The Picture

by Stephanie Taylor

  “Isn't that what you are?” he asked.

  I opened my eyes and fixed him with a pointed stare.

  “Not the freak part but the self-conscious part." He lifted one shoulder. "You can't stand being near me because it makes you feel things.”

  “Don't flatter yourself.” I struggled against him again, not wanting someone to look any deeper than the surface. The truth was ugly and shameful. I had to get out of here.

  “See? I hit the nail on the head and you're suddenly trying to run.”

  Anger boiled to the surface, bringing scalding tears to my eyes and my leaving a bitter taste in my throat. “I didn't know this was Psychology 101, Nicholas. I thought you were just a musician. I haven't seen PhD after your name anywhere. Get off me.” I pushed against his chest with a mighty heave.

  He didn’t budge. “You think I'm going to let you go right now? My crotch and your knee don't need to meet.” Then he grinned again, only this time it held a sad quality to it. “Is it your job? Does that make it more difficult?”

  I stopped struggling, baffled by his sudden change. “Make what more difficult?”

  “To be happy. To let loose. You know all the dangers involved with acting stupid." He lined her jaw with soft kisses then said, "A person like me represents a danger you don't want.”

  I trembled in spite of myself. He was too close for comfort. Not just physically, but I didn't want to deal with this unexpected emotion tangling inside of me. I was here for Nicholas, not the other way around.

  Indignance returned, spilled over. “I'm perfectly happy. I know how to have fun, and even if I am a control freak, that doesn't make me a bad person.” I pushed again, and again he ignored my struggles.

  “Ahhh,” he sighed, nudging my nose with his. “Honesty. I like that in you. It scores you some points.”

  Honesty. I jerked my head to the side, thinking about how honest I was really being with him. If he only knew. I almost told him about Emily right then and there, but the gentle movement of his body on top of mine had me distracted. When I cautiously looked at him, he cocked an eyebrow.

  “Want to go have fun in that tub in there?”

  I hesitated. A hot bath sounded heavenly, but no doubt would involve company. But if bathing suits were involved...

  He tisked and then shook his head. “You're definitely not like the others. Are you sure I don't smell bad?” He pretended to sniff his armpits and then looked back to me with curiosity. I didn't make a habit of leading men on, but there wasn't anything keeping my mind from imagining...And with his proximity, I wouldn't have to imagine far.

  “Do you have a swim suit?” I asked him. I was thinking about the one I had thrown in my suitcase on the off chance my hotel had an indoor pool. I was glad I thought that far ahead now.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “If you'll promise to behave, I'll get in the tub with you.”

  It was exactly what he wanted, apparently. He held up his first three fingers and a solemn look came over his features. “Scouts honor, but something tells me I've got a lot of cold showers in my future.”

  “Were you ever a scout?” I asked through narrowed lids.

  “Nope.”

  We both smiled, and a chuckle sounded through Nicholas's throat.

  I didn't want to but I had to warn him. “Something tells me you're under the impression that you'll be seeing me after today.” I couldn't look at him. “That's not going to happen.”

  He looked surprised and a little hurt. “You don't want to see me again?”

  He unleashed the full effect of those blue eyes on me and I stammered. “No—no.”

  “I thought...maybe you felt…” But his voice faded away.

  “You thought wrong.” I patted him twice, staccato on his shoulder. “Now could you get up so I can breathe?”

  His weight lessened but he didn't move. His eyes squinted as he studied mine. “You're lying.”

  I shook my head, not trusting my voice.

  “Yes you are. You don't fake this kind of attraction.”

  “I didn't say I wasn't attracted to you. I said I didn't want to see you again.”

  He considered it a challenge. I could see it in his face with the stubborn tilt of his chin. Was he aware of his devastating effect? Instinct told me he was. “But I could persuade you, right?”

  “No.” Maybe.

  “Do you know how many women want to be in your shoes right now?”

  “I'm not wearing shoes.” I forced a harsh tone, irritated with him for not letting it go.

