by Kai Michaels
We stood there for a few moments as they put two tables together. We didn’t go out very often, but Cam and I knew the rules. We could only order water and no appetizers or dessert.
“Can I start you off with some drinks?” The waitress asked.
“No, just water,” Dad said.
Zane raised his hand. “I’ll have chocolate milk.”
Dad’s eyes almost popped out of his head. “Are you sure you don’t want water, buddy?”
Zane looked at my dad like he was nuts. “Instead of chocolate milk? No way.”
“Hey, can I have chocolate milk, too?” Cam asked.
“Of course you can,” Zane said. “You just tell her.”
Mom winked at Dad and then turned to Cam. “Sure, you can have a chocolate milk today.”
“Yes!” Cam said.
“One more chocolate milk for me, too,” Grandpa added. Dad rolled his eyes and shook his head.
They brought the drinks out first. By the time the food came, Zane, Cam and Grandpa had all finished their chocolate milk and had ordered refills. Zane and Cam then began having a sword fight with their chicken strips. Grandpa was smashing his food all together.
Mom was doing her best to keep Dad calm. I had a feeling he would rather have been home eating a hotdog omelet.
My phone vibrated. It was a text from Logan. It read, “Can you do something tonight?”
“Sorry,” I sent back. The he asked me out for three other nights. I felt bad, but I told him I was busy all week. I was scared that if I did go out with Logan again, I would just be encouraging him and I’d never get off the claimed list.
Immediately after I pressed send, I received another text. It was from Carver. “Are you with Logan tonight?”
What is his problem? I thought to myself. Then I texted him back, “Why would I be with Logan?”
He didn’t answer, but instead asked, “Then what are you doing?”
“You don’t want to know.”
“Yes, I do.”
“Okay. We’re at a restaurant. My dad is freaking out because of the bill. My grandpa has smashed his food into one big mound of brownish goo. My brother and his friend are sword fighting with their chicken strips, and my grandmother is gathering the extra food and putting it into her purse. It will probably show up in our breakfast tomorrow morning.”
“Okay. You’re right. I didn’t want to know,” Carver replied.
We sent a few more texts back and forth. Then I decided to give him one last chance to choose me over the bro code.
“So, I’ll be home in about thirty minutes. Do you want to hang out? I promise I won’t tell the bro patrol.” I added a smiley face.
There was a long pause before he texted back. “Oh, hey. I just forgot I’m supposed to help my mom with something. I’ll see you at school on tomorrow.”
Chapter thirteen
The next day at school, I was so nervous about the actor coming over that night that I couldn’t think straight. And on top of that, Morgan told me that she wasn’t able to come over.
“But you set it up! I don’t even know this guy.”
“I don’t know him either,” Morgan said. “Plus, Kennedy will still be there. You’ll be fine, my sister says he’s great.”
Fortunately, my mom and dad were taking my grandparents out to dinner and wouldn’t be home. I gave Cam and Jake four cookies each if they would play outside for an hour. Kennedy came over and we did some homework while we waited for our actor.
Right on time, the doorbell rang. Kennedy and I jumped up. “He’s here,” we both said. “I can’t believe we are doing this. What do you think he looks like?”
Kennedy was bouncing round all giddy and pushed me toward the door. In my mind I was picturing every cool, hot leading man I’d seen from the movies. I took a deep breath and pulled open the door.
A goofy-looking guy with a cheesy mustache, wearing a flowery Hawaiian shirt and white pants stood there.
“Hello,” he said in a British accent. “I understand you are looking for an actor. The name is Lenny.” He held out his hand.
I didn’t know what to say. I stood there speechless. There was no way this was going to work. “Um . . . I don’t think this . . .” I tried to find the words to tell him to go away without being rude.
“Hey, you look just like the guy from my cruise last summer,” Kennedy said. “Can you make monkeys out of bath towels?”
He ignored Kennedy. “May I come in?” He asked. “Morgan said you would be expecting me.”
Kennedy pulled him by the hand into my living room. “Of course, come in.”
Lenny whistled a happy tune on his way to the couch.
