Losing Leah

by Kit Tunstall

  His motion was gentle, but the action was brutal as he took her hand from his chest and stepped away from her. “No, I don’t want you to do anything. I shouldn’t have assumed we were in agreement on this… aspect of marriage. I expect nothing from you.”

  Leah’s lips parted in a small gasp. “I didn’t realize.”

  He nodded. “I know. It’s an understandable mistake.” Nikos waved a hand downward to indicate her body. “I appreciate the effort, but sex will complicate things needlessly.”

  She nodded, trying not to betray her hurt and shock. “Yes,” she said tremulously.

  “Your room is through that door.” He gestured to it, and she turned toward it, desperate to escape his presence. She was a few steps from the door when he called her name. Leah paused, turning back to look at him. “Just so we’re clear, Leah, I won’t be changing my mind in the future. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about anything.”

  Figuratively gathering the tatters of her pride, she lifted her head high. “I understand now. It’s a relief, to be honest,” she tossed out, hoping she didn’t sound shrill or whiny. She wanted to be calm. “Now that we understand all the terms, it should be a relatively easy three years, everything considered.” Without waiting for a reply, she had entered the other bedroom of the master suite, finding its Queen Anne furniture and light purple accents much more to her tastes than his room. The king-size bed was so comfortable as to be almost sinful, she discovered seconds later, after throwing herself on the plush surface and burying her face into her pillow to sob out her humiliation and hurt.

  His words from the night had imprinted on her brain and still haunted her from time to time. It was true he’d never said he didn’t want her, but she had been able to infer what he was trying to say in his politely remote way. It had taken months, but Leah had eventually recovered from her “love” for Nikos, finally dismissing it as a lingering adolescent crush. The indifference which she displayed toward him after that night had started out forced, but she had mastered her reactions and eventually managed to feel true detachment from Nikos.

  With one moment of weakness, she had undone all her hard work. Her body still ached for him, though her mind recoiled at the thought of sleeping with him now. He hadn’t wanted her three years ago, and she refused to be used because she was now convenient. Leah had no doubt sex with her husband would be amazing, but it wasn’t worth the cost to her pride or her emotional stability. She couldn’t risk falling in love with him again.

  Nikos took refuge in his study, where men in his family had found solace from the time his father first built the villa. A finger of whiskey remained untouched in the crystal glass, though he swirled it absentmindedly from time to time.

  He had certainly mucked up everything. Nikos set aside the glass to wipe a hand across his face. Three years ago, he’d been determined that Leah understand he wanted nothing physical with her. She had been beautiful, standing before him in a white negligee that made his fingers itch to pull off the scrap of fabric and explore the skin beneath. His wife had been desirable, though seeming less experienced than he was accustomed to in a lover. Nikos had exerted every ounce of will power not to accept her shy invitation.

  At the time, he had been thankful that his wits quickly conquered his baser urges, and he was able to resist. Nikos had tried to be gentle with his rejection, but still get his point across. After that night, she had acted like nothing more than a roommate that he saw in passing a couple of times per day. Leah hadn’t shown any sign of distress that he’d rejected her consummation attempt, so he had assumed all was well, and she had reached the same conclusion he had—that lovemaking was strictly off-limits if they both wanted to avoid developing deeper emotions.

  With a wry tilt of his lips, he acknowledged his assumptions had certainly made him an ass. It wasn’t clear if she had been deeply hurt, but Leah had obviously taken his message to heart. He cursed himself, shaking his head at his own blindness. How could he have been near Leah for the past three years and not taken her to his bed? The idea of losing her now was unacceptable. At thirty-one, he didn’t want to give up the comfort of having a wife, nor undertake the task of finding another when he had a perfect one already. Leah was an ideal partner and he was used to her habits. It was silly to end their marriage. He just had to convince her of that.

  His lower body tightened painfully as he relived holding her earlier, her mouth devouring his while their bodies strained to get closer. Leah had been willing and responsive. He could likely seduce her with just a little perseverance, but would that be enough to make her stay?

