Dark Needs

by Maris Black

  “What are you doing?” Leo asked me. “We ought to get going.”

  I shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. “I’m just enjoying watching you two act like a couple of Neanderthals. It’s charming, really.”

  “Well, Gavin is an asshole,” he shot back. “He actually threatened me just before you came out of the bathroom. Physically threatened me.”

  “Yeah?” I leaned forward. “What did he say?”

  Gavin laughed and answered for him. “I said, You touch my brother, and I will fucking kill you.”

  “Original,” I said, pretending not to be impressed. “I was hoping for a little more detail, maybe mention of a weapon. But I suppose it’s the thought that counts.”

  Leo huffed. “Don’t encourage him, Bain. You’re joking around, but I assure you he is not.”

  At the genuine distress in Leo’s voice, I got up and went over to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Come on, he’s not serious. There’s not a mean bone in Gavin’s body. If you knew him like I do, you’d realize he’s really just a big Teddy bear.” I knew I was really pushing Gavin’s buttons, but I couldn’t seem to help myself. Getting a rise out of him was just so damn satisfying, especially after our earlier exchange. I felt him tense behind me and knew my comment had hit the mark.

  “Teddy bear, huh? If you keep saying things like that, I’m going to hurt your boyfriend just on principle.”

  Leo bristled. “What’s your problem with me, Gavin?”

  “Don’t play fucking coy with me. You know very well what my problem is.” He crowded Leo’s personal space, backing him up a step toward the door. “Lucky for you, my brother likes you, and I can’t tell him who he can or cannot date. But if anything happens… If you so much as—” His body seemed to shudder once like a glitching hologram, and then he had his hands on Leo, pushing him hard in the chest. Leo pushed back. One look at their eyes was proof that neither was going to back down, and I could foresee and all-out slug fest coming on.

  Part of me wanted Leo to put Gavin in his place. I was so angry at my brother. Illogically angry. But another secret part of me wanted Gavin to run Leo off and turn back toward me with those pants unbuttoned. I wanted him to take me in his arms and tell me that he’d never let anyone have me. But none of that was realistic, and I had to stop them before things got out of hand. I would never forgive myself if Gavin actually got hurt because of me.

  “Whoa, guys.” I rushed forward, wedging my body into the tiny space between theirs. “This ego competition has gone far enough. Gavin, please don’t ruin my night. I’m asking you nicely.”

  They both stared at me, blinking away the adrenaline haze of impending violence. Then Leo leaned in closer to me and took a deep breath through his nose. “Damn, you smell good.”

  Gavin grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me toward him, pressing his nose against the side of my throat. “Did you use my shower gel, you little mutt?”

  “Yeah, I did. Do I smell more affluent? Better looking? Smarter?”

  “You smell like me.” He let go of me roughly and stalked to the other side of the room, dropping down onto his bed and grabbing a worn Bret Easton Ellis paperback off of his bedside table. He laid back on his pillow and started to read.

  Leo scoffed. “American Psycho? That was a shit movie.”

  “As if you would know,” Gavin muttered, voicing the exact same thought that had just gone through my head. “It may not be on the level of The Blair Witch Project, but it has its merits.”

  “Oh, Blair Witch is classic,” Leo said, oblivious to the fact that he’d just received Gavin’s most scathing insult. “See, maybe we’re not so different after all. We could get along. Maybe if you could put aside your hatred for one minute, you’d see that. In the meantime, your brother and I have a first date to get to. Let’s go, Bain.”

  His hands were tucked into his pockets, and he didn’t actually offer me an arm, but the insinuation was there. He wanted to be chivalrous, but he couldn’t. If the two of us went promenading through the school like some straight couple on our way to the homecoming dance, there was no telling what would happen.

  I followed Leo out into the hall, and as I turned back to close the door, I gave Gavin a long glance. I was waiting for some kind of reaction— a wink, a smile, a wave, a growl. Any reaction at all would have been preferable to him sitting there staring into the pages of a novel he’d read enough times to recite. Part of me wanted him to tell me not to go. If he said it one more time, I would tell Leo I’d changed my mind. But he didn’t even look up.

