by Blue Saffire
“You… I remember when we were little. I used to push you on the swing in our backyard and you would squeal and laugh. I love that sound. It’s the reason I hate seeing you hurt. It just doesn’t seem right after seeing you so happy all the time,” Noah bends to pet Beans head, never taking his eyes off me. “That was before shit got fucked up in your house. After that, I just always wanted to make it better,” Noah points to the wooden plank, I’m sitting on with his beer. “That swing has put more smiles on your face than I could’ve hoped for.”
I sit in stunned silence for…I don’t know how long. I blink back tears and smile at him. I watch Noah’s broad chest expand and he blows out a breath.
“Rebecca,” Noah starts and stops for the umpteenth time today. He looks down as if searching for the right words. Beans bumps his hand with the beer bottle in it and Noah absently places it aside to use both hands to rub both Beans’ tummy and back.
Noah is a big teddy bear. He just cares about my happiness. I feel ashamed that he heard that phone call earlier. I know he is trying to find the words to tell me that I can do better.
I don’t want to hear it, really. I know what I need to do. “Noah, it’s been a while since you’ve made me squeal. You think you’re up for giving me a push,” I ask to cut off what he might say.
Noah’s head pops up in my direction. I am taken back by the hooded look in his eyes as they turn dark beneath his dark lashes. I shift on the swing and almost dump myself on the ground beneath me.
Noah stand and moves like lightning to catch me. I look up at him through my own lashes. “S-sorry,” I stammer.
“For what,” Noah asks huskily. I squeeze my thighs together. I have no words, so I shake my head and drain the rest of my beer. I place it on the ground beside me for something to do. Noah moves behind me and takes ahold of the ropes to the swing. “Anytime you want to squeal, I’m here for you,” Noah says close to my ear then pushes me.
CHAPTER NINE
This isn’t working
Bean
I sigh as I realize the banging on my front door is not a part of my dream. I crack an eye open and wince, reaching for my phone I check the time. It’s two in the afternoon. Noah dropped me off around two this morning after getting a call from his dad for a bounty.
I smile as I think of my time with Noah. After pushing me in the air to my heart’s content, Noah was hungry again so we made dinner and listen to music while catching up on all we missed in each other’s lives over the last month.
Noah spent about an hour drilling me on what I really want to do with my life. I went to college. I have a degree in communications. It wasn’t until I graduated, that I realized I didn’t know what I wanted to do. The only other skill I have is in weapons and combat, hazard of being a Black or Lockhart kid.
I once thought of joining the service, but my dad went batshit crazy when I mentioned it. I mean he broke down. Noah didn’t seem to like that one either, when I brought it up, but our talk got me to really thinking. That’s the way things always are with Noah. He helps me think things out.
I wish I could really talk to him about the problem that is banging on my door right now. I know it’s Josh. I know it from all the missed calls on my phone, and from him calling my name. He shouldn’t even be back home yet. He was supposed to come back home Monday night.
I groan and roll to sit up in bed. I punch the bed in frustration. This is not how I want to start my day. I drank so many beers last night I just want to sleep until my shift later tonight.
I stumble from bed and head for the front door. “Alright, alright, stop banging,” I grumble as I scratch my ass and run my hand through my hair.
Normally, I would cover up the boy shorts I have on and put on a bra, but I just want the banging to stop. I wrench the door open and Josh nearly falls in. I bite back a laugh and he glares at me. I look him in the eyes and lift a brow. I’m still pissed about that call.
Joshua folds his arm over his chest. Where Noah is more than a half foot taller than me, Josh is only six foot tall even. We are nearly eye to eye, with me at five-nine.
I drop my hip and put my hand on it. Josh’s eyes roll over my body and turn a dark blue. His eyes hood and he licks his lips. I tilt my head and narrow my eyes. I can practically see the dirty thoughts in his head. I’m thrown back to the look Noah gave me yesterday. I shake my head clear there is no way that’s what that look meant in Noah’s eyes.
