All of My Soul

by Jenni Wilder

  “I do deserve Lincoln. He loves me, and I love him. We were made for each other.” I paused and shook my head. “But you’re right about one thing. I never deserved to be your roommate. I never deserved that torture. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

  She clenched her fist and narrowed her eyes at me but didn’t react.

  My left eye had swelled shut, and I could only imagine what I looked like, but poor Brody was still being tasered. I needed to stop Asher. He had to be too weak by now to fight against me.

  Keeping the gun pointed at Mackenzie, I stepped to the side and kicked the Taser out of Asher’s hand. Brody’s body immediately went still and lifeless, and I sent up a silent prayer that he would be okay.

  Sirens rose up from the street below us through the open window. Red and blue lights reflected on the buildings surrounding the hotel and relief washed through me. The police were here. Mackenzie was going to be locked away for a very long time. Tears built in my eyes again as I thought of Lincoln. We would be happy together again without the threat of Mackenzie looming over us.

  I watch my old roommate as she realized the same thing I had. I could tell she was becoming even more unstable. She was on the verge of panic, desperate to think of a way to stay out of prison.

  “Give me the fucking gun!” she screamed and stepped closer to me.

  No longer did I have any room to retreat away from her. Asher’s body was directly behind me, the broken window behind him.

  Just a few more minutes, I told myself. Not that I had any other options except… My one good eye peeked over my right shoulder. I had forgotten about the exit door. The reason I had come in here in the first place. If I ran for it now, there would be no way Mackenzie could escape. From the amount of lights and sirens coming from below us, I guessed the police probably had the building surrounded.

  Mackenzie seemed to know what I was thinking. “I’m not letting you leave this room alive, bitch. You’re dead. People like me don’t go to prison. I’ll get off on some technicality, and I’ll be back to fuck up your life even more until you learn your place.”

  Anger boiled up inside me. How dare she? “My place?” I repeated in a shrill voice. “My place is with Lincoln, and it always will be. Your place is rotting in a jail cell like the evil bitch you are. Good-bye, Mackenzie.”

  I took one step over Asher’s body and was about to turn to run for the door when something caught my ankle. Asher’s hand wrapped around my foot, causing me to be thrown off balance. Instinctively, I threw my arms to the side to help regain my balance and immediately knew I had messed up.

  With the gun no longer pointed at her, Mackenzie charged toward me. She was close enough that I had no time to react before her body slammed into mine. Asher let go of my foot, and I stumbled backward towards the broken window.

  Knowing what I was headed toward, I grabbed for whatever I could to stop myself from going through the empty hole in the wall, but there was nothing to hold on to except Mackenzie. I wrapped my arms around her waist but instead of stopping me from falling, she slipped on Asher’s pool of blood, and we both lost our balance.

  I heard Mackenzie scream as my feet lost contact with the hotel floor. We were suddenly airborne, the wind whipping my hair around my face, and my last thought as I sailed through the air, falling to the earth, was to wish for Lincoln to be happy again without me.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Death had always surrounded me. I tried not to let my thoughts linger on it, but I knew what it was like to be close to death. First in the house fire when I was ten, and then again when I had been poisoned at the game. Both those times, it had happened fast. One minute I was conscious, the next minute I was standing next to Death, waiting for him to ask me to dance. Both times I had been saved, which is why I thought this time I was dead for sure. Four floors doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you’re falling to your death, it feels like an eternity. Plenty of time to wish things had been different. Plenty of time to put on your best dancing shoes because this time you know it’s for real. It’s your turn to dance with the grim reaper. I only prayed he wouldn’t make it painful.

  But as I hit the surface of the hotel pool, I discovered my prayer wasn’t going to be answered. Unbelievable pain erupted across the surface of my skin as I splashed into the water. It felt as if every cell in my body had exploded. Pins and needles swept through me as I submerged into the water, unable to move. Blood from my mouth tinged the water red, and I sank deeper and deeper. I had no strength to fight back against the impending darkness. I wasn’t even sure if I was conscious anymore. I just wanted the pain to stop.