  Was this date going to drive a wedge between us? I couldn’t bear the thought of that happening. But the rational voice in my head told me that I couldn’t be alone for the rest of my life, and Gavin and I couldn’t live in a bubble forever. As strong as our twin bond was, it wasn’t enough to fill every void in me, and it wasn’t enough for him, either. We needed romance, and we needed sex.

  I reasoned that finally losing my virginity would curb the inappropriate urges that had me acting so irrationally these days. If I was getting it from somewhere else, maybe I wouldn’t get hard every time my brother showed a little skin.

  “Bye,” Gavin said in a curt dismissal that was only a hair more polite than get out. The sound of him turning a page was too loud in the silence that stretched between us.

  I reluctantly pulled the door closed and hurried to catch up to Leo, who stood waiting all posh and handsome at the top of the stairs. For the hundredth time, I tried to work out exactly what it was that kept me from falling for him in any real way. Was there truly something wrong with me? Any guy would be over the moon if Leo turned his affections on them, so why wasn’t I? My attraction for him was dispassionate, almost vicarious, as if I were appreciating him through the eyes of society rather than my own eyes. I saw him as more of a trophy boyfriend rather than a flesh and blood human who made my heart speed up. Still, I had to be with someone, and Leo was by far the best option I’d ever had.

  Just as I reached Leo on the landing, Drake emerged from the other hallway and plowed right into me, knocking me for a loop. The scene played out like one of those surprise T-bone crashes the action directors had begun to use ad nauseam.

  (Camera pulls in, extreme close-up on the unwitting driver who is so distracted that they don’t see the car running the red light at ninety miles an hour, and then BLAM!)

  “Oh, Bain, I’m so sorry!” Drake yelled, then stood watching and gulping air as I clutched at the rail in an attempt to keep from tumbling head first all the way down the stairs.

  Thank goodness Leo had the presence of mind to try to save me. He grabbed onto my forearm and pulled me back to safety, then whirled on Drake. “Jesus Christ, are you trying to kill him? This isn’t the fucking 5K, bitch. Stop running in the halls.”

  Drake blanched and stepped back. “I’m sorry, Leo. I was just coming to tell you… well, it’s not important now. I’m really sorry.” He directed the apology at Leo, then glanced at me— the guy whose neck he’d almost broken— as an afterthought.

  Leo sent Drake a withering glare before sliding his arm around my shoulder and helping me down the stairs. It appeared that he was offering assistance to me because I was shaken up at having had a close call with death, or at the very least grievous injury, but I knew it was also an excuse to touch me. I didn’t mind, especially since my arms felt weak and rubbery. Apparently, three seconds of mortal fear had the same effect on my muscles as fifty push-ups.

  At the bottom of the stairs, Leo removed his arm from around my shoulders, and we navigated through the maze of students moving to and from the cafeteria. We almost made it to the door without incident, which would have been fan-fucking-tastic, but I should have known that was too much to hope for.

  “Where are you two going?” Hadrian blocked our path, using his Solo cup to gesture toward the game room. “We’ve got a game of darts starting up in a few.”

  “I thought we were watching America’s Got Talent.” Raven du
g into a family size bag of potato chips, licking a sheen from her lips that could have been either lip gloss or potato chip grease.

  “Nooo…” Hadrian rolled his eyes. “You can get your fix of opera-singing daredevil contortionists later. It’s being recorded.”

  Raven stopped eating long enough glare at him.

  “A game of darts sounds great,” Leo interrupted. “Unfortunately, Bain and I each have a hot date lined up for dinner, and we’re almost late.”

  Hadrian reluctantly cleared out of our path. “By all means, don’t let us keep you from your hot dates.”

  As soon as we were outside, I chuckled. “We each have a hot date for dinner, huh? That’s totally accurate, and yet so misleading. I’m impressed.”

  He shrugged. “What can I say? I have a knack for making the truth sound like a lie. It’s an invaluable leadership skill.”

  Once we were on the way to the restaurant, I settled back into the passenger seat of Leo’s BMW and closed my eyes. It had begun to get dark outside, and the tinted windows made it even darker. Some eighties goth punk song blared from the speakers. The glow of street lights strobed even through my closed eyelids, and I found myself imagining Gavin back in our room reading. Was he missing me yet? Maybe he was bored. I was pretty sure he felt like I’d abandoned him, which was poetic justice as far as I was concerned.

