Better Off Dead: The Lily Harper Series, Book 1

by H. P. Mallory

  “Our first retrieving mission?” I repeated, my heart dropping to my feet as sweat started beading along my forehead and the small of my back. “You mean to the Underground?”

  Bill bit his lip and nodded, the expression on his face telling me he wasn’t happy with the news either.

  “But,” I started, shaking my head against the idea. I was about to find myself en route to the equivalent of hell. I had a feeling it would end up being a one-way ticket.

  “Ye cannae go,” Tallis interrupted, still refusing to so much as look at me. Instead, he picked up another log and held it in place. “Unless ye want tae take Streethorn oop oon his offer ah a hundred years in Shade.”

  Roughly translated, that meant Tallis thought I would surely die were I to venture into the Underground City. And even though I didn’t know what awaited me in the Underground, I had to agree with him.

  “I thought you were going to train me?” I started, my voice sounding strained, panicked.

  Tallis finally glanced up at me, his left eyebrow arched in obvious irritation as his navy blue eyes burned with something I had yet to put my finger on. “Trainin’ ye will take time ... months. Ye donnae hae months.”

  “So what’s the answer then?” Bill demanded, kicking at a demon when it chanced a little too close to his foot.

  Heaving the axe over his head again, Tallis cleaved the log in half and tossed both pieces into a pile beside him. Then he lifted the axe one more time and hefted it into the tree stump, standing up straight to face us, all seven feet of him. I guessed his chopping chores were finished for the day.

  “Ye take meh wif ye.”

  “You would go with us?” I blurted out, surprised down to my toes as a wave of relief rode through me. Tallis, in and of himself, was something fearful, and if anyone could take on the Underground City, I was convinced he could.

  Tallis nodded and wiped the sawdust from his hands onto his kilt. I felt my eyes stray to the valleys of broad muscle on his pectorals. My gaze slowly strayed downward, eating up the beauty of his rock-hard stomach to his belly button. I didn’t miss the trail of black, wiry hair, which disappeared beneath his kilt either. Catching myself checking him out, and very obviously, I pulled my attention back to his face, suddenly embarrassed when I found his navy eyes studying me intently.

  “Aye. Fur ah price.”

  “Of course!” Bill railed, throwing his arms up in the air. “Forget philan ... philantrop ...”

  “Philanthropy,” I finished for him, offering a small, but encouraging smile.

  “Thanks, nerdlet,” he said with a frown, facing Tallis again. “What’s yer price this time? Her firstborn?”

  Tallis appeared to ignore Bill and simply faced me. “Fifty thoosain poonds.”

  “Fifty thousand! Fuck, dude!” Bill railed out, covering his heart with his hand as if he were having an apoplectic fit.

  “Fifty thoosain poonds an’ Ah also want th’ credit fur retrievin’ the sool Streethorn wants ye ta retrieve.”

  “Okay, done,” I piped up instantly, placing more importance on my life than the money and the soul combined.

  “What the hell are you gonna do with fifty thousand pounds? You got plans ta buy Sherwood Forest?” Bill continued. “An’ for that matter, it’s not like you’re a Retriever; so what the hell do you want the credit for?”

  Tallis finally faced Bill and his expression wasn’t a happy one. “Mah reasons are mah own.”

  “Whatevs,” Bill answered, shaking his head before he apparently thought better of it. “Fifty thousand clams is a lot of money, Conan, how do we even know you’re worth it?”

  “Ah hae traversed the Oonderground moony times,” Tallis started, offering his explanation to me entirely. Apparently, he was well aware of who owned the checkbook. “Ah am extremely stroong an’ nae one can wield ah sword sooch as Ah kin.”

  “This ain’t an interview, Braggadouche,” Bill coughed.

  But Tallis ignored Bill and faced me, his jaw tight. “Ye will be safe wif meh.”

  They were exactly the words I needed to hear.

  “Okay, so what’s stopping you from leading us into the Underground and then just leaving our sorry asses there?” Bill continued. “Why should we trust you?”

  Tallis never pulled his gaze from mine. “Ye have mah word,” he said softly. “Ah willna leaf ye.”

  I swallowed hard as the truth in his words appeared in his eyes. It wasn’t like I knew Tallis Black at all, but there was something about him that made me believe that his word was something he never broke. Or maybe that was just my own dumb wishful thinking.