  As the skirt of my ruined dress swirled in the bloody water around me, I realized I was going to get to see my dad again.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  I opened my eyes to the most beautiful view I had ever seen. A warm breeze blew across my face as sparkling blue water glistened in the distance. Waves broke against a white sand beach below as I stood barefoot in soft green grass on a high cliff. To my right, fields of purple lavender stretched out as far as I could see. This had to be heaven. It was so beautiful.

  “Enjoying the view?” Lincoln wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his chin on my shoulder.

  “Mm… ” I murmured as I leaned back into his hard chest. It was all the response I could summon. The heat of the Hawaiian sun washed through me, warming me from the outside in.

  Lincoln brushed my hair back and placed a kiss below my ear. “We should get back to our guests, Mrs. Monaghan. They’re serving dinner soon.”

  I smiled and turned in his arms to face him. Behind him our loved ones had gathered next to a little stone building just big enough to host a small gathering. A wooden lanai stretched out toward the edge of the cliff and our friends and family members mingled around tables and chairs next to the dance floor. Deacon had his arm around Rebecca’s waist as they chatted with Kennedy and Brian. Elliot talked with Lincoln’s father while Emily chased Ben and Madison through a nearby field of lavender, and my mom and Lincoln’s mother laughed at something Tabitha had said. Several Blackhawks players and their dates mingled on the dance floor while Brody and Carter discussed something off to the side.

  Toward the lavender fields, two dozen white wooden chairs sat in front of a white arch covered in pink and yellow plumeria flowers. That was where Lincoln and I had said our vows and pledged ourselves to each other. I wore a simple white knee-length dress with a flower behind my ear, and Lincoln wore khaki pants and a matching vest over a white dress shirt. He had rolled the sleeves up to his elbows and was also barefoot. It was simple. Perfect. Everything I never allowed myself to wish for before I met Lincoln.

  It was two and a half months ago that Lincoln had planned to propose to me. It turned out the night of the governor’s fundraiser he had planned to surprise me with flowers and candles and a big-ass diamond ring when we returned to his house, but of course, Mackenzie had ruined that plan.

  I spent four days in the hospital after being rescued from my near-drowning experience. The day Lincoln brought me home all swollen and bruised, he carried me into the bathroom, helped me shower, and tucked me into bed before he crawled in with me and asked me to take his hand in marriage and be with him forever. It wasn’t an elaborate proposal, which made me love him even more. It was the best thing that ever happened to me, followed closely by the news that Mackenzie would never bother us again.

  Somehow that night I had miraculously landed in the deep end of the hotel’s outdoor pool. It still hurt like a son of a bitch, and I had inhaled a lot of water and nearly drowned after I passed out. But the police had seen us fall and were quick to save me. The cops and paramedics who had come to my rescue all had tickets to next season’s Blackhawks’ home games with Lincoln’s gratitude.

  Mackenzie, on the other hand, hadn’t fared as well as I had. She weighed slightly less than I did, and the inertia from our fall hadn’t pulled her away from the building as far as it did me.
Instead of falling into the deep end of the pool with plenty of water to soften her landing, she hit the edge. Half in the water, half on the concrete. Her spine and pelvis had been shattered. She’d never walk again, and I was okay with that. The maximum-security prison hospital would be her home for a very long time.

  Asher spent a few weeks there as well before he was incarcerated upstate. He’d lost a lot of blood, but he survived and would be eligible for parole in twenty years. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. He seemed to be as evil as Mackenzie, but really he was just a pawn in her games. Carter assured me that in twenty years we’d fight against his release, but a lot can happen in twenty years, and I wasn’t going to worry about it now.

  “Hey,” Lincoln said, interrupting my thoughts. “What’s that look for?”