  But I couldn’t stop worrying about him. And obsessing. The bad thoughts kept popping in, and I kept trying to explain them away like I always did. It was just anxiety, I told myself. Anxiety made people obsess over weird things, like Gavin’s unbuttoned jeans and the crisp feel of hair as I slid my fingertip into his pants. It had only lasted a second, but that second was now burned into my memory.

  What had possessed me to do it, anyway? I mean, truly, what the fuck? It was meant to be a bit of harmless teasing, but wires had gotten crossed. I’d gotten carried away by the sight of him, and the idea of him and Leo fighting over me. And if Leo had seen what I did… I was pretty sure he hadn’t, but it was risky to do something so suggestive in front of him. He didn’t understand mine and Gavin’s relationship. The way we were with each other. What if he got the wrong idea? And clearly Gavin hadn’t appreciated it, either. I could still feel the sting of his grip on my wrist as he told me to stop.

  My entire body flushed hot and tingly at the memory, and my cock stirred in my pants as I replayed the pitiful few seconds over and over in my mind. Finger in the pants, the feel of the hair there, the stern look in Gavin’s eyes, his hand on my wrist, and his voice: Stop it, Bain. God, when he’d said that, it had made me want to do everything but stop. If Leo hadn’t been in the room, my touch might have been a little longer, a little deeper, and maybe Gavin wouldn’t have told me to stop at all.

  “What are you thinking?” Leo asked, startling me so badly that my eyes flew open and I jumped. If I’d been a cat, I would have instantly been hanging upside-down with my claws lodged in the car’s headliner. I realized I had been so zoned out I hadn’t even noticed he’d turned the volume down on the radio.

  “Nothing,” I lied smoothly. “Guess I fell asleep for a minute.”

  “Wow, I’m that entertaining?”

  I laughed. “It’s me, not you. I stayed up late last night.” More lies. I was getting good at telling them with a straight face.

  “Well, we’re here. Maybe the food will give you some energy.”

  It wasn’t energy that I needed, but I couldn’t tell him that. I offered up a weak smile. “A huge plate of pasta and a sugary dessert ought to do the trick. Then I can have a carb crash later on and go into a coma.”

  “Maybe you should order a steak, then. I like for the guys I sleep with to be at least semi-conscious.”

  Leo’s bold comment was a little jarring, even though I had already considered the possibility of losing my virginity to him. I should have been pleased to hear that we were on the same page, but somehow I was only annoyed. His assumption deserved a snarky comment, but I didn’t offer one and instead climbed silently out of the car.

  Leo opened his own door and stepped out, then grinned at me over the top of the car. “On second thought, I don’t really care. I’ll take you any way I can get you, conscious or not.”

  I gaped at him. “Wow, I had no idea you were such a romantic, Leo.”

  He winked. “You’re right. You don’t know me that well, but you will soon.”

  We closed our doors and headed to the restaurant entrance. Leo’s car alarm beeped once as he clicked a button on his remote and slid it into the pocket of his pants.

  “Maybe we should have gotten to know each other a little better before we went on a date,” I suggested, getting more nervous by the second. “Maybe we’re rushing things.”

  “Rushing? Are you kidding me?” Leo held the door, and I ducked under his arm.

  The foyer was crowded, so I moved closer to Leo as we approached the hostess, a young girl with long, dark curls and a t-shirt that said Bud’s Steak House in block letters across her overdeveloped chest. When Leo gave her his name, his hand brushed against mine, and I instinctively snatched mine away. Even if the night wasn’t destined to end in sex, I’d imagined that our date would include hand-holding at the very least, and probably kissing in the car in the dark before we went back into the school. None of that was going to happen if I kept getting freaked out by everything Leo said and did.

  After we were seated and our orders taken, Leo rested his elbows on the table and leaned toward me, his expression tight. “So you were joking about us rushing things, right?”

  “No, I wasn’t joking.” I spoke without looking at him, instead focusing on a droplet of condensation that trickled down the side of my water glass and soaked into the table cloth. “We are moving kind of fast. I’m not used to all of this whirlwind romance stuff.”