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Yes, and if you wanted those women, you should have brought them here instead. Remember? You told me you didn't want them.”

  “I didn't. I still don't." His gaze trapped mine and my stomach did a slow flutter. "I've got what I want right here. And to be honest, she's a little helpless right now seeing as how she's underneath me and doesn't have a prayer of getting loose until I get a kiss.”

  “No.” I pushed again. He was so handsome it angered me. Men like this weren't supposed to exist or make me want this much.

  “Yes.” His smile was sex in disguise.

  “Please don't do this, Nicholas. We both know we shouldn't.”

  His eyes heated. “On the contrary, I think we should.”

  It was panic making my heart race as his lips started a slow decent. Wasn't it? “Has anyone ever told you no?” I asked quickly.

  That stopped him short. He pursed his lips in apparent thought. Then he shook his head. “Nope. Well, once, but she changed her mind.”

  “I won't, Nicholas. I don't sleep around.” I squirmed, trying to find a weak point to nail him.

  His eyes crinkled at the corners. “I didn't say anything about sleeping around. I just asked for a kiss. The very thing we spent a significant amount of time doing last night on the roof and again here in this bed, if you'll recall.”

  I closed my eyes and swallowed. My resolved was weakening and I felt my insides starting to ache. I didn't trust myself with this man. He had the potential to uproot my carefully planned life.

  “Sophie?” he whispered.

  “Mmm?” I kept my eyes closed.

  “Look at me.”

  I allowed my eyes to flutter open.

  “Can I kiss you?”

  I realized then he wasn't just asking permission. He wouldn't do anything I didn't want him to do. The proverbial ball was on my side of the court. But it no longer mattered. My resolve was gone. Looking at those plush lips, shaped like a perfect bow, I yearned for the tenderness I knew would be in that kiss. A tenderness I had never felt before from a kiss by any other man.

  At my nod, he smiled triumphantly. He dipped his head low until his lips touched mine. His mouth moved with a gentleness none of his other kisses contained. He was insanely good at kissing, or maybe I was just inexperienced. But I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, I could kiss him forever.

  He pulled away slightly and whispered against my lips, “Look at me.” It was a demand and a request. Even though my stomach was in knots and it was hard to breathe, I kept my eyes open.

  As he kissed me again, I met his gaze, stunned at the intensity of watching him. I saw his mouth, his jaw working as his mouth opened and moved over mine. His tongue slid against my lips, hot and slick. He pulled back slightly to lick me and tease me. My breath caught in the back of my throat. This was all too much. My life was spiraling out of control. And it was only a kiss.

  I wrenched away from him, breathless. He released my hands, and I smeared the back of one across my lips. It dawned on me then I hadn't even brushed my teeth yet. Gross. He really must be desperate.

  “Get off me,” I said in my most annoyed voice, but just as I feared, a tremble shook the words.

  “I'm not sorry for that, Sophie,” he said softly, pulling me up.

  “Just...” I held my hands up searching for the words. Emily was all but forgotten and that wasn't acceptable. Once again, the yearning to tel
l him everything overpowered me.

  With purposeful strides, he walked over to the dresser and opened a drawer. He held up a pair of swim trunks with the tag on them. He cocked his eyebrow and grinned. "I bought these at the hotel earlier this morning while you were still sleeping. I wanted you to be comfortable with me." He gave a small shrug. "But you can't blame a guy for trying."

  I ignored his oozing charm and brushed past him, not wanting to admit how much the thought touched me. “Just let me get my swim suit on and then you can join me in the tub.”

  Once I was in the bathroom with the door closed snugly behind me, I took a deep, steadying breath. I busied my hands getting the swimsuit out of my suitcase. My clothes fell one by one onto the floor and I pulled on my suit and then the fluffy hotel-provided robe. My mind focused on Emily for a moment and my hands faltered. Would she approve? I turned my attention to preparing a relaxing bath for Nicholas. After the night he'd had, he needed one. I wondered when the last time anyone had taken care of him without wanting something in return?

