by Blue Saffire
“Well, you did and that shit hurt, Rebecca. I have never put one of my relationships before you. Because when it comes to them over you, it will always be you,” I shoot back and wince at myself for sounding like a pussy.
Bean itches towards me and wraps her arms around my waist when she gets close enough. She looks up into my eyes and all of my anger melts. Damn, I love this kid. No matter what she will always have my heart.
“I’m sorry. You are just as important to me. I was just trying to keep the peace with Josh,” she says with a plea in her eyes.
The mention of that wet turd, causes me to stiffen all over again. As if sensing the rage she has just caused, Bean places her cheek to my chest. I close my arms around her and inhale.
“I’m gonna say this once, Bean. If you need to keep the peace, then something isn’t right. I love you, Kid. I’d kill a motherfucker for you. Nobody gets to treat you like anything other than a queen,” I murmur into her hair.
Bean pulls away and looks up at me. She gives me a weird look that passes too soon for me to decipher. “I’m a big girl, Noah. You don’t have to look out for me all the time. The big brother thing isn’t necessary,” Bean shrugs free and moves away.
I just glare at her. If only she knew. I stopped seeing her as a little sister seven years ago. I open my mouth to tell her that, but my new puppy rounds the corner and runs right into Bean’s leg startling her.
I burst out laughing. Beans is the cutest little thing ever. Yes, I named my freaking puppy after her. I did mention that I missed this girl like crazy. Beans is a grey blue nose Pitbull. He is only two months old, but he thinks he’s a tough guy, thanks to Braxton and Ryan.
The fact that he scared Rebecca is hilarious and I’m sure the little guy is proud of himself. He gives Rebecca his best growl as he pokes his little chest out. She turns to me with a lifted brow and I shrug.
“He’s the man of the house when I’m not here. He’s just protecting his territory,” I chuckle.
“He is adorable. When did you get a dog,” Rebecca shakes her head and laughs. She kneels and holds out a hand for Beans to sniff. “Hey little guy, I’m Bean what’s your name?”
Once Beans hears a shorter version of his name, he stops growling and moves closer to Rebecca. He gives her a tentative sniff, then looks up at her with his grey-blue eyes. His head tilts to the side and his tail starts to wag.
I rub the back of my neck and blush a little. “His name is Beans,” I murmur. Beans barks at his name and runs for my legs. I bend to scoop him in my arms and rub his head and behind his ear. “Rebecca…, meet my little buddy, Beans.”
~B~
Bean
Did he just say his dog’s name is Beans? I swear if I wasn’t already in love with Noah I just fell head over heels. I think I see a little blush on his bearded checks. And oh my God, Noah’s big ass standing there with that tiny dog in his palms, is the sexiest thing I have ever seen. I think my panties just went up in smoke.
The grey puppy is just adorable as he wags his tail and looks at me through inquisitive grey-blue eyes. I just want to cuddle with him all day. The puppy…not Noah, although my brain does start to imagine cuddling with them both in bed. Then they go to just being in the bed with Noah. I shake my shock and my nasty thoughts away.
“Wow, I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted,” I say and blush this time.
“Flattered, I missed my best friend, so when I came across this little guy I brought him home with me,” Noah smiles that sexy smile, causing my heart to squeeze in my chest.
“I missed you, too. Look, I’ll get lunch started and we can get back to normal,” I pause and bite my lip. “Unless you have other plans for tonight.”
“We’re all yours,” Noah says and his smile spreads.
My heart stops and I chide myself for reacting this way. I have zero chance with Noah. Aria is probably just out of town or she has party plans tonight.
“Cool,” I smile back and move closer to pet Beans’ head. “Don’t you go getting any ideas about replacing me, Cutie.”
Beans barks and licks my hand. “He could never replace you,” Noah replies, but I avoid looking up at him.
“I sure hope not,” I say softly and turn to head for the Kitchen.