  “What exactly are you used to? Enlighten me.”

  “You expect me to spill my whole life story?” I still couldn’t look at him. It had never occurred to me that I’d have to come clean about my love life. This dating business was already getting complicated. I wasn’t exactly keen on telling people my personal business, but I had to make an effort if I was going to have a boyfriend. “Look, I never dated anybody before, okay? I guess you could say this is my first date, except for the time Caleb Brantley and I went to the movie theater for the Halloween Triple Play.”

  “The movies? Was this date in kindergarten?” Leo raised his eyebrows, and the expression on his face was so damn condescending it made me want to smack him.

  “It was senior year. And for your information, we made out.”

  “Made out, huh?” He removed one of his elbows from the table reached under the table and startled me when he touched my thigh, his fingertips trailing along the inseam of my pants. “How far did you get, Bain? Did he put his tongue in your mouth? Did you jerk each other off in the dark theater?”

  I pushed back in my chair. “What the fuck, Leo?” Then, noticing the expressions on the faces of the couple who sat nearest us, I mumbled, “Excuse me.”

  “You’re a virgin.” Leo sat back and crossed his arms, looking smug. When I didn’t bother confirming it, he continued. “I’ve been trying to figure that out since the day I met you. Sometimes you seem so confident. You flirt and you tease, but any time I get close, you pull away like a scared little kitten. It’s as if you have two distinct personalities. Sometimes you seem like you’ve never even been touched, and sometimes you seem like just a normal guy who’s been around the block a few times. Never a player, though. You never come off that way.”

  Leo seemed to have gotten lost in his own musings, and I just let him go. I wouldn’t have known how to explain anyway.

  “I might have guessed you’d never let anyone fuck you,” he continued, “but the fact that you’ve never even been on a proper date is a bit of a shock. You and Gavin are so hot, and you’re celebrity kids. It just doesn’t make any sense that you two wouldn’t have—” He went quiet for a fe
w seconds, his eyebrows coming together as he contemplated something. “Well, I don’t know about your brother, do I? He’s probably fucked the entire European continent.”

  My face turned red at the thought, and it hurt. The idea that Gavin might be that much more experienced than I was tweaked my jealous bone in more ways than one. Could it be true? I wasn’t sure how to deal with the idea. Sure, I had imagined him flirting with girls, possibly even having a girlfriend. I’d even called him a slut on numerous occasions, but that was only because he had such undeniable swagger, and girls practically threw themselves at him. But somehow my mind had not entertained the notion that Gavin had actually slept with people. Maybe I had only been able to handle the thought in an abstract way.

  “I don’t think Gavin has gone all the way, either. He would have told me. We’re twins, and that means we have a different kind of connection than most people can understand. I would know if he had.”

  Leo chuckled, but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. He leaned up and slid his hand across the surface of the table, latching onto my wrist and squeezing. It was the same wrist Gavin had grabbed onto earlier when I’d teased my finger into his pants, and I had the gall to start obsessing over that again even as I looked Leo in the face. When I tried to snatch my hand away, his grip only tightened. He held me fast, his expression going dark.

  “Are you really so naïve?” He reeled me in, dragging my arm close enough to my water glass to wet my skin and nearly topple the glass. “Or is all that innocence just an act to get my dick hard? I must say, the thought of being your first is a potent aphrodisiac, but I don’t think you’re being completely honest with me. I was almost certain there had been at least one person before. Someone who seems to have a very unhealthy interest in you?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Let me go.” I twisted my arm in an earnest attempt to escape, feeling the skin on my wrist start to burn within his grip.

  “You didn’t seem to mind when your brother grabbed your wrist earlier. In fact, you seemed to like it pretty well.” At my shocked expression, he said, “You thought I missed that, didn’t you? The flush that crept up your throat when he got rough with you, and the way your breathing got all quick and shallow. The way you sat on the bed and put that pillow in your lap. You’re not as subtle as you think you are, Bain. In fact, both you and your brother are transparent as hell. You wear your every emotion on your sleeve, and Gavin… Well, he has no emotions, but he’s fucking obvious just the same.”