Better Off Dead: The Lily Harper Series, Book 1

by H. P. Mallory

  “No, it isn’t,” I demanded, crossing my arms against my chest, determined to salvage some of my dignity. “The only reason I even mentioned … sex …was purely because I saw it as a means to an end,” I said with authority. “It absolutely had nothing to do with me … wanting to uh, do it with … you,” I finished with less authority.

  Tallis gave me a side glance and a raised brow, which I interpreted to mean that he wasn’t exactly buying my explanation. And that fueled me all the more. I stopped walking and this time, so did he. I threw my hands on my hips and faced him with all the fury I could muster. He just had this way about him where he could strip me to my core with only a word or glance my way. “Listen,” I told him loudly, “if we are going to travel together through the Underground, you need make yourself a little easier to be around.”

  Tallis didn’t say anything right away. Instead, he closed the distance between us until he was maybe only an inch from me. I refused to budge though, and crossed my arms over my chest, forcing my chin up just to glare at him. He mirrored my expression, but his was a lot scarier.

  “Lissen haur, Besom. Ah donnae give ah damn aboot whit the heel ye want. Ah would ne'er hae agreed tae be yer guide if Ah’d knoon ye were an innocent. Oonderstan’ me noo that if ye give meh even an oonce ah grief, Ah’ll leave ye an' that stookie angel tae find yer ain way in thess forest aloone.”

  I was so angry and dumbfounded, I just said the first thing that occurred to me. “My name isn’t Besom, Conan!”

  “Aye, boot it describes ye well,” Tallis responded, a slight smile turning up his lips.

  “What does it mean?” I demanded.

  Tallis started forward again but I kept up with him, especially after hearing he would leave my stookie angel and me out in the forest to find our own way out.

  “It means ye air ah difficult wooman.”

  I thrust my lower jaw out and glared at him. “Well, you are the most difficult, irritating, rudest man I’ve ever met!”

  “Then we are even in oor mutual dislike ah one anither.” He gave me a frown. “All the mair reason tae finish thess silly mission apace.”

  “Agreed,” I answered, my lips tight.

  “Dude, where the hell have you assholes been?!” Bill’s voice interrupted the previously tranquil air and caught me by surprise, since I didn’t even realize we’d returned to Tallis’s cabin. Bill jumped up from the exact same position I left him, and threw his hands on his fleshy hips as he shouted at us. “You left me Macaulay Culking it for so long, I thought you dumbasses forgot about me!”

  Neither Tallis nor I said anything. Bill continued to berate us, although his anger gave way to curiosity as he looked us up and down. “What did you bring back for dinner?”

  Tallis threw the sword against the base of the tree where Bill was sitting. The blade stuck into the snow, swinging the rest of the sword to and fro. I remembered Tallis leaving the cat o’ nine tails back in the snow, beside the creek. Looking at Tallis’s wide back, I noticed all the blood was gone, and the lacerations had completely healed. I shook my head in wonder over how Tallis had healed so fast.

  Bill turned his beady-eyed, hungry expression from Tallis to me, reminding me that he’d asked where dinner was. I simply shrugged, as if to say we hadn’t brought anything back. The whole of my thoughts, though, were still centered on how Tallis Black managed to heal so quickly.

  “You mean to tell me that while I’ve been sittin’ here so damn long that I taught myself how to be ambisextrous, neither of you caught anythin’ to eat?” Bill demanded.

  Tallis faced me and shook his head. “Whit is he goin’ oan aboot?”

  Bill held both of his hands up and turned to Tallis. “Ambisextrous, man! I can masturbate with both hands!”

  Tallis shook his head just as the mob of demons suddenly appeared from the rear of his cabin. The one in the front carried a carcass of something. The other demons brought up the rear and the one carrying the bloodied rabbit (I think that’s what it was) carefully made its way to Tallis’s feet. It dropped the carcass, which turned out to be two rabbits, before Tallis.

  “Weel doone,” Tallis said with a slight nod at the creature. He leaned down and picked up the two blood-soaked rabbits.

  I glanced at Bill and saw the horror on his face. “Please tell me that isn’t our dinner, Conan?”

