His Bundle of Love / the Color of Courage

by Patricia Davids

  “He’s trying to be a better father, Lindsey. Danny’s injury was a wake-up call for Dad. He knows he hasn’t always been there for you. Give him a chance.”

  “You’re right, I’m sorry. It’s just that he was always so eager to hear about what Danny was doing, but I got the feeling that he thought my duties weren’t important.”

  “You’ve been invited to participate in the Inaugural Parade. How many people ever get the chance to do something like that?”

  “I know. I’m thankful for the opportunity, but it’s not because of anything I’ve done. Don’t get me wrong. I’m delighted to be able to honor Danny and all the other men and women who have given so much for us, but it isn’t like I’ve done anything special.”

  “It’s because of you that Danny is working so hard in rehab. It’s only because of you that the army accepted Dakota. Don’t sell yourself short. What you do counts for a lot.”

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re home late—did your class run over?”

  Lindsey settled on the sofa beside Karen. She needed to share her happiness with someone. “Brian went with me to Bible study tonight. Afterward, we stopped and had a cup of coffee together.”

  “That’s wonderful! Did he like it? What did he say?”

  “He said, ‘Double-chocolate latte, no foam.’ Or something like that, and he really seemed to enjoy it.”

  Karen growled as she punched Lindsey’s shoulder. “I don’t mean what did he say about the coffee. I meant, what did he say about the class?”

  Lindsey rubbed the tender spot. “Careful. That’s my only good arm.”

  “It won’t be good for long unless you tell me everything.”

  “He said it gave him a lot to think about.”

  “That’s great. I’ll pray that he finds his way back to God.”

  “I’m praying for that, too.”

  “And I’ll add a special request that he ask you out on another date.”

  “It wasn’t exactly a date.”

  “Close enough. Oh, I can’t wait until Danny meets Brian. I think they’ll like each other.”

  Lindsey took her sister’s hand and squeezed it. “They will, won’t they? I’m so in love. Does it show?”

  “Yes. Oh, girl, I’m so happy for you.” She enveloped Lindsey in a quick, hard hug.

  Lindsey returned the hug. “Thanks, sis.”

  Karen drew back. “Now go call Dad and let me get back to sleep.”

  Lindsey wanted to talk about Brian all night long, but she kept the rest of her happiness in check. “All right. Good night, kid.”

  Alone in her bedroom, Lindsey sat on the side of her bed and dialed her father’s number. He picked up on the first ring.

  “Hi, Dad. It’s me. Did I wake you?”

  “No, I was up.”

  “What did you need?”

  “Nothing really. I just wanted you to know that we plan to be in front of the Hoover Building so you’ll know where to look for us.”

  “I’m glad you’re going to be there.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it. My daughter in the Inaugural parade. Makes me mighty proud just to think about it.”

  She had longed to hear those words from him for so many years that she could barely speak. “Thanks, Dad. How is Danny?”

  “He’s making good progress. How’s the arm?”

  “I’m out of my sling. I can make a fist now, but my grip is still weak. I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold a flag.”

  “You’ll be ready. I know you will. Say, your enlistment will be up soon, won’t it?”

  “I’ve got two months left.”

  “How long are you reenlisting for?”

  It was the question she least wanted to hear. “I’m not sure.”

  “If you give them eight years you can just about pick any billet you want. I’ve got friends here in Washington. A Pentagon job isn’t out of the question. That way you’d be close to Danny.”

  Eight years—it sounded like an eternity. For the first time she gave voice to the thought that had been roaming around in the back of her mind. “There isn’t anything that says I have to reenlist.”

  “What? Mandels have always been soldiers. It’s in our blood.” He sounded appalled that she would even suggest not reenlisting.

  “It was just a thought.”

  “I know you’ve taken Danny’s injury hard, but think how he would feel if you quit because of him. You’re not going to leave the service. Not my daughter. I raised you better than that.”

  “Karen isn’t in the service.” Lindsey felt a fleeting touch of envy for the way Karen had always stood her ground on the issue.

  “No, that one takes after her mother’s side of the family for sure, but I haven’t given up on her. You, on the other hand, take after me. You’d be lost in civilian life.”

  Maybe he was right. She had wanted to be a soldier all her life. Just as she had wanted to earn her father’s respect all her life, she thought with sudden clarity. The two issues were so closely intertwined she wasn’t sure she could tell which was which, not that it mattered. But he was right about one thing—she couldn’t have Danny thinking she left the service because of him.

  “It was just a thought, Dad. I’m sorry I said anything.”

  “That’s more like it. You had me worried.”

  “If you had left the army, would it have made a difference with you and Mom?”

  He was silent for a few seconds, then he said, “There were a lot of things wrong with our marriage, Lindsey. Being in the service was only part of it. Your mother was miserable in our situation, and I knew I would be miserable if I got out of the army. In the end, we did what made us both less miserable. I’m sorry you kids were caught in the middle.”

  “You did your best, Dad.”