CHAPTER EIGHT
That’s a Problem
Noah
I love watching Rebecca in my home. It always feels right, like where she belongs. We both end up preparing lunch, with Beans as our supervisor. He has warmed right up to Rebecca and has stayed at her feet and followed her every move.
I guess I’m not the only one Rebecca has wrapped around her finger. I feel for the poor little guy. He whimpers whenever my brothers come over to spend time and then have to leave. I think he’s going to take Rebecca’s going home just as hard.
If it were up to me, she wouldn’t be going anywhere. However, I love Rebecca so I will respect her relationship, even if I don’t like it. I pull the asparagus off the grill and take the plate with our steaks, shrimp, and vegetables inside. Bean is inside making her signature sauce.
The stuff is killer and makes you want to lick the plate clean every time. I’ve been trying to get the recipe for years now. She won’t give it up. Rebecca says if she gives me the recipe, I won’t need her to come over to make it. She has no idea that I would act like I couldn’t figure it out just to have her come over and make it all the time.
“That smells amazing,” Rebecca sings as I walk over to the counter with the platter.
“Yeah, I think I got it all just the way you like it,” I say as I place the platter on the counter. I grab a shrimp and pop it on her mouth.
Rebecca moans and closes her eyes. If only she knew how sexy she sounds and looks right now. I clear my throat and look away for temptation.
“So how is work,” I ask for a distraction. When she doesn’t answer right away, I turn to see her still chewing and savoring the shrimp.
“Good,” she replies and licks her lips, and nodding her head. “I mean as good as can be expected for a bartender, right?”
“What’s that supposed to mean,” I ask and lean my hip against the counter.
Bean shrugs, then looks up at the ceiling. “I’m ready for something new. I don’t know what, but the bars are getting old. That shit was cool when I was twenty-one, even twenty-two, but now…I want something I can see myself doing when I settle down and have a family,” she shrugs. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, it does,” I stop talking as I feel the heat rising up the back of my neck. “So are you thinking of settling down now? Are you ready for that? Is Josh the one?”
Bean bursts into laughter and shakes her head. I can’t begin to express the relief I feel. “No, he is not the one,” she smiles, then looks away so I can’t see her face. “Josh is…he can be sweet. He does things to make me feel special, but …I don’t know.”
“Something is missing,” I offer. “I know what you mean.”
Bean whips her head in my direction. “You and Aria seem to be pretty happy,” Bean eyes me cautiously.
I notice she has mentioned Aria a few times. I thought someone would have told her by now that I broke up with Aria. Nothing much stays private in our circle. I think on the fact that she doesn’t know.
Bean looks away from me as I stand in thought. Maybe John is right; I’m missing something with Bean. It could be wishful thinking, but I swear I detected a bit of jealousy in her voice. I narrow my eyes as I watch her stir the sauce in the bowl. She won’t look up at me.
“Things aren’t always what they seem,” I shrug.
“How so,” Bean says softly into the bowl. I watch as her brows wrinkle in that cute way. Her smooth brown skin is flawless and I know she doesn’t have on a stitch of makeup. It’s my favorite way to see her.
“What you want and what you get can be two different things,” I reply and swiftly dip a finger in the sauce.
“Noah,” Bean growls, reaching to slap me with the
spoon. I chuckle around the finger I pop into my mouth.
I watch Bean’s eyes drop to my lips and for the first time, I see something I have never seen before. Her brown eyes cloud over with lust and her breathing picks up. I slowly remove my finger from my mouth as I watch Bean closely.
Rebecca’s tongue darts out and licks her own lips. My nostrils flare and I nearly growl. Oh fuck, yeah, that is the look I have been wanting to see for years. I lick my own lips and go to close the space between us. Just as I take my first step, my nosey little puppy starts to bark and Rebecca’s phone rings, breaking the spell.
Fuck! I take a step back as Bean reaches in her back pocket for her phone. I watch her face crumple and I know right away it is her boyfriend. I almost forgot about him.
~B~
Bean
I am a little disoriented and confused about what just happened. I awkwardly point to my phone to let Noah know I’m going to take the call. It’s Josh and if I don’t answer he will be a headache for me later.