  “It isnae yer dinna,” Tallis answered quickly, facing the wooden door of his cabin. He turned the knob and walked inside, while the demons surrounded the doorway, looking like super-ugly dogs begging.

  “Amen to that, nerdlet,” Bill said with a smile as he walked over to me and we both took a seat in front of the fire. “You okay, sugar mounds?” he asked, draping his pudgy arm around me.

  Looking back at the cabin, I watched Tallis shut the door. I turned back to the fire and shook my head. “You do realize that he meant the rabbits are solely for him, and we have to fend for ourselves?”

  The smile on Bill’s face vanished as he eyed the closed door of the cabin and frowned before asking, “You sure?”

  I just nodded with a smile that said I was very sure, in no uncertain terms.

  “What the fuck?!” Bill railed. “What the hell are we supposed to eat?” As he stood up, the demons caught his attention. “Hey, you,” he called, and all the demons turned to face him as one. “Yeah, you ugly, little shits, go bring me something to eat!”

  But the demons simply turned back to the door of the cabin again, clearly unimpressed with Bill. Tallis opened the door, throwing out a large bowl of what looked like leftovers—old vegetables and even older meat. The demons dove for the scraps, growling and biting one another as they wolfed down whatever they could get into their mouths.

  “Garbivores,” Bill said in disgust as he watched the demons licking the dirt and snow for any leftovers they might have missed. “The lowliest of animals in the food chain because they only eat garbage.”

  I couldn’t help laughing, but stopped as soon as Bill sighed. We both stared at the fire as his stomach continued to growl. “Bill?”

  When he looked up at me, I almost felt sorry for him because he seemed so dejected. “Yeah, nips?”

  “Do you think we could make our way back to the car ourselves?” I asked. I kept one eye on the doorway to make sure Tallis wouldn’t show up anytime soon.

  Bill frowned. “No way,” he said with a “duh” undertone. “You heard Conan. He said this forest ain’t safe.”

  I nodded quickly. “I know but I’m also not so sure we can trust him.”

  “You weren’t singing that song earlier,” Bill responded. His eyebrows reached for the sky before he returned his attention to me. “You were, like, in love with the dude.”

  “I was not!” I said with utter irritation.

  “Oh, we can’t even think about goin’ into the Underground without the bladesmith,” he said in a sing-song voice. He held his hand up to his cheek like he was in distress. It was the worst impersonation of a woman I’d ever seen. “And once he finishes our tour of the Underground, I hope he’ll take a tour of my panties!” He finished in his girlie voice before erupting into a fit of chuckles.

  “Are you done?” I demanded vehemently.

  “Yeah, geez,” Bill said, holding his hands up in mock submission. “What’s up your bug?”

  “Nothing,” I said as I shook my head. I took a deep breath. “I just don’t trust him and I don’t know if it’s smart for us to consign ourselves to traveling in the Underground City with him.”

  “Well, he sure as hell isn’t any friend of mine,” Bill started, staring down at his feet as he shook his head. “But he’s the only one who knows the Underground and without him, we’ll be shit outta luck.”

  I nodded. “That’s what I thought you were going to say.”

  “Then why did ya ask, babydoll?” He didn’t give me the chance to respond. He looked over at the demons, who were cleaning themselves off using their tongues just like cats do. They’d already made them
selves comfortable around the fire pit. Bill studied the one closest to us for a few seconds before turning to face me. “You think we could eat one of them things?”

  “Oh my God,” I said, curling my lips up in disgust. “No!”

  Just then, the door to Tallis’s cabin opened. Tallis strode out, carrying a wooden bowl with him. He walked up to me, and to prevent him from towering over me any more than usual, I stood up. He thrust the bowl into my hands. I saw it was one half of a rabbit in a stew of what looked like boiled potatoes and something else I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

  “Rabbit, neeps an' taddies,” he said, which I figured meant potatoes and turnips. “Ye moost eat as ye’ll need yer strength in the Oonderground.”

  I didn’t say anything as I took the plate and stepped away from him before he started walking back to the cabin.

  “Hey, what about me?” Bill called after him.

  Tallis turned to face him and frowned. “Ah dinnae approve ah men that cannae provide fur themselves.” Then he closed the door behind him.

  “Dick!” Bill yelled as he faced me, shaking his head.

