Hard Eight

by Janet Evanovich

  A blue-and-white pulled into my parking lot, lights flashing, and a uniform got out.

  I opened my window and leaned out. “False alarm,” I yelled down. “Nobody here. It must have been a bird.”

  He looked up at me. “A bird?”

  “I think it was an owl. A real big owl. Sorry you got called out.”

  He waved, got back into the car, and drove off.

  I closed and locked the window, but it was an empty gesture since a lot of the glass was missing. I ran into the kitchen and ate the Chocolate Junior.

  I WAS HALF-ASLEEP, contemplating the nutritional value of a Creme-filled Cupcake for breakfast, when there was a knock at my door.

  It was Tank, Ranger's right-hand man. “Your car turned up at a chop shop,” he said. He handed my bag over to me. “This was on the floor in the back.”

  “And my car?”

  “In your parking lot.” He gave me my keys. “The car's fine except for a chain attached to the tow. We didn't know what the chain was all about.”

  I closed and locked the door after Tank, stumbled into the kitchen, and ate the package of cupcakes. I told myself it was okay to eat the cupcakes because it was a celebration. I had my car back. Calories don't count if they're connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

  Coffee would taste good, but it seemed like a lot of work this morning. I had to change the filter, add the coffee and water, and push the button. Not to mention, if I had coffee I might wake up, and I didn't think I was ready to face the day. Better to go back to bed.

  I'd just crawled into bed when the doorbell rang again. I put the pillow over my head and closed my eyes. The doorbell kept ringing. “Go away,” I yelled. “Nobody's home!” Now there was knocking. And more ringing. I threw the pillow off and heaved myself out of bed. I stomped to the door, wrenched it open, and glared out. “What?”

  It was Kloughn. “It's Saturday,” he said. “I brought doughnuts. I always have doughnuts on Saturday morning.” He looked more closely. “Did I wake you up? Boy, you don't look all that good when you wake up, do you? No wonder you're not married. Do you always sleep in sweats? How'd you get your hair to stick out like that?”

  “How'd you like to have your nose broken a second time?” I asked.

  Kloughn pushed past me, into my apartment. “I saw the car in the parking lot. Did the police find it? Do you have my handcuffs?”

  “I don't have your handcuffs. And get out of my apartment. Go away.”

  “You just need some coffee,” Kloughn said. “Where do you keep the filters? I'm always a cranky pants in the morning, too. And then I have my coffee, and I'm a new person.”

  Why me? I thought.

  Kloughn got the coffee out of the refrigerator and started the machine. “I didn't know if bounty hunters worked on Saturday,” he said. “But I thought better safe than sorry. So here I am.”

  I was speechless.

  The front door was still open, and there was a rap on the doorjamb behind me.

  It was Morelli. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked.

  “It's not what it looks like,” Kloughn said. “I just brought jelly doughnuts.”

  Morelli gave me the once-over. “Frightening,” he said.

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “I had a bad night.”

  “That's what they tell me. I understand you were visited by a large bird. An owl?”

  “So?”

  “The owl do any damage?”

  “Nothing worth mentioning.”

  “I'm seeing more of you now than I did when we were living together,” Morelli said. “You aren't doing all this stuff just to have me stop around, are you?”

  Stephanie Plum 8 - Hard Eight

  6

  “OH JEEZ, I didn't know you two used to live together,” Kloughn said. “Hey, I'm not trying to cut in on anything. We just work together, right?”

  “Right,” I said.

  “So, is this the guy you're engaged to?” Kloughn asked.

  A smile twitched at the corner of Morelli's mouth. “You're engaged?”

  “Sort of,” I said. “I don't want to talk about it.”

  Morelli reached into the bag and selected a doughnut. “I don't see a ring on your finger.”

  “I don't want to talk about it.”

  Kloughn's voice was apologetic. “She hasn't had any coffee yet.”

  Morelli took a bite of doughnut. “You think coffee will help?”

  They both looked at me.

  I pointed stiff-armed to the door. “Out.”

  I slammed the door after them and slid the security bolt. I leaned against the door and closed my eyes. Morelli had looked great. T-shirt and jeans and a red flannel shirt worn open like a jacket. And he'd smelled good, too. The scent still lingered in my foyer, mingling with jelly doughnuts. I took a deep breath and had a lust attack. The lust attack was followed by a mental head slap. I sent him away! What was I thinking? Oh yeah, now I remember. I was thinking he'd just said I was frightening. Frightening! I'm having a hot flash over a guy who thinks I'm frightening. On the other hand, he did stop by to see if I was okay.

  I was running this through while I walked to the bathroom. I was up and awake now. Might as well get on with the day. I switched the light on and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Eeeek! Frightening.

  I THOUGHT SATURDAY would be a good day to follow Dotty around. I had no real reason to think she was helping Evelyn. Only instinct. But sometimes instinct is all you need. There's something special about childhood friendships. They might be set aside for reasons of convenience, but they're seldom forgotten.

