Warnings and Wildfires

by Autumn Jones Lake

  He cocks his head, staring down the hallway. “Are you sure you want to go in there? She’s even less-friendly than she was when I dropped you off.”

  “She probably wasn’t feeling well before. If the situation’s too hostile, I’ll drop the bags inside her door and run.” I hold up my right hand. “Promise.”

  His shoulders drop, and he shakes his head, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “Thank you.”

  Pretending I’m more confident than I’m actually feeling, I march down the hallway.

  “Last door on the right,” Sully reminds me.

  “I’ve got this,” I mutter to myself. I know how much this sucks. If it hadn’t been for Celia, explaining what was happening to me and buying me the right supplies, I probably would’ve crawled into a hole and begged for death once a month from the age of eleven on. My parents were certainly no help in that department.

  All I can think about is how upset Maddy must be to finally have the extra time with her dad and have this ruin it for her.

  I glance back at Sully who’s shifting from foot to foot, an anxious expression on his face, hands jammed in his pocket. Clearly he wants to do the right thing for his daughter and has no idea where to start.

  I tip my head back and close my eyes for a second. Please don’t let me screw this up.

  I tap on the door a few times.

  “What!?” Maddy yells.

  Crap. Shifting the bags to one hand, I push the door open.

  Don’t show any fear.

  “Hi, Madison. I know I’m probably the last person you want to see right now. But I came over to help.”

  Her eyes widen, and her tear-stained cheeks turn even redder. My heart squeezes at her obvious mortification.

  “My dad called you?” she wails.

  “He thought I could help.” I hold up the bags. “I brought goodies.”

  She picks her head up and raises an eyebrow. “What kind of goodies?”

  “There’s chocolate fudge brownie ice cream in the freezer.”

  She jerks her chin. “What’s in the bags?”

  “Truffles. Maxi’s with wings, Advil, a heating pad.”

  She wrinkles her nose. “Heating pad?”

  I shrug. “It always helps me.”

  She scoots over and I approach slowly, setting stuff down on the bed first like some sort of offering to appease the goddess of hormonal teenagers. She peers into the bags, grabbing the bag of chocolate truffles first.

  It’s brief, but I swear she actually smiles.

  She grabs the pads next and breathes a sigh of relief. “Thank you. The ones Dad bought were diaper-size.” She holds her hands about three feet apart. “I mean seriously, I could go canoeing with these things.”

  I can’t help laughing. “I’m sure he tried his best, honey.”

  “Give me a second. I’ll be right back.” She scoops the important bags up and runs across the hall, leaving her bedroom door wide open.

  While she’s gone, I unwrap the heating pad and find a spot to plug it in.

  “Is it safe?” Sully whispers from the doorway.

  “I think so, but I wouldn’t linger if I were you.” I squint at him. “Did you go into the feminine hygiene aisle or the adult incontinence aisle at the pharmacy?”

  “What?” He runs his hands through his hair. “I don’t know. The package said ‘overnight protection’ I figured that would work until—”

  He stops abruptly when he realizes I’m teasing. “It’s not funny.”

  Across the hall, the toilet flushes and Sully zips away. Can’t blame him.

  Maddy floats back into the room. “Soooo much better. Thank you.”

  She flops down on her bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. “Does this ever not hurt so bad? I feel like my insides are being ripped out.”

  “I know.” I hand over the heating pad and show her how the controls work. “See if this helps. Give it a few minutes to warm up.”

  She rifles through the rest of the bags and wrinkles her nose at the tampons. “I don’t use those yet. Mom says I shouldn’t.”

  “Oh. I wasn’t sure.” That’s weird, but I’m not about to contradict her mom. “If you’re not supposed to, don’t. Leave them here so you have them in case of emergency when you’re older.”

  “Thank you.”

  “No problem.”

  She pops open the Advil and takes what she needs.

  Mission successful. Don’t overstay your welcome.

  I start edging my way toward the door.