  A conversation from the party replayed in his head, and the seed of an idea germinated. Leah had said it herself. “Children need both parents, particularly when they are young. In that situation, I think you have to set aside what you want and think of your child, at least during the formative years.” If she became pregnant from his seduction, she would have to stay. It wasn’t the ideal way to convince her of the logic of maintaining their relationship, but at least it gave him an option if she proved stubborn.

  His mouth curled in a smile as he imagined his child held in Leah’s arms, suckling at her breast. A wave of warmth suffused him. He already knew she was maternal and kind. Nikos couldn’t think of a better woman to be the mother of his children.

  To her relief, Nikos was gone from the room when she emerged from the nursery late the next morning. Another restless night had left her tossing and turning, and the little sleep she’d finally managed hadn’t reenergized her. She grimaced at the bruising around her eyes when she stood in front of the mirror, after a hot shower, several minutes later. His sharp eyes wouldn’t miss the proof of her distress, which she had no desire to show. Setting her lips in a grim line, Leah reached for her little-used cosmetics bag to conceal the signs of last night’s ravages.

  Her hands were quick and skillful in masking the discoloration, but she’d had lots of experience with the technique three years ago. It didn’t sit well to be back in the same spot years later.

  Once she had fixed her face, Leah padded from the bathroom, wrapped from head to toe in her bathrobe. He was nowhere in sight, so she risked dressing in the dressing room, pulling on shorts and a shirt in record time.

  If Irina had brought breakfast this morning, Leah must have slept right through her knocking. Her stomach growled as she descended the stairs, sending her in the direction of the kitchen.

  Irina clicked her tongue when Leah entered and went straight to the fridge. “I will cook for you, Kyria Leah. Tell me what you would like.”

  With a smile, Leah held up a bottle of water after closing the refrigerator door. “I’m fine.” She scooped up a juicy orange, likely grown in the Andrakis’ orchard, from a bowl on the counter. Ignoring Irina’s admonishments about needing a substantial breakfast, she left the villa through the servants’ entrance.

  Leah headed for the gardens and orchard, eager to reacquaint herself with the foliage of the island. Soon enough, she found a stone bench in the center of a small arrangement of various plants. It was one of the six garden areas set up on the Andrakis land. Six years ago, she had known them all well by the end of her stay.

  As she peeled the orange, Leah scuffed her foot along the bricks underfoot. She smiled at discovering the small heart she’d found long ago was still there, with the initials K.A. + J.A.—the initials of Nikos’s parents. She remembered Kostas vaguely as a remote, serious man, so it was nice to see proof that he’d had a softer side. At some point on one of their vacations, he had taken time to make this little monument to the love he felt for Jacinth. She could imagine Nikos doing the same someday, though her heart stuttered when her imagination provided M.P. to pair with the N.A.—Maia Papadas. It had almost been a reality once, and it could be again, once he was free from their marriage.

  The orange was perfectly ripe and delicious, but her thoughts killed her appetite. With a sigh, she tossed the remaining fruit and peel into the discreet rubbish bi
n located under the bench. The bottle of water provided a way for her to rinse her hands and avoid returning to the villa just yet. That was the last place she wanted to be, since she didn’t know when Nikos might turn up. If he persisted with his seduction attempts, Leah wasn’t sure she could continue to resist.

  She resumed her explorations, enchanted all over again by the bushes, flowers, and trees that grew together in such beautiful harmony under the hot Grecian sun. By mid-afternoon, she’d been through four of the six gardens. She followed the hedge border around the fifth patch, ambling into the garden.

  Leah drew up short, eyes wide. A young man tended to a tree. He had stripped off his shirt, and the sun-bronzed skin displayed was beautiful. He could have been a god in another time. A young god, she amended, when he caught sight of her and grinned. Too young for her even if she weren’t still married. He was probably closer to Arianna’s age than her own.

  Not able to turn and walk away without being rude, Leah walked deeper into the garden, toward the man. He greeted her in Greek, and she shook her head. “I don’t really speak your language. Do you speak English?”

