Coyote Blues

by Karen F. Williams

  A good Thanksgiving? It would be the best ever. She had more thanks to give than she knew what to do with. “You, too, Paul.”

  Riley watched him back out, then went inside and closed the basement door. She leaned against the wall, her knees buckling, and slid to the floor. She felt like she’d been holding her breath since he arrived, and with a loud exhalation she let it out and began sobbing until she emptied all the air from her lungs.

  * * *

  Riley’s car was in the driveway, but she wasn’t there when Fiona pulled up to the house. Four o’clock and it was getting dark. She rang the bell a few times, knocked, and waited. No response. Maybe she was in the bathroom or basement, maybe out in the woods, checking the property for storm damage. Not much snow was left in the driveway. Just puddles of slush that would freeze when night fell. She wandered over to the tree line and peered in at the white blanket of snow in the otherwise shadowed woods. No boot prints. Plenty of coyote tracks, though. She smiled at the thought of spending time here with them…making friends…if coyotes did that sort of thing.

  Fiona went back to the door, knocking harder this time, and when she began shivering got back in the car and turned on the heat. She’d wait, but not too long. And hopefully she wouldn’t fall asleep. She hadn’t slept in forty-eight hours. Olivia’s parents, Michael and Charles, had done her a favor and kept Edy overnight so Fiona could take care of matters. She’d need to pick Edy up within the hour, though, and keep her therapy appointment. Not that Edy was acting like she needed it. She’d taken the news of her father’s death pretty well. Too well. Edy hadn’t even cried when Fiona broke the news of her father’s accident the night before last. Fiona had informed Dr. Spencer, of course, and they had chatted a while by phone, Peggy impressing upon her that the grief process was often delayed in children—sometimes for months, even years. After today’s session, she and Edy would head up to her parents’ house to finalize arrangements with the funeral home, and with her father, who would be officiating at the service.

  It was hard to believe Jim was gone—hypothermia, according to the coroner’s preliminary report. Part of her wanted to collapse with relief when they found him dead; the other part wanted to jump up and down, dance in celebration. It sounded awful, but she didn’t feel one bit guilty.

  Fiona stared through the windshield. The afternoon light was fading fast. In the gloaming she could no longer see into the interior of the trees. She hated leaving for the week without seeing Riley. Of course, she could always phone her later tonight. Even that, the simple act of making a call, was a newfound freedom.

  She turned on her headlights, about ready to turn the car around, when a coyote came running out from the shadows. A coyote larger than any she’d ever seen. It froze when it saw her, and she stared at it through the windshield, absolutely transfixed. Then, just as fast, it bolted, disappearing around the side of the house. Fiona put the car in park. It was larger than the other coyotes. Something was strangely familiar about the way it looked at her, and she sat for a minute trying to grasp the feeling it stirred in her. The sensation was like waking up and getting a flash of a dream you’d had, but losing it before you could remember the rest.

  The windows of the house lit up, then the porch lights came on, and the front door opened. “Hey,” Riley said, smiling awkwardly. She stood there barefoot, fiddling with the zipper of her jeans. “When did you get here?”

  Fiona left the motor running and got out. “A while ago.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t hear you. I was in the shower.”

  That was highly doubtful. She had bits of ice in her hair, like she’d been rolling around in the snow. And what was that? A pine needle stuck in her hair?

  “Come on in and warm up,” Riley said, shifty-eyed, her smile pasted on. “You want coffee? Tea? I can make us hot chocolate if you want.”

  Those eyes, golden, whiskey-colored…She’d swear she had looked into them moments ago. The image Edy had drawn of a coyote with human eyes, the one presumed to be her imaginary friend, flashed through Fiona’s mind, causing a sudden wave of dizziness as she stepped into the mudroom. What Riley had jokingly confessed the night they’d made love, about her family leaving the lake house because she’d turned into a…

  Nonsense. It couldn’t be. It couldn’t. Fiona forced the ridiculous notion from her mind. “I can’t stay,” she said. “I was hoping to spend a little time with you, but now I’m running late.” She took a deep breath, steadying herself, and when Riley opened her arms, Fiona let herself go and almost collapsed into them.

