In My Father’s House

by E. Lynn Harris

  “Why is that?”

  “Because my father is ashamed of who I’ve become.”

  She sounded shocked. “Who you’ve become? I thought you felt you were always gay.”

  “Looking back, I most likely was, but not acting on it kept me safe.” I sank deeper into the couch, remembering the feeling as a kid of curling up on my parents’ laps and feeling safe and loved. Oh, what I would do right now to feel that kind of love and comfort. Damn. That was probably the feeling that Jah got from Seth. The feeling that every human being ached for, and tried to get by any means necessary. The feeling that I got from Warren, when the mood was right.

  Dr. Fenton asked, “Do you think your father loves you even though he might not really understand your life now?”

  “It’s black and white with my father. Either you’re with him or you’re against him. He’s sees my sexual orientation as being against him.”

  Her voice hardened. “You didn’t answer my question, Bentley. Do you think your father loves you?”

  I thought about Dr. Fenton’s question for a few moments. “I don’t know, Dr. Fenton. You would have to ask him that.”

  After several attempts, I finally reached Jah on his cell. He quickly explained that Seth had gotten him a new cell phone with a Beverly Hills area code and that was the one he’d been using. When I asked him why he hadn’t sent me the number, Jah said he’d texted it to me, which I didn’t believe for one second.

  “B, I’m sorry we haven’t talked,” he said, really fast with excitement. “I’ve been so busy trying to find my way around Los Angeles. It’s so big, but I love it out here. There’s the weather and, of course, I see Seth an awful lot.”

  He sounded great; I felt relieved. Maybe Dr. Fenton was right. Maybe the only price that Jah had to pay was the secrecy of the relationship. At least that’s what I told myself to keep this feeling of relief that he was safe and happy.

  “That’s good, Jah,” I said, sitting at my desk, where I’d been unable to concentrate on anything but reaching Jah. A stack of bills was calling my name to the right, a long list of e-mails was beckoning on the computer screen, and I needed to talk to Mitch about the Caribbean shoot because he’d left a message saying he had more details and definitely needed my models. “Jah, I was just a little worried about you.”

  “Oh, don’t be, I’m fine,” he said. “You should see my condo, B. It’s awesome! I never thought I’d live in a place like this. I have a doorman and we have a lady during the day and an older man in the evening who’ll run errands for us.”

  “A concierge?”

  Jah giggled. “Yeah, I think that’s what Seth calls him. I have a terrace and I can see all of West Hollywood from my bedroom. I don’t have to clean or do anything. It’s just wonderful. All Seth wants me to do is to spend two hours a day in the gym and get a facial at least once a week.”

  “You’re young, Jah. Your skin will be fine.” My voice sounded flat and sarcastic because I was lost in the idea of Jah’s luxury lifestyle. That sounded like a dream right now, with all this work in front of me. What if all I had to do all day was go to the gym, get a facial, and wait in my condo for my man to come over and make love to me? I couldn’t even imagine.

  Jah’s voice snapped me back to attention. “I’m thinking about checking out some modeling agencies out here. Do you know anyone I can talk to?”

  I logged on to my online database. “Let me check. I’m surprised Seth will let you do that.”

  Jah said, “I haven’t mentioned it to him.”

  “Are you going to?”

  “Sure,” Jah said. “We don’t keep anything from each other.”

  I rolled my eyes, thinking about Mrs. Sinclair, the children, and the public image that was so different than the secret side that Jah was experiencing. Suddenly now that I knew Jah was safe and being treated like a prince, I’d heard enough.

  “Okay, Jah, now that I got your new number, I know where to find you. Take care of yourself and don’t forget if you need me, I’m only a phone call away.”

  Jah sounded happier than ever when he said, “I know that, B, and I appreciate that. I love you, Bentley.”

  “And I love you, Jah. Take care of yourself.”

  THIRTY-ONE

  Instead of lunch, I went to the gym and pushed through a ninety-minute workout. On the way back to the office, I picked up a protein shake and some fruit from the bustling market around the corner. When I got back to Picture Perfect, Laura greeted me in the reception area with one of those black-and-white-striped boards that filmmakers use to mark the start of each scene.