  She stares at me for a few seconds, then glances away. “You don’t have to go.”

  She scooches over and taps the space beside her. I perch on the edge of the bed. “I was going to watch Labyrinth. Have you ever seen it?”

  The movie is older than I am. “Lots of times.”

  She rolls her eyes. “Dad always makes fun of the Goblin King.”

  I imagine some of the humor and metaphors in Labyrinth that goes over Madison’s head are outright horrifying for Sully. Not to mention the codpiece. I choke back a laugh.

  “He calls him King Tightpants.”

  The laughter I’d been hanging onto by a thread bursts out and Maddy joins in.

  “Watching it with Uncle Jake is even worse. He makes fun of everything.”

  “I bet he does.”

  Her hand drifts over the heating pad resting on her stomach. “This does feel better.”

  To my total surprise, Madison snuggles up to me. Cautiously, I sling an arm around her. “Thank you, Aubrey.”

  “No problem.”

  She tips her head back, staring at me for a few seconds with shining eyes. “I’m sorry I was mean to you before.”

  I’m so shocked by her apology it takes me a second to respond. “You weren’t mean, honey.”

  “I guess I was jealous you get to spend so much time with my dad.”

  It’s a pretty adult thing to admit and I hug her a little tighter. “I’m sorry. I never want to intrude on your time together.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “I bet it’s really hard being so far away except for a couple days a month.”

  “It is,” she says, sitting up. “I really wish we lived closer. Mom talks about moving back to New York all the time, but my stepfather doesn’t want to and Grandma Jean is there…”

  I’m so at a loss for words. It’s not like I’ve earned the right to offer any opinions and I’m so afraid of saying the wrong thing and making the situation worse.

  “That’s rough, Maddy. You know your dad loves you a lot, though. He’s really happy about the extra visits. I hope that continues to work out for you guys.”

  “I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks and now I feel bad.” She crosses her arms over her chest and throws herself against the bed. “Mom said if he spends more time with me, he’ll realize he’s gotten off easy all these years.”

  That sounds mean, but then again, I’m not the one dealing with the hormonal teenager on a daily basis.

  “And now I yelled at him.” A few tears roll down her cheeks and she quickly swipes them away. “So she’s right.”

  “People say stuff they don’t mean when they’re mad or upset sometimes, Maddy. It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other.”

  In response, I get a grunt-grumble, that I assume means she agrees.

  “Labyrinth?” I ask, picking the remote control off the nightstand. I glance around the room. “You’ve got a nice set-up in here.”

  “You’ve never been in my room before?” she asks with a raised eyebrow.

  It feels like a trick question. Damn, this kid’s sneaky.

  “No.” Heat crawls up my neck to my cheeks. Every time I’ve been at Sully’s house, we’ve been too eager to get to his bedroom. No time for a tour of the house. “Your dad told me it was your room, but that’s it.”

  She takes the remote from me and brings up the Netflix menu to find our movie.

  “I feel like we should have
popcorn.”

  She nudges the bag of chocolates into my hands. “Chocolate’s way better.”

  “True. Do you want something to drink, though?”

  She scrunches up her nose and thinks it over. “Maybe some milk?”

  “Okay. Give me a minute. Don’t start without me.”

  I slip out of the room, immediately bumping into Sully.

  “Is she okay?” he asks. He runs his gaze over me. “Are you okay?”

  “I survived. I’m grabbing some milk.” He follows me down the hall. “She wants to watch Labyrinth.”

  In the kitchen, he hands me two glasses and leans against the counter while I pour the milk.

  “Should I be concerned she likes that movie so much?” he asks.

  I lean up and kiss his cheek. “Nah, it’s all about a young girl coming into her own power and saying no to the dazzling King Tightpants.”

  He chokes, then full-out laughs. “I guess I ruined it for her last time.”

  “Maybe a little.”