  They held each other tight, saying nothing. There was really nothing to say. Fiona didn’t need to inform Riley of Jim’s death. The story of the season’s first blizzard claiming the life of a man who’d gotten caught in his traps and frozen to death had hit the news yesterday morning. “I don’t know what happened,” she said, struggling not to break down in Riley’s embrace. “But thank you.”

  “How’s Edy?”

  “She’s okay.”

  “And you?”

  “Would it be wrong to say I’ve never felt better, safe for the first time in years?”

  “Everyone has a right to feel safe in their home.”

  Fiona tried to contain herself, but she began to tremble. “My life…Edy’s life…it was horrible. But I didn’t know how horrible until I got into bed last night and he wasn’t there.” Fiona pulled away and took Riley’s hands in hers. “I have so much to do. We’re heading up to Lenox tonight.”

  “When’s the funeral?”

  “Later this week. The medical examiner won’t release the body until tomorrow.”

  Riley nodded. “I’d come to pay my respects, but I don’t think your mother would appreciate my presence.”

  “It’s best you stay here. She doesn’t need to know Jim died and you just happen to be back in my life. After the holidays, when everything settles, I’ll sit them down. In their frantic attempt to save their gay daughter from going to hell, they turned my life into a living hell. If they can’t acknowledge that fact, if they want to disown me a second time, so be it. I’ve been living against my own nature…I can’t live a lie anymore.” Tears rolled down her cheeks, and she wiped them away with the back of her hand. “We’ll be up there for the week,” Fiona said. “And then Edy needs to get back to school. I’ll be leaving her with Michael and Charles off and on, spending as much time as I can clearing Jim’s things out of my parents’ basement. There’s so much stuff down there. I want to get rid of every last piece of him.”

  “Edy could stay with me.”

  “She’d love that, but you’d have to get her to the bus stop and pick her up in the afternoons. It would interfere with your work schedule. It’s easier having her stay with Olivia.”

  “What about Gomez and Morticia?”

  “We’re taking the turtles with us tonight.”

  “When you get back next week, you could show me what to do. I can run over and take care of them while you go back and forth.”

  “Would you? They’re indoors for the winter. I could put their lamps on timers. You’d just have to feed them and change their water.”

  “Sure. Or you could even set up the turtles here. They can have the empty room upstairs.”

  “That’s an idea. I was going to ask if…”

  “What?”

  “Well…after Thanksgiving, would it be okay if Edy and I just slept here…maybe until after Christmas?” She was about to cry again. “You talk about people having a right to feel safe in their own home…and I know I am now, but…at night, when it gets dark, I keep imagining that he’s not really dead…that he’s going to kick the door down and kill me. Last night I was feeling such relief, but then I had a panic attack like…I don’t know, Riley…” She rubbed her forehead and felt her lip trembling, “I feel like I have PTSD or something.”

  “Ya think?” Riley’s smile was gentle, understanding. “That’s why it’s important to stay in therapy a while longer.”
<
br />   “Peggy’s wonderful. I know she’s bending the rules, seeing me and Edy. I feel bad about that, but I hope she isn’t thinking of transferring me to another therapist.”

  “Well, I can’t see you for obvious reasons, and although our new intern Madison is great, neither of us would entrust your and Edy’s care to an intern. Peggy can handle it. So far she’s done a good job of compartmentalizing. And as far as you and Edy sleeping here goes, stay as long as you like.”

  “Thanks. I figured that way I could spend the days clearing out and starting repairs on the farmhouse and outbuildings. It’s just the thought of being there at night that creeps me out.”

  “Understood. And don’t worry about money,” Riley said. “My parents paid me well to disappear. What’s mine is yours.”

  “I appreciate that, but I’ll be okay. I have a five-hundred-thousand-dollar term policy on Jim.”

  Riley raised her brow. “Nice!” It would be Jim’s way of paying for his sins, like it or not. “I’m willing to match that amount. If you need a benefactor—someone to help get a woodworking shop, gallery, and that sanctuary up and running—I’m your girl.”