  Mary Lou Molnar has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. Truth is, we haven't got a whole lot in common anymore. She's Mary Lou Stankovik now. She's married and has a couple kids. And I'm living with a hamster. Still, if I had to tell someone a secret, it would be Mary Lou. And if I was Evelyn, I'd turn to Dotty Palowski.

  It was close to ten by the time I reached South River. I cruised past Dotty's house and parked a short distance down the street. Dotty's car was in the driveway. A red jeep was parked curbside. Not Evelyn's car. Evelyn drove a nine-year-old gray Sentra. I pushed my seat back and stretched my legs. If I was a man lurking in front of a house, I'd be suspect. Fortunately, no one paid much attention to a woman.

  Dotty's front door opened, and a man stepped out. Dotty's two kids jumped out after him and ran around him in circles. He took them by the hand, and they all walked to the jeep and got in.

  The ex-husband on visitation day.

  The jeep pulled away and five minutes later Dotty locked the house up and got into her Honda. I followed her easily, out of the neighborhood, onto the highway. She wasn't looking for a tail. Never picked me up in her rearview mirror.

  We went straight to one of the strip malls on Route 18 and parked in front of a chain bookstore. I watched Dotty get out of her car and cross the lot to the store. She was barelegged, wearing a sundress with a sweater. I would have been cold in the outfit. The sun was shining but the air was cool. I guess Dotty had run out of patience for warm weather. She pushed through the doors and went straight for the coffee bar. I could see her through the plate glass window. She ordered a coffee and took it to a table. She sat with her back to the window and looked around. She checked her watch and sipped her coffee. She was waiting for someone.

  Please let it be Evelyn. It would make everything so easy.

  I left my car and walked the short distance to the store. I browsed the section to the rear of the coffee bar, staying hidden behind racks of books. I didn't know Dotty personally, but I worried that she might recognize me, all the same. I scanned the store for Evelyn and Annie. I didn't want them to see me, either.

  Dotty looked up from her coffee and focused. I followed her line of sight, but I didn't see Annie or Evelyn. I was looking so intently for Annie and Evelyn that I almost missed the red-haired guy making his way toward Dotty. It was Steven Soder. My first reaction was to intercept hi
m. I didn't know what he was doing here, but he was going to ruin everything. Evelyn would run when she saw him. And then it hit me, brain surgeon that I am. Dotty was waiting for Soder.

  Soder got a coffee and took it to Dotty's table. He sat across from her and slouched in his chair. An arrogant posture. I could see his face, and he didn't look friendly.

  Dotty leaned forward and said something to Soder. He made a crooked smile that was close to a snarl and nodded his head. They had a brief conversation. Soder stuck his finger in Dotty's face and said something that turned Dotty white. He stood, made one last parting remark, and left. His coffee remained, untouched, on the table. Dotty collected herself, made certain Soder was out of sight, and then she left, too.

  I followed Dotty to the parking lot. She got into her car, and I ran for mine. Hold the phone. No car. Okay, I know I'm a little dingy sometimes, but I usually remember where I've parked the car. I trotted up and down the aisle. I tried one aisle over. No car.

  Dotty pulled out of her space and headed for the exit. A sleek black car followed a short distance behind Dotty. Jeanne Ellen.

  “Damn!”

  I rammed my hand into my bag, found my cell phone, and pounded out Ranger's number.

  “Call Jeanne Ellen and find out what she did with my car,” I said to Ranger. “Now!”

  A minute later Jeanne Ellen called me. “I might have seen a black CR-V in front of the deli,” she said.

  I punched the end button so hard I broke a nail. I dropped the phone back into my bag and stomped off, down the strip mall to the deli. I found my car and checked it over. There were no scratch marks from where Jeanne Ellen had popped the lock. No loose wires from hot-wiring. Somehow she'd gotten into the car and moved it without leaving a trace of herself. This was a trick Ranger could easily accomplish, and I couldn't hope to pull off. The fact that Jeanne Ellen could do it really grated on me.

  I left the strip mall and returned to Dotty's house. No one was home. No car in the driveway. Probably Dotty had taken Jeanne Ellen straight to Evelyn. Fine. Who cares. I'm not even making any money on this. I did an eye roll. It wasn't fine. If I go back to Mabel with nothing, she'll start bawling again. I'd walk on molten lava and shards of glass before I'd face more of Mabel crying.

  I hung around until early afternoon. I read the paper, filed my nails, organized my shoulder bag, and talked on my cell phone with Mary Lou Stankovik for a half hour. My legs were twitchy from the confinement, and my butt was asleep. I'd had a lot of time to think about Jeanne Ellen Burrows, and none of the thoughts were friendly. In fact, after about an hour of Jeanne Ellen Burrows thinking I was darn cranky, and I'm not sure, but I think steam might have started escaping from the top of my head. Jeanne Ellen had bigger boobs and a smaller ass than me. She was a better bounty hunter. She had a nicer car. And she had leather pants. I could deal with this. What I couldn't deal with was her involvement with Ranger. I'd thought their relationship had ended, but clearly I was wrong. He knew where she was every minute of the day.