Josh pushes the door closed behind him as he moves to crowd me. I take a step back and cross my arms over my front and middle. Josh wraps his arms around my waist, pecking my lips.
His hands land on my ass. “You’re not answering my calls,” he says as he nuzzles my neck and places a kiss on my skin.
I pull free and put distance between us. “I was sleep. I had a late night and I have to work tonight. Besides, you needed time to remember who you were talking to,” I glare at him.
“I’m sorry, baby. I just get so crazy about you. Come here,” Josh says as he steps closer. “I missed you. I have something for you.”
“Josh, I don’t think this is working,” I say as I step out of his reach again.
I see his jaw flex and his fists tighten at his sides. He cracks his neck and inhales deeply, reaching into his pocket, he pulls out a box and holds it out to me. I shake my head no. “Come on, baby,” Josh croons. “Let me make this up to you.”
“No Josh, I think you should just go,” I insist.
Josh’s face twists in anger, but he clears it away quickly and pulls the gold box open. “I bought you a necklace. Bean, I’m trying, Baby. I know I lost it yesterday. I’m sorry. Please, baby, I love you,” Josh pleads. “Look, it’s that necklace you were looking at a few weeks ago.”
I bite down on my lip and sigh. Josh takes my moment’s hesitation as an opening. He steps forward and reaches to fasten the necklace around my neck. The light chain feels like a heavy weight the moment it is locked into place and settles around my throat. He fingers the blue sapphire heart pendant around my neck.
I’m annoyed, because I would have rather have received it from someone else or bought it myself. I hadn’t meant for Josh to see me looking at it. I stifle a sigh as his blue eyes lock on mine. He cups my face. “I said I love you, baby. Are you going to say something?” Josh leans in and peck my lips.
I pull away and bow my head. “I need to brush my teeth. I just woke up,” I murmur and scurry out of the crapped living room area.
I rush into my bedroom, closing and locking the door. I stomp my foot and curse. This is the type of sweet stuff that confuses me. Yeah, I was pissed off last night, but now I’m not sure if that’s because my feelings for Noah were making my decisions or if I should really just break things off now.
I know I’m not ready to say I love Josh. That’s not true. I like him fine enough when he isn’t driving me crazy, but I don’t love him. I rub my forehead. I don’t know if I really can’t learn to love him.
I hurry to the bathroom and brush my teeth. When I step out of the bathroom, I rush to pull on a pair of sweats and a bra. I pull my hair into a messy bun and look over at my phone. The screen is lit. I know Josh is here so I’m curious about who it is.
I pick up my phone and see it was Noah. I light up from the inside out. I quickly dial his number wanting to ask him to swing by in case things get out of hand with Josh. I plan to just break things off.
I bite my lip and watch the door as I wait for Noah to pick up. I get ready to hang up just before the line finally picks up. I feel a punch right through my chest when Aria’s voice comes through the line. I don’t even bother to say a word.
I don’t know why it always hurt so much. I know Noah is in a relationship. It’s just gut wrenching when I came face to face with that fact over and over. I close my eyes and hold back my tears.
“Bean, baby, get dress, I want to take you out to eat before you have to go to work. We can go to that place you love,” Josh calls through my bedroom door.
“Okay, babe, just give me a few to get myself together,” I call back.
“Alright,” Josh replies.
~B~
Noah
I have no idea why Aria is here. I just want her to leave. I just came home from working out with my brother after spending the wee hours of the night hunting down two pricks. I am mentally and physically exhausted.
After spending the day with Bean and fighting to keep my hands and feelings to myself I just want to crash. I almost told Bean how I really feel a hundred times. When she sat on that swing and asked me to make her squeal, I swear I almost said fuck it and tossed her over my shoulder to take her to my bed.
I had no other choice but to stand behind her to give her a push on that swing, so she didn’t notice how hard I was. Everything about yesterday was draining. Especially, standing there hearing her boyfriend yell and curse at her. I had to fight to keep from exploding and demanding to know where the fuck he was.
I owe him an ass whipping. It’s going to happen. I can promise you that.