  “You’ve always been my girl, Red.” She smoothed her hand over Riley’s chest. Her flannel shirt was warm but slightly damp, as though she’d put it on while her skin was wet. She smiled, studying Riley’s face through glassy eyes, fighting to maintain a grip on herself so she could see to drive. “I love you,” she said, delivering a sweet and tender kiss to Riley’s lips before she left.

  “I love you, too,” Riley said in a way that sounded genuine but somehow platonic.

  “Are we okay, Red?”

  “Sure,” Riley said, but Fiona sensed they weren’t. Something was making Riley hold back.

  She left her standing in the doorway, still barefoot, and managed to pick Edy up and get to therapy on time. After their sessions ended, they grabbed dinner at a drive-thru and headed back to the farm for their bags and the turtles.

  “I miss her,” Edy said as they passed Riley’s house.

  “She misses you, too.”

  “How do you know? You saw her?”

  “I did. This afternoon. Just for a few minutes.”

  “You went there without me?”

  “You were in school, baby. I had so much to do today.”

  Edy clucked her tongue, her tone indignant. “You could have waited for me. Did you see Luna?”

  “No. I didn’t have time to go in. Riley and I just talked at the door.”

  “What about?”

  “About your father’s…accident. Riley extends her sympathy.” Edy was quiet. “And speaking of talking, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

  “What?”

  “That coyote of yours. Have you seen it?”

  “Why?”

  “I was just wondering…I saw one in Riley’s driveway today.”

  “Hm. Was Riley with you when you saw her?”

  “Uh…no, actually, she wasn’t.”

  “Did the coyote see you?”

  “It did, yeah.”

  “What’d she do?”

  “When it saw me? I think I spooked it and—”

  “She, Mom. You keep saying it. It’s a she.”

  “Right. Sorry. She froze when she saw me. She was so beautiful. We stared at each other, and then…just that fast, she bolted and ran behind the house.”

  “And then what happened? Riley came to the door after that?”

  “A few minutes later, yes. Why?” Fiona turned in the driveway, put the car in park but left the engine running to keep the heat going. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Then maybe you should.”

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I did.”

  “Try me.”

  “I’ll think about it.” Edy started to unbuckle her seatbelt, but Fiona put a hand out to stop her.

  “Right now, Edy. Tell me. I promise to believe you.”

  Edy blew out an exaggerated huff. “Okay, if you really want me to, but…I don’t think you want to know, Mom.”

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Riley’s last client of the day had left, and she sat at her desk writing notes. It was five o’clock and almost dark. Through the office window she could see the evening sky and the Christmas lights outlining the restaurants along Route 7. The old-fashioned streetlamps, wrapped in garland for the holidays, had come on, lighting a blur of snow flurries whirling around the glass globes. It was hard to believe today was the first of December. They hadn’t seen snow since October’s blizzard, and she was itching to go home and invite her brother over to run with the pack before Fiona and Edy returned from Thanksgiving in Lenox.

  This whole business of them occupying the upstairs guest room had begun to cramp her style. The coyotes, only required to be themselves, were acclimating to the human intrusion better than Riley. The scent of the newcomers had them wary, and Gadget was still keeping his distance, though Widget and her girls had mustered the courage to creep up from the basement and sniff them from behind. Especially when Fiona was cooking. The moment Fiona turned to make eye contact they’d skittered away, but little by little they grew bolder, accepting tasty morsels from her hand. Food was a universal language, a gesture of friendship and goodwill. Fiona and Edy both thought their gradual acceptance was the coolest thing ever. And why wouldn’t they? They loved animals. Riley was something else entirely.