  While she had a relationship, I had the threat of a single night of gorilla sex hanging over my head. Okay, so I'd made the deal during a moment of professional desperation. His aid in exchange for my body. And yes, maybe it had been flirty and fun, in a scary sort of way. And true, I'm attracted to him. I mean, I'm only human, for crying out loud. A woman would have to be dead not to be attracted to Ranger. And it's not like I'm having any luck getting Morelli into my bed these days.

  So here I am with my one night. And there's Jeanne Ellen with some sort of relationship. Well, forget it. I'm not fooling around with a man who's possibly in a relationship.

  I dialed Ranger and drummed my fingers on the steering wheel while I waited for the connection.

  “Yo,” Ranger said.

  “I owe you nothing,” I said. “The deal is off.”

  Ranger was silent for a couple beats. Probably wondering why he ever made the deal in the first place. “Having a bad day?” he finally asked.

  “My bad day has nothing to do with this,” I said. And I hung up.

  My cell phone chirped, and I debated answering. Curiosity ultimately won out over cowardice. Pretty much the story of my life.

  “I've been under a lot of stress,” I said. “I might even be sick with a fever.”

  “And?”

  “And what?”

  “I thought you might want to retract the part where you tell me the deal is off,” Ranger said.

  There was a long silence on the phone.

  “Well?” Ranger asked.

  “I'm thinking.”

  “That's always dangerous,” Ranger said. And he hung up.

  I was still contemplating the retraction when Dotty rolled in. She parked in her driveway, took two grocery bags from the backseat, and let herself into the house.

  My phone rang again. I did an eye roll and snapped my phone open. “Yes.”

  “Have you been waiting long?” It was Jeanne Ellen.

  I whipped my head around, looking up and down the street. “Where are you?”

  “Behind the blue van. You'll be happy to know you didn't miss anything this afternoon. Dotty had a full day of housewifey things to do.”

  “Did she know you were following her?”

  There was a pause where I assumed Jeanne Ellen was stunned that I might think she'd ever get made. “Of course not,” Jeanne Ellen said. “She didn't have Evelyn in her day planner today.”

  “Well, cheer up,” I said. “The day's not over.”

  “True. I thought I'd stay here a bit longer, but the street feels crowded with both of us sitting here.”

  “And?”

  “And I thought it would be a good idea for you to leave.”

  “No way. You should leave.”

  “If anything happens I'll call you,” Jeanne Ellen said.

  “That's a big fib.”

  “True, again. Let me tell you something that isn't a fib. If you don't leave, I'll put a bullet hole in your car.”

  I knew from past experience that bullet holes were very bad for resale. I disconnected, put the car in gear, and drove away. I drove exactly two blocks and parked in front of a small white ranch. I locked up and walked around the block until I was directly behind Dotty's house, one street over. There was no activity on the street. Not a lot of life visible from Dotty's neighbors. Everyone was still at the mall, the soccer game, the Little League game, the car wash. I cut between two houses and straddled the white picket fence that enclosed Dotty's backyard. I crossed the small yard, and knocked on Dotty's back door.

  Dotty opened the door and stared out at me, surprised to find a strange woman on her property.

  “I'm Stephanie Plum,” I said. “I hope I didn't startle you by showing up at your back door like this.”

  Relief replaced surprise. “Of course, your parents live next to Mabel Markowitz. I went to school with your sister.”

  “I'd like to talk to you about Evelyn. Mabel is worried about her, and I said I'd do some inquiring around. I came to the back door because the front of your house is under surveillance.”

  Dotty's mouth dropped and her eyes widened. “Someone's watching me?”

  “Steven Soder has hired a private detective to find Annie. The detective's name is Jeanne Ellen Burrows, and she's in a black Jaguar, behind the blue van. I spotted her when I drove up, and I didn't want her to see me, so I came through the back.” Take that, Jeanne Ellen Burrows. Direct hit. Kapow!

  “Omigod,” Dottie said. “What should I do?”

  “Do you know where Evelyn is?”

  “No. Sorry. Evelyn and I sort of lost touch.”

  She was lying. She'd waited too long to say no. And now spots of color were booming on her cheeks. She was possibly the worst liar I'd ever seen. She was a disgrace to Burg women. Burg women were great liars. No wonder Dotty had to move to South River.

  I let myself into her kitchen and closed the door. “Listen,” I said, “don't worry about Jeanne Ellen. She's
not dangerous. You just don't want to lead her to Evelyn.”

  “You mean if I knew where Evelyn was then I should be careful about going there.”

  “Careful isn't good enough. Jeanne Ellen will follow you, and you'll never see her. Don't go anywhere near Evelyn. Stay away from her.”

  Dotty wasn't liking this advice. “Hmmm,” she said.

  “Maybe we should talk about Evelyn.”