“Why are you here,” I grumble as I rub my eyes.
“Come on, Noah, I just want to talk.” Aria says sweetly.
“We did a lot of talking already, Aria,” I say as I unlock my front door and push inside.
Aria scurries her skinny ass in close behind me. I shake my head and snort. I don’t miss that she is in skinny tight jeans and sky high heels. Her breasts look like they’re about to rip through her shirt, but none of it is turning me on. I was horny as fuck last night when Bean was here, but right now…nothing, not a thing.
Beans comes barreling around the corner growling. Aria almost breaks her neck, yelping, and jumping away from him. He’s a little puppy for fuck’s sake. I just stare at her in disbelief at first. I mean talk about overreacting.
“Down, boy,” I command, but he keeps growling, “Beans!”
He settles down and sits facing Aria and glaring her down. Interesting. I fold my arms over my chest and turn my attention to Aria who is glaring back at me. I lift a brow in question.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You went and got a fucking dog and named it after her. That is such bullshit, Noah. So, all this time you have been swearing she is just a friend, but this mutt is named after her,” Aria shrieks as her face turns red.
Beans starts growling at her again as if he understands her words. “Beans!” I bark again. He whimpers and comes to my feet. “My dog is not a mutt and his name is none of your concern. I haven’t talked to you in a month, Aria. That wasn’t by accident.”
Aria huffs and folds her arms under her chest. I can tell she is doing it on purpose. I’m still not impressed. She had me once. I’m loyal, no matter my feelings for Bean, I would never have acted on them as long as I was with Aria.
“Noah, I didn’t want to break things off. I come here to see if we could work things out,” Aria says more calmly.
I sigh and throw my head back. “I’m not doing this right now. I’m tired as fuck and need a shower,” I bring my head back down and point a finger. “Alone.”
Aria closes her mouth and pouts. “Fine, but can I hang around. I just want to talk to you after you rest. We don’t have to get back together today, but I thought we could at least talk,” Aria asks trying to give me those seductive eyes. A month ago, I would have fallen for that shit. Not today, but I do give in because I’m so tired.
I scrub a hand over my beard. “Fine, you can chill on the couch. I toss my keys in the bowl by my front door. I think about calling Bean again, but she is probably sleeping off last night. So I toss my phone in as well.
Aria skips her happy ass into my living room and flops down on the couch. I just shake my head and head into my bedroom. Beans chooses to follow me and I snort. I pull the bun from my hair and comb my fingers through it. A hot shower is all I want right now.
I strip down and stumble into the bathroom. I make it in the shower feeling like I have lead in my legs. As the hot water rains down on me, my muscle release and I sigh. I place my head to the shower wall. I don’t want to go out there and deal with the bullshit.
I take my time washing my hair. I feel my body tighten as I think about Rebecca’s fingers running through my hair instead of mine. My hair has grown down my back now. One of the reasons I never cut it is because when Bean gets sleepy she likes to curl into my side and play in it. I love that shit.
I also caught her ogling that Brock somebody dude on Instagram. She mentioned that he sort of reminded her of a smaller me. It’s pathetic the shit I do for that girl.
I push my lust filled thoughts away. I don’t trust Aria in my place. As I remember she is sitting out in my living room alone, I rush through the rest of my shower. I toss on sweats and a t-shirt and head out to the living room as I dry my hair with a towel.
Aria shifts on the couch and sits up when I come out. I can see her eyes roam over my body. Lust fills her eyes and she pushes her chest out. I almost laugh. I’m really trying not to be an asshole. I just have nothing else to say to Aria. The things she said before we broke up cemented that.
“I can dry it for you,” she breathes pointing to my hair.
“Naw, I’m good,” I say tossing the towel on the couch and pulling my hair up into a hair tie.
I feel like something is out of place. I walk over to the bowl I placed my phone in and it’s on the table, not in the bowl. I work as a private eye; I pay attention to details. I know I put that phone in the bowl.