  She made the top slam down as I entered and said, “Act one, scene one, Alex returns from Hollywood.”

  I smiled. “She must have some good news with all this.”

  Laura showed me the slate. “I’ve always wanted one of these. Next time someone goes on my nerves, I’m gonna hold it up and say, ‘Cut!’ ”

  I laughed, hurrying into my office to drop off my healthy lunch. Then I dashed into Alex’s office, where she was typing furiously at her computer.

  “How was the trip?”

  She shot up from her desk, beaming and smiling. Wearing a sleek, beige pencil skirt and tailored cream blouse with man-killer pumps, she hugged me.

  “You know,” she said, “if you’d asked me about the trip thirty minutes ago, I would have said it was just okay. But thanks to a phone call I just received, I have to upgrade it to an awesome trip!” I had only seen Alex look so excited when she scored big modeling jobs, so that had to be great news.

  “What happened?” I asked. “Who called?”

  I sat down as Alex explained that her good fortune started the first day of her trip, during lunch at a beautiful restaurant on the beach in Santa Monica. Alex took the chair beside me, in front of her desk, saying that she was with her friend from school and her catalogue modeling days.

  “Well,” Alex said, “she brought one of her friends with her. Her name was Katie Parker and it turns out that she is the personal assistant to Trinity Sinclair, Seth Sinclair’s baby sister, who works for him running one of his production companies.”

  I secretly tripped on the idea that I had just spoken with Jah about Seth’s very personal life, and now Mr. Sinclair’s professional life was crossing paths with our agency.

  “Katie and I hit it off,” Alex exclaimed, “and I just mentioned what a big fan I was of Seth and how I was trying to get a meeting with him to see if we could send him candidates for small roles and walk-ons in his films.”

  I listened, smiling, loving her excitement. Was this fate? Coincidence? “Wow,” I said, “what are the chances of that happening?”

  Alexandria smiled. “Thanks to my phone call, very good. Katie calls me today to say, not only are we getting business, but that Seth himself wants to meet with me personally.”

  That could mean huge money for the agency, but I was just not impressed with that man’s character. But I couldn’t put my finger on exactly why, other than the fact that he was living a lie, and helping all those men in the PGC live out their lies, too.

  “That’s great,” I said to Alexandria. “When is this going to happen?”

  She exhaled. “It sounds like pretty soon and I think you should go with me.”

  I shook my head. “You think so? Can we afford two tickets and hotels for another trip? Besides, who would run the office?”

  She leaned forward and grasped my hands. “Bentley! This is Seth Sinclair! It could be huge! The answer to our prayers. Even in this tough economy, his movies still do big box office.”

  I squeezed her hands, not wanting to burst her bubble on this career coup. “I know, Alex, and I would definitely welcome the business. But this is your contact. Maybe you should involve me only if he insists. I’m sure Seth Sinclair is not going to do business with just anybody and will most likely check us out.”

  “Yeah, you’re right,” she said with a bit of disappointment.

  “Alex, I’
m proud of you, girl!” I exclaimed, smiling. “Sounds like you’re taking us to the big time!”

  She smiled, squeezing my hands. “Thanks, Bentley. I always knew we’d get our lucky break. So how’s everything else? Any luck in finding new clients or models?”

  I told her I had a really great-looking kid from Florida International that I was talking to. He was an athlete, so I told her we had to make sure we weren’t breaking any rules. Then I told Alex that I had some photos of a fitness instructor who wanted to model.

  “She’s very pretty,” I said, “reminds you of Tom Joyner’s wife, Donna, and she is great in person.” Then I reported that I planned to check out Model Mania later this afternoon to see if any new hopefuls had posted pictures there.

  Alex stood up, heading back to her computer. “I’m almost finished with putting our Facebook listing up. I think that will help a lot, especially with college kids.”

  I chuckled. “High school, as well as I can understand. I can’t believe our old asses are going to be on Facebook.”