“You ARE that guy from the cruise,” Kennedy said, clapping her hands.
“I’m afraid not, poppet,” he answered gleefully. Kennedy looked disappointed.
“Look,” I said. “I’m not sure how much Hailey told you, but what we’re looking for is more of a—”
“Not a cruise worker,” Kennedy interrupted.
“Say no more!” Lenny said. He then grabbed the edge of his mustache, pulled it completely off and grabbed a pair of black-rimmed glasses from his shirt pocket. His voice transformed complete from British accent to a nerdy whine. “How about studious, math geek?”
Kennedy thought he was awesome. “Yay, can you do a cowboy?” She asked.
“Why, yes, little lady. I reckon I can.” He stood up and walked around the coffee table bow-legged. Kennedy was loving the show.
“Okay, hold on a minute,” I said. “This is all very fun and entertaining, but I’m not sure this is going to work out. What we’re looking for is someone to come in and make a huge impression on the guys at our school and make some changes in their ‘Bro Code.’” I explained how the whole bro code thing and how it was critical that we break it.
He paced back and forth speaking to himself. Suddenly, he was no longer a cowboy, but was speaking in a formal tone, as if he was reciting lines from Shakespeare. He waved his hands in the air as he spoke. “A bro code, a bro code. What to do with a bro code?” Then he spun around and stared dramatically at us. “I need to know all about these bros. What are they like? What do they do for fun? What is their motivation behind their need to honor this bro code?”
Kennedy and I looked at each other, then back at the weird guy in my living room.
“Um, sure,” I said. “Have a seat and we’ll tell you all about them.”
He sat down, but continued his intense staring. It made me nervous.
Kennedy started. “Okay, first of all I can’t help it if all of the boys want to kiss me. So, when I do kiss a boy or two, or maybe more, they put me on this humiliating Lip List. Like going out with me is an automatic invitation to make out. And second, I think—”
“Hold on, Kennedy, I don’t think this is helping.” I looked at Lenny and tried to offer a more clear explanation. “It’s like this. A bunch of guys at our school like to eat, play video games, and make out. And for whatever reason, these are the guys that are making the rules for every guy. Rules like: You can’t go to a chick flick; You must keep one weekend night open to hang with the bros; and the worst one of all, A girl is off limits if a bro has claimed her.” I explained the whole claiming thing. “It’s like their stupid rules are controlling us!”
“I understand what you’re saying,” Lenny said. “But these rules have been around since the dawn of time. You can’t just go in and change the make up of the human male. It’s just not natural.”
“What do you mean?” I argued. “These guys are followers. Take Carver for example. He’s a perfectly nice guy who doesn’t seem to be the all-you-can-eat, gamer, slasher film kind of guy, yet he follows these cavemen without question. All I’m asking is that you soften the code a bit. Throw in some amendments that give a guy like Carver the freedom to ask me out without fear of being shunned.”
Jack sat there quietly for a long time.
“Maybe he can’t do it?” Kennedy fi
nally said. “Maybe he’s just a bro like the rest of them.”
Suddenly, Jack’s eyes widened and he stood up tall. “My dear lady.” He was back to Shakespeare. “I am most definitely not like the common bro. My calling as an artist supersedes any ordinary inner male sociological commonalities. I can most assuredly perform this role.”
We weren’t sure what he meant by all of that, but he held out his hand and we shook it.
“Now, we haven’t discussed the matter of fees.”
“Fees?” I asked. “Hailey never said anything about fees. I thought she said you needed to do it for a class project.”
Lenny’s countenance suddenly turned serious. “This is true, however, I’m sure a small honorarium for my services is appropriate.”
“How much were you thinking?” Kennedy asked.
“Well, I’m thinking five hundred dollars per week, plus meals, and maybe—”
“Five hundred dollars?” I said. “I’m not spending that kind of money just to try to get a date. I’m sorry, I think this may have been a mistake.” I picked up his fake mustache and from the table and handed it to him.
“May I ask what you would be willing to pay for my services?” Lenny asked.
We reached into our pockets. I had eighteen dollars and Kennedy had a five-dollar bill. “I guess we have twenty-three dollars,” I said.