  “And it must have been good enough. Two of my children joined up and followed in my footsteps. A man couldn’t ask for more than that.” His obvious pride came shining through in his words.

  “I’ll give some thought to working in Washington, D.C.”

  “You do that. Wherever you decide to go, I know you’ll make me proud.”

  Tears pricked her eyelids. “Thanks, Dad.”

  “The army will take you places, kid. It’s a great life.”

  The army had already taken her to the far-flung corners of the earth. Would it be so bad to stay in one place?

  Not if it was the right place.

  As she hung up the phone, she realized that the right place for her had nothing to do with a physical location. The right place would be where she could make a home and a life with Brian.

  Were his feelings as strong? She simply wasn’t sure. He liked her, she could tell that, but his guilt over his wife’s death had a strong hold on his heart. She prayed she could help him find the forgiveness he needed.

  * * *

  Over the next week, Brian managed to make time to see Lindsey almost every day. One night they enjoyed quiet conversation over a delectable dinner at a small romantic café. On New Year’s Eve, he joined both Lindsey and Karen for dinner at their apartment. Lindsey freely gave Karen credit for the hearty cooking he sampled. While the sisters laughed together over stories of previous cooking failures, he was free to admire how beautiful Lindsey’s face looked when she was happy and carefree.

  The following Friday night he took her to see the latest blockbuster action movie. The place was nearly empty with most of the students gone for the holiday break. Holding Lindsey’s hand in a dark theater, he paid little attention to the story unfolding on the screen. What he saw was a new chapter unfolding in his own life and he liked what he saw. He knew it was too soon to talk about marriage, but the idea took hold in the back of his mind and wouldn’t leave.

  When
he took her home that evening, they stood for a short while on her front porch and shared another sweet kiss full of promise and hope. Unbidden, the words, “I love you,” rose from his heart and crossed his lips.

  Her luminous eyes widened and filled with joy. “Oh, Brian, I love you, too.”

  “I could stand to hear those words every day of my life.”

  “It would be easy to say them every day,” she said with quiet sincerity.

  He wanted to say more, but found he didn’t yet have the courage. For now, it was enough to know that she loved him. In time, they would talk about what the future might hold for them together.

  On Saturday morning, Brian was determined to enjoy a few quiet hours at home after his evening with Lindsey. The trouble was, he couldn’t stop thinking about her. In the light of day, it all seemed unreal. Had she really said that she loved him? Could they have a future together? The new year seemed to hold so much promise. Just thinking about it scared him witless.

  All he wanted to do was to be with Lindsey. He wanted to see her eyes light up when they met his. He wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss her soft lips. He wanted to feel this happy every day of his life.

  Their evening at the Bible-study class had given him a lot of food for thought. He wasn’t certain that he was willing to accept Lindsey’s version of a loving and caring God, but he was willing to listen and learn more from the energetic young pastor he had met.

  Deciding it was better to work than to moon over a woman, he took out his seminar speech and began practicing it aloud. An hour later, Isabella went scampering through the living room past his chair toward the front entrance. She slid into the door panel then began to hop up and down.

  He listened carefully and heard the faint clank of the mailbox closing. Limping to the door, he scooped up the excited rabbit and held on to her as he opened the door and fetched his mail. The grocery store flyers were exactly the kind of paper Isabella delighted in shredding. Back inside the house, he closed the door firmly before putting her down. Her recent escapes at work had made him much more cautious about keeping an eye on her.

  Once she was on the floor, she darted to her special box, hopped in and then stood on her hind legs to peer at him over the rim. Her anticipation was obvious.

  Sitting in his recliner, he quickly tossed the discount ads in with her. As the crackle and ripping of paper replaced the quiet of the house, he grinned and began to look through the rest of his mail. A small, pale blue envelope caught his attention. A painful spasm clenched his stomach when he read the return address. He glanced at his wife’s face in the photo on the table beside him.

  “It’s from your mother.”

  His in-laws had spoken to him only once after Emily’s death. Three days after the accident, his father-in-law had come to Brian’s hospital room to tell him they had arranged to have the funeral in their hometown sixty miles away the following day. Groggy from pain medication and still in traction for his shattered hip, Brian had begged him to wait until he could attend, but Emily’s father had walked out of the room without saying anything else.

  No words could have conveyed more strongly the blame they placed on Brian for their beloved daughter’s death. He tried phoning, but they never took his calls. The few letters he wrote came back unopened. Now, after all this time, the note in his hand was the first contact he’d had from them.

  Irritation battled with his curiosity. He had loved Emily and she had loved him. If her parents had offered even the slightest sign of forgiveness, perhaps he could have found a way to forgive himself, too.

  He held the unopened letter over Isabella’s box, but he didn’t drop it. Instead, he tore open the envelope and pulled out a single sheet of pale blue stationery.

  Brian,

  This coming February will mark the fifth anniversary of Emily’s death, as I’m sure you are aware. Her father and I have planned a memorial service for the occasion. As the passing years have dulled our grief, we have come to regret the way we excluded you from our lives. You were Emily’s one true love and we know that you never meant to hurt her. Our excuse is that our lives ended with the death of our only child. Our grief and anger needed an outlet and it was easy to blame you.