  I smiled and shook my head. I wasn’t about to tell him I had been thinking about Mackenzie and Asher on our wedding day. We made a huge effort to not think or speak about them outside my therapy sessions. They were behind bars where they belonged, and my injuries had healed, leaving no physical reminders of my attack. Mackenzie no longer had any power over our lives, and I wouldn’t give her any by dwelling on things I couldn’t change. I had looked into the eyes of evil, and not only had I survived, but I was going to flourish.

  I still had nightmares, but now they had warped from dreaming about fire to dreaming about water. Dr. Raussman called it a symptom of my post-traumatic stress, and we were working on overcoming it. I had gotten to the point where I could recognize it as a nightmare while I was asleep, and I could change the outcome. That helped immensely. No longer did I wake up screaming and scaring the crap out of Lincoln.

  “Come on, Princess. I’m starving. Let’s go eat.”

  I giggled and rolled my eyes as I let him pull me toward the simple, yet elegant dining tables. “You’re always starving, hubby.”

  “God, that sounds good.” He beamed down at me.

  “My hubby. The human food processor.”

  He laughed loudly, and the carefree sound made my heart flutter. “But you knew that before you agreed to marry me.”

  “I did. That must be why they pay you the big bucks. So we can afford your grocery bills.”

  He laughed loudly again as we happily rejoined our wedding guests.

  ~~~~~~~~

  Ding. Ding. Ding. Ding.

  Carter tapped the side of his champagne glass with his knife, calling everyone’s attention to him. He stood next to Lincoln, wearing a similar outfit as his brother. He was leaner though, and his wireframe glasses gave him a kind of nerdy, bookworm quality, but he was still quite handsome.

  I glanced at Emily and wondered how she was feeling. Between being in the hospital, recovering from my injuries, and planning a wedding, I hadn’t had much time to ask my sister if anything ever happened between her and Carter. Honestly, since she hadn’t said anything, I assumed Carter hadn’t had the balls to go after my sister, and that made me a little sad. They would have been good together, but now Emily sat at the end of our head table, as far away from Carter as she could manage while still being included in the wedding party.

  Lincoln’s best man held the microphone up to his mouth and cleared his throat, obviously nervous.

  “In the year 416 BC, a Greek philosopher named Plato proposed the idea of soul mates.” I smiled as Carter read from a small note card. Leave it to him to prepare a speech about love and quote from an ancient philosopher.

  “He suggested the idea that each of us used to be a whole being. Not two souls, but one soul living in one body. But the gods got angry over how powerful we had become, so they split us in half and scattered us into the world. Because of this, we humans were forced to spend our lives looking for the other half of ourselves. The other half that we would never be complete without. The other half that would make us into a whole being again.”

  Carter set down his note card on the table and cleared his throat again. “I never gave this theory much credence. Sure, it’s a nice idea, but when I look at myself, I feel pretty whole, you know? I don’t feel like I’m missing half myself, but I bet if you had asked Lincoln before he met Jillian, he would have said the same thing. However, when I look at the two of them together now, it’s obvious that they are complete. They’re whole. And it makes you wonder how they ever survived before they found each other.”

  Tears pricked in my eyes, and I grabbed Lincoln’s hand and nuzzled into his side. I had no idea Carter could be so eloquent, but he had so perfectly expressed how I felt.

  Lincoln’s brother lifted his glass. “And so, Jillian, thank you for putting up with my brother. You make him happier than I’ve ever seen him. Welcome to the family. To Lincoln and Jillian!”

  Carter took a small sip of his bubbling champagne and everyone in the audience raised their own glasses. “To Lincoln and Jillian!”

  Applause broke out from our loved ones in the crowd, and I was pretty sure I saw my mother wipe away a tear. Elliot and Frankie sat next to her, with a very pregnant Molly next to Frankie, all of them beaming up at me.

  Lincoln and I stood, and I hung back as my groom hugged his brother and said something privately into his ear. Carter nodded as Lincoln let go of him, and I immediately stepped up to hug him.

  “Oh, Carter. Thank you so much. That was so beautiful.”

  He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me back. “I meant every word of it.”