  “Hey, come here.” A more serious expression settles over him and he reaches out to take my hand, pulling me closer. “Thank you for doing this. You don’t have to. It’s not your responsibility.”

  “I like her and I—” Love you. “Want to help.”

  Unaware of what almost came out of my mouth, he gives me a soft kiss on my cheek. “I appreciate it. I still haven’t heard back from Lauren. And my mother rarely does anything for herself, so I didn’t want to bug her on her trip.”

  “I’m glad you called me.”

  I’ve never felt so inadequate. Or more aware that my little girl isn’t so little. She’s growing up and I don’t know what to do.

  At least Madison’s not crying anymore, because if there’s one thing I can’t take, it’s tears from my daughter.

  I could strangle her mom right about now though.

  Once it seems Aubrey’s safely back inside Madison’s lair, I stalk into the living room and throw myself on the couch to stare at the television.

  My phone vibrates over the coffee table and I pick it up.

  Lauren. About fucking time.

  “What’s wrong, Sully?” she asks. “You blew up my phone. Is Maddy okay?”

  “She’s fine. Although you might’ve warned me our daughter started getting her period.”

  Typical Lauren blows out a dismissive breath. “She just started in February. She’s been so irregular, and you see her so infrequently, I never thought it would be an issue.”

  Nice dig about how infrequently I get to see my daughter. “You still couldn’t give me a head’s up? She’s my daughter. I should know these things.” I don’t want to know any of it, but I don’t have a choice. Besides, it would have been nice to have the right stuff here so Maddy didn’t have to be so stressed out when she already felt so miserable.

  Lauren groans. “She asked me not to tell anyone. I think she’s hoping it will disappear as mysteriously as it arrived. Honestly, she’s been very dramatic about it.”

  I grit my teeth, surprised Lauren’s so cold about this. “Well, she’s in a lot of pain and pretty miserable.”

  “As is every woman when they have their period. She’s not dying. Give her some Advil. She’ll be fine.”

  “Isn’t she a little young for this?”

  “That’s when I started.”

  Well, hell. What do I say to that? “Oh.”

  “Do you need me to talk to her?”

  Shit, I do not want to tell Lauren I had to ask my girlfriend to come over and help me.

  “I finally got the right stuff for her and she’s napping now.” There. Answered the question and avoided telling her about Aubrey.

  “See,” she says, drawing out the word for maximum condescension. “I knew you’d figure it out.”

  “Thanks a lot.”

  “Listen, while I have you on the phone, can we talk about Thanksgiving?”

  I groan. “Sure, what about it?”

  “Well, I know it’s not your turn to have her for Thanksgiving, but Robert and I wanted to go to Aspen to go skiing, and Madison—”

  “Hates skiing,” I finish for her.

  “Exactly.”

  “So, you want me to take her for Thanksgiving this year and you have her for Christmas?” This sucks because it’s the second Christmas, I won’t have Madison. But maybe I can fly down to Florida and see her for a few days instead.

  “No. Keep Christmas.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  So many things come to mind. Part of me wants to get it in writing because I don’t trust her not to change her mind at the last minute. Part of me hurts for Madison that it seems her mom doesn’t want her around when it’s inconvenient. But more than anything I’m excited about the holiday with my daughter.

  “What about Ella?” Maddy’s younger half-sister has only visited once before and Maddy did not appreciate having my attention divided between the two of them—maybe she gets enough of that at home. But I don’t want to leave Ella out or separate the girls at the holidays. “Is she going skiing with you?”

  “No, she’s staying with Robert’s parents.”

  “Okay. She’s welcome here if that changes.”

  “Thanks, Sullivan. We both know Madison won’t care for that, but I really appreciate it.” This time, she sounds genuine.

  “My mom will be thrilled to have Maddy here for Thanksgiving.”

  She laughs softly. “How is your mom?”

  “Good.”

  “Well, tell her I said hello.”

  “Will do.”

  We go over the flight times for tomorrow night, then hang up.