  I took a seat next to him and offered my bowl. “We can share.”

  Apparently “sharing” never entered Bill’s mind because by the time the plate was clean, I only got to eat turnips for dinner, the only things on the plate that Bill hadn’t liked. I stood up and took the empty plate back to Tallis’s door, knocking on it cautiously. When he didn’t respond, I knocked louder. He opened the door and looked down at me, saying nothing as he took the bowl from my hands. His eyes settled on mine for another few seconds. I was actually uncomfortable because I couldn’t understand why he was staring at me. Then he cleared his throat and lifted his eyes to the sky.

  “Ye will coome in. Nicht is oopon us an’ ’tis nae longer safe in the woods.”

  Bill was beside me in a split second. Tallis held the door wider for him, but frowned at the much smaller man as he made his way into Tallis’s house. Just as I was about to follow Bill, Tallis stopped me with his hand on my upper shoulder. I wasn’t sure why, but his touch sent shivers down my spine. Looking up at him in question, I found him studying me.

  “Retrieve the sword afore ye enter,” he said in a low tone. He tilted his chin and motioned to the sword he’d carried back with him, which still lay against the tree. I nodded and turned around, heading for the sword. It felt like slow motion as I reached for it. Once my fingers made contact with the hilt, an incredibly bright light flashed out from it. I drew back and closed my eyes, shielding them with my arm. When I tried to release the sword, however, it wouldn’t allow me.

  “Accept it!” Tallis roared at me.

  Not knowing what he meant, I tightened my hold around the hilt and lifted the sword. As I did, I felt heat radiating within me and a gust of wind blew my hair right off my face. I closed my eyes to an onslaught of images that flickered behind my eyelids. There were so many, I found it difficult to focus on any one. After the images faded before me, I was left with the memory of a beautiful landscape, complete with craggy, verdant hillsides. The lush foliage on the mountain’s face touched the dark blue of the ocean, somehow reminding me of Tallis’s navy blue eyes. The sky was covered with grey storm clouds, their color emphasized in the ancient stones of a castle that occupied an island as wide as the castle’s base. It was maybe two hundred yards from the mountainside, and connected by a stone bridge that looked straight from Roman antiquity.

  I opened my eyes and looked at the sword, realizing I was panting. I turned to face Tallis and shook my head, still trying to catch my breath. “What was that?” I demanded finally.

  “Whit did ye see?”

  “What does it matter what I saw?” I lashed out. “What I want to know is what the hell just happened?”

  “Whit did ye see, lass?” he repeated.

  I swallowed, taking another breath, and trying to calm my heart. “I saw a lot of ... things, but the only one I remember is a castle.”

  Tallis’s eyes widened for a split second before the surprise disappeared from his face. “Deescribe it ta me.”

  “You said it was dangerous for us to be out here at night,” I said with a quick scan around myself. “Do you mind if I describe it inside?”

  He simply nodded and stepped aside, allowing me to enter. As soon as I walked through the door, the warm fire in the hearth hit me immediately. I gently brought my sword to the table near the door, half wondering if I set it down, would it separate from my hand? Luckily, it did.

  “What the hell?” Bill started, but Tallis silenced him with a “shush” as he raised his hand in the air. Then he faced me again.

  “Explain whit ye saw.”

  “The castle sat on an island at the base of a green mountain. I think the island was in a lake maybe. There was a bridge that connected the castle to the mainland.” Tallis nodded as if he knew exactly what I was talking about, as if he recognized my description of the castle. He didn’t say anything, though, so I continued. “Do you know the castle I’m describing?”

  He immediately shook his head, and I knew he wasn’t telling the truth. There was real recognition in his eyes when I described it ... “Now it’s your turn to answer me,” I said with steely resolve. “What happened when I touched that sword?”

  Tallis shrugged. “The sword became one wi’ ye. ‘Twas ah test tae ensure that Ah created it correctly, that it was truly meant tae be yer sword.”

  “That’s the sword you made for me?” I asked, surprised.

  “Aye,” Tallis said with a nod. “A claidheamh mhor.”

  “A what?” Bill called from the corner of the house where he’d made himself comfortable in front of the fireplace. “Sounds like a venereal disease.”