  I poured bubbles in the bath, inhaling the pleasing scent of lavender as it filled the room. When the knock sounded at the door, another adrenaline rush shot through me. I opened the door, suddenly eye level with the expanse of Nicholas's broad, perfect chest. My breath caught at the beauty of it and my eyes shot to his.

  “You like?” His voice held a teasing tone.

  “Who wouldn't?” I shot back.

  “Apparently you're immune to my charm." He leaned against the doorjamb, looking as confident as I knew he was. "The others aren't.”

  “I'm not immune. I'm just stronger than most.”

  He didn't say anything, but instead eyed my robe. “Are you naked under there?”

  “No. And you promised to behave.”

  “I did not. I never said that. It was assumed.”

  I placed my hands on my hips. I cocked my eyebrow in question.

  Nicholas stared back. “I will,” he finally said, holding his hands up in defeat.

  I sent a grin his way and turned to check the temperature of the water again. I adjusted it some, and when I turned back around to face Nicholas, everything started happening in slow motion.

  My breath hitched in my throat and my hand flew to my chest. I watched in horror as Nicholas bent to retrieve the picture that must have fallen from my pocket in my rush to undress. I wanted to stop him, yell at him to distract him, something.

  But my shock kept me rooted where I was, seized with panic and guilt.

  I caught a moment of relief when I thought he wasn't going to look at it. But just as he was about to place it on the counter, he stopped cold. His eyebrows drew together in confusion and his eyes then snapped to mine.

  “Where did you get this?” he demanded, shaking the picture in my direction.

  I wasn't able to respond past the lump in my throat.

  “Where did you get this!” He was shouting now. He took a step toward me, eyes flashing with angry blue fire.

  I tried to clear my throat to speak, but an odd noise escaped instead. “She...” I whispered. “She gave it to me.”

  “What do you mean she gave it to–” His words died on his lips and he studied me for a long moment.

  “She asked me to bring this to you personally. She said you would know why.”

  Tears welled in his eyes and he looked away, swallowing hard. He snatched angrily at the tears and glared at me. “How do you know her?”

  When I didn't answer I saw him fit the pieces of the puzzle together on his own, with a tight frown creasing his brow.

  “You were her nurse, weren't you?”

  At my nod, he looked back at the picture, studying it.

  “I thought I could figure out why she wanted me to bring it to you. But then everything happened so fast last night, I just didn't know how to tell you.”

  “So you lied.”

  “No, Nicholas. I promised Emily I would bring you this picture. Emily meant a lot to me.”

  It was his turn to be silent. “What exactly did she tell you?”

  I thought a minute to make sure I repeated the words precisely. “Take the picture of us to him. He'll know why I’m sending it.”

  He looked at the picture again. I could see it in my mind because I looked at it so many times. I practically memorized it. Emily, with her bald head shining in the early morning sun, had her arms wrapped tight around Nicholas's shoulders. Nicholas held her body tight against him. The smile on both of their faces reflected pure joy.

  A tear Nicholas fought so hard to keep away dropped onto his chest and slid down the perfect contours.

  I knew then I needed to leave. My mission was complete. I quickly shut the water off and pulled the plug in the tub. Scurrying past him, I flung my suitcase on the bed and was already pulling my clothes on over my swimsuit. I had to get out of there.

  I was a quick dresser and my hand was on the doorknob ready to leave in less than a minute. But I felt the need to take one last look at Nicholas. My time with him had been short but circumstances changed. I had changed. I knew I wanted to find a man who could make me feel like Nicholas did. I didn't have to settle now that I knew these feelings really existed.

  He continued to stand in the bathroom, leaning against the sink, looking down at the picture Emily had asked me to deliver. A smile curved his lips upward and his finger trailed along Emily's image.