  She cast a playful glance across her desk. “Speak for your own old ass because I’m not old, don’t feel old, and will never use that word to describe myself.”

  I stood, thinking about the pile of work on my desk. “You know what I mean, Alexandria. Do you ever miss being on the other side of this business?”

  “Ha!” She laughed. “If I never have to go on another fitting or a go-see it will be too soon. Does that answer your question?”

  I glanced down at myself, feeling trim and firm under my navy blue slacks and mock neck shirt with a belt and loafers. “I hear you. I just got back from an intense workout because I wanted to do it, not because I had to.”

  Alex shot an approving look at my physique, then looked down at herself, saying she’d be heading to the gym after work.

  “Oh, yeah,” she said, “I didn’t see it, but one of my friends told me Miss Georgia in Miss America this year is a very pretty African American girl who is really fit and toned. I’m going to watch clips from the pageant tonight and see what I think. If she’s not represented, then maybe we can get her.”

  I hadn’t heard anything about that. “Did she win?”

  “No. She was first runner-up. America has made strides, but ain’t no way they’re going to have a black president and Miss America,” Alex said with a hearty laugh.

  It felt good to laugh with her. “Yeah, I bet white folks are saying, ‘Hey, America, let’s not get it twisted.’ ”

  “Or as my mother would say, ‘Ain’t that the truth, Ruth!’ ”

  Even though Alex had just told me about a deal with Seth that could bring huge money to the agency, I was still brainstorming other ways to get paid. Did I not believe her connection with the Sinclairs would result in a deal? I headed toward the door, not sure how I felt.

  “Alex, do you think we should do another calendar audition?” This was one of our most successful recruiting tools. It seemed that everyone in Miami thought they had a good enough body to pose in swimwear on the beach for the camera.

  “Hmm,” Alex said over the clicking sound of her fingers on the keyboard. “What photographer could we use and who might do it for free?”

  “I’ll look through my contacts.” I stepped into the hallway.

  “Uh, Bentley?” Alex called in a way that sounded like she was about to tell me something awkward, like my fly was down or I had toilet paper stuck to the bottom of my shoe. I turned around, scanning her face for clues.

  “I don’t know if I should say anything, but—”

  I cast a playfully disgusted look at her. “Well, now that you’ve said something, spill it.”

  “It’s about Kim,” she said.

  I shrugged. “Kim Boston? Okay, and . . . ? I hope she finds her Prince Charming and lives happily ever after.”

  Alex stood and perched on the edge of the desk, crossing her arms. “When I was in California, my college friend had the 411 on your girl.”

  I laughed. “She’s not my girl.”

  “Well, according to gossip, she’s found her Prince Charming all right,” Alex said with a sly tone. “And he ain’t who you’d think. At all.”

  “Let’s see, Detroit, Detroit, who would she go after in the Motor City? Who could possibly fill my shoes?”

  Alex smiled. “Hint, hint. It’s someone who would remind her of you.”

  I looked at her blankly. “Just call me clueless.”

  “Here are some clues,” Alex said. “He’s successful, prominent, handsome.”

  Just for the fun of it, I thought of Warren, who was way too much of a player to lock down with one woman. Even though he said he wanted to get married and have kids someday. Plus, he wouldn’t do that to me.

  “Who’s that gorgeous sports reporter?” I pretended. “You know, he used to play football, now he’s a commentator for one of the local TV stations?”

  “Quit playin’,” Alex said. “How am I supposed to know who’s on TV in Detroit?”

  “Then it’s not him,” I said. “Okay, who?”

  She shook her head. “Nah! This one definitely classifies as TMI. Too much damn information.” She giggled nervously with an expression like she was hiding a juicy secret. “And my name is not Snitch.”

  “No, not Snitch. Your name is Tease!”

  We shared a laugh. As I headed into the hallway, I thought about how I really didn’t care about Kim’s love life, except that I hoped she was happy and that she’d gotten over the trauma that I’d inflicted on her by being honest.

  But who could be so big and bad that it had Alex looking so mischievous? I stopped in my tracks, turned around, and went back to her office.