  I pulled back to look him in the eye. “I hope you find your own other half soon. You deserve to be happy too.”

  He smiled but his eyes looked sad. “I’m just glad you and Lincoln are happy together.”

  “We are. Thanks to you. I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for us.” Carter had put in some long hours getting all the loose ends of Mackenzie’s case tied up in addition to dealing with the fallout from my picture being broadcast at the fundraiser. He had worked with the governor’s team to create a story about the video system being hacked. The hotel had issued a fake apology, evidence had been destroyed, and someone had even created a phony police report, making things look legit so nothing could be traced back to me or the senator. I didn’t like lying, but Lincoln and Carter said this was the only way to ensure no one’s political career was damaged. No one tied the event on the roof with Mackenzie and Asher’s attack on me, and that was the way I wanted it.

  “Well, I guess it’s my turn,” Rebecca said, her voice projecting from the microphone speakers. It had been difficult deciding who would be my maid of honor since I loved Rebecca, Kennedy, and Emily all equally. Emily would have matched up better with Carter as the best man, and Kennedy had become like a sister to me, but in the end, I decided on Rebecca. We had lived together for a long time, and she truly was my best friend. It made me sad to think about moving out of her house and in with Lincoln. I mean, I obviously wanted to live with my husband, but I was more than a little sad to think about leaving Rebecca and Tabitha.

  But I promised both of them, I would still be available to babysit. After all, I still didn’t have a job, however I wasn’t going to worry about that for a while. Lincoln and I were going to enjoy our new lives together until the next hockey season started. Then I’d focus back on my job hunt. Now that my e-mails weren’t being deleted, I had several good leads from my advisor, and I knew I’d find something.

  Carter, Lincoln, and I returned to our seats as Rebecca began her speech. “If I’d known how good Carter’s speech was going to be, I would have insisted on going first.” She smiled at Carter as everyone in the audience laughed.

  She cleared her throat and continued, “Eight months ago, someone knocked on my front door. Imagine my surprise when I opened it and found Lincoln Monaghan standing on the other side.” She chuckled and flipped her hair. “I thought I had won the jackpot,” she admitted, and the crowd laughed. “Turns out he was looking for my sister. So naturally, I did what every good sister would do and interrogated him until he cracked and admitted that Jillian had ditc
hed him the night before.”

  Everyone laughed loudly, and I patted Lincoln’s thigh as he hung his head in his hand in embarrassment.

  “He swore he just wanted to get to know her better, so I took a chance and invited him in.” She turned to me. “You’re welcome, by the way.”

  “Thank you,” I mouthed to her with a big smile.

  She cleared her throat again and paused for a moment. Her face turned serious. “Anyone who has had the pleasure of knowing Jillian knows how special she is. The only reason I let Lincoln into our house that day was because I could see in his eyes that he knew it too. He knew she was a rare and beautiful person whose soul matched his, and it’s been an honor to watch the two of them fall in love.”

  Tears were now falling freely down my face, and I dabbed at them with my napkin.

  “What I’m about to say comes from all of us. Frankie, Elliot, Emily, and me. Lincoln, I don’t have to tell you to take care of our sister because we know you always will. You’re the only one we would trust to not only provide for her, but to love and encourage her.”

  Rebecca’s eyes had filled with tears by this point, and her voice wobbled. I looked down the table and saw Emily wiping a few tears away as well.

  My sister cleared her throat and swallowed hard, trying to fight against the emotions bubbling just under the surface. “Jillian, Dad would be so proud of you.”

  I sniffled against my napkin, and looked out at our mother. She smiled through her own tears and nodded at me.

  “I know”—she paused to collect herself—“I know he’s here today. It may feel like he’s missing, but he’s here in the love we all share. He’s right in the middle of it, and I know he’s given you his blessing on your marriage. Dad would have loved you, Lincoln, just like we all do, and he would have been overjoyed to give you Jillian’s hand in marriage. So I speak for our whole family when I say…” She paused and sniffled as she raised her glass. “May your marriage always be blessed. May love always surround you and may the only tears you cry be happy tears.”