  There wasn't a love that could touch what Nicholas felt for Emily. Her beautiful bald head, blue eyes that matched the color of fine silk, skin so porcelain she looked like a doll. Emily had been born to love, to cherish, just as Nicholas proved. The sadness that overwhelmed him now wouldn't ease for a long time. I knew because I experienced it myself, was still experiencing it. There was nothing I could say or do at this point to make it better.

  Because true love knew no bounds.

  Because the bond between them could never be broken.

  Because Emily was Nicholas's daughter.

  Chapter 3

  “Why are you sad, Sophie?” Emily asked me one evening six months ago as I pushed her in the park swing.

  My heart stopped momentarily and then kick started again with a huge thump against my chest. “What do you mean?” I was grateful that her back was to me and she couldn't see my face.

  We were the last ones in the park and the mid-summer heat was dwindling to a cooler breeze. In the distance, I saw a bundle of dark clouds moving in, promising an evening shower.

  There was always a spark of life in Emily when I brought her to the park. We often visited here, and all she wanted to do was swing. The slide, seesaw, and monkey bars held no interest for her. Every time I pushed her to get her going, without fail, she flung her arms out and said she felt like she was flying. She also loved the small flower garden at the edge of the park. There was a small pond with a bridge she walked over occasionally to smell the flowers blooming there. The lilies were her favorite.

  “You're eyes are sad. Sometimes when you talk about things, I can tell you're not happy.”

  I shrugged even though she didn't see it. How did you keep adult situations from a kid forced to live in an adult world? “Aren't you sad sometimes?” I asked her instead.

  “I try not to be. Being sad keeps me from being happy. When I'm happy, I feel good.” Her simple explanation was like a punch in the gut. The truth behind her words made any sadness I ever felt seem silly and selfish.

  The greatest thing about Emily was her myriad of special attributes. They were as plentiful as the stars on a clear night that she loved to look at. There was no other seven-year-old who absorbed as much as she did. Her blue eyes, reminiscent of her father's, flitted everywhere, missing nothing.

  I watched her for a moment, mesmerized. Sometimes I forgot she was only seven. When she leaned her head back to see me as she swung forward, I caught her eye. “But I was sad when Peppy died.” She didn't talk of her puppy often, but I knew he died not long before I came to work with Emily. “Did
your puppy die, Sophie?”

  “No.” I grinned at her rationalization and pushed her again.

  When I first laid eyes on Emily, I knew I was in trouble. I didn't feel the kind of affection I usually felt toward a patient but rather the kind that hit me deep in the gut and told me my life was changed forever. It felt more like what a mother felt for my own child.

  Thinking back about that night made me smile.

  Without hesitation, Emily had walked over to me, took my hand in hers and pumped it with enthusiasm. “Miss Sophie, it's so great to meet you! Mama told me you were going to be my new nurse at night. I can tell we're going to be best friends!” If I hadn't already been half in love with her, the sweet drawl of her southern accent and the contentment radiating from her every breath would have done it. Quite simply, I had never met anyone like her.

  I returned the shake of her hand and gave her a grin. If only I had known the truth in her words about how close we would be, I wouldn't have wasted a second with her.

  “I need to get some vitals, Emily. After that we can get to know each other, okay?” I had kept things professional at first, even though I knew my heart was already gone. The sun set behind me as I closed the door to the quaint little brick house that night.

  “Where's your mom?” I asked, glancing at the day nurse.

  Emily waved her hand through the air and turned to lead the way to the living room. “She's out. She's always out these days.” Then she pointed to her bald head. “This bothers her. She hates my new do.”

  I grinned at her attitude even though her words were sad, and the nurse – Rachel, I saw as I glanced at her nametag – shook her head in sadness.

  The living room was dated but I was pleased to see was big enough to hold all of the medical equipment Emily might need as time progressed. Against the back wall, a cheap black leather couch sat against pine paneling. Pungent cigarette smoke burned my nose and I glanced at Rachel with a stern expression. Not only was it forbidden to smoke on the job inside a patients home, it was dangerous with the large green oxygen tank sitting in the opposite corner.