  “Ye kin pay the debt in installments,” Tallis added softly.

  “Okay,” I said, knowing there was no other alternative. I didn’t want to end up in Shade. I didn’t want to become another AE Retriever statistic. I wanted to succeed and I was smart enough to realize that I wouldn’t succeed without the protection of this man.

  “Yer word,” Tallis said, his eyes narrowing on me.

  “You have my word.”

  Tallis simply nodded and glanced at Bill, who grumbled something unintelligible, fisting his hands in his pockets as he apparently engaged in a whispered argument with himself. Tallis returned his midnight blue gaze to me again and neither of us said a word, just stared at one another for four seconds ... not that I was counting.

  It was Tallis who finally broke the silence. “First things first ... ye will need yer sword.”

  “What in the hell are we wastin’ time with a freakin’ sword, yo?” Bill interrupted. “Make her a machine gun!”

  Tallis glanced at Bill indifferently. “Ye are an angel an’ yit, ye ken verra little aboot th’ Oonderground City.”

  “Yeah, dude, I’ve never been there,” Bill said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “We’ve been through this.”

  Tallis frowned more intensely, taking a deep breath as if it were all he could do to maintain his personal space without wringing Bill’s thick neck. “The oonly way tae kill ah demon is by way ah a sword forged frae iron ah this forest.”

  “Then you will forge me a sword?” I asked softly, the words dying on my tongue as Tallis approached me. I felt myself gulp when he was only a mere foot away, studying me with those intense eyes, eyes that reflected a deep, dark void. Somehow, and I’m not sure why, the scar bisecting his cheek seemed more pronounced.

  “Then get on it, yo,” Bill interrupted from directly behind Tallis, coming closer to ensure I was safe, I guessed.

  “Yer boody will dictate how Ah create yer sword,” Tallis said quietly, taking another few steps towards me. It seemed with each step he took, my heart rate increased. It was just off-putting and slightly uncanny how he seemed able to stare right through me.

  “What do you mean?” I whispered, feeling as if I were succumbing to the seductive tone of his voice.

  He said nothing, but held his hands out, so each of his palms were an inch or so away from my face.

  “What the hell,” Bill started.

  “Ah willna hurt her,” Tallis snapped at Bill although his eyes were still on mine. Then he simply closed his eyes and dropped his head slightly, as if he were centering all his attention on his palms. I could see his lips moving, as he chanted something only known to him. He pressed his hands even closer to my temples although he never touched me. He brought his hands down my neck to my shoulders, hovering a fraction of an inch above my body. He hesitated only briefly above my breasts before continuing his descent down to my navel where he paused a moment longer. He spread his hands out to encapsulate my hips and stopped, his brows knotting in the middle. Then he opened his eyes and his lips were suddenly tight as he inhaled deeply.

  “Ye canna goo ta the Oonderground,” he said simply, dropping his hands as he took a few steps away from me.

  “What?” I ground out, my eyes going wide. “What do you mean I can’t go? Why?”

  Bill stepped forward and threw his hands on his hips. “What the hell was that, Bubba?”
he demanded. “First you’re a blacksmith, er a bladesmith, and now a fuckin’ mime?”

  But Tallis ignored Bill, instead studying me with eyes that were so piercing, I couldn’t hold his gaze.

  “Ye hae never known ah man,” he said simply, his eyes narrowing on me with an unreadable expression.

  “She ne’er knew what man?” Bill gurgled.

  “The lass doesna ken whit it ’tis ta be wif ah man,” Tallis said again.

  “What the hell are you talkin’ ’bout, dude?” Bill continued, grilling Tallis with his beady-eyed expression.

  Tallis rolled his eyes. “She is ah virgin, man!” he finally roared out.

  Bill was about to continue his word raid, but swallowed whatever was on its way out of his mouth, his shoulders deflating instead as he glanced over at me, and doubt clouded his eyes. “Oh.”

  “What?!” I started, my cheeks coloring with mortification that this ... stranger knew such an intimate detail about me. I wasn’t sure why, but I was suddenly completely embarrassed by my chastity. “How? How do you know … that? And, really, what difference does it make?”