  I wander back down the hall, surprised Aubrey hasn’t emerged yet.

  And then I overhear their conversation.

  “There’s this boy I like, but he only likes girls with bigger boobs, you know?”

  Aubrey laughs softly. “He doesn’t sound worth your time.”

  “But he’s really popular,” Maddy persists. “And sends me these notes sometimes.”

  Fuck no, I’m not ready for this. My back hits the wall and I close my eyes.

  “Oh, honey. I know it’s exciting and fun, but don’t let that be your sole focus. Worry about yourself first.”

  “Did you have a boyfriend before my dad?”

  “Uh, yeah.”

  “A lot?”

  “A few. But I really regret the one I had in high school.” That makes me open my eyes. We’ve never done the “past relationships” talk. Mostly because my last “relationship” was in high school and ended with the girl I thought I was in love with moving away and having a baby she didn’t bother to tell me about for four years.

  “Ohhh,” Maddy moans and I have to fight the urge to storm into her room. “This hurts so bad. One of my friends says there are these pills you can take to make them go away.”

  “Uh,” Aubrey lets out a nervous chuckle. “It doesn’t completely go away. But you’re too young for that.”

  “Are you sure? Because I hate this.”

  “I know it sucks. But look at the bright side. The first day is usually the worst, so it should get better from here. And it means you’re a healthy young woman.”

  I could kiss Aubrey for trying to come up with some good things for Maddy to focus on right now.

  Maddy groans. “I’m not ready to be a woman.”

  Couldn’t agree more, kid.

  “And,” Maddy continues. “I don’t even have decent-sized boobs to make up for it yet.”

  Christ, I’m not ready for this.

  “You’ll get there.”

  “Did you?”

  Aubrey lets out a nervous laugh. “I felt like poof, they showed up one day, unexpected.”

  And now I’m picturing my girlfriend’s breasts. Nothing creepy at all about this situation.

  “I don’t even want babies,” Maddy continues.

  Good, because you’re still my baby.

  Aubre
y laughs harder. “I know exactly what you mean.”

  “You don’t want to have babies with my dad?”

  My daughter’s words hit me like a bucket of ice water to the face. Do I want more kids? Finding out about Madison, fighting to be part of her life has taken up so much of my energy, I’ve never even let myself consider whether I want any more children.

  Aubrey would be such a good mother.

  “Whoa. Slow down, Maddy.” Aubrey’s hesitation is hard to miss. “We haven’t been dating that long.”

  “So? I wouldn’t mind a little brother. Please, just not another sister.”

  “You don’t get along with your little sister?” Aubrey asks, sidestepping the little brother thing effortlessly.

  Now that the idea’s in my head, I can’t shake it as easily. What would it be like to do it all over from the beginning? To do it together with Aubrey?

  Guilt settles in my chest. How could I ever experience our child’s first laugh, first word, first steps without being reminded of how I missed every single one of those things with Madison?

  “How do you feel now?” Aubrey asks.

  Madison lets out a big yawn. “Sleepy.”

  “A nap always makes me feel better. We can watch the movie when you wake up.”

  “Are you staying?”

  “Uh, for a little while. Sure.”

  They’re quieter and I can’t make out any more words.

  A few seconds later, Aubrey emerges from my daughter’s room with a slight smile on her face.

  “Oh!” She jumps when she sees me. “I didn’t realize you were still here,” she whispers.

  To overcome, I bend down for a kiss. “Thank you,” I mouth against her lips.

  She raises an eyebrow, but I take her hand and pull her away from Maddy’s room.

  “She’s napping,” Aubrey whispers.

  “I heard.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” I step back and run my hand over my chest, thinking of how to frame what I want to say to her. “Thank you so much for everything. For talking to her. I felt so helpless before. I hate that she won’t talk to me, but I’m happy she’s comfortable talking to you.”

  Her mouth quirks and she taps my chest. “No girl wants to talk about that stuff with her dad. Even a cool dad like you.”