  “In Anglish, ye call it ah Claymore sword. In Gaelic, ‘tis knoon as the claidheamh mhor, the great sword.”

  I eyed the sword on the table and approached it, watching Tallis. “If I pick it up, will it freak out on me again?”

  He shook his head. “It awreddy kens ye air its mistress.”

  I reached for the hilt and lifted the sword, as though it was the first time. The blade was long, maybe four feet, and it had two handles. Each handle terminated in a honeycomb pattern. The hilt was carved of wood that appeared to be twisted, but fit my small grip perfectly. Taking my eyes from the sword to focus on Tallis’s face, I asked: “Did you create it correctly? Is the sword really meant for me?”

  A strange thing happened then. Tallis actually smiled. I was so shocked to see the semblance of happiness on his face that it completely threw me. Luckily, the smile didn’t last long and his regular sourpuss demeanor quickly returned. I was then able to regard him once again as the arrogant jerk I’d come to expect.

  “Aye, ’tis yer sword.”

  Without another word, Tallis opened the door and stepped outside, before quickly closing it behind him. I looked at Bill, who simply shrugged as if he could care less about Tallis. “Shocker,” he said. “Conan can actually smile.”

  “Thee it behooves to take another road.”

  — Dante’s Inferno

  EIGHT

  I wasn’t sure how many hours passed before Tallis returned. I spent the time sitting in front of the fire and thinking, Bill’s sonorous snoring playing the part of soundtrack to my overwrought mind. My thoughts were pretty much wholly centered on the enigma called the bladesmith. There was something supernatural about him; of that I was convinced. Otherwise, how could he have healed himself? How was he able to bewitch my sword to make it ignite into a light show as soon as I touched it? And how could he survive in a forest that he, himself, described as treacherous? Furthermore, he’d somehow managed to domesticate the herd of Grevels, something which seemed counterintuitive, seeing that they were demons! And that whole thing with his eyes … More than once I’d watched their midnight blue eclipsed by a colorless, dark void, of pure, inky blackness. Yes, I was convinced that Tallis Black was otherworldly. But the question still remained: w
hat, exactly, was he? Definitely not an angel, so I crossed that off my list. Perhaps a demon? Hmm, that would explain a lot of things.

  “Why ur ye still awake?

  I jumped when his voice interrupted the stillness of the air, and cranked my neck toward him so quickly, a shooting pain stabbed through it. I didn’t answer him as I brought my hand to the back of my neck and rubbed it, trying to end the jabbing agony. I hadn’t heard him when he opened the door and entered the cabin and I also didn’t hear him when he closed the distance between us, and came up behind me. The only reason I knew he was there was because I suddenly felt his hands on my shoulders.

  My instinctive response was to shrink away from him as the fleeting thought that he could very easily break my neck crossed my mind. “What?” I started in a voice laced with anxiety, but he interrupted me.

  “Relax. Ah wilnae hurt ye.” His tone of voice was soft and reassuring. He didn’t say anything more, but I felt his large, callused hands massaging the back of my neck, and moving down toward my right ear. “Is this whaur ye fill pain?”

  I just nodded, my heart in my throat as I resisted the urge to close my eyes. His hands just felt so incredibly good, warm, big and … strong. He continued to manipulate the muscles of my neck, and the tensile strength of his fingers soon melted the pain away. I again reminded myself that he could snap me in two effortlessly, yet he could also be so incredibly gentle.

  “Are you a demon?” I asked, focusing on the mottled brown fur on the floor that Bill was noisily sleeping on.

  Tallis chuckled a deep, luxurious and infectious sound.

  “Nae, Ah am nae demon.”

  “Then what are you?” I persisted, figuring if he were in a good mood, I might as well drill him for more information. Who knew when he’d be in another good mood again? “I know you’re not an angel, or an ordinary human like me.”

  “Why dae ye think Ah am anythin'?”

  I found it strange that he continued to massage my neck even though the pain was gone. Then I realized I hadn’t told him the pain had ceased. The truth was that I loved feeling his warm skin touching mine and I didn’t want him to stop his ministrations. “You can heal yourself and … others; you live in this forest even though you told us it’s a perilous place; you’re the leader of a pack of demons; and you did something to that sword when I touched it.”