  I hope you will accept our invitation to attend her memorial service. Perhaps in this way we can begin to make amends for the way we treated you. Please join us as our family and friends come together to celebrate Emily’s life.

  Grace and Emit Todd

  Tears blurred his vision as he glanced to his wife’s face smiling at him from the silver frame. She would be happy to know her parents were making an attempt to repair their relationship with him. Noticing a thin coat of dust on the glass, he realized that he hadn’t held her picture close in weeks. Guilt cut deep in his heart.

  He picked up the photo and wiped the front with his sleeve then pressed it to his chest. “I’ve been forgetting you. How could I do that? I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry about everything.”

  It was because of Lindsey. Lindsey had turned his life upside down and made him dream about happiness again. How could he be happy when he had ruined the lives of so many people? Her life, their child’s life. Her parents were suffering still. What right did he have to any happiness in the face of so much sorrow?

  The clock on the wall chimed twelve times. Today was his day to volunteer at Hearts and Horses. He was scheduled to be there at two o’clock. For a second, he considered calling to say he couldn’t make it, but that would only place more of a burden on his friend. He would go, but first he would answer the letter from Emily’s parents and tell them he would join them in February.

  Later in the afternoon, Brian stepped out of his truck in front of the Hearts and Horses stable. He turned up the collar of his black overcoat against the chilling wind, then pulled his cane out from behind the front seat. As he made his way across the gravel driveway to the office door beside the barn, he glanced around at the well-groomed farm.

  White rail fences bordered the road and enclosed several corrals. The old two-story house was also painted white, but bright blue shutters kept it from looking austere. An American flag fluttered in the breeze from its holder on one of the porch’s tall square columns. In the spring and summer, Brian knew the green lawns were bordered with colorful flower beds, but winter had put an end to their bright displays weeks ago.

  He stopped at the office door, but Patience Duncan opened it before he had a chance to knock. Patience’s erect bearing and boundless energy belied her sixty-odd years. Her salt-and-pepper gray hair was cut in a simple bob. Her worn jeans were tucked into tall black rubber boots and her green hooded parka had a hole in one elbow where an occasional down feather found its way to freedom.

  “Brian, thank you for coming.” She threw her arms around him in a hearty hug.

  “I’m always happy to help.” He was glad now that he had come. He needed to get away from his somber thoughts.

  Patience stepped back. “Come in out of the wind. It sure turned cold fast. Makes me doubly glad our indoor arena is finished.”

  Brian followed her inside the office. A second door connected the cluttered room to the larger pole barn. “Are my pupils here yet?”

  “I’m only expecting one child today. The boy you referred to us.”

  “Mark? Is this his first time?”

  “It is. He was disappointed when I told him he wouldn’t actually be riding today, just getting to know Sprite and learning to take of her. His mother seemed very relieved. I think she needs this therapy more than her son does.”

  “You may be right.”

  “I’m happy for the light schedule because the army is sending out one of their horses for evaluation today.”

  His heart sank. The last thing he wanted to do was face Lindsey today. Perhaps she wouldn’t be one of the people who brought Tiger. He could on
ly hope. “I’ve seen the horse in action. I think he’ll be great for you.”

  “I hope so. Speaking of the army, I think that must be them.” Patience stepped to the office window and drew the blue-and-white-checked curtain aside.

  Brian moved to stand beside her. The red pickup and matching red trailer rumbling into the circle driveway were unmistakable. His heart jumped into overdrive when he noticed Lindsey in the front seat between Avery and Shane.

  Patience let the curtain fall back into place. “Why don’t you show them where to take their horse.”

  “Mark and his mother are waiting. I should get started with them.”

  “All right. I’ve set up the arena so that you can have the back third. I’ll go meet the troops.” Patience gave him an odd look as she walked past.

  * * *

  Lindsey had noticed Brian’s truck in the driveway as soon as they pulled in. Excitement and delight raced through her, leaving her giddy with joy.

  Resisting the urge to run and find him and fling herself into his arms took a fair measure of her resolve. There would be time for that later. Today, she was under orders to assess this facility as a possible home for a valued member of their unit. She didn’t take her assignment lightly.

  A middle-aged woman came out of the office and walked toward them. “Hello, and welcome to Hearts and Horses. Call me Patience. You’ll never meet anyone so misnamed.” The woman flashed a broad friendly smile that put Lindsey instantly at ease.

  “Good afternoon, ma’am. I’m Sergeant Mandel and this is Corporal Ross and Private Barnes.”

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Well, let’s get a look at your horse, shall we?” Patience strode to the rear of the trailer without waiting for anyone. “How old did you say he was?” she called over her shoulder.

  “Eighteen,” Shane answered as he hurried to keep up with her.

  “A good age for horses and for men. How old are you, sonny?”

  Lindsey smiled at Avery. “I like her already.”