  “A little, Kyria Andrakis.”

  “What are you working on?”

  He waved to a row of lotus trees. “I am to prune so they will blooming in the fall. The fruit is delicious.”

  She cocked her head, examining the slender green leaves. “I think I know this as a date plum tree.”

  He nodded and continued with his work. Leah watched him for a couple of minutes, feeling awkward. “What is your name?” she asked finally, more to break the silence than anything else.

  “Angelo, Kyria Andrakis.”

  She wandered around his work area, examining the plants bloom. Tenacious violets and narcissus flowers still bloomed in the wilting heat. “What else do you do here, Angelo?”

  “I am the gardener. Irina is a distant cousin.”

  Leah took a sip of her water before saying, “You’re young for such a job. Did you design all this?” There were new additions and changes to the gardens from the last time she’d explored the grounds six years ago.

  Angelo shook his head. “No, Kyria. Kyrios Andrakis hired a company from Athens to design the layouts. I maintain what they have done.” He grinned, displaying even white teeth against his deeply tanned skin. “It is big work, but I keep doing it busy.”

  “It keeps you busy?” At his nod, she asked, “Do you have staff?”

  He shrugged one shoulder. “When needed, I will give my little brothers help to me.”

  She licked her lips, torn between her desire to dig into the deep, rich soil and the definite class distinctions between them. Of course, she was once the servant’s child too, though Dmitri had regarded Miles as a friend, not servant.

  It had been years since she’d really gardened, and the longing filled her. Leah knew to her core that Nikos would disapprove of what she was about to do, which made it a little more fun—and more dangerous. She would have to keep her activities secret from him.

  With a deep breath, Leah said, “I’d be happy to help.” At his shocked expression, she prepared herself for the imminent task of convincing the young man to let the wife of Nikos Andrakis dig in the dirt and follow his commands. She almost giggled with giddiness, feeling lighter than she had since arriving on Trini Island.

  Eventually, she had worn down Angelo’s resistance and persuaded him she could be useful. Leah spent the next several days immersed in landscaping. Sometimes, she worked alongside Angelo in companionable silence, and other times he gave her a task to perform solo. He seemed as enchanted with the dirt and plants as she did, preferring to work quietly, though he chatted gregariously during breaks, even attempting to teach her some Greek.

  The pleasant days still didn’t get her through the awkward evenings. Nikos was much too attentive, and his determination to seduce her apparently hadn’t faltered. She had tried every way she could think of to dissuade him, to no avail. Leah was just relieved he hadn’t resorted to more than a few lingering touches, or her will power might fade away.

  It annoyed her that she spent many nights tossing and turning, her body aching for his, before finally falling into a restless sleep where he haunted her dreams. She was determined to resist the impulse to sleep with her husband, no matter how difficult he made it.

  Several days after beginning her new routine of gardening during the day and dodging her husband in the evenings, Leah entered the master suite after a long day of gardening, dirt under her fingernails and on her nose. She grimaced to see Nikos sitting at the desk, typing on his laptop. He was engrossed, and she managed to wipe the dirt off her nose before he looked up.

  Leah stuffed her filthy hands into her shorts pockets and tried to look nonchalant. Nikos gazed at her with narrowed eyes. She smiled and took a step toward the bathroom. She made two more before he spoke her name in the deep, husky way that sent shivers up her spine. Keeping her hands in her pockets, she turned. “Yes?”

  “We have plans tonight.”

  She pulled a face, irked that he hadn’t bothered to consult her. Of course, that had been their pattern for years. Leah responded to his summonses and followed his orders for managing social affairs just as professionally as any of the staff he employed. Why should that change just because he’d suddenly decided to indulge in a holiday fling with her? “Where?”

  “Caesar and Calista Kakos invited us to a small dinner party on their new yacht.”

  She sighed with relief, doubting Calista had invited Maia. She hadn’t seemed to care for Nikos’s ex-fiancée. “That sounds enjoyable.”

