, and I loved the way she opened up to my touch, the way her legs widened, her arms wrapping around my neck, the soft sigh of a moan slipping through her lips.

  “Think we’ll ever get tired of this?” she asked, kissing my neck.

  “Maybe,” I said. “But I can’t picture that day yet.”

  She chuckled. “Well, if your parents or only sibling are any indication of what we’re in for, I’d say the day will never come. Your parents have been married for thirty-two years now, and they still can’t keep their hands to themselves.”

  I groaned, pushing back to float on the water before I let it take me under. When I came back out, I shook my head, spraying water off my hair. “Talking about my parents when I’m between your legs is not cool. Total boner killer.”
<
br />   Jasmine laughed. “Was just trying to make a point. Between them and your sister with baby number two on the way, I’d say we’re locked into a family of hopeless romantics.”

  “I’ve always been hopeless when it comes to you.”

  She smiled, and I swam back between her legs, pulling her off the ledge and into the water with me so I could completely wrap myself around her. Her giggle was light and airy, my favorite sound, and she latched her legs around my waist, her arms around my neck, letting me carry her to the infinity edge that looked over the impossibly blue water beneath us.

  “Do you remember when we were driving down to the Cape for the wedding, and you said maybe we’d come here together one day?”

  A flush shaded her cheeks. “I do.”

  “Did you really think it would ever happen?”

  “No. Did you?”

  I smirked, remembering the day like it had just happened — how tired and miserable she’d looked in the passenger seat, yet how gorgeous she always was no matter what. I remembered how I, myself, hadn’t slept, how I was trying so hard to stay away from her, but was hopeless to resist her when she tried to bridge the gap between us like she did that afternoon.

  I couldn’t resist her, and I had a feeling that fact would never change.

  “Yeah. I really did.”

  “No way,” she said, narrowing her gaze. “You had a girlfriend. We hadn’t even kissed or anything at that point.”

  “No, but I knew the minute you showed back up in my life that I wouldn’t let you walk away from me again.”

  “And you didn’t think we’d just be friends?”

  I full-on laughed at that, meeting her gaze with a brow arched high into my hairline. “You. Me. Friends. Okay.”

  “Fair,” she agreed on a laugh of her own, but then she tightened her grip on my neck, leaning up to kiss me. “But if you already knew then, why didn’t you just take me?”

  “It was a little more complicated than that. You had a boyfriend, too, if you remember correctly.”

  At that, she frowned. “We hurt a lot of people, didn’t we?”

  “Hey,” I said, tilting her chin with my thumb. “None of that. What happened in the past is just that — the past. And right now, we’re celebrating the future.”

  “Oh yeah?” she asked when I pinned her back to the edge of the pool. “And what do you see in our future?”

  “Well, first of all, a lot of what happened last night.” I rolled my hips, pressing my erection into her as she laughed, throwing her head back and exposing the neck I loved to bite so much. “After that, I’m thinking a modest house on Lake Tambow, with a dock of our own that we can jump off of any time we want to.”

  “And a boat.”

  “Definitely at boat,” I said, kissing her neck. “And you’re going to finish your book, and it’s going to sell a million copies, and then you’ll be my sugar mama, and I’ll break Dad’s heart when I tell him I quit.”

  “You could never quit,” Jasmine challenged. “You love your job too much.”

  “True,” I admitted. “Maybe I’ll just cut down hours, so I have more time to spend with you.”

  She smiled, but I didn’t miss the worry that seeped in over her features. “What if I don’t finish my book at all?”

  “You will.”

  “What if no one reads it?”

  “They will.”

  She sighed. “How are you so sure?”

  “Because I know my girl, and she doesn’t know how to quit. And if by some miracle the book did flop, it wouldn’t matter. It would just fuel your fire to try harder the next time.”

  Her smile came back, and she ran her fingers through the damp hair at my neck. “Okay. What else is in our future?”

  “A dog. And five kids.”

  “Five?” she asked on a laugh.

  “At least.”

  “And when do we start having these children?”

  “Mmm…” I said, looking up toward the blue sky peppered with clouds. “Maybe in a few years, give us some time to travel the world together, and figure out our parenting style with our dog, of course.”