Lenny mulled it over in his mind for a few seconds, then snatched up the money. “It’s a deal!”
“Thank you so much,” I said. “I know someone of your theatrical genius can pull this off. So I was thinking, maybe we could start by—”
“Stop!” Lenny interrupted, throwing his hand up. “We do this on my terms or we don’t do it at all. Got it?”
We both nodded.
“Okay, how’s this?” Lenny’s voice suddenly changed from Shakespeare to cool surfer guy. “I just moved from Los Angeles. I surf, play in a band, and ride a motorcycle. And fortunately, I do ride a motorcycle so I won’t need to invest in any expensive props.”
This was sounding more like it. There is something about surfing and motorcycles that every boy thinks is cool—and most girls, for that matter.
Lenny continued. “And no offense to my grandfather Leonard Gloucester, whose name I inherited, but for this role I shall be called Jack . . . Jack Fabrizio.”
“Ooh, Jack Fabrizio, that’s so sexy!” Kennedy exclaimed.
“Yes, it is,” agreed Lenny.
We talked more about all of the changes we wanted to make in the bro code. He seemed to understand clearly. We also showed him photos of the main bros at our school. I told him that our main goals were to destroy the Lip List and to get Carver to ask me out.
“Ladies, I am honored for this opportunity to perform.” He was back in his Shakespeare voice. “Until tomorrow.” He then gracefully walked out the front door.
“Wow,” Kennedy said. “That guy was awesome.”
I wasn’t so sure. But since I had nothing to lose, I simply crossed my fingers.
Chapter fourteen
I was nervous on Monday morning. The fear of this backfiring and coming back to haunt me was almost more than I could take. My stomach hurt and I couldn’t eat anything. Kennedy honked and Mom handed me a granola bar as I ran out the door.
“Sorry, I’m late,” Kennedy said. “My curling iron died when I was half way through my hair, so I went back and straightened it instead. Does is look weird?”
“No, it looks great,” I said.
“But you didn’t even look.”
I glanced at her, “Looks great. I’m sorry, I’m just so nervous about Lenny, or Jack, or whatever his name is. This could explode in my face.”
“Don’t worry about Lenny. He’ll be perfect. Did you see him doing the cowboy part? It was totally believable.”
Despite her efforts, Kennedy wasn’t helping. As we pulled into the parking lot a bunch of kids were gathered around blocking the way. Kennedy laid on the horn, “Out of the way!” She yelled.
“Oh my gosh!” I said. “It’s Jack.” He was on his motorcycle with about eight guys around him, including RJ, Braden and Zach. They were laughing it up and admiring his motorcycle.
Kennedy parked and jumped out of the car. “Wow, what did Lenny do to himself? He’s hot!”
“Remember, it’s not Lenny, it’s Jack. And don’t act like you know him. Remember he’s—”
“Hi, Jack!” Kennedy blurted out, running up to him.
“Oh, hi Kennedy,” Jack replied. A puzzled look came over his face. I could tell he was trying to formulate in his mind an explanation for knowing her.
“Whoa! How do you know Kennedy?” RJ asked.
Jack looked perplexed, but only briefly. A smile crept across his face and he said, “Dude, who doesn’t know Kennedy? If you know what I mean.” He laughed and held up his hand. There was a moment of awkward silence, then they all laughed and slapped his hand.
I pulled Kennedy away by her arm and we headed inside.
We went to math and sat down. Logan and his friends walked in right behind us.
“Hi, Maddie,” Logan said. “Come back here with us.”
I smiled and waved, but didn’t follow them to their regular spot in the back corner. R.J. was telling Logan about the new kid, Jack Fabrizio. I thought about going back to hear what he was saying, but I held out hope that Carver would sit by me.
It was like clockwork. Just as the bell sounded, Carver rushed in. He slipped into the desk next to me.
“Hey,” he said.
I smiled. “Hey.”
Mr. Walsh called three people up to the board. A minute or two later, Lenny walked through the door.