  Tallis shook his head, crossing his arms against his chest. “’Tis mah gift,” he said simply, before continuing. “An the difference it makes is that ye are an innocent. Ye willna survife in the Oonderground City.”

  “Why?” Bill asked before I could.

  “The Oonderground is naethin’ boot strife, sufferin’. All who venture intae it hae ah past an’ it is that past which allows those ah oos who are able, tae escape.” He glanced at me with something like regret in his eyes. He shook his head. “Yer innocence would be ah freat ta yer safety as well as mah own.”

  I swallowed down the surge of panic suddenly overtaking me as a vision of one hundred years in Shade cast itself before my eyes. “I have no choice,” I said in a bereft tone. “I don’t want to go to Shade.”

  “An’ if ye venture intae the Oonderground, ye will die anyway ... oonly ta find yerself in Shade ... sae whit is the point?”

  So it was a Catch-22. If I abandoned my post of Retriever, Shade awaited me; but die while on a mission and Shade still awaited me.

  But Tallis Black can keep you alive! a voice chimed up inside me. It was that voice, otherwise known as my subconscious, which I trusted.

  “This really isn’t such a problem,” Bill started, eyeing us both, smiling as if he had the answer. “Someone just needs to slip her the sausage.”

  Although I frowned at him, I couldn’t say the idea hadn’t crossed my mind. If my virginity was throwing the figurative wrench in my plans, the solution was pretty readily apparent. “If this is just a case of my virginity,” I started, flushing from my head to my toes. I couldn’t spit out the rest of the statement. Then something occurred to me, something which spared me further embarrassment. “But what if,” I started and took a deep breath. “What if my body isn’t ... a virgin?” I mean, I couldn't imagine the body I now inhabited once belonged to someone who died a virgin—not looking like I did.

  “Ah doona oonderstand,” Tallis said as he eyed me speculatively.

  I cleared my throat, but Bill beat me to the punch.

  “That’s just a borrowed body,” he said, inclining his head toward me as if I weren’t standing there and listening to him. “Skeletor, er Jason, offered it to her ’cause it weren’t her time ta go when she, uh, went.”

  Tallis faced me and narrowed his eyes. “Ah see.”

  “So maybe my body isn’t a virgin?” I continued, not even sure how I should feel about this conversation—it was just so foreign and weird. Furthermore, I didn’t know how to feel about Tallis knowing this body wasn’t mine. Somehow I felt like an imposter, like I’d done something I shouldn’t have. It was a strange feeling and I immediately forced it out of my mind.

  Tallis shook his head emphatically. “Ye are ah virgin, an innocent aboot the ways ah men, regardless.”

  “But if my body has already had sex,” I started, getting frustrated and embarrassed all at the same time.

  Tallis’s lips tightened. “Ah could feel yer innocence in yer spirit.”

  Okay, so it seemed my virginal status was going to haunt me no matter where I went. Fabulous. Realizing I was now stuck, I quickly weighed the options in my head:

  1. Have sex and lose your innocence, thereby allowing yourself a chance in hell, literally, or, 2. Continue being a virgin, die a virgin and spend the next hundred years in Shade ... a virgin ...

  Yep, having sex never sounded so good.

  I faced Tallis again, forcing myself to hold his gaze. What was about to come out of my mouth wasn’t going to be pretty and it definitely wouldn’t be easy. I held my chin up high and reminded myself of Robert Schuller’s words: Tough times never last. Tough people do. And Lily Harper was determined to last. “The only obstacle standing in our way is my … virginity,” I started, spearing Tallis with my determination. “The solution is pretty obvious.”

  I never expected Tallis Black to be struck dumb, but that’s the exact expression he wore as soon as the words left my mouth. He cleared his throat, arched a brow and simply turned to face Bill, as if Bill might be the solution to my problem. He wasn’t.

  “Somehow, dude, I don’t think she’s talkin’ about me,” Bill said and I nodded emphatically, glancing back at Tallis with resolve. When it came down to it, I would rather spend a hundred years in Shade than have Bill for my sexual partner, especially my first.

  Tallis cleared his throat and glanced back at me again. I could swear his cheeks were a little redder than before. “Aye, well ...”

  “Fifty thousand pounds and you take credit for the retrieved soul,” I said simply. “Does your offer still stand?”