I check my recent calls and my log is gone. Only an asshole in a rush would make such a mistake. I play in my head the way Aria shifted out of her awkward sitting position when I first walked out.
I turn and head for my living room. I am barely containing my rage. “Get the fuck out of my house, now! If I find anything else amiss, I’m going to watch Bean whip your ass. And trust me, she’ll do it. I don’t know what you’re playing at, but I’m not to be played with, Aria, get out,” I growl.
“Noah, I,” Aria starts.
“Out. Now!”
Beans starts barking and growling at her and I pick him up in one hand. I kiss the top of his head as Aria glares at him, but I don’t shut him up. I hope his bark sends her ass running for the door.
Aria pouts and starts walking out. She gets half way to the door and turns. I narrow my eyes at her and she holds a hand up.
“It was so easy to believe what my sister was saying once she pointed it out, because it’s in the way you look at Bean and talk about her. I didn’t think about it before because you were the perfect boyfriend. I would have never thought you were cheating and you probably didn’t, but … you are in love with her, Noah. It’s written all over your face,” Aria says sadly.
“No, I never cheated. And you’re right, I am in love with her. That’s why it’s better we just let this go,” I shrug.
Aria nods her head. “She’s one lucky girl. I hope you guys finally see what you have,” Aria says and turns to leave.
I call Bean as the door clicks shut. My call goes straight to voicemail. I close my eyes because I have this feeling Aria already did more damage than I can repair. Damn.
CHAPTER TEN
You’re Kidding
Noah
Four months later….
I have been miserable as fuck the last four months. Bean and I haven’t spent time together since that day we helped Nellie move. Instead, it seems she spends all of her time with that dirt bag she calls a boyfriend.
I call him a dirt bag because he has been taunting me. He sent me a text telling me to stay away from Bean. I ignored that shit. Like hell, he is going to keep me from seeing her. I went right to her job to see if she wanted to go for lunch and that fucker was there with a smug grin on his face.
I almost punched him in the face right there, if it weren’t for Bean I would have. It was the look on her face. That shit killed me. I just walked away.
I don’t like his ass. It’s more than the taunting. There is something about him I can’t
put my finger on. Something deep and seedy that unsettles me whenever he’s around.
Since that day at Bean’s job, every time I’m hanging out with friends, in walks Bean and that asshole, no matter where I am. I laugh it off because I think he is a fucking joke. He is going to keep playing with me and I’m going to give him what he’s looking for.
I know he is having his friends track me down for these games he’s playing. He has them spy on me out at my usual hangouts and then he and Bean show up. Honestly, I’m miserable and Bean looks miserable.
I even noticed that Bean doesn’t dress like Bean anymore. She doesn’t wear any of the sexy shit Heather used to dress her in. Well, at least she hasn’t before tonight. I almost swallowed my tongue when Bean walked in dressed in that tight dress, showing off those amazing legs.
The blue bandage dress, -learned that one from Heather-, she has on shows off every curve of her tight body. Her ass looks amazing. I haven’t been able to take my eyes off of her. Every move she makes I have watched.
I’m wired so fucking tight. Over five months without sex. Add to that, Nellie’s ex calling during this morning’s meeting back at the office, it all has me ready to explode. I know we all come out to get Nellie’s mind off her problems, but I am consumed by my own right now.
It is taking everything for me not to confront Bean. If it was just me she was avoiding, I would be fine, but she hasn’t been around anyone in months. I don’t like it.
“You really think this is a good idea,” I lean to whisper to my brother, needing a distraction from watching Bean and her girls at the table. Wyatt has been watching Nellie like a Porterhouse steak he is about to devour.
“Dude, I know it’s not. Rob is probably going to kick my ass, but I don’t care anymore. After that call, I know I’m not letting her out of my sight,” Wyatt shrugs and turns to look at me quickly, before turning right back to stare at Nellie.
“So what’s your plan? Because this is still Nellie and I won’t be letting you fuck her over,” I warn. I mean that shit. Nellie’s not going to be just another notch on his bed post.