“Hola, everyone!” he announced. “It looks like I’m in here.” I had to laugh. He actually did look the part. It was a total transformation. His hair was messed up and he was wearing some long frayed shorts. He really did deserve more than twenty-three dollars for this performance.
Mr. Walsh shook his head and carefully read Jack’s note from the office. “Fine, Mr. . . . Fabrizio. There is a book on the shelf and please take a seat.”
“How about this seat,” Jack said, pointing to the empty seat in the front row in the center. No one ever sat there.
“That will do.”
“Right on! Front and center!” Jack said in his best laid-back, surfer guy voice. The class laughed. “By the way, can I introduce myself?”
Mr. Walsh rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed.
Jack stood up, looked at the class and simply said, “I’m Jack.” Then he sat down.
Girls were giggling and whispering to each other. Guys were busting up in an I-like-this-dude kind of way.
“Welcome, Jack. Now, let’s get back to our math problems.”
Jack sat there quietly during the rest of the class except for one, “Righteous!” when a girl named Jaimee got her problem on the board correct. After class RJ introduced Logan to Jack and they walked out of the room together. I couldn’t help but smile.
“So you kinda like the new guy, huh?” Carver asked.
“Why would you say that?”
“Just the way you were staring at him and smiling.”
“I see,” I said. “So were you staring at me, while I was staring at him?”
Carver nodded and grinned. “Maybe. It’s just that I have to keep my eye on you. No offense to the new kid, he may be brighter than he sounds, but I get the impression that Jack might need even more tutoring than I do. I would hate to lose my math tutor to him.”
We walked out of class together. I loved when Logan wasn’t around. It was the only time Carver and I could have fun together.
By lunchtime everyone was talking about Jack Fabrizio. People were quoting the funny things he said in class. Girls were flirting with him. Guys wanted to take a spin on his motorcycle. It was crazy. If only they could have seen him yesterday in his Hawaiian shirt and white pants.
Morgan and I met up at Kennedy’s car. No one said a word until we were
inside. As soon as the last door was closed we all burst out laughing.
“This is so amazing!” Morgan said. “Can you believe how everyone is going nuts over Jack?”
“Well, do you blame them? He is so much hotter than he was when he was the cruise worker,” Kennedy said.
“I have to admit I was really nervous this morning,” I said. “He was just so goofy when he came over to my house. But I think he’s really going to pull this off.”
Instead of Smoothie Heaven, we decided to follow Jack and the crowd over to B&D’s Burgers. Tatum rode on the back of Jack’s motorcycle and two or three packed cars followed.
Inside, Jack was wowing everyone with stories of his band and his recent surfing accident where he almost died. He was charming the girls and joking around with the guys. Jack was making friends left and right. He let RJ ride his motorcycle around the parking lot. Braden even offered to buy him a burger.
“That bro code is as good as busted,” I whispered to Kennedy. We sat in a booth and enjoyed the show.
Chapter fifteen
Things seemed to snowball each day. Jack-mania had hit Highland High School in a big way. Aubrey, one of the girls who was flirting with him the most, decided to throw a welcome party in Jack’s honor Friday night after the game.
In his first two days Jack had already been out on two dates, had gotten in trouble for parking his motorcycle in the principal’s parking space, had claimed responsibility for several pranks around the school, and was about to have a party thrown in his behalf. Everyone wanted to be Jack’s friend. He, RJ, Braden and Zach had quickly become inseparable.
I tried to catch up with him several times at lunch or in between classes. However, it was difficult to catch him alone. I finally texted him requesting an update on his progress. Everyday I checked the bro blog, but there were no changes. The only response I got back from Jack was, “Still working, takes time.”
“Maybe we can corner him at the party,” I told Kennedy and Morgan.
At the game, Jack was in the middle of all the action. He had painted a big red “H” on his chest for Highland High. I was amazed to see that his abs were totally ripped. Soon he had the attention of not only all of the girls, but the administration as well. Students were allowed to paint their faces, but they could not take off their shirts. Myrna was irate. She and Ms. Stansfield, the vice principal, came over and made him put on his shirt. That only made the crowd cheer louder. RJ, Braden, and Zach were high-fiving him.