  He arched a brow, perhaps surprised by her bland tone. “I am pleased you will enjoy it. They plan to take a little cruise around the Aegean after dinner. I cannot recall if you suffer seasickness?”

  Leah shook her head. “Not that I know of.” She hadn’t been on many boats or yachts, but had never experienced sickness during her limited sailing experiences.

  “Good.” He glanced at the understated gold Rolex on his wrist. “We are due there in three hours. Will you have sufficient time to prepare?”

  “Of course. I’m not one of those women who take hours to get dressed,” she said with exasperation.

  He made a sound low in his throat. “And how long does it take to get you undressed, agape mou?”

  Teeth clenched, Leah strode into the bathroom, getting a small bit of satisfaction from slamming the door and blocking out his hearty chuckle. The man was insufferable. He was also stubborn, pursuing what he was convinced he wanted with single-minded devotion. The thought made her tremble, but she wasn’t sure if it was from fear or anticipation.

  The wind blew through her hair, picking up strands and tossing them about into utter disarray as she leaned against the railing of the Kakos’ yacht. The elaborate hairstyle she’d spent twenty minutes pinning up was completely ruined, but the night breeze was refreshing.

  She turned her head as Nikos joined her, withdrawing from his close stance. Leah didn’t speak, and he didn’t either, to her surprise. He put his hand on the rail next to hers, their skin barely touching. She waited for him to try more, but he seemed content with just reminding her that he was within arm’s reach.

  “Dance with me.”

  For the first time, Leah realized the band she’d seen setting up before dinner was now playing. Several couples danced close together on the deck, eschewing traditional Greek dances in favor of more intimate Western dancing. She shook her head, trying to dig in her heels when he took her hand.

  “Come on, Leah. It’s just a dance.”

  Leah considered protesting, mainly because she wanted to dance with him, which frightened her. A second thought dismissed the idea, and she decided one dance couldn’t hurt. It might test her resolve, but she was in no danger of surrendering to him in a crowd of fellow dancers.

  Nikos stopped at the edge of the makeshift dance area, drawing her into his arms. He maintained a respectable distance between them, and she
didn’t like that it made her disgruntled.

  At first, she held herself stiffly, but the posture was uncomfortable. As they swayed to the soft music, with its occasional sharp metallic twang from the bouzouki, Leah relaxed, letting herself move a little closer.

  “That’s better,” said Nikos.

  She tried to move away, but he held her closer. “Relax, Leah. Pretend my touch doesn’t annoy you.” He ran his hand down her back, making her shudder. Nikos chuckled. “Or perhaps I should say stop pretending that it does?”

  “I’m done dancing,” she said through gritted teeth.

  “Pity that I am not.” His arms enfolded her, molding their bodies together.

  Leah glared at him. “Do you want me to make a scene?”

  He quirked a brow, as though considering the notion. “Maybe so. Anger would be an improvement from the cold disdain which you have displayed the past few days.”

  Leah tried to appear calm when she said, “I’m not disdainful toward you, Nikos; just apathetic.”

  He made a scoffing sound low in his throat. “You might hate me, or you might desire me—maybe both—but you are not indifferent, agapi mou.”

  It was dangerous to provoke him. She knew that, but couldn’t seem to keep from replying. “Believe what you will, Nikos. I don’t care.”

  His lips curled into a slight smile. “Of course you don’t. You do not care if I put my hand here,” he rested it just above her buttocks, “Or if I put my lips here.” Nikos lowered his head to place a light kiss at the bend of her neck. “You certainly don’t care if I do this,” he whispered against her skin, as his other hand roamed from her hip to just under her breast, his fingers grazing the mound.

  Leah tried to hide any hint of a reaction, but failed miserably when he sucked at the delicate flesh of her neck, drawing it into his mouth and exhaling. Gooseflesh rose on her arms, and she shivered, though the night wasn’t cold.

  “Yes, I can see you are completely unaffected,” he said with heavy irony before easing away, back to a normal dance position.