I step into the sitting room right off the kitchen. I can feel Noah’s eyes on me as I walk through the open space. I am still too nervous and confused to look back at him. I know I just made a fool of myself.
It’s just once he stuck his finger between those full pink lips and sucked on it, my mind went completely blank. It’s as if his beard makes them look fuller and places them on prime display. I don’t even know what I revealed in my own expression. I have to say I am a little relieved that Josh called and interrupted me making a fool out of myself.
I rub my forehead as I answer the phone and lift it to my ear. “Hey Babe, what’s up,” I call into the phone. Bean’s starts to bark and growl at my feet. I smile down at him and bend to pet his little head.
“Where are you? Is that a dog? I thought you were staying home,” Josh rattles off.
“I never said I was staying home. I said I was staying behind from your trip,” I reply.
“I thought you said you didn’t want to hang out,” Josh says accusingly.
“I said I didn’t want to hang out with your friends. I haven’t spent time with mine, so I decided to help my friend move today,” I shrug my shoulders as if he can see.
“Help what friend?” Joshua asks impatiently.
“Nellie, she moved into her new place. I wanted to help out,” I answer honestly.
The silence that stretches makes me look to make sure we’re still connected. “So you bailed on me to be around him,” Josh finally hisses into the phone.
“Oh come on, Josh. Things have been good. Don’t start that stuff again,” I huff.
“I wouldn’t start this shit if you would just be fucking honest with me. If you would have brought your ass here with me, we wouldn’t even be having this conversation. Why can’t you just do what the fuck I say,” Josh bellows into the phone.
I pull the phone from my ear and look at it. Surely he has lost his fucking mind. Josh explodes all the time, but he has never talked to me this way. This is where the line gets drawn.
“Um, Josh…I don’t know if you have been smoking pot or drinking a beer too many, but this is Bean you are talking to. Now that we have that clear, I’m going to hang up. When you get your shit together, call me back because in no lifetime or planet will you ever speak to me like that again. Bye,” I snap into the phone and hang up.
I vowed when I was younger that I would never remain in a crazy verbally abusive relationship like my mother and father have. Those two can hurl hurtful words at each other for hours. I don’t have the time or the energy for that. I cut the ringer off my phone when Josh calls right back.
Slipping my phone in my back pocket, I turn to go back in the kitchen, but I run right into a wall of muscle. I tip my head back and see a storm brewing in Noah’s golden eyes. I pinch mine close because I know what is coming.
“Does that motherfucker always talk to you like that,” Noah asks with his huge arm crossed over his chest.
“No,” I whisper.
Noah places his fingers under my chin to tilt my head until I lock eyes with him. “This is me, Rebecca. Don’t lie to me,” Noah says through tight lips.
I sigh and shake my head. “He has never talked to me like that. We fight sometimes, but…,” I clamp my mouth shut realizing I’m saying too much. “I’ll handle him. Can we just go eat our lunch? It’s getting cold and I know you are starving. I heard your stomach a few times already.”
Noah releases my chin, but continues to search my face. I move closer and wrap my arms around him. This is a comfort zone for us both. Noah moves his arm out of the way and wraps his big arms around my back. The same brotherly hug I have been used to for years.
I place my head on his chest and wonder for the millionth time what it would be like to be loved by Noah in an intimate way. If he is not happy with Aria, could I be the one to make him happy someday. Noah kisses the top of my head.
“We’ll eat, but before you leave, you’re taking a little present with you for the foul mouth fuck,” Noah grumbles.
I snort at one of the Blacks calling anyone else foul mouthed. I got my potty mouth from their household. My brows dip as his meaning hits me. I burst into laughter. “Oh no, Noah, I’m not going to do that to him,” I laugh as I move out of his arms. I hold my stomach as the memory comes back.
When Danny cheated on me in college, Noah had the great idea to exact revenge on him, since I wouldn’t allow Noah to beat his lights out. We’d stayed up all night at Noah’s place baking chocolate brownies. Noah had me break up and sprinkle in three times the recommended dose of ex-lax into said brownies.