  Jasmine chuckled, but then she pushed her sunglasses up onto her head, frowning. “What if we didn’t have time to practice on a dog first?”

  “You don’t want a dog?”

  “I do, but… I’m just saying… what if it wasn’t a few years from now…” She swallowed. “What if we didn’t even have one full year?”

  She froze in my arms, her blue eyes the same color as the water as they locked on mine. She watched me carefully through her lashes as her questions sank in, and I felt my heart beating faster in my chest, pounding out a hard, steady rhythm.

  “What are you saying, Jasmine?” I asked. “Are you saying you want to get pregnant?”

  “I’m saying… I already am.”

  “You…” I shook my head, speechless, and then my hands traveled from where they held her waist to wrap around her stomach. It was still smooth and toned and impossibly flat.

  And yet, it wouldn’t be soon.

  Everything caught up to me in one crash of emotions, my eyes welling with tears as I pulled her into my chest, hugging her tight, kissing her hair over and over again.

  “You’re pregnant,” I whispered, shaking my head. “We’re having a baby.”

  “We are,” she said, and her own eyes were blurred with tears when she pulled back and searched my gaze. “Are you okay?”

  “Are you fucking kidding? I’m ecstatic.” I reared back, yelling as loud as I could. “We’re having a baby!”

  My voice boomed and echoed off the water, and I thought I heard distant claps from the bungalows around us. Jasmine just laughed and shook her head, burying her face in my chest before she peered up at me through wet eyelashes.

  “Wait,” I said, pointing to her drink at the pool’s edge.

  “Virgin,” she assured me.

  “Thank God. I was about to go full dad mode before I’m even a dad.”

  Jasmine watched me in a curious way, shaking her head, her brows meeting in the middle of her perfect forehead. “I was so scared to tell you.”

  “How long have you known?”

  “Just a couple of weeks. But I… I mean, we weren’t even married yet. I know it’s not the timing we planned…”

  I laughed, arching a brow. “Has anything in our lives gone according to timing or what we’ve planned so far?”

  “Not even close.”

  “See?” I kissed her nose. “This fits perfectly.”

  A tear spilled over her cheek, and I thumbed it away, watching her with my heart swelling in my chest.

  I shook my head. “Just wait until Mom finds out. She’s going to freak.”

  Jasmine laughed at that, and then worried her bottom lip. “I was thinking… I want to tell my mom, too.”

  I froze. “You do?”

  She nodded, a thick swallow straining her throat. “I know I haven’t talked to her since the day she left, but… now that I have you, now that we have…” She touched her stomach, but didn’t finish the sentence. “I just don’t want to hold onto the resentment I’ve carried all this time anymore. Maybe she won’t want to see me, maybe she won’t care at all that I’m pregnant, but… I want to try.”

  I framed her face, shaking my head in awe before I lowered my forehead to hers. Her eyes fluttered closed first, and then mine, and I smiled.

  “You are spectacular, Jasmine Wagner.”

  She answered me with a kiss, one that was slow and deep and rocked me to the very foundation of who I was. I pulled her into me, and with her still wrapped around me under water, I made my way out of the pool, carrying her with me until we were back in our messy bed. I didn’t even care that we were both still soaking wet. I’d call for fresh sheets later if I needed to. Right now, all I could think about was laying that perfect woman down and making her feel loved in every possible way that I could.

  The breeze wafted in off the sea, wavin
g through the transparent white fabric draped over the canopy bed as I slowly peeled Jasmine’s wet suit off her slick body, kissing every inch of newly exposed skin as I did. I took my time, paying special attention to her stomach, knowing that even if we couldn’t see it yet, she was growing our child inside it.

  Our child.

  Emotion surged through me, and I crawled my way up to claim her mouth with mine, silently promising that I would protect them both, give them the life they deserved, do everything in my power to keep them from ever being hurt.

  So much time wasted, so many moments lost…

  But our forever was just getting started.

  And I had a feeling it’d be the best damn one to ever exist.

  The End

  Can’t get enough of Tyler Wagner? Check out this bonus scene to read the wedding rehearsal from his POV.

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  The Best Kept Secrets Series

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