  He cleared his throat again before taking a deep breath. “Och aye, mah offer was tae act as yer guide in the Oonderground. That doesna include the ...” He dropped his attention to the ground. “The oother soobject.”

  “Fuck, dude, you gonna charge her for that too?” Bill demanded, shaking his head, as if he just didn’t get it. “Look at her! She’s the bomb dot com!”

  “Nay!” Tallis thundered at him, anger suddenly infiltrating his expression. “Ah willna deflower ’er. Ah willna hae that oan mah conscience.”

  I felt my stomach drop. “You won’t?” I asked softly, not understanding why he wasn’t jumping at the opportunity to have sex with me. I mean, Bill was right, I was the bomb dot com. Or, at least, I looked that way.

  “Why? Are you like ... into men?” Bill asked, taking a few steps closer to me.

  “Nay!” Tallis thundered at Bill, who held his hands up in mock submission.

  “No need to throw a mantrum, dude,” he whispered. “I just wanted to make sure, that’s all.”

  Tallis faced me and sighed, rubbing his head as he realized he owed me some sort of explanation. “Ah hae enough tae make amends fur. Ah doona need tae add ye tae the list.”

  “But,” I started.

  He shook his head and interrupted me. “Besides, Ah dunno fur certain if that ... act would remove yer innocence. ‘Tis yer spirit that’s innocent an’ naive.”

  But somehow I didn’t believe him—my spirit being innocent just sounded like a line intended to get him out of having to have sex with me—a subject which still floored me. I’d basically just gotten a smart slap to the face, even with a face that was entirely more beautiful than mine used to be. But none of that mattered anymore. What mattered now was asserting myself. I would not spend the next hundred years in Shade. “I’m going,” I said resolutely, eyeing Bill and Tallis. “Whether you come with us or we go alone, I’m still going.”

  “Lass, didna ye hear me?” Tallis asked in an irritated voice, his eyes narrowed and dangerous.

  “Yes, I heard you!”

  “This mission coulds cost ye yer life,” he repeated, spearing me with his glare as he folded his beefy arms across his beefier chest.

  “And if I don’t do it, I’ll end up in Shade for the next century, which is
n’t an option,” I threw back, holding my lips in a straight line as I gathered whatever strength I could find within me.

  Tallis shook his head again and sighed, long and hard, dropping his attention to the ground as he seemed to weigh the argument in his head. Finally, he glanced up at me and there was fury in his eyes. Ah willna allow ye ta go.”

  I threw my hands on my hips, anger flaring up within me at the thought that this man, whom I’d only just met, had the gall to tell me he wouldn’t permit me to go. “Just who in the hell do you think you are?”

  “Nice,” Bill said as he smiled at me encouragingly, no doubt pleased over the fact that I hadn’t said “heck.”

  “Ah am the oonly one ah us that will keep ye alife,” he said in answer to my question as he returned my scowl. “An’ ah am also th’ only one ah oos that appears tae hae ah speck ah intelligence.”

  So now he was insulting my intelligence? Well, I might not have been beautiful (the old me, anyway) or popular or “cool,” but one thing I did know about myself was that if I were anything, I was smart. Damn anyone who tried to convince me otherwise. “You listen here, Tallis Black,” I started, not meaning to sound like a ninety-year-old librarian chastising an unruly child, but c’est la vie. “Regardless of what you say, I AM going to the Underground to attempt to do my job. If I die trying, then so be it, but at least I’ll know I tried.” I took a deep breath. “No one is going to change my mind, not you, not Bill, no one!”

  Tallis’s eyes narrowed and both of us played the game of stare down for another few seconds before he spoke. “Ye are too stoobborn fer yer oon good.”

  “Are you in or are you out?” I snapped, no longer interested in his reasons why I shouldn’t venture to the Underground.

  He stared at me for another few seconds, but I refused to back down. Tallis took a few steps closer to me until we were maybe two inches apart. He was so close, I could feel his breath against my cheeks and smell his earthy scent—a smell I found heady in its raw masculinity. I felt my heartbeat racing as I realized how enormous he was—when it came down to it, he could simply hogtie me to ensure I didn’t make it into the Underground. And given the ire in his expression, I wouldn’t have put it past him.