  “Who is it?” I demanded, sticking my head in the door.

  Alex, back to work at her computer, shook her head.

  “Nope!” she said. “You’ll have to play detective on your own. One more clue. They have a common bond through you.”

  That made me even more confused.

  “Bentley, let’s just say she’s rebounded very nicely from you.”

  “Good for Kim. She deserves somebody nice.”

  Alex exhaled and looked at me more seriously. “Okay, I hear you. I didn’t get all the details because you know me and I don’t like to gossip, but I understand her new beau is very wealthy.”

  “Hey, thanks for sharing. Maybe if things really get bad I can hit Kim up for a loan,” I said with a sneaky grin.

  “I don’t think we should count on that, Bentley. Let’s hope Seth Sinclair comes through.”

  “You’re probably right, Alexandria.”

  I walked away, my brain spinning with clues about who could possibly be all that for Kim. I wondered if it was anybody I knew.

  THIRTY-TWO

  It had been five days since I’d heard from Jah and I was a bit concerned. I was coming out of the gym looking for Jah’s new cell phone number when my cell phone vibrated.

  “Hello?” I answered without looking at the screen.

  “B,” Jah said with a frantic edge in his voice. “I need to talk with you. I’m scared.” His voice was rushed and I could tell something was wrong.

  My heart raced. I prayed that he was not about to confirm my fears about Seth.

  Instead of opening my car door, I leaned against it so I could find out what was wrong with Jah. I pressed my finger to my other ear to block out a police car siren, a honking cab, and the bass beat from a car full of teenagers rolling past.

  “Jah, I’m here. What’s wrong?”

  “If you love someone,” Jah asked, “are you supposed to do whatever they ask you to do?”

  “No, Jah. Why would you ask me that? You don’t just do what someone asks you in a relationship unless it’s something you want to do. Tell me what happened.”

  Jah exhaled. His voice sounded shaky. “Right after we talked the last time, I had a visitor.”

  “Who?”

  “It was that Sterling guy we met at the party. He told me Seth had se
nt him over to make sure that I was okay and see if I needed anything. I didn’t think anything about it because I knew he works for Seth and so I let him in.”

  “Okay,” I said. “And?”

  “When I told him I was doing fine, he started making comments about my body and how good I looked. I thought he was just being nice. But then he tried to kiss me. When I stopped him, he got crazy and started asking me, ‘Who do you think you are?’ Then he shouted, ‘All of Seth’s boyfriends take care of me, too! Especially when Seth is busy working on some of his deals or movies.’ ”

  I forced myself not to think about all the bad outcomes that could have resulted from that scene. “Jah, what did you do?”

  Jah huffed as if it were obvious. “I told him I wasn’t that kind of guy and that I was only sleeping with Seth.”

  I nodded with relief. “Good, that’s what you should have told him. Did you tell Seth?”

  Jah groaned with disappointment. “I did, and that’s when the problems started.”

  Police sirens roared past me, along with a bus that needed a new muffler. I got in my car to escape all the noise. “What do you mean?”

  “I called Seth and it took him almost two days to call me back. When I told him about Sterling, he told me it was no big deal. He said I shouldn’t be so uptight.”

  I hoped this was enough to convince Jah to get on the next plane home to Miami.

  “Don’t let those people use you, Jah. We both know you’re not that kind of person. You might care about Seth, but don’t let him talk you into anything you don’t want to do.”

  I closed my eyes, hoping that Jah would see past all the luxury and realize this whole setup had nothing to do with love.

  “B, I told Seth I wasn’t that kind of person and I haven’t heard from him since.” Jah sounded shocked and frantic. I couldn’t help thinking about Wilson’s friend in Chicago who’d been beaten up and died when things went wrong with his powerful gay lover. I prayed that Jah would stay safe and come home.

  “Then this morning,” Jah said, “some guy I’ve never met showed up at my condo, basically asking me for the same thing that Sterling guy wanted. He told me that he’d been sent by Seth and that I was supposed to be nice to him.”