I went to Danny’s place with the pretense that I wanted to talk things out. He was all too happy to see me and apologetic about being caught sleeping with someone else. I told him I understood he had needs that I wasn’t ready to fulfill.
Danny was so relieved he didn’t even think twice as he smugly polished off huge chucks of brownies. He was on his third brownie when his upper lip and forehead started to sweat. I can still hear the gurgling of his stomach that day. I got him a glass of milk that he polished off in one gulp, and that was all she wrote.
Danny rush off into the bathroom, and to this day I’m still not so sure he made it without sharting in his pants. I stifled my laughs for about an hour as he moaned and groaned in the bathroom. It was when he called out for more toilet paper that I collected the leftover evidence and left his apartment. I had tears of laughter running down my face as I made my way back to my dorm room to call Noah.
“Oh my God,” I breathe through my laughter as I recall the memory so fondly. Noah had been my hero that week of my life. “Noah, we couldn’t.”
“Yes, the hell we can. He won’t be talking to you like that again. That’s a problem, Rebecca. Honestly, I should just beat his ass now,” Noah says as if thinking out loud.
Beans barks as if he’s in agreement. I look between the two of them and burst into more laughter. “Come on, let’s eat,” I giggle when I have control of my laughter.
Lunch goes by much more smoothly. It is filled with laughter, good food and beer. The awkwardness from earlier has all but vanished, and I am grateful for it. I haven’t had this type of comfort in months.
Noah has my mind spinning. He’s right, things with Josh are a problem. I know I didn’t want the confrontation before, but now as I sit here, I wonder if it’s worth it at all. I would rather be lonely than drained. I actually feel lonelier now than before I started dating Joshua.
“I’ll clean up in here. It’s been a while since you’ve been in your favorite spot,” Noah nods to the backyard and my face lights up.
I get a fresh beer from the refrigerator and head out back. Beans is right on my heels, if Noah isn’t careful his dog may be coming home with me. He is just so cute.
“Hey Buddy, you have a great backyard,” I say to Beans as I walk over to my favorite spot. Noah has this huge oak tree in his backyard. When he bought the place, it was one of the things I fell in
love with. Within a week of moving in, Noah built a swing right on one of the thick branches.
It is my favorite place. I can’t even begin to count all the times I’ve sat on this very swing, just staring at the stars, dreaming of the life I would love to have in this house. I have never asked Noah what made him put this swing here.
I wonder if he was thinking of little Noahs. I frown at that thought. I hated Renee almost as much as she hated me. She was the girlfriend Noah had when he bought this place. She was so pissed that Noah asked me to help him decorate.
I, on other hand, love this place and had so much fun helping Noah make it a home. A smile stretches across my face as I think of the picture of us that sits on his nightstand. It was taken on a trip to New York, during the winter. Noah had me on his back and I was laughing with snow falling into my mouth. The picture is the epitome of our friendship captured in a single frame.
I look down at Beans who is watching me swing lightly. “Your daddy is my best friend,” I whisper. Beans tilts his head at me and I swear it is like he is saying ‘and… what else?’ I chuckle and whisper again. “And I am totally in love with him. I wish he felt the same, Beans. I would give him my forever.”
I wipe at the tear that slips free. Unrequited love hurts like a bitch. I wince, Josh has never said he loves me, but I guess this is something like how he must feel. I make the decision right away to break up with him. I’m not in love with him and I don’t even feel like I will ever be.
I take a swig of my beer as I get lost in my thoughts. I’m so tired of being a mess. Is it possible to have a midlife crisis at twenty-four? I chuckle at my mental dramatics.
“What’s so funny,” Noah’s deep voice startles me.
I pause on the swing and look up at him. “I love this swing. What made you put it here?” I ask as I smile up at him.
Noah rubs his thumb over the condensation on the beer in his hand. Once again, I think I see his cheeks pink. When he looks up through his lashes my heart squeezes in my chest.