  What the heck had she been thinking, inviting them to stay there—that she and Fiona could pick up where they’d left off twenty years ago? They’d left off because of what Riley was, what she’d always be. Not that she had to shift every day, or even every week. But when the urge did strike, and she broke out in a sudden sweat, scratching her legs like an addict in withdrawal, Fiona and Edy were always right there, playing a game or watching a movie. Having them present would never work long-term. It was only a matter of time before her secret got out, and when it did, Fiona would respond the same way Michael and Amelia Dawson had—the same way her birth mother had upon seeing Jacob shift—with loathing and disgust. That’s what terrified her most: the idea of Fiona being repulsed, of seeing the monstrous and ugly truth of herself mirrored in the horrified eyes of the woman she loved. That would crush her.

  A soft knock on her open office door stirred Riley from her ruminations. She looked up, the pen slipping from her hand, her mouth dropping open at the sight of the new and improved Fiona standing in the doorway. Her long hair was gone, cut short in the back and on the sides, thick and full and lusciously layered on top. And that peaches-and-cream complexion, framed by the dark hair and black turtleneck she wore, seemed completely refreshed, remarkably restored, as though Fiona had just peeled off a facial mask, and ten years of misery and heartache had come off with it. She looked like a mature version of her adolescent self, the way Riley had always imagined her aging. And those eyes, as big and blue as a morning sky, sparkled with a reclaimed energy and passion that set Riley’s whole body on fire. Her breath caught in her throat as she rose from her desk. “Wow…look at you.”

  Fiona smiled—the sort of smile that comes from way deep down when you know you look good and feel as good as you look. “Edy’s just finishing up with Peggy. I thought I might take you to dinner.”

  The invitation was one of those wonderfully simple but forbidden fantasies Riley had never had the luxury of entertaining—your wife stopping by the office to take you out for dinner. If only. “Where’s Edy?”

  Before Fiona could answer, Edy rushed in and threw her arms around Riley’s waist. Her hair was shorter, too, although cut in more of a bob. “You like my hair?”

  Riley hugged her back and kissed the top of her head. “I love it. You and your mom are starting to look like sisters. And that was the truth. Recovering from a decade of emotional abuse and exhaustion, Fiona appeared younger by the day. “So? We’re going for dinner?”

  “Just you two,” Edy said. “It’s Frida
y night. I have plans. You have to drop me off at Olivia’s. Michael and Charles are taking us bowling.”

  “You know,” Riley said, “I think it’s high time you reciprocated.”

  Edy looked up with a quizzical expression. “What’s that mean?”

  “Reciprocating is a way of returning a favor, doing something nice for someone who does things for you. Like sleepovers. You’re always staying at Olivia’s. It’s time you reciprocated and had her over for one.”

  Edy’s face lit up, and she looked at her mother. “Can I reciprocate?”

  Fiona looked at Riley guiltily. “I feel so bad about that, but Edy’s father was against having kids at the house. As it was, we had to sneak Edy over there when he was out of town.”

  “Yeah,” Edy said. “He only wanted me associating with other Christians.”

  Other Christians? As if he had been one? “Well, I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you invite Olivia to spend next weekend at my house, since lots of your stuff is there. The turtles, too,” she said, smirking in Fiona’s direction.

  “Can I, Mom? Olivia’s been wanting to meet our turtles like forever! Plus, Riley has sleds. If it snows, we can go sledding down Riley’s driveway.” Steep and circular, it was the perfect slope. Aside from flurries, they hadn’t seen deep snow since the “Halloween incident,” as everyone referred to Jim’s unfortunate accident, but winter had arrived, and several inches were forecast for next week.

  “If it’s okay with Riley,” Fiona said and threw her an appreciative glance.

  “It’s more than okay. You know I’m not much of a cook,” she told Fiona, “but if you feel like making dinner and inviting Charles and Michael, feel free.”

  “Really? Can we, Mom?”

  “That would be nice,” Fiona said. “I’m sure they’d love to come. And I’d love for you to meet them.”

  Now she’d done it. Every time she opened her mouth, she got herself in deeper—sending mixed signals, acting like they were one big happy family, giving Fiona the impression they could actually be one. In retrospect, their physical intimacy this past summer, the rekindling of their romance, had been a huge mistake. A beautiful one, but a mistake nonetheless, one her body and soul begged to make over and over again.